Butch Femme Planet  

Go Back   Butch Femme Planet > GENDER AND IDENTITY > The Butch Zone

The Butch Zone For all things "Butch"

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 04-19-2017, 09:02 AM   #1
Nat
Senior Member

How Do You Identify?:
bigender
Preferred Pronoun?:
whatevs
Relationship Status:
in a relationship
 

Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Tx
Posts: 3,535
Thanks: 11,039
Thanked 13,981 Times in 2,595 Posts
Rep Power: 21474848
Nat Has the BEST ReputationNat Has the BEST ReputationNat Has the BEST ReputationNat Has the BEST ReputationNat Has the BEST ReputationNat Has the BEST ReputationNat Has the BEST ReputationNat Has the BEST ReputationNat Has the BEST ReputationNat Has the BEST ReputationNat Has the BEST Reputation
Default If the stone "melts," is it stone?

I ran into an opinion today elsewhere - that if a person isn't always stone (butch) every moment of their lives, then they are not stone and should not claim stone.

This person claims that identifying as stone when one occasionally allows touch (even if years apart and with someone incredibly trusted), then that person is encouraging others to see stone as something that "melts" rather than somethig rigid and impermeable. The further supposition is that allowing this perception to flourish encourages people who interact with stone-identified people to violate their boundaries.

It's been a while since i read a good stone conversation and i am curious if an exact and agreed-upon definition has emerged.

Do you identify as stone? If so, what does that mean to you?
__________________
I'm a fountain of blood. In the shape of a girl.

- Bjork

What is to give light must endure burning.

-Viktor Frankl
Nat is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 11 Users Say Thank You to Nat For This Useful Post:
Old 04-19-2017, 09:39 AM   #2
MsTinkerbelly
Infamous Member

How Do You Identify?:
Femme
Preferred Pronoun?:
She
Relationship Status:
Married 7/3/08, Together 17 years <3
 
MsTinkerbelly's Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Mesa, Arizona
Posts: 6,243
Thanks: 28,641
Thanked 21,856 Times in 4,738 Posts
Rep Power: 21474851
MsTinkerbelly Has the BEST ReputationMsTinkerbelly Has the BEST ReputationMsTinkerbelly Has the BEST ReputationMsTinkerbelly Has the BEST ReputationMsTinkerbelly Has the BEST ReputationMsTinkerbelly Has the BEST ReputationMsTinkerbelly Has the BEST ReputationMsTinkerbelly Has the BEST ReputationMsTinkerbelly Has the BEST ReputationMsTinkerbelly Has the BEST ReputationMsTinkerbelly Has the BEST Reputation
Member Photo Albums
Default

Finally, something with some meat to it!

I think I disagree with the thought of having to always be stone to claim the title...people may not have the terms or understanding of why they don't want to be touched, and they try for years to get over what they and others might see as their "problem".

Also, someone who occasionally "allows" touch may do so for a special person, in a special situation, without feeling "melted" or forced. I have found ( in my limited experience), that "stone" has different meanings for different people, and is not necessarily a ridged " don't touch me below the waist or on the chest" rule.

Now imo,someone who tries to "melt" a stone person has no respect for that person or their personal boundaries. Run

I am not stone.
MsTinkerbelly is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 11 Users Say Thank You to MsTinkerbelly For This Useful Post:
Old 04-19-2017, 09:55 AM   #3
Kätzchen
~*~*~*~*~

How Do You Identify?:
Femme
Preferred Pronoun?:
She
 
Kätzchen's Avatar
 

Join Date: May 2010
Location: Near two big rivers
Posts: 12,422
Thanks: 38,111
Thanked 23,659 Times in 7,524 Posts
Rep Power: 21474857
Kätzchen Has the BEST ReputationKätzchen Has the BEST ReputationKätzchen Has the BEST ReputationKätzchen Has the BEST ReputationKätzchen Has the BEST ReputationKätzchen Has the BEST ReputationKätzchen Has the BEST ReputationKätzchen Has the BEST ReputationKätzchen Has the BEST ReputationKätzchen Has the BEST ReputationKätzchen Has the BEST Reputation
Default

I used to think that "Stone " was somehow a part of my sexual identity. But it's not. I'm not stone. I just have what I think turns out to be a case of really good boundaries.

