Butch friends

[Corkey]

Originally Posted by Massive

I think predominantly my friends tend to be femme, because I don't have to pretend to be something I'm not, they don't mind that I'm a butch who doesn't mind cooking, or cleaning or sewing a button on that's fallen off. Sometimes I feel judged by other butches, because I'm not 'butch enough' or some such shit, but on my local scene, I'm viewed as 'too butch', so most of the time I hang with gay men, because they don't give a monkey's flying arse who or what I am, they like me cos they get my sense of humour and know that I'll defend them to the hilt if they start getting hassled. I think the UK's got a lot to answer to and needs to grow up and start learning about alternative lifestyles, far too many brits are quick to point the finger when they see something they don't recognise or feel comfortable around.
At the end of the day for me, people are people, in real life the majority of my friends are metalheads/goths because they don't give a crap who I'm sleeping with, they just want to go out and have fun. I prefer it that way too, I don't ask to be judged because of how I look, but that's what tends to happen to me around other queers, I'm not one of the sheep following the herd and I'm not afraid of speaking my mind around bigoted people, which tends to alienate me around people who don't get that I'm honest and very blunt.
It would be nice to have more butch friends to be able to sit and chill with, but ... friends are friends, why should it matter how they ID really?

I friggen LOVE to cook, I like to scrapbook, take photos and a bunch of other stuff. It doesn't define me, and you shouldn't let your love of doing "things" define you either my friend.

[Massive]

Originally Posted by Corkey

I friggen LOVE to cook, I like to scrapbook, take photos and a bunch of other stuff. It doesn't define me, and you shouldn't let your love of doing "things" define you either my friend.

Thanks Corkey! I don't now, I love it all too! But when I was younger I let myself be led around by the nose by my so-called peers, now, I'm happy being me and not pretending any more, like me, love me, or hate me, I'm not changing a damn thing for anything but my own benefit!

[Julie]

Now that is a whole different story. I believe my reaction came from the delivery.
Pissing - Cock penning and henning... Sleeping with femme friends (lol).

I know Dreamer who lives in Australia has the same issues. No real B/F community. Makes perfect sense.

[Merlin]

Originally Posted by Massive

I don't mean to be nasty or step on any toes here, but I have to say, I think it is very different here in the UK as opposed to the US. Yes we have large gay communities in London, Brighton and a few other major cities, but most of us don't live in those places, most of us here are lucky to have one gay pub to go too, and most places do not have exclusively women only bars, I know I certainly don't. Sometimes there may be a bar which is aimed at gay men who 'tolerate' gay women, but nothing more. I may be missing something by having not travelled to the US, but I see it so often that people miss how someone is from the UK, and seem to miss how in a lot of ways, we're pretty far back in the dark ages in some ways when it comes to being queer. Yes, we have 'marriage' but it's not equal with hetero marriage in any way shape or form, it's a totally different culture in the UK, we're pretty old fashioned too, and nothing like the tv portrays either ...
Anyway, sorry for the derail, just wanted to say this.

Nail on the head.

[Massive]

I'm with Merlin here, I have no gay community around me at all, I think there may be some lesbians within 30 miles of me, but it's too far for me to travel, it's an hour and a half bus journey to get to the nearest scene for me, and then I have to leave by no later than 7pm because otherwise I can't get back home again. It can be seriously isolated here somedays, which is why I personally rely so heavily on the internet and sites like this, because otherwise I'd never get a chance in hell to interact with other people in the B-F dynamic, which, for me, is a way of life now!

[Merlin]

Yes,i know of some lesbians but they don't like butches as we have a tiny wiff of testosterone . .

[Massive]

Originally Posted by Merlin

Yes,i know of some lesbians but they don't like butches as we have a tiny wiff of testosterone . .

I know exactly what you mean! They seem to run away from me before looking past the exterior, I mean, just cos we're butch doesn't mean we're monsters ...

[Merlin]

I know,

It really makes things hard.
Thank the lord for bfp and other sites.

[Daywalker]

Originally Posted by scootebaby

i must first say that my words dont always come out right so PLEASE IF something i type offends or puts someone off DO NOT ASSUME the worst--ask for clarification....

I have NEVER had good luck with having butch friends--or femmes for that matter...most butches i have come across have had that need for a "pissing contest" or sneaking behind my back and trying to steal my girl....most femmes usually wanna piss off their partners by being my "friend"...now thats not to say ive had NO friends--i consider Day a friend tho we have only met once as i do Luv...more so than most ppl i see on a regular basis...most of my life i have had "str8" friends....even now i dont really have in real time lesbian friends--one or 2 tops

Oh, by the way ~ here's that photo of
you n Tyler when you visited us in the TN.



And I consider U a friend also.


No Machismo was injured during the Batcave gathering!
Well, lol...'cept maybe Kye, but that's another Topic all together.


Demeanor and overall disposition is felt like energy.
Relaxed and content vs Boisterous and belligerent
I haz a Groovy Energy Meter
Some folks set it off.


Some folks, not so much.

