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Old 09-29-2018, 10:19 AM   #441
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Mom is now here in my house full time. The contractor's are building her an addition to my house. Things are going okay mostly but I have lost some freedom and that is painful. We are working on the fact that I don't eat dinner. That is hard on mom but she is trying.

The hardest part for me is that I have lost my alone time. I need that time to relax and gear up for the next day. My work days are harsh with folks in my face all day so I need some alone time at night. Mom and I have settled on one Perry Mason and then we go to our bedrooms. That is okay for now. I am a loner so this is not easy for me.
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Old 09-29-2018, 04:19 PM   #442
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I took care of my mom for almost 8 months then I was promoted and had to move she chose not to go with me but one of my brothers. I am not sure what happened but she was there 6 months then they made a decision to take her back home to live alone. We are 4 months in and she is doing ok. Iím thankful for that however now things have changed for me and I donít know what that means for her.

I donít trust either of my brothers to take care of her if I am unable too. I donít know if I should address it now while it is still fresh for me and them.

I can only imagine how the conversation would go. It will be short however I know it wonít resolve anything.

I know some will say Iím worrying about something I shouldnít. Iím a fixer and a planner and to me I need to make sure this is settled.
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Old 10-21-2018, 08:49 AM   #443
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2.5 months of living with mom. It is going well but it will be better once her suit is finished. We have had so much rain in central Texas that construction is a month behind schedule. The issues for mom have been lonely days and my eating schedule. I eat a good breakfast and lunch but no dinner. Mom likes 3 meals a day so it is a challenge for us.

On work days I get home around 6 pm so we spend 2 hours together and separate at 8 pm after Perry Mason that gives me about 2 hours of alone time which I need to rest and recharge. On weekends I take mom out for some fun and shopping. I think she looks forward to it. She gets to dress up and make herself pretty for the day. After all she is a southern lady.

This is good practice for me because I have never been happy living with other humans. Knowing now how important that alone time is was a learning moment.
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Old 10-21-2018, 10:34 AM   #444
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2.5 months of living with mom. It is going well but it will be better once her suit is finished. We have had so much rain in central Texas that construction is a month behind schedule. The issues for mom have been lonely days and my eating schedule. I eat a good breakfast and lunch but no dinner. Mom likes 3 meals a day so it is a challenge for us.

On work days I get home around 6 pm so we spend 2 hours together and separate at 8 pm after Perry Mason that gives me about 2 hours of alone time which I need to rest and recharge. On weekends I take mom out for some fun and shopping. I think she looks forward to it. She gets to dress up and make herself pretty for the day. After all she is a southern lady.

This is good practice for me because I have never been happy living with other humans. Knowing now how important that alone time is was a learning moment.


Chad your post is refreshing ~ family should be there for each other if it works out that way. your mom is lucky to have you and your obvious insight into family unity
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Old 10-21-2018, 11:06 AM   #445
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Chad your post is refreshing ~ family should be there for each other if it works out that way. your mom is lucky to have you and your obvious insight into family unity
Thank you Ocean.
My mom is a good kind lady. I respect her and I am grateful to her for my good life.
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Old 10-21-2018, 12:19 PM   #446
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Second overnight visit with my kiddo. Both the kids were here for about 7 hours. My oldest was completely overwhelmed and my anxiety was higher worrying about them both.

One meltdown this visit. Another visit in two weeks. I hope things get easier.
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Old 10-27-2018, 08:03 AM   #447
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Well my work travel is ramping up for the next couple of months. I am grateful that my cousin is here to help with mom while I am traveling the south.

Mom's suit should be finished next week and we will finally have my house back in order so yay!
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Old 11-01-2018, 10:43 PM   #448
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I am feeling like my world is not my own of late. My father has been in poor health for a while, but its getting worse, so I have been doing my best to help my mother care for him. He is argumentative and sometimes downright mean to her. I have been going to his appointments with her just so someone is there to stand up to him.