Kätzchen is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 11 Users Say Thank You to Kätzchen For This Useful Post:
Old 04-19-2017, 12:53 PM   #4
Kelt
Senior Member

How Do You Identify?:
.
Preferred Pronoun?:
.
 
Kelt's Avatar
 

Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: .
Posts: 2,414
Thanks: 18,500
Thanked 13,701 Times in 2,212 Posts
Rep Power: 21474846
Kelt Has the BEST ReputationKelt Has the BEST ReputationKelt Has the BEST ReputationKelt Has the BEST ReputationKelt Has the BEST ReputationKelt Has the BEST ReputationKelt Has the BEST ReputationKelt Has the BEST ReputationKelt Has the BEST ReputationKelt Has the BEST ReputationKelt Has the BEST Reputation
Member Photo Albums
Default

I have identified as Stone since the term was introduced to me by my “Butch Mentor” back in the late seventies. At that time and well into the eighties the lesbian community (which I was never comfortable in but there was no alternative then) was not at all embracing of the term, much less the boundaries. I had a series of three short relationships, all ending in violation for me during my twenties and walked away from the idea of having a partner for the next 15 years.

I then met someone who understood and had a much broader view which I attribute to her, and subsequently my, involvement in the BDSM community. We were together for five years and the relationship worked well for me. As it turned out over time, she did feel the need to be in a reciprocal relationship and fully respecting my wishes, she decided to move on. I knew then I was unlikely to ever find anything truly long term. After that I dated a little and had a brief encounter with a person who seemed to think that boundaries were some kind of test, so I moved on.

I have been single for quite a few years and respect the lifestyles of others and understand that though one might believe they can be with an absolute stone for the long haul, I have never witnessed it. I have heard of stones that have been “melted” and am sure there are many definitions of what that means and believe everyone has the right and ability to set their own boundaries. It is incumbent upon that person to make sure that they are understood. My personal Stone boundaries are deeply rooted in gender issues so I know that will not be the case for me.

“Trust” and “Relationship” are words that no longer have a place in my vocabulary.

I am at an age and place in life where I am very comfortable with myself other than addressing some of my gender issues in a more concrete way (This will happen in 2018). I have no desire to pursue anything more than friendships which I will always welcome. Concerns over physical boundaries are just a non-issue now and I am very happy with that.

I think at this point in life I would really enjoy a .


Last edited by Kelt; 04-19-2017 at 01:07 PM. Reason: Speeling
Kelt is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 18 Users Say Thank You to Kelt For This Useful Post:
Old 04-19-2017, 01:00 PM   #5
Mel C.
Long-time Member

How Do You Identify?:
WIB - woman identified butch
Preferred Pronoun?:
Your choice...not really a button for me
Relationship Status:
♡ engaged ♡
 
Mel C.'s Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: San Diego
Posts: 1,973
Thanks: 5,475
Thanked 6,220 Times in 1,465 Posts
Rep Power: 21474846
Mel C. Has the BEST ReputationMel C. Has the BEST ReputationMel C. Has the BEST ReputationMel C. Has the BEST ReputationMel C. Has the BEST ReputationMel C. Has the BEST ReputationMel C. Has the BEST ReputationMel C. Has the BEST ReputationMel C. Has the BEST ReputationMel C. Has the BEST ReputationMel C. Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Great idea for a thread Nat!

I don't I.D. as stone specifically because I do not want to be placed under rigid rules about where/how I can be touched. Although have never gotten much pleasure out of being touched certain places, I don't want to rule it out as an option. I'm more of a "go with the flow" person anyway. Maybe next time it will be different and I would miss out on something incredible.

I probably confuse my sexual partners with a "maybe" and frustrate them with a "not now," but the communication is open.

