Non-packing butches - Page 2

femmennoir · 08-14-2012, 01:43 PM

Any packing femmes? Just curious!

Elle*

ferret · 08-14-2012, 02:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stephfromMIT

ferret-You reasons mirror mine exactly! Does this make us bad butches?

I think it's safe to say I'm just me, and take it or leave it, you know? Doesn't mean we're bad butches.

Sue

Parker · 08-14-2012, 02:52 PM

Joining in with the non-packers.

I used to think I had to pack to be butch - because I kept hearing about butches packing and rarely ever heard from the non-packing butches .... especially on the dash site. But I wasnt being authentic to myself when I packed because that wasnt who I really was, so now I only wear my cock when I intend to use it.

If someone cant appreciate me for the butch that I *am* and not the butch that *they want me to be*, why would I want to be with them anyway? Truth is: I wouldnt.

Maria · 08-14-2012, 03:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by femmennoir

Any packing femmes? Just curious!

Elle*

Lots of femmes pack!

Medusa · 08-14-2012, 03:16 PM

Parker - You touched on something that I REALLY REALLY want to talk about and might go start a thread in the Red Zone about it.

I think that a lot of us were a party to some of the groundwork that was laid on the Dash that dictated that Butch = certain things and Femme = certain things.

I think it has really been pivotal to how some people have shaped their gender presentation and also some of the reason we keep having to have the circular conversation of what is good objectification and what is bad objectification.

In my mind there is a lot of gray area in the Butch/Femme dynamic and I think that people really worked to try to make it a black/white issue back then. Hence the "He" for Butches and "Femmes never pack" ideaology.

Anyway, just wanted to say I hear you.

OS Butch · 08-14-2012, 04:47 PM

This thread leads me to tell a story. Seems I always have a story.

I don't know how many years ago it happened. I belonged to a group of Butchly sorts. We communicated by a yahoo group when we weren't at a gathering at someones home or out and about taking our girlfriends a night on the town.

The conversation truly was confusing me, especially because it was on line and things just get lost in translation. The topic was about Mr. Softee...which confused me even more. So....I had to ask....What does that have to do with ice cream?

Needless to say, to this day, they still tease me about that comment.

jac · 08-14-2012, 05:15 PM

Early on as a butch I didn't pack or strap-on. Hell, I didn't know there was such a thing. I knew I was not feminine and that I appreciated women but being a lesbian for me has been a growing experience. The person I am is fluid in my likes and dislikes (about myself) and I have changed consistantly... in a fuid way. I've questioned and wondered and explored.

When I was a non-packer I was true to myself and I was content and happy with me at that time. I have changed since and I prefer to pack now. Does that make me any more butch than who I was before... absolutely not. Was it because "everyone else" was doing it? Not at all. In fact not many, if any of my realtime friends pack... Okay one, he's trans... But there's nothing wrong or less-than about an individual who does not pack for being true to self and enjoying the you and your sexuality as you see fit. Being authentic and true to self is what makes the butch...

DapperButch · 08-14-2012, 05:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by femmennoir

Any packing femmes? Just curious!

Elle*

http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/foru...ead.php?t=3839

Parker · 08-14-2012, 06:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Medusa

Parker - You touched on something that I REALLY REALLY want to talk about and might go start a thread in the Red Zone about it.

I think that a lot of us were a party to some of the groundwork that was laid on the Dash that dictated that Butch = certain things and Femme = certain things.

I think it has really been pivotal to how some people have shaped their gender presentation and also some of the reason we keep having to have the circular conversation of what is good objectification and what is bad objectification.

In my mind there is a lot of gray area in the Butch/Femme dynamic and I think that people really worked to try to make it a black/white issue back then. Hence the "He" for Butches and "Femmes never pack" ideaology.

Anyway, just wanted to say I hear you.

Thanks for this

Corkey · 08-14-2012, 06:11 PM

Just be the best you, you can be. The pack, like the clothes don't make the person.

Mel C. · 08-14-2012, 06:23 PM

Cool thread...I have packed, soft and hard. I may pack again, but I don't feel that packing is essential for me. If someone thought less of me based on whether I pack or not, they aren't really someone I need in my circle of friends. I wouldn't assume a butch has to pack, or dress in men's clothing, or wear a compression shirt (and so on) to be butch.

iamkeri1 · 08-14-2012, 06:38 PM

Hey y'all,
I'm not trying to de-rail here, but I would like a little clarification or enhancement of what I thought I understood. I thought packing, whatever way you choose to do it, happened during non-sex (like sitting around the house or going out for the evening or having lunch at the in-laws house.)
I understand you can hard pack or soft pack or not pack at all, and its all good.

I've thought myself round in a circle and lost track of what I wanted to say, maybe just simply this. Is it still called packing DURING sex? I've heard the phrase many time "butches who strap on" Is that what one calls it during sex?

