New sex partner=new toys? Your opinion - Page 2

StrongButch · 03-02-2013, 07:21 PM

I buy a new friend for my new friend.

The_Lady_Snow · 03-02-2013, 07:25 PM

Can someone clarify what makes someone "icky", "gross", "dirty"?

Do all people in here use dental dams with new sexual partners? What about gloves? Since we're discussing sex let's not just stop at cocks!

StrongButch · 03-02-2013, 07:33 PM

Yes I use gloves we have a saying no glove no love. They make a harness that you can snap dental dams into works out great. Since we are discussing this please be aware you can catch things nowdays by kissing. I think its best these days to get to know the person your having sex with and use protection.

chai~ · 03-02-2013, 07:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by imadiva

New toys please and thank you! I understand about the harness and anything that stays outside of the body but I feel that anything that enters the body or private areas of the body should totally be new. New toys ,new memories, new pleasures ! Out with the old ! Really for sanitary reasons bacteria and virus can live on surfaces and the materials are sometimes porous so no matter how clean it looks it could still harbor some yuck in and on it ! Sooooo be for me !

I agree with this, because a new one can be bought and broken in and christened and blessed by us both at the same time!!!
I wouldn't go so far as a new bed, but fresh bedding would be a fresh beginning, even just a fresh beginning to being newly and deliciously single.
I think if we did it on the furniture, coffee table, dining room table, I might switch that out too! Great opportunity to redecorate~

pinkgeek · 03-02-2013, 07:35 PM

From a public health standpoint it is significantly more important to get tested for STD's than to buy a new cock every time you go for a ride with someone new. I care a lot more about someone knowing their status (and mine) than knowing their cock (or mine) is fresh from the shoppe.

Luckily with some education, common sense and a firm grasp on what's cleanable and what's not you can get warm and fuzzy without worrying about hitch hiking pathogens.

I'd go broke replacing toys at the rate of new for every screw and everyone who knows me knows I may lack a filter at times but never class.

Fuck safely and often.

CherylNYC · 03-02-2013, 07:37 PM

Thank you, Lady Snow. Unsafe sex is a hard limit for me, and I hate waste! Why would a person throw away a perfectly good toy, especially if they've been practicing safe sex? We're all playing safely, aren't we? (she asks in that pointed way.)

Even if you're not practicing safer sex, (sigh), any good silicone toy can and should be boiled between partners, and it will be as fresh as new.

The_Lady_Snow · 03-02-2013, 07:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by StrongButch

Yes I use gloves we have a saying no glove no love. They make a harness that you can snap dental dams into works out great. Since we are discussing this please be aware you can catch things nowdays by kissing. I think its best these days to get to know the person your having sex with and use protection.

Sometimes though, you meet someone and you are sexually attracted and you end up having sex with them, there isn't going to be time to *get to know details* it's just about two people having consentual adult sex.

Should either party go and get new toys just because they started dating someone a week later seriously?

Why are Femme's not expected to get new vaginas?

The problem with the question when it comes to queer cock is:

For some butches.guys.bois.boys.ze's.trans, and femme folk is the cock they have is part of them. Something that is part of who they are and their identity and if someone is safe they should not have to throw away all their toys just because they dated someone new. If it's something that it is talked about and agreed upon and costs are even shared since they are now a couple I understand.

But to have the expectation that someone get a new cock or cocks just because they used them before and have done so safely is to much. Toys are expensive, cocks ain't cheap.

What about those who are kinky?

Does everyone here who is kinky replace each toy they have played with past liasons?

I would think that would get highly expensive..

Let's talk lube. Is your lube replaced with each parnter? Do you use different lube for anal and vaginal sex?

alexri · 03-02-2013, 07:43 PM

This is a personal call for people, and a discussion between someone and his/her partner. I can understand both opinions/sides.

Some might need to buy new toys because of size/comfort issues.

Some may need to buy new toys because of wear/tear/age.

Some feel better buying new toys in honor of the new relationship, or don't want to keep the old toys because of a bad breakup.

Some insist on replacing toys, especially ones for anal, for safety concerns.

Some won't buy new toys because his/hys cock is personal to him, or his/hys harness was custom-made to fit.

Some won't because of finances.

