What Cracked You Up Today?

[Blade]

conversation between my Mom and the Elf

Elf...Mamaw are you listening to the creature tonight

Mamaw....looking at me and LTB strangely because the Elf has talked about my grandparents, who died even before LTB was born. But the Elf says she sees and talks to them.

Mamaw....huh? what creature honey?

Elf...the creature at church, looking at Mom like DUH

LTB....the preacher Mom, she calls him the creature

OMG we all had a belly laugh out of that one, Gosh I could just pinch her

[Zimmeh]

Ruff and I getting lost in Clearwater, FL looking for a CVS Pharmacy. Instead, we found a local gas station where the clerks were thrilled about a K-9 dog biting a car thief. ⛽️✈️☕️ We sat in my car eating ice cream while watching this.

Zimmeh

[Femmadian]

THIS:



I laughed so hard I cried.

Saw this on Buzzfeed with the caption "Being A Good Mother Means Sometimes Buying Your Kid A Vagina Cake When They Lie" so naturally, >>click<<...

[EnchantedNightDweller]

The hipster dude at the checkout saying to me, "cool ass name," while running my credit card. I guess I must look like a "cool ass person" for him to speak to me that way. Lol Awww, to be young and not give a damn!

[EnchantedNightDweller]

So this must be my week for wise cracking clerks. So several of my new colleagues have been trying to convey to me where exactly I am using various stories such as the gang bangers jumping the fence last year & pulling out a gun on some 4th graders, etc. Well, I just want to know where I can get something good to eat around here at lunch. "Don't get out of the car," a coworker tells me, "it won't be there when you come out. Just go through the drive thru at McDonald's and then punch it." "I don't want McDonald's," I say,"I'm eating at that soul food restaurant, it's supposed to be good." "Okkkk," he says. Well, I decided to go to a barbecue place instead and as I drove there with my GPS I started to realize what my colleagues had been trying to tell me. I told myself that at least I wouldn't die hungry. They must have seen me coming through the window of Smokey's Barbecue because one of the workers was already cracking up when he saw me. When I told him I wanted it to go, he said, "Are you sure about that?" I was like, "yeah, why?" And he's like, "because we'd really like you to dine here." I looked around nervously. "No, I think I'd like it to go." "Ok," he said laughing. What a dork! Lol I have half a mind to call and tell him his chopped barbecue sandwich sucked!

[cinnamongrrl]

My crazy poodle....

I threw him (gently) into the stream to let him cool off on our hike..

As soon as I sat on the shore, he came over and SHOOK alllll over me...then proceeded to roll his wet self in the dirt...and curl up RIGHTTTT next to me...

Poodle's revenge!

[Kenna]

Just a few minutes ago I took my friend's white lap dog out to piddle...she cracks me up because they recently shaved her to the skin, so she's wearing this bright pink Tshirt that's too long and tickles her tail, making her walk sideways...

While sitting on steps waiting, I hear what sounds like my friend's big, very hairy, black Chow mix barking way off in the distance... I immediately thought OH GAWD, Sammy has run off!! So I rush inside the front door with Half Pint, only to rush thru this huge house to the side door, down the steps yelling "Sam!!...Sammy!!?...You better not be at the neighbors!! (Knowing I'm way far out in the wilderness and there aren't any close neighbors...again I hear that big dog bark I swear sounds like Sam...)
I yell "Sammy, you're momma is gonna kick my butt if you've run off!!"
Standing near the car port in just my pjs...suddenly aware of how remote we are and how the dogs have barked at big wild critters recently... I hear, after yelling his name one more time, this very low, short, deep huffy "Woof" behind me...I spin around to find Sammy, black as night and about the size of a half grown bear, standing between me and the house....just that one low "woof" was like he was asking "What? You crazy woman"...he had been on the car port the entire time, but blends in so well with the night, thank gawd his eyes didn't glow a funny color reflecting the porch light, or I would have piddled my pjs just like Half Pint did her little pink tshirt!!

Sammy gets some cheese treat for staying at home and being my guard dog!!

When I returned inside...I found 2 Chihuahuas and one Half Pint naked dog had stolen my pillow and spot on couch after "fluffing" my bed sheets to fit their needs....

I can't help but laugh at these lovable pups...even the big very hairy bear that nearly made me pee my pjs

[Degotoga]

[Gaige]

My co-worker. I mentioned to her that I smelled cucumber and asked her if she had used cucumber lotion. She responded, “Well I was messing around with some cucumbers today”. It could have ended there without me giving it another thought but she turned beet red and excitedly started trying to explain that she meant that she had made cucumber salad that day.

[MrSunshine]

Someone just said "you can't pray the moron away". Lmao!

Lawd how I try.