Did I make any sense?
Mel C. is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 13 Users Say Thank You to Mel C. For This Useful Post:
Old 04-19-2017, 02:00 PM   #6
BullDog
Infamous Member

How Do You Identify?:
Dominant Stone Butch Daddy
Preferred Pronoun?:
She
Relationship Status:
First Butch
 

Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Treasure House
Posts: 5,136
Thanks: 17,565
Thanked 21,717 Times in 4,241 Posts
Rep Power: 21474850
BullDog Has the BEST ReputationBullDog Has the BEST ReputationBullDog Has the BEST ReputationBullDog Has the BEST ReputationBullDog Has the BEST ReputationBullDog Has the BEST ReputationBullDog Has the BEST ReputationBullDog Has the BEST ReputationBullDog Has the BEST ReputationBullDog Has the BEST ReputationBullDog Has the BEST Reputation
Default

I identify as a stone butch and it is something that does not change. It does include sexual boundaries and those don't change for me ever. It is also about energy exchange for me and ties into my dominance and is freeing for me to know that my partner understands I am stone and wants to be with me and compliments what I am and that boundaries are clear.

If other people have different definitions of stone or it changes over time for them I think that is their right but if they are dating or partnered with someone that person needs to know so that they know what they are dealing with or getting into. If someone thinks they are with someone stone, or someone stone in a certain way and it turns out not to be the case it can be hurtful and confusing. I have had several femme partners and friends go through that.
There are also times where someone honestly does change and they don't realize it, so that of course isn't being dishonest but still can be hard for a partner to go through.
__________________
Love consists in this, that two solitudes protect and touch and greet each other.

- Rainer Maria Rilke


thriftytreasurehouse.com
BullDog is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 13 Users Say Thank You to BullDog For This Useful Post:
Old 04-19-2017, 02:52 PM   #7
*Anya*
Member

How Do You Identify?:
Lesbian non-stone femme
Preferred Pronoun?:
She, her
Relationship Status:
Committed to being good to myself
 
*Anya*'s Avatar
 

Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: West Coast
Posts: 8,258
Thanks: 39,306
Thanked 40,879 Times in 7,296 Posts
Rep Power: 21474852
*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation
Default

As usual, I say a person is whatever they claim as their ID.

I don't get how anyone, anywhere, can say how someone else identifies; is right or wrong.

Good grief, for a population (LGBTQI) that has had to fight so many obstacles to get to a safe and comfortable place within ourselves, we sure spend time policing others.

I will do the usual caveat, "not on BFP, of course".

My long term ex was stone for the first 10 years of our relationship.

Her choice, who she was.

The last 9 years, she wasn't.

Her choice, who she was.

No matter who I am with or how they identify:

I am never stone.
__________________
~Anya~


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.



Democracy Dies in Darkness

~Washington Post


"...I'm deeply concerned by recently adopted policies which punish children for their parents’ actions ... The thought that any State would seek to deter parents by inflicting such abuse on children is unconscionable."

UN Human Rights commissioner
*Anya* is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 14 Users Say Thank You to *Anya* For This Useful Post:
Old 04-19-2017, 04:18 PM   #8
gotoseagrl
Senior Member

How Do You Identify?:
old-fashioned queer stone submissive girl
Preferred Pronoun?:
mermaid, *very* lucky babygirl
Relationship Status:
Saltwater mermaid ♡
 
gotoseagrl's Avatar
 

Join Date: May 2010
Location: CA
Posts: 2,209
Thanks: 5,192
Thanked 6,118 Times in 1,727 Posts
Rep Power: 21474847
gotoseagrl Has the BEST Reputationgotoseagrl Has the BEST Reputationgotoseagrl Has the BEST Reputationgotoseagrl Has the BEST Reputationgotoseagrl Has the BEST Reputationgotoseagrl Has the BEST Reputationgotoseagrl Has the BEST Reputationgotoseagrl Has the BEST Reputationgotoseagrl Has the BEST Reputationgotoseagrl Has the BEST Reputationgotoseagrl Has the BEST Reputation
Default

I am very, very stone, obviously on the femme & bottom end of things. And I have discovered a lot regarding this identity. As people often say, it can be a different meaning for different people. For me, stone is more in the old-fashioned sense and means a number of things: how one is willing to touch or be touched as well as how that relates to the person's masculine or feminine identity (for me & my partner). I know that's not the case for everyone, but it is for me and those I date. I am used to being with someone who isn't comfortable being made to feel femme or feminine in certain ways they are treated, just as I am not on the flip side of that. In some ways this doesn't matter, but in others it does. For example, chest area not being touched or handled the way mine is, who is penetrated or not, and even other relationship roles & dynamics as well.