Some don't feel the need to because they don't see the toys as belonging to an ex they are no longer with, no more than they would get different underwear, sheets or bedding after breaking up with someone.

Some don't feel the need to because they've used condoms and protection and have kept their equipment clean and sterilized.

Some look and think no big deal- his/hys lips kissed someone else, hands, tongue... you get the picture.

To each their own. The final resolution rests among those in a relationship having a discussion about what they both want and can work with.

meridiantoo · 03-02-2013, 07:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

Can someone clarify what makes someone "icky", "gross", "dirty"?

Do all people in here use dental dams with new sexual partners? What about gloves? Since we're discussing sex let's not just stop at cocks!

Can't answer question #1, but to question #2, I do see the hypocrisy in this, I do. I mean, on one hand, I want a new cock with each partner (and harness and vibrators, and...). But, I don't get a new vagina, much to my distress

I dont' see this as the same, though (funny how being a femme works sometimes!). And it does cross my mind that my vagina and my butch's parts have been with other partners, not just those parts that can be taken off. But, if I could, I really, really would get a new vagina each time and breasts while we're at it, and maybe even...

Seriously, I know it's not necessarily fair or logical, but I can't help it!

And I do get a full STD panel with each partner as well as have a *grace*period before sex begins (looks for kitten.with.a.twist to help me out here)

pinkgeek · 03-02-2013, 07:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by StrongButch

Since we are discussing this please be aware you can catch things nowdays by kissing. I think its best these days to get to know the person your having sex with and use protection.

Ok I have to ask...What specifically are you referring to? "Things" as an STD aren't anything I've studied or counseled anyone on risk reduction against.

As for getting to know someone being any kind of protection - ask any PHW (Public Health Worker) and we'll tell you that "knowing someone" isn't a kind of protection and using "protection" isn't a guarantee.

I spend a lot of time talking about safe sex, stigma, myths and risk reduction. Community discussions are wonderful and have a wonderful ability to reach not just the people participating, but those they in turn talk to. Keep it up.

The_Lady_Snow · 03-02-2013, 07:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by meridiantoo

Can't answer question #1, but to question #2, I do see the hypocrisy in this, I do. I mean, on one hand, I want a new cock with each partner (and harness and vibrators, and...). But, I don't get a new vagina, much to my distress

I dont' see this as the same, though (funny how being a femme works sometimes!). And it does cross my mind that my vagina and my butch's parts have been with other partners, not just those parts that can be taken off. But, if I could, I really, really would get a new vagina each time and breasts while we're at it, and maybe even...

Seriously, I know it's not necessarily fair or logical, but I can't help it!

And I do get a full STD panel with each partner as well as have a *grace*period before sex begins (looks for kitten.with.a.twist to help me out here)

Since you have the expectation and the want for your sexual partners to have new equipment when involved with you.

Do you pay for half the cost?

Since this is a Femme thread I would be interested in unpacking the hypocrisy and double standard that butches.boys.bois.guys.femmeswhopack must have new yet Femme's come in with what they have (vagina) and there is no expectation they be virginal and new..

As I said cocks and sex toys aren't cheap.

meridiantoo · 03-02-2013, 08:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

Since you have the expectation and the want for your sexual partners to have new equipment when involved with you.

Do you pay for half the cost?

Since this is a Femme thread I would be interested in unpacking the hypocrisy and double standard that butches.boys.bois.guys.femmeswhopack must have new yet Femme's come in with what they have (vagina) and there is no expectation they be virginal and new..

As I said cocks and sex toys aren't cheap.

I do pay for my half; I would never expect any differently.

As someone mentioned earlier, it's a personal size/girth preference also. I could not physically *take* many available sizes out there, so that's another thing to consider with a new partner.

I know it's not necessarily fair.....

Gemme · 03-02-2013, 08:04 PM

My guy has class. He's one of the classiest fuckers I know.

He bought a new cock that we both went and sought out together (at a darling family-owned business and from a really sweet butch) and he has one familiar to him that I had nothing to do with purchasing.

