Femme on Femme Love (or Lust)

[lettertodaddy]

Just curious - how many of us who identify as femme are attracted to other femmes?

I'm looking through all of the people who are recommended matches for me on OKCupid and all of them (except one) presents as Femme. And while they're each lovely in their own way, not a single one interests me in a sexual/romantic kind of way. I pay attention to and respond to butches only. Is that weird?

[Strappie]

Hello,

I think it's all in whom you like as a person. There are so many variables. I have a ton of friends that if you look at them (by looks only) you will see fem on fem. But when you get to know them like me. You will see right into it there is ALWAYS a Ying and a Yang in the relationship or you could say B and F....

So I get what you are saying about you are not attracted to other femme's in that sexual way. I too find butches nice looking but that doesn't mean I would sleep with them. I like the B/F Dynamic.

I find a lot of dating sites are femme on femme. So I've steered away.

Good luck to you!

[Daywalker]

Dynamics are a powerful and beautiful thing.


The most beautiful thing ~ finding the one that fits who you are.



Butch on Butch, Femme on Femme, Femme on Butch...Butch on Femme.
Boi on boi, Dom on boi, trans on trans...you name it.

It's all there for our choosing, and it's all beautiful.

[Alurra]

NO, it's NOT weird to be attracted to butches only! It's HOT! There are no rules for attraction. There's no explaining it, there's no need to. I live by "To each her/hys own".

I like being friends with other Femmes, I enjoy their company and sharing girl stories and confidences. The camaraderie is invaluable. But I want to be held and caressed and loved only by a Butch. Butches complete me. I love the differences between us, makes me feel special. And I crave the inherent bond we share as female beings.

I had a similar experience to yours when I filled out an online dating profile recently, being naive, I assumed somewhere it was going to ask me if I had a preference for Femme or Butch women. But no. All the matches I was given presented as Femme (to steal your phrasing).

Thus I landed on this Planet. It's a good place for us to be, eh?

[Nat]

I've been attracted to a wide range of people, including a few femmes.

My partner is neither butch nor femme - or she's kinda both in different moments and sometimes at the same moment. And she is damn fine in all her aspects.

Most of my attractions have clustered in the masculine female-bodied range, regardless of ID.

[imperfect_cupcake]

I'm primarily attracted to butches but there have been femmes that have made me stutter and blush and I have been wildly attracted to.

There are ones who have held open my doors, been insanely intelligent, treated me like a naughty princess (and I will refuse to acknowledge I said this in about five minutes because it's so unlike me as a person, but as a sexual dynamic it somehow triggers me, even though I hate it/love it/shut-up-I-never-said that kind of way and all of them cottoned on to that and toyed with it in a piss take sexual kind of way) teased the hell out of me in a friendly way, were bloody minded about their own ethics/desires/ambitions... very strong women who knew how to be a bit of a charmer. I like to be chased and I like the other person showing initiative in a confident sly rougish way that slightly pulls my pig tails and flatters me at the same time (gosh barb, not a tall order there... but it really is my weakness). And I do know of a few femmes that can easily achieve those things, so if I was allowed I'd certainly have a bit of naughty rumpy with them.

One of my best mates was able to do this. It's a fine line though. If you can't pull it off, you risk my wrath... only very certain people can say "shut up and sit your fat ass down, princess" and have me titter like a girl. Butches can't. it's too close to old shit for me. But butches trigger everything else sexually far more easily anyway, so it's only fair.


I'd have a roll in the hay with a few of my femme mates cause I'm friendly like that.

[lettertodaddy]

"Naughty rumpy" is my new favourite phrase.

[Quintease]

Me. All the girls I have dated tend to tick several boxes, but I'm very attracted to femmes, particularly if they sit on the androgynous side. I haven't had a relationship with someone femme for a long time now, I suspect as they're not different enough to get a proper ying/yang going for a long-term thing. Interestingly enough I find it easier to orgasm with my current partner than I have with anyone else. I'm not sure if this has to do with his gender, our dynamics or the fact that we have a relationship devoid of any drama.

[*Anya*]

I have responded to this in different threads so hopefully it is not too redundant!

Femmes are my friends! I feel at ease with femmes (gay, straight or otherwise identified). They are my tribe. There is instant recognition of shared experience -regardless of who they sleep with. Of course, when they are lesbian femmes, I feel an even greater comfort level. There is a feminine energy that I so identify with, take comfort in, and relate to.

My first love was femme. She was beautiful, brilliant, very funny and I was crazy about her. I was so attracted to all that she was. I still think about her today and hope so much that she is happy. We kept in touch for a long time after we broke up.