Furthermore, I think it really depends on the person you are with, regardless of how stone you are. I have been with someone totally non-stone before who didn't even attempt to violate my preferences, as I guess they were just naturally & happily adjusted to what I was comfortable with or not. To others, they might find it too difficult to not receive what they need in a non-stone way.

I've also had a situation where a mostly stone person was able to very respectfully break one of my limits in a way that was totally unexpected and that showed me that there was a certain "thing" I was willing to do with this person out of the immense love and attraction there. And that I actually truly enjoyed it ... because I was still viewing it from a perspective that was natural to me and my partner. But had the perspective & mindset been shifted or flipped, I would not have liked it. And this was a smaller limit that practically every person I've been with or met before, stone or not, expressed a strong interest in. I just never had much confidence going there, until it happened with the right person, and I found it to be amazing.

I think the bottom line is that stones come in all shapes and sizes. Breaking boundaries or even violating limits is something that can happen in relationships and situations, in general. If you are with someone who is trying to "melt the stone" and that is not what is wanted, then that is just wrong, as it would be in any other type of situation too. But I stand firmly with the fact that having one of your limits broken, or finding that you like doing (or having done to you) something you didn't before, or don't a lot, absolutely does not mean you are not stone. People who aren't stone are usually way more fluid with things, and in my experience, stone people are just never that way, regardless of what they might like or allow sometimes. I don't think someone who truly identifies as stone can have that "melted" away. There's a reason it was there in the first place, and for some it might just evolve with time.
__________________
Be still when you have nothing to say; when genuine passion moves you, say what you've got to say, and say it hot. D. H. Lawrence


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
gotoseagrl is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 19 Users Say Thank You to gotoseagrl For This Useful Post:
Old 04-27-2017, 10:49 AM   #9
CherylNYC
Member

How Do You Identify?:
Stonefemme lesbian
Preferred Pronoun?:
I'm a woman. Behave accordingly.
Relationship Status:
Single, not looking.
 

Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: NYC
Posts: 1,312
Thanks: 8,237
Thanked 6,494 Times in 1,064 Posts
Rep Power: 21474846
CherylNYC Has the BEST ReputationCherylNYC Has the BEST ReputationCherylNYC Has the BEST ReputationCherylNYC Has the BEST ReputationCherylNYC Has the BEST ReputationCherylNYC Has the BEST ReputationCherylNYC Has the BEST ReputationCherylNYC Has the BEST ReputationCherylNYC Has the BEST ReputationCherylNYC Has the BEST ReputationCherylNYC Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by gotoseagrl View Post
I am very, very stone, obviously on the femme & bottom end of things. And I have discovered a lot regarding this identity. As people often say, it can be a different meaning for different people. For me, stone is more in the old-fashioned sense and means a number of things: how one is willing to touch or be touched as well as how that relates to the person's masculine or feminine identity (for me & my partner). I know that's not the case for everyone, but it is for me and those I date. I am used to being with someone who isn't comfortable being made to feel femme or feminine in certain ways they are treated, just as I am not on the flip side of that. In some ways this doesn't matter, but in others it does. For example, chest area not being touched or handled the way mine is, who is penetrated or not, and even other relationship roles & dynamics as well.

Furthermore, I think it really depends on the person you are with, regardless of how stone you are. I have been with someone totally non-stone before who didn't even attempt to violate my preferences, as I guess they were just naturally & happily adjusted to what I was comfortable with or not. To others, they might find it too difficult to not receive what they need in a non-stone way.

I've also had a situation where a mostly stone person was able to very respectfully break one of my limits in a way that was totally unexpected and that showed me that there was a certain "thing" I was willing to do with this person out of the immense love and attraction there. And that I actually truly enjoyed it ... because I was still viewing it from a perspective that was natural to me and my partner. But had the perspective & mindset been shifted or flipped, I would not have liked it. And this was a smaller limit that practically every person I've been with or met before, stone or not, expressed a strong interest in. I just never had much confidence going there, until it happened with the right person, and I found it to be amazing.