While it's fun and naughty to know that something that intimate was bought just for you, with only you in mind, I don't give a damn who bought what or when or where when it comes down to the nitty gritty of it. All I care is that it's his and that he knows how to use it. I guarantee that he's not thinking of anyone else when we're together, just like I'm not thinking of anyone else but him.

starryeyes · 03-02-2013, 08:06 PM

Do what makes you feel comfortable and don't let anyone make you feel bad about it

SuddenlyWestFemme · 03-02-2013, 08:06 PM

Lots of good stuff here. And Lady Snow... getting a new vagina is just such an interesting thought. I think after my last ex... I might have gotten one if I'd had the choice. I repainted the house, changed out the rugs, bought new sheets, changed my hairstyle, and put all my jewelry in a box in the garage. I didn't have lots of money... but it was nice to have the option to change things up to help in the healing. A new vagina might have been empowering.

But getting a new vagina is not a choice we have and if it was, I'm sure there would be as many differing opinions on that as on this.

Personally, it never occurred to me to have a conversation around if their (suddenly feeling shy) um... cock... was new. Yes, the sex talk is very important, but I don't remember ever asking if they were buying new parts for me. It just never crosses my mind to ask about that.

And I agree with the post that said we have choices and that is a good thing. I remember, before I came out, refusing to have sex with a guy I was dating because he was scary large. In fact, it broke us up. I just couldn't do it at the time. If I'd had choices... well... that may have been a good thing.

Great conversation...

starryeyes · 03-02-2013, 08:09 PM

Paying for half? I buy my own AND the most kick ass one I have ever had only cost me $22.00.... The worst one was over $100. Go figure.

Hollylane · 03-02-2013, 08:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gemme

. All I care is that it's his and that he knows how to use it. I guarantee that he's not thinking of anyone else when we're together, just like I'm not thinking of anyone else but him.

Exactly!

Quote:

Originally Posted by starryeyes

Do what makes you feel comfortable and don't let anyone make you feel bad about it

Word.

meridiantoo · 03-02-2013, 08:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SuddenlyWestFemme

Lots of good stuff here. And Lady Snow... getting a new vagina is just such an interesting thought. I think after my last ex... I might have gotten one if I'd had the choice. I repainted the house, changed out the rugs, bought new sheets, changed my hairstyle, and put all my jewelry in a box in the garage. I didn't have lots of money... but it was nice to have the option to change things up to help in the healing. A new vagina might have been empowering.

But getting a new vagina is not a choice we have and if it was, I'm sure there would be as many differing opinions on that as on this.

Personally, it never occurred to me to have a conversation around if their (suddenly feeling shy) um... cock... was new. Yes, the sex talk is very important, but I don't remember ever asking if they were buying new parts for me. It just never crosses my mind to ask about that.

And I agree with the post that said we have choices and that is a good thing. I remember, before I came out, refusing to have sex with a guy I was dating because he was scary large. In fact, it broke us up. I just couldn't do it at the time. If I'd had choices... well... that may have been a good thing.

Great conversation...

Love this post!

Katniss · 03-02-2013, 08:22 PM

I don't buy new toys so why should I expect my lover to do the same?
I also feel the "Safe, Sane, Consensual" encompasses having the health/hygiene discussion as only the two of you know how fluid bonded you intend to become.

Otherwise use what you got, often, creatively and well.

Katniss~~(toys aren't cheap but I can be f@cking expensive as well.)

chai~ · 03-02-2013, 08:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by meridiantoo

Can't answer question #1, but to question #2, I do see the hypocrisy in this, I do. I mean, on one hand, I want a new cock with each partner (and harness and vibrators, and...). But, I don't get a new vagina, much to my distress

I dont' see this as the same, though (funny how being a femme works sometimes!). And it does cross my mind that my vagina and my butch's parts have been with other partners, not just those parts that can be taken off. But, if I could, I really, really would get a new vagina each time and breasts while we're at it, and maybe even...

Seriously, I know it's not necessarily fair or logical, but I can't help it!

And I do get a full STD panel with each partner as well as have a *grace*period before sex begins (looks for kitten.with.a.twist to help me out here)

If I could replace my secret garden

, my boobs, and make myself 5 foot 6, I would do that!
I don't have random sex, so never have to worry about the expense or replacing items each and every time with someone new.
To each their, makes for an interesting discussion to say the least.
To each their own.