Crap!... I'm embarrasing the hell out of myself. Could you just tell me what you mean by "packing"?

Very embarrassed smooches,
Keri

Mel C. · 08-14-2012, 06:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by iamkeri1

Hey y'all,
I'm not trying to de-rail here, but I would like a little clarification or enhancement of what I thought I understood. I thought packing, whatever way you choose to do it, happened during non-sex (like sitting around the house or going out for the evening or having lunch at the in-laws house.)
I understand you can hard pack or soft pack or not pack at all, and its all good.

I've thought myself round in a circle and lost track of what I wanted to say, maybe just simply this. Is it still called packing DURING sex? I've heard the phrase many time "butches who strap on" Is that what one calls it during sex?

Crap!... I'm embarrasing the hell out of myself. Could you just tell me what you mean by "packing"?

Very embarrassed smooches,
Keri

I'm not gonna portray myself as an expert but strapping and packing are different in my mind. I think of packing as creating a bulge that appears similar to a penis. Strapping (again, in my opinion) is one way of securing the bulge so you don't lose it on the dance floor. Strapping can also describe wearing a strap-on for sex. I have never thought of "packing" as related to sex, other than the fact that some people see the bulge and are ready to giddyup

Oh, and feel free to check out the packing thread(s) cuz I am sure they would be happy to answer questions. You are also welcome to PM me.

Kobi · 08-14-2012, 07:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Medusa

Parker - You touched on something that I REALLY REALLY want to talk about and might go start a thread in the Red Zone about it.

I think that a lot of us were a party to some of the groundwork that was laid on the Dash that dictated that Butch = certain things and Femme = certain things.

I think it has really been pivotal to how some people have shaped their gender presentation and also some of the reason we keep having to have the circular conversation of what is good objectification and what is bad objectification.

In my mind there is a lot of gray area in the Butch/Femme dynamic and I think that people really worked to try to make it a black/white issue back then. Hence the "He" for Butches and "Femmes never pack" ideaology.

Anyway, just wanted to say I hear you.

It would be nice to be able to have conversations about these kinds of things.

Is the Red Zone the place to have them? In my experience, the Red Zone perpetuates the circular conversation along with a lot of anger, emotion, hurt feelings and nastiness.

This, in turn, makes it harder for non-popular or non-dominant thoughts to be expressed. One has to decide if expressing an idea or opinion is worth the aggravation of doing so. It is also a peer pressure thing.

To be unpopularly blunt about it, we try our best to ignore or downplay the fact that the same masculine-feminine dynamics, the same internalized sexism/misogyny on both sides of the dynamic, which created and fuel the dichotomy in the first place, just get replicated in a Red Zone arena.

Thus, what could be a fruitful and exploratory conversation with lessons learned on all sides, becomes a monologue of many to reinforce the status quo.

Red Zone does make it easier for the mods tho.

arcstriker · 08-14-2012, 07:13 PM

Okay I am a cop...when I am asked if I am packing...forgive the "deer in the headlights" look you get! I just never know how to answer that question..."yes and no!" "yes and yes" or "no and yes"....tonight the answer is yes and no...I am home. Someone will figuer that one out!

waiting for Mrs Arcstriker to come home!

Corkey · 08-14-2012, 07:21 PM

I think it comes down to personal preference and in my mind there is no debating a personal choice. I'm weird like that.

DapperButch · 08-14-2012, 07:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by iamkeri1

Hey y'all,
I'm not trying to de-rail here, but I would like a little clarification or enhancement of what I thought I understood. I thought packing, whatever way you choose to do it, happened during non-sex (like sitting around the house or going out for the evening or having lunch at the in-laws house.)
I understand you can hard pack or soft pack or not pack at all, and its all good.

I've thought myself round in a circle and lost track of what I wanted to say, maybe just simply this. Is it still called packing DURING sex? I've heard the phrase many time "butches who strap on" Is that what one calls it during sex?

Crap!... I'm embarrasing the hell out of myself. Could you just tell me what you mean by "packing"?

Very embarrassed smooches,
Keri

In my world not during sex, packing (hard, soft). During sex, strapping. A butch who "straps on", means that they participate in strap on sex.

Parker · 08-14-2012, 08:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by iamkeri1

Hey y'all,
I'm not trying to de-rail here, but I would like a little clarification or enhancement of what I thought I understood. I thought packing, whatever way you choose to do it, happened during non-sex (like sitting around the house or going out for the evening or having lunch at the in-laws house.)
I understand you can hard pack or soft pack or not pack at all, and its all good.

I've thought myself round in a circle and lost track of what I wanted to say, maybe just simply this. Is it still called packing DURING sex? I've heard the phrase many time "butches who strap on" Is that what one calls it during sex?
Crap!... I'm embarrasing the hell out of myself. Could you just tell me what you mean by "packing"?