I watched her dating and slowly progressing to more and more butch women, away from femmes as lovers. I could see her searching for that place that she could call home. She hit the jackpot with her last and probably final love: a very butch lesbian basketball player. She fell hard in the way I always knew that she would & they were/probably still are very much in love.

I did not know there was another dynamic when I first came out. I never say never about much in my life but it is doubtful I would fall in love with another femme. The sexual energy is not there in the same way for me as it is with a butch.

That's just the way it is for me.

Lesbian dating sites are full of femmes. Great for butches, not so great for us, LTD.

Hugs,

[NJFemmie]

Originally Posted by Nat

I've been attracted to a wide range of people, including a few femmes.

My partner is neither butch nor femme - or she's kinda both in different moments and sometimes at the same moment. And she is damn fine in all her aspects.

Ditto this post.

[W.A.J.Q.]

Yup. I am a feminine girl who only feel attracted to other feminine woman.
But I think what is femme and butch is in the style. Etc. I have very typical boyish style as personality. But I am still feminine, I think you can be butch and have typical girly interests and still be a butch, that is all in the looks and style you got.

I want a feminine girlfriend.
I don't mean to offend anyone now, but I think butches remind me to much of men, and if I would date someone who was like a man, I would date a man.
I am not attracted to butches at all but I would like to have good friends of all sexualitites, identities, ethnicities and gender.

/ R

[Arwen]

Originally Posted by W.A.J.Q.

Yup. I am a feminine girl who only feel attracted to other feminine woman.
But I think what is femme and butch is in the style. Etc. I have very typical boyish style as personality. But I am still feminine, I think you can be butch and have typical girly interests and still be a butch, that is all in the looks and style you got.

I want a feminine girlfriend.
I don't mean to offend anyone now, but I think butches remind me to much of men, and if I would date someone who was like a man, I would date a man.
I am not attracted to butches at all but I would like to have good friends of all sexualitites, identities, ethnicities and gender.

/ R

Welcome to the Planet. I know you said you don't want to offend anyone, but the moment you say a butch is like a man, you are going to start a riot in here.

Your tastes and preferences are yours and that makes them okay for you. Rather than saying what you don't want, I recommend sticking to what you do want.

This way you won't wave a big red flag at folks.

I mean imagine if I said that I don't want to date femmes because they remind me too much of myself or that I was afraid they'd use up all my perfume. Right? Kinda of silly.

I like butches. I like femmes. One I want to have sex with. The other I want to be friends with. I don't think butches are men. I think they express their version of butchness with flair and style. Some come across as men because they are men in their hearts. Others aren't. We have butches of all flavors here...you will hear from those who are genderqueer as well. Please please please don't think I'm jumping on you. I'm not. I'm trying to show you ways you can express what you want without putting down someone else.

Again, welcome to the Planet. I am glad you are here and hope you will grow and learn with us.

[W.A.J.Q.]

Originally Posted by Arwen

Welcome to the Planet. I know you said you don't want to offend anyone, but the moment you say a butch is like a man, you are going to start a riot in here.

Your tastes and preferences are yours and that makes them okay for you. Rather than saying what you don't want, I recommend sticking to what you do want.

This way you won't wave a big red flag at folks.

I mean imagine if I said that I don't want to date femmes because they remind me too much of myself or that I was afraid they'd use up all my perfume. Right? Kinda of silly.

I like butches. I like femmes. One I want to have sex with. The other I want to be friends with. I don't think butches are men. I think they express their version of butchness with flair and style. Some come across as men because they are men in their hearts. Others aren't. We have butches of all flavors here...you will hear from those who are genderqueer as well. Please please please don't think I'm jumping on you. I'm not. I'm trying to show you ways you can express what you want without putting down someone else.

Again, welcome to the Planet. I am glad you are here and hope you will grow and learn with us.

I did not say they are men, I said they remind me of men.
Well, I think it's all up to you if you think that about femmes. I wouldn't be offended.

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by W.A.J.Q.

Yup. I am a feminine girl who only feel attracted to other feminine woman.
But I think what is femme and butch is in the style.

It can be and it is for some people, for others of us it's our gender identity, it's an identity, a descriptor it all really depends on who is using it and how they are identifying. It's like me I guess I can *butch* it up with some pants and a tie and shirt but honestly butch is a whole other entity I am not I hope that makes sense..

Etc. I have very typical boyish style as personality. But I am still feminine, I think you can be butch and have typical girly interests and still be a butch, that is all in the looks and style you got.

I think we all can have interests that aren't gender specific to girl or boy. I'm not a *domesticated* femme, I don't do crafts and other things I like sports, cigars and snakes. I do think you hit something cause maybe what you think is style is "swagger" I do think butches, femme, and other queer identities have swagger that differs from the other!!!