03-02-2013, 07:21 PM	#21
StrongButch Member How Do You Identify?: I see the world thru a lens Preferred Pronoun?: Yes Boss Relationship Status: Chillin out with awesome women Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: San Francisco Posts: 1,376 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,018 Thanked 4,185 Times in 1,179 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	Sex I buy a new friend for my new friend. __________________ Life is like music,so it can be played in many different styles.

03-02-2013, 07:25 PM	#22
The_Lady_Snow MILLION $$$ PUSSY How Do You Identify?: Kinky, Raw, Perverted, Uber Queer Alpha Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Iconic Ms. Relationship Status: Keeper of 3, only one has the map to my freckles Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: La Reina del Sur Posts: 22,488 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 32,231 Thanked 80,119 Times in 15,678 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	Need clarification Can someone clarify what makes someone "icky", "gross", "dirty"? Do all people in here use dental dams with new sexual partners? What about gloves? Since we're discussing sex let's not just stop at cocks! __________________ "If you’re going to play these dirty games of ours, then you might as well indulge completely. It’s all about turning back into an animal and that’s the beauty of it. Place your guilt on the sidewalk and take a blow torch to it (guilt is usually worthless anyway). Be perverted, be filthy, do things that mannered people shouldn’t do. If you’re going to be gross then go for it and don’t wimp out."---Master Aiden

03-02-2013, 07:33 PM	#23
StrongButch Member How Do You Identify?: I see the world thru a lens Preferred Pronoun?: Yes Boss Relationship Status: Chillin out with awesome women Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: San Francisco Posts: 1,376 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,018 Thanked 4,185 Times in 1,179 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	Sex Yes I use gloves we have a saying no glove no love. They make a harness that you can snap dental dams into works out great. Since we are discussing this please be aware you can catch things nowdays by kissing. I think its best these days to get to know the person your having sex with and use protection. __________________ Life is like music,so it can be played in many different styles.

03-02-2013, 07:35 PM	#25
pinkgeek Member How Do You Identify?: that grrl Preferred Pronoun?: she, her, grrl, piranha, monkey Relationship Status: captured.... Join Date: May 2010 Location: Australia Posts: 377 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,054 Thanked 1,456 Times in 311 Posts Rep Power: 13998705	From a public health standpoint it is significantly more important to get tested for STD's than to buy a new cock every time you go for a ride with someone new. I care a lot more about someone knowing their status (and mine) than knowing their cock (or mine) is fresh from the shoppe. Luckily with some education, common sense and a firm grasp on what's cleanable and what's not you can get warm and fuzzy without worrying about hitch hiking pathogens. I'd go broke replacing toys at the rate of new for every screw and everyone who knows me knows I may lack a filter at times but never class. Fuck safely and often. __________________ ------------------------------------ ~pink "I‘m heir to madness. Vessel of perversion. Your nightmare should you cross me." ((Want to read about my life in Hawaii and my ongoing war against the roosters and my pony size dog and my wedding?)) http://www.alohafemme.wordpress.com/

03-02-2013, 07:37 PM	#26
CherylNYC Member How Do You Identify?: Stonefemme lesbian Preferred Pronoun?: I'm a woman. Behave accordingly. Relationship Status: Single, not looking. Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: NYC Posts: 1,467 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,474 Thanked 7,150 Times in 1,206 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	Thank you, Lady Snow. Unsafe sex is a hard limit for me, and I hate waste! Why would a person throw away a perfectly good toy, especially if they've been practicing safe sex? We're all playing safely, aren't we? (she asks in that pointed way.) Even if you're not practicing safer sex, (sigh), any good silicone toy can and should be boiled between partners, and it will be as fresh as new. __________________ Cheryl

03-02-2013, 07:43 PM	#28
alexri Member How Do You Identify?: - Join Date: Jul 2012 Location: - Posts: 549 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,209 Thanked 2,799 Times in 468 Posts Rep Power: 21474848	This is a personal call for people, and a discussion between someone and his/her partner. I can understand both opinions/sides. Some might need to buy new toys because of size/comfort issues. Some may need to buy new toys because of wear/tear/age. Some feel better buying new toys in honor of the new relationship, or don't want to keep the old toys because of a bad breakup. Some insist on replacing toys, especially ones for anal, for safety concerns. Some won't buy new toys because his/hys cock is personal to him, or his/hys harness was custom-made to fit. Some won't because of finances. Some don't feel the need to because they don't see the toys as belonging to an ex they are no longer with, no more than they would get different underwear, sheets or bedding after breaking up with someone. Some don't feel the need to because they've used condoms and protection and have kept their equipment clean and sterilized. Some look and think no big deal- his/hys lips kissed someone else, hands, tongue... you get the picture. To each their own. The final resolution rests among those in a relationship having a discussion about what they both want and can work with.