I think the bottom line is that stones come in all shapes and sizes. Breaking boundaries or even violating limits is something that can happen in relationships and situations, in general. If you are with someone who is trying to "melt the stone" and that is not what is wanted, then that is just wrong, as it would be in any other type of situation too. But I stand firmly with the fact that having one of your limits broken, or finding that you like doing (or having done to you) something you didn't before, or don't a lot, absolutely does not mean you are not stone. People who aren't stone are usually way more fluid with things, and in my experience, stone people are just never that way, regardless of what they might like or allow sometimes. I don't think someone who truly identifies as stone can have that "melted" away. There's a reason it was there in the first place, and for some it might just evolve with time.
Brilliant post. The boundaries you describe are my own. And I agree with Anya about being allowed to claim our own identities without being questioned about them. It's been my experience that anyone who finds value in absolutist rhetoric about who gets to claim which identity must feel a little insecure in their own.
__________________
Cheryl
CherylNYC is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 14 Users Say Thank You to CherylNYC For This Useful Post:
Old 04-30-2017, 09:42 PM   #10
ClintB
Junior Member

How Do You Identify?:
Butch, questioning
Preferred Pronoun?:
Interested in your opinion
Relationship Status:
Downtrodden
 

Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Traveler
Posts: 68
Thanks: 6
Thanked 253 Times in 65 Posts
Rep Power: 2362237
ClintB Has the BEST ReputationClintB Has the BEST ReputationClintB Has the BEST ReputationClintB Has the BEST ReputationClintB Has the BEST ReputationClintB Has the BEST ReputationClintB Has the BEST ReputationClintB Has the BEST ReputationClintB Has the BEST ReputationClintB Has the BEST ReputationClintB Has the BEST Reputation
Default

I think in an ideal world we would all understand labels to mean the same things, and we would all know what labels to give ourselves.

But for me this is not the case. I seem to get lost in every divide set out before me. And thus it is the same with the word stone.

I generally avoid this word to describe myself, for all the reasons stated above. The truth is, I don't really know if I am stone or not, for a variety of very complex reasons that have to do with a mix of identity and sexual history. im afraid if I tell partners I'm stone, they will expect something that I may not end up being. Im afraid if I tell them I'm not stone then they will violate boundaries in ways that are very real and hurtful. I am still trying to grapple and heal from an ex who though she could show me a good time and "fix" me... it was aweful, embarrassing, and scarring. It darn near may qualify as assault, but in the end I went along with it out of guilt.

But there is this idea in my head that with the right partner, I could enjoy touch again (it was a while ago, but I have had enjoyable experiences). I look at new partners and think she may be the one. But if there is one thing I have learned, it's that it's my body who is in the drivers seat, not me. I cannot will my body to enjoy things out of sheer will.

And I know what comes with that label. There are mainly two groups of women: those that understand, and those that think you are something to break or conquer. And the second group is much much larger.
ClintB is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to ClintB For This Useful Post:
Old 04-30-2017, 10:11 PM   #11
DapperButch
Roadster Guy

How Do You Identify?:
FTM, Stone Butch
Preferred Pronoun?:
He
 
DapperButch's Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Northeast
Posts: 7,745
Thanks: 26,545
Thanked 26,920 Times in 5,774 Posts
Rep Power: 21474852
DapperButch Has the BEST ReputationDapperButch Has the BEST ReputationDapperButch Has the BEST ReputationDapperButch Has the BEST ReputationDapperButch Has the BEST ReputationDapperButch Has the BEST ReputationDapperButch Has the BEST ReputationDapperButch Has the BEST ReputationDapperButch Has the BEST ReputationDapperButch Has the BEST ReputationDapperButch Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nat View Post

Do you identify as stone? If so, what does that mean to you?
Stone means I get my pleasure from pleasing her.
__________________
-Dapper
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


Are you educated or indoctrinated?
DapperButch is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to DapperButch For This Useful Post:
Old 05-01-2017, 12:47 AM   #12
CherylNYC
Member

How Do You Identify?:
Stonefemme lesbian
Preferred Pronoun?:
I'm a woman. Behave accordingly.
Relationship Status:
Single, not looking.
 

Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: NYC
Posts: 1,312
Thanks: 8,237
Thanked 6,494 Times in 1,064 Posts
Rep Power: 21474846
CherylNYC Has the BEST ReputationCherylNYC Has the BEST ReputationCherylNYC Has the BEST ReputationCherylNYC Has the BEST ReputationCherylNYC Has the BEST ReputationCherylNYC Has the BEST ReputationCherylNYC Has the BEST ReputationCherylNYC Has the BEST ReputationCherylNYC Has the BEST ReputationCherylNYC Has the BEST ReputationCherylNYC Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by ClintB View Post
...im afraid if I tell partners I'm stone, they will expect something that I may not end up being. Im afraid if I tell them I'm not stone then they will violate boundaries in ways that are very real and hurtful. I am still trying to grapple and heal from an ex who though she could show me a good time and "fix" me... it was aweful, embarrassing, and scarring. It darn near may qualify as assault, but in the end I went along with it out of guilt.

...There are mainly two groups of women: those that understand, and those that think you are something to break or conquer. And the second group is much much larger.
I'm so sorry that happened to you, ClintB. Yes, I agree that what you described sounds like sexual assault. I hope you're healing and thriving now.
__________________
Cheryl
CherylNYC is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to CherylNYC For This Useful Post:
Old 05-01-2017, 05:38 PM   #13
Mel C.
Long-time Member

How Do You Identify?:
WIB - woman identified butch
Preferred Pronoun?:
Your choice...not really a button for me
Relationship Status:
♡ engaged ♡
 
Mel C.'s Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: San Diego
Posts: 1,973
Thanks: 5,475
Thanked 6,220 Times in 1,465 Posts
Rep Power: 21474846
Mel C. Has the BEST ReputationMel C. Has the BEST ReputationMel C. Has the BEST ReputationMel C. Has the BEST ReputationMel C. Has the BEST ReputationMel C. Has the BEST ReputationMel C. Has the BEST ReputationMel C. Has the BEST ReputationMel C. Has the BEST ReputationMel C. Has the BEST ReputationMel C. Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by ClintB View Post
I think in an ideal world we would all understand labels to mean the same things, and we would all know what labels to give ourselves.

But for me this is not the case. I seem to get lost in every divide set out before me. And thus it is the same with the word stone.

I generally avoid this word to describe myself, for all the reasons stated above. The truth is, I don't really know if I am stone or not, for a variety of very complex reasons that have to do with a mix of identity and sexual history. im afraid if I tell partners I'm stone, they will expect something that I may not end up being. Im afraid if I tell them I'm not stone then they will violate boundaries in ways that are very real and hurtful.
exactly! Thanks for the post. It's hard to communicate boundaries when I'm not certain of them myself
Mel C. is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Mel C. For This Useful Post:
Old 05-01-2017, 06:39 PM   #14
Breathless
Brat Extraordinaire

How Do You Identify?:
Femme
Preferred Pronoun?:
She, her
 
Breathless's Avatar
 
3 Highscores
Tournaments Won: 23

Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Alberta Canada
Posts: 1,320
Thanks: 7,163
Thanked 3,807 Times in 881 Posts
Rep Power: 21474845
Breathless Has the BEST ReputationBreathless Has the BEST ReputationBreathless Has the BEST ReputationBreathless Has the BEST ReputationBreathless Has the BEST ReputationBreathless Has the BEST ReputationBreathless Has the BEST ReputationBreathless Has the BEST ReputationBreathless Has the BEST ReputationBreathless Has the BEST ReputationBreathless Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Great topic Nat!
Labels drive me nuts, however I do understand their necessity and purpose. **For each of us to identify like minded people, emphasis on like-minded, not carbon copied cookie cutter twins. Labels are meant to be descriptors, not the definition of who you are and what you like, limited to, never straying from.