Very embarrassed smooches,
Keri

Please dont be embarrassed - you're just being honest and it's a good question - not to mention the fact that if one person poses the question, odds are there are others who have the same question, they just havent asked it ... yet.

I believe that, generally, when one speaks of packing, they mean that they are wearing (for lack of a better term) something that resembles or approximates a penis or butch cock under their clothing, i.e., a Mr. Softie, which is a realistic looking and feeling cock that resembles a flaccid penis. These can be worn with or without a harness.

Even if one speaks of "packing for play," generally speaking again, they mean they are wearing a hard cock with their harness (strap-on) under their clothing because they anticipate using it at some point in the near future.

I say generally speaking because (a) I dont speak for all butches and (b) some people may use different terms for different things or actions or they may just toss it all into the same pot and call it packing.

But a lot of times, you can usually guess what someone is talking about based on the context of what they are saying - so if someone mentions packing and fucking at the same time, they probably mean they were using a hard cock and harness for sex.

Also - if I could sneak off topic for one second here ..... I wanted to let you know that when you add font, bold, color, size, etc to your posts, you dont have to do it for each separate paragraph - you can highlight the whole post at once and add your font, etc that way .... saves time and energy.

Mrs Arcstriker · 08-14-2012, 08:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by arcstriker

Okay I am a cop...when I am asked if I am packing...forgive the "deer in the headlights" look you get! I just never know how to answer that question..."yes and no!" "yes and yes" or "no and yes"....tonight the answer is yes and no...I am home. Someone will figuer that one out!

waiting for Mrs Arcstriker to come home!

Why Mr. Arcstriker...So this is what you do when you have two days off!

So are we talking "heat" or cock? If so, then I prefer Yes and Yes. The cock definitely turns me on, and the .40 cal. makes up for the height discrepency. (Or is it the other way around?)

(tippy-toeing out of the room now...)

girl_dee · 08-14-2012, 09:18 PM

i'm packing right now, for the Reunion! It's going to be a tight squeeze!

08-14-2012, 01:43 PM	#21
femmennoir Member How Do You Identify?: femme, naturellement Preferred Pronoun?: Elle Relationship Status: single Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: new york Posts: 686 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 76 Thanked 1,223 Times in 478 Posts Rep Power: 5661330	Any packing femmes? Just curious! Elle* __________________ You will hear thunder and remember me, And think: she wanted storms. The rim Of the sky will be the colour of hard crimson, And your heart, as it was then, will be on fire. Anna Akhmatova "White nights"

08-14-2012, 03:16 PM	#25
Medusa Mentally Delicious How Do You Identify?: Queer High Femme, thank you very much Preferred Pronoun?: Mme. Relationship Status: Married to JD. Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Atlanta Posts: 10,446 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,995 Thanked 42,871 Times in 7,835 Posts Rep Power: 21474861	Parker - You touched on something that I REALLY REALLY want to talk about and might go start a thread in the Red Zone about it. I think that a lot of us were a party to some of the groundwork that was laid on the Dash that dictated that Butch = certain things and Femme = certain things. I think it has really been pivotal to how some people have shaped their gender presentation and also some of the reason we keep having to have the circular conversation of what is good objectification and what is bad objectification. In my mind there is a lot of gray area in the Butch/Femme dynamic and I think that people really worked to try to make it a black/white issue back then. Hence the "He" for Butches and "Femmes never pack" ideaology. Anyway, just wanted to say I hear you. __________________ . . . Buy ButchFemmePlanet Merch Here: https://teespring.com/stores/butchfemmeplanetcom-merch

08-14-2012, 04:47 PM	#26
OS Butch Member How Do You Identify?: Butch-BLW Preferred Pronoun?: Default-She Relationship Status: Closed Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Northern Virginia Posts: 636 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 488 Thanked 1,378 Times in 461 Posts Rep Power: 12988703	This thread leads me to tell a story. Seems I always have a story. I don't know how many years ago it happened. I belonged to a group of Butchly sorts. We communicated by a yahoo group when we weren't at a gathering at someones home or out and about taking our girlfriends a night on the town. The conversation truly was confusing me, especially because it was on line and things just get lost in translation. The topic was about Mr. Softee...which confused me even more. So....I had to ask....What does that have to do with ice cream? Needless to say, to this day, they still tease me about that comment. __________________ You know that place between sleep and awake, the place where you can still remember dreaming? That's where I'll always love you. ~Tinkerbell~

08-14-2012, 06:11 PM	#30
Corkey Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Human Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Very Married Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Where I want to be Posts: 8,155 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 47,491 Thanked 29,299 Times in 6,640 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	Just be the best you, you can be. The pack, like the clothes don't make the person. __________________ "Many proposals have been made to us to adopt your laws, your religion, your manners and your customs. We would be better pleased with beholding the good effects of these doctrines in your own practices, than with hearing you talk about them". ~Old Tassel, Chief of the Tsalagi (Cherokee)