03-02-2013, 08:04 PM	#33
Gemme Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Queer Stone Femme Girl of the Unicorn Variety Preferred Pronoun?: She, as in 'She's a GEM' Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: The roads are narrow here Posts: 36,587 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 182,179 Thanked 108,770 Times in 25,658 Posts Rep Power: 21474887	My guy has class. He's one of the classiest fuckers I know. He bought a new cock that we both went and sought out together (at a darling family-owned business and from a really sweet butch) and he has one familiar to him that I had nothing to do with purchasing. While it's fun and naughty to know that something that intimate was bought just for you, with only you in mind, I don't give a damn who bought what or when or where when it comes down to the nitty gritty of it. All I care is that it's his and that he knows how to use it. I guarantee that he's not thinking of anyone else when we're together, just like I'm not thinking of anyone else but him. __________________ Gemme's Journal I'm misunderestimated.

03-02-2013, 08:06 PM	#34
starryeyes Senior Member How Do You Identify?: a round peg in a square hole Preferred Pronoun?: Guess... Relationship Status: Seat taken Join Date: May 2011 Location: Rocky Mountain High Posts: 2,491 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,199 Thanked 10,057 Times in 2,078 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	Do what makes you feel comfortable and don't let anyone make you feel bad about it __________________ "It's ok to make mistakes. It's ok to fall down. Get up! Look sickening....and make them eat it!" - Latrice Royale Starry

03-02-2013, 08:06 PM	#35
SuddenlyWestFemme Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Nov 2011 Location: Seattle Posts: 116 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 296 Thanked 522 Times in 88 Posts Rep Power: 7145834	Lots of good stuff here. And Lady Snow... getting a new vagina is just such an interesting thought. I think after my last ex... I might have gotten one if I'd had the choice. I repainted the house, changed out the rugs, bought new sheets, changed my hairstyle, and put all my jewelry in a box in the garage. I didn't have lots of money... but it was nice to have the option to change things up to help in the healing. A new vagina might have been empowering. But getting a new vagina is not a choice we have and if it was, I'm sure there would be as many differing opinions on that as on this. Personally, it never occurred to me to have a conversation around if their (suddenly feeling shy) um... cock... was new. Yes, the sex talk is very important, but I don't remember ever asking if they were buying new parts for me. It just never crosses my mind to ask about that. And I agree with the post that said we have choices and that is a good thing. I remember, before I came out, refusing to have sex with a guy I was dating because he was scary large. In fact, it broke us up. I just couldn't do it at the time. If I'd had choices... well... that may have been a good thing. Great conversation...

03-02-2013, 08:09 PM	#36
starryeyes Senior Member How Do You Identify?: a round peg in a square hole Preferred Pronoun?: Guess... Relationship Status: Seat taken Join Date: May 2011 Location: Rocky Mountain High Posts: 2,491 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,199 Thanked 10,057 Times in 2,078 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	Paying for half? I buy my own AND the most kick ass one I have ever had only cost me $22.00.... The worst one was over $100. Go figure. __________________ "It's ok to make mistakes. It's ok to fall down. Get up! Look sickening....and make them eat it!" - Latrice Royale Starry

03-02-2013, 08:22 PM	#39
Katniss Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Dame, doll, twist, dish Preferred Pronoun?: Ladylike ones Relationship Status: ***** Join Date: Jul 2012 Location: We drink sweet tea here Posts: 2,903 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,654 Thanked 10,391 Times in 2,094 Posts Rep Power**: 21474850	I don't buy new toys so why should I expect my lover to do the same? I also feel the "Safe, Sane, Consensual" encompasses having the health/hygiene discussion as only the two of you know how fluid bonded you intend to become. Otherwise use what you got, often, creatively and well. Katniss~~(toys aren't cheap but I can be f@cking expensive as well.)