I have a limited list of 'must haves' when it comes to my interactions with my partner behind closed doors, kisses, hugs, cuddles and I like holding hands.. The rest of 'our to do list' is defined by our own personal boundaries. Boundaries and respect is mandatory in ALL relationships. Consent is not negotiable.

The mistake people tend to make, in my honest opinion, is getting in to a relationship with someone, and thinking that they can change them. It’s not your right to change them! Other than maybe turn that frown upside down.. But seriously, if people walk into a relationship thinking that they can and will change someone, then they are only kidding themselves. Now on the flip side, in time, people do evolve and do change, but that is their choice as to the what and how, and the change might be from Heinz ketchup to hunts..
__________________
BE the change you wish to see in the world. Gandhi
Breathless is online now   Reply With Quote
The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to Breathless For This Useful Post:
Old 05-01-2017, 07:06 PM   #15
girl_dee
Creole Baby

How Do You Identify?:
all femme, thanks for asking!
Preferred Pronoun?:
dee
Relationship Status:
♡ Twin Flames ♡
 
girl_dee's Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Paradise City
Posts: 22,966
Thanks: 29,048
Thanked 53,649 Times in 13,431 Posts
Rep Power: 21474867
girl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputation
Default

maybe we can move this thread out of the butch zone? i would love to talk about this but i am thinking this was directed at the butches?
girl_dee is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-01-2017, 07:54 PM   #16
Medusa
Mentally Delicious

How Do You Identify?:
Queer High Femme, thank you very much
Preferred Pronoun?:
Mme.
Relationship Status:
Engaged to JD.
 
Medusa's Avatar
 

Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Atlanta-bound
Posts: 10,384
Thanks: 5,949
Thanked 42,276 Times in 7,769 Posts
Rep Power: 21474856
Medusa has disabled reputation
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by girl_dee View Post
maybe we can move this thread out of the butch zone? i would love to talk about this but i am thinking this was directed at the butches?
I was just about to suggest we start one in the Femme zone or just the regular sex and kink forum
__________________
.
.
.
Buy ButchFemmePlanet Merch Here:

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Medusa is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Medusa For This Useful Post:
Old 05-01-2017, 07:57 PM   #17
*Anya*
Member

How Do You Identify?:
Lesbian non-stone femme
Preferred Pronoun?:
She, her
Relationship Status:
Committed to being good to myself
 
*Anya*'s Avatar
 

Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: West Coast
Posts: 8,258
Thanks: 39,306
Thanked 40,879 Times in 7,296 Posts
Rep Power: 21474852
*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by girl_dee View Post
maybe we can move this thread out of the butch zone? i would love to talk about this but i am thinking this was directed at the butches?
Sometimes discussions happen organically.

Any special reason you are making the suggestion?

I think we are allowed to discuss issues of concern to butch and femme wherever they arise unless it is a problem.
__________________
~Anya~


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.



Democracy Dies in Darkness

~Washington Post


"...I'm deeply concerned by recently adopted policies which punish children for their parents’ actions ... The thought that any State would seek to deter parents by inflicting such abuse on children is unconscionable."

UN Human Rights commissioner
*Anya* is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to *Anya* For This Useful Post:
Old 05-01-2017, 08:23 PM   #18
*Anya*
Member

How Do You Identify?:
Lesbian non-stone femme
Preferred Pronoun?:
She, her
Relationship Status:
Committed to being good to myself
 
*Anya*'s Avatar
 

Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: West Coast
Posts: 8,258
Thanks: 39,306
Thanked 40,879 Times in 7,296 Posts
Rep Power: 21474852
*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Breathless View Post


The mistake people tend to make, in my honest opinion, is getting in to a relationship with someone, and thinking that they can change them. It’s not your right to change them! Other than maybe turn that frown upside down.. But seriously, if people walk into a relationship thinking that they can and will change someone, then they are only kidding themselves. Now on the flip side, in time, people do evolve and do change, but that is their choice as to the what and how, and the change might be from Heinz ketchup to hunts..
I don't think everything is cut and dried.

There is a third option.

With my long-term ex, she was stone through our first 10 years.

I never pressured her to be different.

She stated to me that when she first came out, she had relationships where she was not stone and over time, decided it was not for her.