Between my dad and my kiddo... I am gone every day of the week lately, and never home till after dinner time. And that leaves my oldest to fend for herself and I am worried about what that will do to her in the long run.

Just keep swimming, I tell myself...
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Old 11-02-2018, 11:22 AM   #449
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I am feeling like my world is not my own of late. My father has been in poor health for a while, but its getting worse, so I have been doing my best to help my mother care for him. He is argumentative and sometimes downright mean to her. I have been going to his appointments with her just so someone is there to stand up to him.

Between my dad and my kiddo... I am gone every day of the week lately, and never home till after dinner time. And that leaves my oldest to fend for herself and I am worried about what that will do to her in the long run.

Just keep swimming, I tell myself...
My daughter had to compete with my sick and dying mom for attention during her teens...she did not have to deal with a sibling who needed so much as well. However, if she knows she is loved, if you take a small moment to connect with her everyday, she will be fine. Children are resilient, and learn about sacrifice and family duty from us; in the end, it makes them stronger adults.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.
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Old 11-17-2018, 08:14 AM   #450
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I am happy to report that mom's new suit on my house is finished. I will set it up this weekend.

I am setting her up with local doctors and that is time consuming but I seem to be successful so far.

I have noticed that she gets confused a bit so I am keeping an eye on that and will bring it up to her doctor.

I think she is happy here but does get lonely because I travel for business so much.

My nearby relatives are a big help.

I feel like moving her to my house was the best choice for us.

Thank you to my BFP family for your support.

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Old 11-25-2018, 06:54 PM   #451
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When I saw my mom last weekend, I noticed she hadn't taken her pills for the day. I asked her about it, and she said she forgot. Then she said she forgets all the time. I asked her which ones did she forget? and she showed me all of her medications, including the stapled-together sheaf of prescription labels and patient notes that come with the prescriptions. I was surprised - it wasn't that many, only 3. Or maybe 4?!!

She had gotten two different prescriptions filled within days of each other, that didn't sound to me like they should be taken together. (They both contained HCTZ.) Of course, I don't know for sure, and I'm no medical professional. I asked her, "Did the doctor change one of your prescriptions?" "I'm not sure," she replied. "I don't think so."

So I wrote everything down for myself, and then I wrote two questions for her to call the doctor and ask on Monday morning. I made sure she understood the questions, and why she was asking. Of course, I know, when people have memory problems, that goes right in one ear and out the other. But I hoped that the way I phrased the questions would be simple, clear and help her remember.

So I called her Monday night and asked her what the doctor said. She very patiently explained to me that she was going to wait until her doctor's appointment the first week in December to ask, but thank you very much for worrying about her, and she would be fine, etc. Essentially, she told me to mind my own business.

My mother still lives on her own. She drives and goes places on her own. She keeps up with her appointments (mostly) by writing them on a calendar. Her memory is not so bad that I would come down hard on her and insist. I also wouldn't call the doctor behind her back - at this point. So I just asked her if she was sure ("Of course," she said,) and I let it go.

It's so hard to walk this tightrope of do I? or don't I? I don't want to fight a losing battle with her. I don't want to fight with her at all. Do I tell my sister or not? Probably I will, if Mom doesn't get those questions answered at her doctor's appointment. I'm constantly second-guessing myself, wondering, "Is this the time to push an issue?" "Has she deteriorated to the point that someone needs to monitor her more closely?"

I have no conclusion to this, just constant worry.
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Old 11-25-2018, 07:03 PM   #452
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Default Speaking of moms

my mom, i saw her for the first time since her near death scare back in May.

She looks good and made sure to complain so I know she really is better. She will never admit that to me though. She really has lost her filter, there were some embarrassing comments made and it hurt people, the same people trying to help her. I cringe when we are all together. I know that i am the target when we are not together.

We said goodbye after a biting comment from her. Iím always left with the last word being hers and hurtful.

Each time i interact with her I am hopeful that we can come to a mother -daughter place.

I am starting to think that will never happen. Itís just not who she is.
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