I want a feminine girlfriend.
I don't mean to offend anyone now, but I think butches remind me to much of men, and if I would date someone who was like a man, I would date a man.

Butches do not equate to men, they are not like some binary replacement in our community. They are an intricate part of our queer culture and history. We have many varieties of butch here on Butch Femme Planet. You have Butch Women, Male I'd Butch, Transgender Butch, Butch Dyke, Butch, Butch Lesbian, Female Identified Butch. I don't as do a lot of our community see Butch as man.




I am not attracted to butches at all but I would like to have good friends of all sexualitites, identities, ethnicities and gender.

/ R

I think you will find all kinds of friendships here on BFP that range in the gender and identity spectrum. It's hard being new to a place where there's friendships going on and conversations that you thought you would never have about fluffy stuff, gender, identity, and a whole lotta nothing.. I do hope you make a lot of friendly connections and find long lasting friendships, I have!!!

It's like a biggo queer family we argue, cry, laugh, but everyday we turn on our computer and connect.

Thanks for letting me chit chat with you enjoy your time here!!!

[W.A.J.Q.]

Originally Posted by June

Not all Butches identify as men, male or masculine. It is very hurtful to see such a heteronormative diatribe on a Forum geared towards Butches and Femmes across the vast spectrum that is our community.

To be clear, what you said is what we hear from straight people all the time, and it is not acceptable here on the Planet.

I didn't say anything about identifying as a man, I talked about looks and style.
In which way is my comment heteronormative? I said what I think, and what I feel. I know butches are women, but they remind me of men, too much that I can't be attracted to them. I like pure feminine looks.

Just as you can't generalize lgbt people, you can't neither generalize straight people. Not all straight people have a homophobic attitude, not all lesbians are butch, not all lesbians are femmes, not all gays are masculine and not all gays are feminine and so on.

Well if I was straight I wouldn't be on this forum...

[W.A.J.Q.]

"But I think what is femme and butch is in the style."

So me, who always wear make up, always fix my hair, wear feminine clothes, often pink and tight clothes who show my curves, are butch just because I am interested in typical male interests?
Masculine and feminine as a style is always changing. But the "rules" of masculinity and femininity in appearance are always the same.


"I think we all can have interests that aren't gender specific to girl or boy. I'm not a *domesticated* femme, I don't do crafts and other things I like sports, cigars and snakes. I do think you hit something cause maybe what you think is style is "swagger" I do think butches, femme, and other queer identities have swagger that differs from the other!!!"

Well, if you are feminine in your appearance, you are a femme as I would see.


"Butches do not equate to men, they are not like some binary replacement in our community. They are an intricate part of our queer culture and history. We have many varieties of butch here on Butch Femme Planet. You have Butch Women, Male I'd Butch, Transgender Butch, Butch Dyke, Butch, Butch Lesbian, Female Identified Butch. I don't as do a lot of our community see Butch as man."

I neither said that they are men, read my post again.
I said they remind me to much, of men. I never said that they are men.

[WolfyOne]

I haven't read through all the posts because I'm lazy today, but wanted to toss in my 3 cents worth

Some people are attracted to the person and not the identity of the person
Our hearts will tell us who we'll love not our heads

[Starbuck]

My gf is a lipstick lesbian but I have noticed that other femmes certainly catch my eye! Even though I'm femme I've been accused of being butch just because I'll make comments about another femme's body or how she's dressed. Not that I mind, I just shrug it off and continue to appreciate the view

[Melissa]

Originally Posted by lettertodaddy

Just curious - how many of us who identify as femme are attracted to other femmes?

I'm looking through all of the people who are recommended matches for me on OKCupid and all of them (except one) presents as Femme. And while they're each lovely in their own way, not a single one interests me in a sexual/romantic kind of way. I pay attention to and respond to butches only. Is that weird?

No its not weird! Attraction and desire are unique to every person, it is not set in stone; and, who knows, 5 or 10 years from now you might meet the femme love of your life or the butch love of your live, or the FTM or the MTF love of your life or just the person you know is the right one for you in whatever way, shape or form they come in..................

Melissa [currently in the throes of giant femme crush on Rachel from Big Brother in all her hot red-headed glitteriness).

[Deborah*]

Originally Posted by lettertodaddy

Just curious - how many of us who identify as femme are attracted to other femmes?

I'm looking through all of the people who are recommended matches for me on OKCupid and all of them (except one) presents as Femme. And while they're each lovely in their own way, not a single one interests me in a sexual/romantic kind of way. I pay attention to and respond to butches only. Is that weird?

Not me, never have been. I've always been attracted to butches.

Deborah