After about our 10th year, she stated she would like to see what it was like again, that at one point, early in her sexual life with women, she had enjoyed receiving oral sex.

Of course, I was fine with her choice because I never was stone but loved her so whatever she needed or wanted- I would go either direction. I had never made her feel badly and never was abusively pushing her. She told me she wanted to try it again so I was happy to participate. It was solely her decision.

It would have been ok either way at whatever her decision would have been.

People in an intimate relationship have a right to try things and they have the right to decide what works for them and what fits for them. They also have the right to say that stone really is their preference-that they tried something different, thought it would be ok and it wasn't.

If you love them, you go with the flow. If you just can't deal with it or it doesn't work for you; either of you must move on.

That is ok, too.
__________________
~Anya~


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.



Democracy Dies in Darkness

~Washington Post


"...I'm deeply concerned by recently adopted policies which punish children for their parents’ actions ... The thought that any State would seek to deter parents by inflicting such abuse on children is unconscionable."

UN Human Rights commissioner

Last edited by *Anya*; 05-01-2017 at 08:29 PM. Reason: Wording
*Anya* is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to *Anya* For This Useful Post:
Old 05-01-2017, 10:16 PM   #19
ClintB
Junior Member

How Do You Identify?:
Butch, questioning
Preferred Pronoun?:
Interested in your opinion
Relationship Status:
Downtrodden
 

Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Traveler
Posts: 68
Thanks: 6
Thanked 253 Times in 65 Posts
Rep Power: 2362237
ClintB Has the BEST ReputationClintB Has the BEST ReputationClintB Has the BEST ReputationClintB Has the BEST ReputationClintB Has the BEST ReputationClintB Has the BEST ReputationClintB Has the BEST ReputationClintB Has the BEST ReputationClintB Has the BEST ReputationClintB Has the BEST ReputationClintB Has the BEST Reputation
Default

I live breathless and Anya's posts... because both come from a place of respect. Wouldn't life be better if we could always love and respect our partner no matter if they change or stay the same?


That being said... I don't think there is anything wrong with knowing what you need, or even simply what you prefer. I hear some people in here express their interest in only stone lovers... and I don't think there is anything wrong with that. But with all things, the more rigid your requirements, the harder it is to meet someone that meets them. Some sexualities and preferences are rigid, some are not. I would just caution, if your partner changes in a way that you cannot accept, don't let your hurt and anger drive you to insult them for who they are.
ClintB is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to ClintB For This Useful Post:
Old 05-02-2017, 12:47 AM   #20
cathexis
Senior Member

How Do You Identify?:
Neutrois sensualist/Constitutional Socialist
Preferred Pronoun?:
Neutral, male/Sir Bitch
Relationship Status:
sub. Alpha in our pack 23 yrs
 
cathexis's Avatar
 

Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: quaint NY North Country town near Lake Placid
Posts: 2,321
Thanks: 12,120
Thanked 3,247 Times in 999 Posts
Rep Power: 21474841
cathexis Has the BEST Reputationcathexis Has the BEST Reputationcathexis Has the BEST Reputationcathexis Has the BEST Reputationcathexis Has the BEST Reputationcathexis Has the BEST Reputationcathexis Has the BEST Reputationcathexis Has the BEST Reputationcathexis Has the BEST Reputationcathexis Has the BEST Reputationcathexis Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Live with a stone butch who on rare occasion melts, but like volcanic lava becomes solid again. In no way do I have any concerns about Her status as stone. She identifies as stone, I accept it without question. Her own self identification is all I need. I have no right to question anyone else's identification as I expect no one to question mine. She is who She says She is, and I am who I say I am.

Haven't we had enough of others saying who we should be? As a community, we have had "who we should be" forced on us way too long from outsiders. Do we really need to do it to ourselves?

Being truly genderqueer, I feel very strong about this issue.
__________________
Tell me anyway, maybe I can find the truth by comparing the lies.
.......................Leon Trotsky....................

Democracy must first be safe for America before it can be safe for the world.
...................Emma Goldman.....................
cathexis is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to cathexis For This Useful Post:
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 03:51 PM.


ButchFemmePlanet.com
All information copyright of BFP 2018