08-14-2012, 07:13 PM	#35
arcstriker Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: Sir Relationship Status: Married to Lisalysa Join Date: Jul 2012 Location: CT Posts: 33 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 63 Thanked 161 Times in 25 Posts Rep Power: 0	Packing? Awkward! Okay I am a cop...when I am asked if I am packing...forgive the "deer in the headlights" look you get! I just never know how to answer that question..."yes and no!" "yes and yes" or "no and yes"....tonight the answer is yes and no...I am home. Someone will figuer that one out! waiting for Mrs Arcstriker to come home!

08-14-2012, 02:52 PM	#23
Parker Timed Out - Permanent How Do You Identify?: Butch. Lesbian. Dyke. Woman. Female. Preferred Pronoun?: She, of course! Relationship Status: Content Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Small Town Life Posts: 2,880 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 7,858 Thanked 11,730 Times in 2,432 Posts Rep Power: 0	Joining in with the non-packers. I used to think I had to pack to be butch - because I kept hearing about butches packing and rarely ever heard from the non-packing butches .... especially on the dash site. But I wasnt being authentic to myself when I packed because that wasnt who I really was, so now I only wear my cock when I intend to use it. If someone cant appreciate me for the butch that I am and not the butch that they want me to be, why would I want to be with them anyway? Truth is: I wouldnt.

08-14-2012, 05:15 PM	#27
jac Timed Out - Permanent How Do You Identify?: butch stone Preferred Pronoun?: masculine ones work best... Relationship Status: ♥ engaged to spritz ♥ Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: bangor, maine Posts: 3,344 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 20,720 Thanked 16,492 Times in 2,972 Posts Rep Power: 0	Early on as a butch I didn't pack or strap-on. Hell, I didn't know there was such a thing. I knew I was not feminine and that I appreciated women but being a lesbian for me has been a growing experience. The person I am is fluid in my likes and dislikes (about myself) and I have changed consistantly... in a fuid way. I've questioned and wondered and explored. When I was a non-packer I was true to myself and I was content and happy with me at that time. I have changed since and I prefer to pack now. Does that make me any more butch than who I was before... absolutely not. Was it because "everyone else" was doing it? Not at all. In fact not many, if any of my realtime friends pack... Okay one, he's trans... But there's nothing wrong or less-than about an individual who does not pack for being true to self and enjoying the you and your sexuality as you see fit. Being authentic and true to self is what makes the butch...

08-14-2012, 06:23 PM	#31
Mel C. Long-time Member How Do You Identify?: WIB - woman identified butch Preferred Pronoun?: Your choice...not really a button for me Relationship Status: ♡ married 1/1/2019♡ Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: San Diego Posts: 2,149 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,772 Thanked 6,840 Times in 1,621 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Cool thread...I have packed, soft and hard. I may pack again, but I don't feel that packing is essential for me. If someone thought less of me based on whether I pack or not, they aren't really someone I need in my circle of friends. I wouldn't assume a butch has to pack, or dress in men's clothing, or wear a compression shirt (and so on) to be butch.

08-14-2012, 06:38 PM	#32
iamkeri1 Member How Do You Identify?: femme woman Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: solo Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Central Florida Posts: 821 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 250 Thanked 1,944 Times in 584 Posts Rep Power: 14065934	Hey y'all, I'm not trying to de-rail here, but I would like a little clarification or enhancement of what I thought I understood. I thought packing, whatever way you choose to do it, happened during non-sex (like sitting around the house or going out for the evening or having lunch at the in-laws house.) I understand you can hard pack or soft pack or not pack at all, and its all good. I've thought myself round in a circle and lost track of what I wanted to say, maybe just simply this. Is it still called packing DURING sex? I've heard the phrase many time "butches who strap on" Is that what one calls it during sex? Crap!... I'm embarrasing the hell out of myself. Could you just tell me what you mean by "packing"? Very embarrassed smooches, Keri

08-14-2012, 07:21 PM	#36
Corkey Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Human Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Very Married Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Where I want to be Posts: 8,155 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 47,491 Thanked 29,299 Times in 6,640 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	I think it comes down to personal preference and in my mind there is no debating a personal choice. I'm weird like that. __________________ "Many proposals have been made to us to adopt your laws, your religion, your manners and your customs. We would be better pleased with beholding the good effects of these doctrines in your own practices, than with hearing you talk about them". ~Old Tassel, Chief of the Tsalagi (Cherokee)

08-14-2012, 09:18 PM	#40
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,956 Times in 13,922 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	i'm packing right now, for the Reunion! It's going to be a tight squeeze!