[cinnamongrrl]

my daughter....

she got a tattoo gun...she's an excellent artist and has always wanted to do tattoos...

so...

she gets this gun and she calls me allll excited about it. She tells me how she gave her friend a tattoo and it came out awesome...and of course she gave herself a tattoo...sigh..

but...

she REALLYY wants her sister to let her give her a tattoo to match a heart one she gave herself...and sounds all petulant as she tells me she's just waiting for her to wake up... I was really surprised that she actually waited...lol

Ms.Nicolondinium forgetting one of the table legs [of meetings, sponsor, step work, service] in two separate meetings cracked me and Ms.Kellondinium up.

It's the small things!

[Degotoga]

[TruTexan]

Chester says to Earl "I'll send my dog out to see if there are any ducks out in the pond. If there aren't many ducks out there, I'm not going hunting". So he sends the dog out to the pond.
The dog comes back and barks twice. Chester says, "Well I'm not going to go out. He only saw two ducks out there".
Earl says, "You're going to take the dog's barks for the truth?". Earl doesn't believe it, so he goes to look for himself. When he gets back he says "I don't believe it. There really are only two ducks out there! Where did you get that dog?" Chester says, "Well, I got him from the breeder up the road. If you want one, you can get one from him".
So Earl goes to the breeder and says he wants a dog like the one his friend Chester has.
The breeder obliges and Earl brings the dog home, tells it to go out and look for ducks.
Minutes later the dog returns shaking its head with a stick in its mouth, and starts humping Earl's leg.
Outraged, Earl takes the dog back to the breeder and says, "This dog is a fraud. I want my money back!"
The breeder asks Earl what the dog did. So Earl tells him that when he sent the dog out to look for ducks, it came back shaking its head with a stick in its mouth, and started humping his leg.
The breeder says, "Earl, dogs can't talk. He was trying to tell you there are more fucking ducks out there than you can shake a stick at."

[Blade]

My buddy...where did you get those BBQ sandwiches you ate for lunch

Me...Home

My buddy....and you didn't bring me one

Me...yep, I sure did, but I forgot to fix my minner cheese sandwich for 1st break, so I ate the bbq sandwich I brought for you.

My buddy...cracking up...I hear ya Hoss, so do I get a sandwich tomorrow?

Me...yup if you order one at lunch you do. Cuz I ate the last of mine from home.

[Kenna]

A certain very masculine friend of mine in Joann's Fabric store helping me pick out very colorful "quilting squares" for my shadow box projects....they said they "aren't very creative" but they sure were very opinionated and picky about which colors to buy. We must have spent over an hour deciding on 10 pieces. ....LMAO @ our teamwork and squabbles in the middle of Joann's

[Kenna]

just about to melt in sweltering heat...Friend 1 says "I WANT A SLUSHY!"...
Friend 2 says "Ok...but this time you have to AR-TIC-U-LATE so she doesn't get our order wrong."...
Friend 1 starts cracking up about articulating...when friend 2 suddendly says NOT HERE NOT HERE!!! (As friend 1 almost turned into the wrong parking lot from a 4 lane highway)... Friend 1 fusses OH SHIT, why didn't you tell me before I started to turn? ...Friend 2 "because we were here recently and I thought you knew the way." ...

After surviving the wrong turn and pulling into Sonic to order...Friend 1 pushes the little button, a young girl answers, Friend 1 says (in a slow, very articulated, loud voice) I want a medium sour blue raspberry slushy WITH NO NERDS....and a cotton candy slushy WITH NO NERDS! and an order of fries"...

Friend 2 is craking up ...the girl answers very fast and sounded like a chipmunk on RedBull...
Friend 1 fusses "Who could understand her? and you asked ME to articulate?"
Friend 2 still cracking up says "Who at Sonic thought it was a good idea to put NERDS in a slushy? That's like sucking up all those lemon seeds they left in their strawberry lemonade!"...

Few minutes pass...
A waitress on wheels rolls up and says "two slushies NO NERDS?"
Friend 1 started to hand cash out the door but drops it on floorboard...says something that was NOT articulated very sweetly, then hands waitress more cash...
Waitress very happy with her tip...

On way out of parking lot, Friend 1 makes a really strange noise and grips steering wheel in pain...Friend 2 yells "Are you ok?.....Ohhhhh...You got a brain freeze ALREADY? ...friend 1 knods head....Friend 2 says " that always happens to you and never me....at least you didn't snort NERDS! ...

Friend 1 while holding forehead with one hand and steering wheel with other..."I love that slushy."

[Femmadian]

[JDeere]

Originally Posted by Femmadian

That would be my hair everyday! Thanks for the laugh!

[Blade]

Listening to the radio on the way home they ask the question. .. what has your spouse done to make you wonder how could you have married someone so stupid? A lady called in and says. .. remember last year when the ice storm hit? I sent my husband to the store and told him to buy some things that we could eat should the power go out. He came home with TV dinners, and several other items from the freezer section. DUH. I ask him how did he think we were going to heat them should the power go out. He said in the microwave silly.