[scootebaby]

awww look at my lil boy..he is taller than me now and so skinny...im older,uglier and heavier---think Jo and her cooking has something to do with that--the weight that is As i told u in rep Day..he still remembers u..thought u were really cool...that was a good day!

[deb_U_taunt]

In my 20s it was andro lesbians.
In my 30s it was mostly butch and trans friends.
Now in my 40s, most of my friends are straight.

[scootebaby]

Originally Posted by June

I have not experienced this weirdness some of you are talking about with friends trying to take "My Butch" or me trying to take "My friends Butch" or anything else for that matter. Sometimes I think there must be some parallel universe where some folks live that they run into these conniving, back stabbing partner thieves.

And also, if a partner can be stolen, were they ever really yours, and why would you want them anyway if they can be lured away that easily?

I never understood this part.

i hear what your saying June and i totally agree...perhaps that why i never experienced a lot of the other things i have seen posted on here--i.e snide remarks,looks,the ugliness of stupid ppl etc---i was too busy attracting people like this in my life to deal with real issues....im so glad i finally grew up

[Stud_puppy1991]

Originally Posted by Merlin

I have more femme friends than butch.

I have only one butch friend I refer to as brother as we are quite close.

Do you have more butch friends than femmes ?

Some butches on other forums try to be cock of the hen house and it puts me off befriending them.

I have a mixture of both, but i do have a lot of butch friends. Most of mine are womanizers. and, then some try to wear the pants in the relationship. i have one butch friend that is doing basic in the Navy. other than that, most of the others are femmes, not that i mind.

[Luv]

Originally Posted by scootebaby

awww look at my lil boy..he is taller than me now and so skinny...im older,uglier and heavier---think Jo and her cooking has something to do with that--the weight that is As i told u in rep Day..he still remembers u..thought u were really cool...that was a good day!

Dang he has gotten big !

[Converse]

Having Butch friendships has always been important to me, and when I lived in England, the US and Australia, always chose locations where “community’ was strong- and often had to sacrifice much to do so.

Never in a Butch/Femme Community have I felt anything but respect shown for relationships, and much thought given to what is deemed acceptable behaviour. I have never experienced the posturing or competitive behaviour that has been mentioned here, from any group of Butches - but instead found it to be “typical” within the andro, lesbian community- where perhaps it has been my own fault for not understanding any of the protocols. Issues of everyone being everyone’s ex, friends becoming lovers becoming friends are all things that confuse me- I’m a simple person, I understand Butch/Femme dynamics- when lines get blurred, no matter how much I squint, I can’t follow the storyline.

I’m old and cranky enough to no longer tolerate lack of protocols, and for me, nothing irritates me more than a lesbian who believes that Butch is a fashion statement, and who after putting on the “butch look” proceeds to behave like an adolescent boy with his first set of car keys. Perhaps these are the “cocks” that are being discussed, I don’t know, but what I do know is that without my Butch friendships my life would have been very different.

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by Converse

Having Butch friendships has always been important to me, and when I lived in England, the US and Australia, always chose locations where “community’ was strong- and often had to sacrifice much to do so.

Never in a Butch/Femme Community have I felt anything but respect shown for relationships, and much thought given to what is deemed acceptable behaviour. I have never experienced the posturing or competitive behaviour that has been mentioned here, from any group of Butches - but instead found it to be “typical” within the andro, lesbian community- where perhaps it has been my own fault for not understanding any of the protocols. Issues of everyone being everyone’s ex, friends becoming lovers becoming friends are all things that confuse me- I’m a simple person, I understand Butch/Femme dynamics- when lines get blurred, no matter how much I squint, I can’t follow the storyline.

I’m old and cranky enough to no longer tolerate lack of protocols, and for me, nothing irritates me more than a lesbian who believes that Butch is a fashion statement, and who after putting on the “butch look” proceeds to behave like an adolescent boy with his first set of car keys. Perhaps these are the “cocks” that are being discussed, I don’t know, but what I do know is that without my Butch friendships my life would have been very different.

Yep. "Butch code" is certainly not a part of the non-butch/femme lesbian community.

[cuddlyfemme]

Originally Posted by Merlin

I find when I have femme friends I end up sleeping with them. I have more hetro friends,maybe subconciously I surround myself with them to play it safe.

I don't even know what to say to this (strange for me) except for what has already been said....Wow!!! My best friend is a butch and we could share a bed with nothing happening except sleep

[apretty]

Originally Posted by Merlin

Some butches on other forums try to be cock of the hen house and it puts me off befriending them.

I know what you mean--I think we all know you're speaking of EZ: He is quite the cock of the hen house.

*I love to insert 'cock' as often as possible and I found this post opportune.

[Merlin]

^ not sure I know what you mean ? Lol ..

[princessbelle]

Over the years, i've always had way more butch friends than femme ones.

However in the past 6 months or so, I have been achieving something i wanted for a long time, which was some real close femme relationships.

Friends are good to have no matter how they ID. A true friend is someone that don't just walk into your life needing or wanting and then disappear on you. Even if you sleep with them, IMO. They stay, no matter what....butch or femme, male or female, no matter what the ID....a true friend is a magical gift that i value and respect and know that i'm damn lucky to have these people in my life.

Rock on.