04-14-2010, 10:29 PM | #241 | |
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Love you Daddy, I will be sleeping soon, the backup is at 95% See you tomorrow!!!!
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04-14-2010, 10:30 PM | #242 |
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04-14-2010, 10:32 PM | #243 |
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It's done, I'm off to sleep!
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04-14-2010, 10:36 PM | #244 |
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04-16-2010, 07:25 AM | #245 |
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April 16
Not Fur but Fin You can’t delay the river, I’ve tried, all it does is distort. I block the flow and swamp ensues, mighty oaks waist deep in water. The current is strong and I fear being swept away, not realizing I was born to swim. Dreading the swim back for spawn I try to stay too close to my origins, never make it to open water, never to live the life I was intended for. I’ve heard it said, “Don’t push the river it flows by itself,” but I can’t stall it either. Line up the little endearments offered you * FEEDING THE MONSTER Who will feed the monster, once they’ve made her? Her hunger burns in her like a beacon Should I let her starve? Should I put her on rations of old crust and tepid water? Rebuke her as if she were her own idea Possibly bind her hands and cover her eyes Stand her in line with the good girls and fit her in Turn her visage from her desire and tell her to forget? Hold her hand and tell her that’s enough? When I stand in the face of her yawning hunger What do I say---It's for your own good? Well that's what THEY said too.
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04-17-2010, 06:29 AM | #246 |
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April 17
Like an Elf Working in an Empty Tree The chairs in the loft are empty, but I still hear the choir sing. The bottle though it’s empty, still sometimes calls my name. Though front pocket is empty and there is rolled up empty sleeve, still the nicotine haunts my dreams. On this empty road I travel, I still long for company. The stillness is not all that’s empty, but I run to fill that spot. Chaos is like a tapeworm it eats me from inside, but in the meantime I still believe it’s filling me. Curve around what is sharp on your tongue * HOW THINGS SEEM Not everyone who pushes me down is my enemy Not everyone who pulls me up is my friend I have been seduced by the closeness of people Who used me as their shield When I have been held in a place of honor The point man of life I forgot that made me the replacement target For the one who stood behind me I have been offended as I was thrown to the ground The hands that shoved me I saw as my rejecters I was spared the tragedy and peril of the thing which flew by my ear Thanks only to the grace of a thrust in the right direction Accurate appraisal is my weakness Seeing things for what they are is hard Things are rarely how they seem
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04-18-2010, 06:29 AM | #247 |
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April 18
In Training Like a faithful dog that was hard to train, patience is a thing hoped for yet peevish during the breaking in. Stanch companionability is hard won, but worth the cost of acquisition. And what is the price I truly paid in the end; whatever I gave in the pursuit of patience was a cheap babysitter and kept me from far worse reformation. For what would I do in this late day and age as a tempest torn toddler, no bottle to sooth my woes and bothers. Strictly speaking this is a world ill suited to the edgy intolerant masses and only seems to fit those who can mark time and bend. Be careful what you do with idols * SERVICE & SACRIFICE The difference between life and death in my recovery Is the equal difference between service and sacrifice If I offer you what is in my hand, fine If I also give you my fingertips, I am lost. Service lightens the load in my heart Sacrifice removes my tools for living When I go into debt for your existence The cheer and optimism is sucked from my awareness My eyes go dead and soon I follow The cingulotomy of obligation crucifies my future And murders true hope and love Service feeds my heart and yours Renovating makes space It builds the muscles for joy and contentment Pumping and refilling My plate with spirituality.
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04-19-2010, 07:58 AM | #248 |
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April 19
Ground Floor Step 10 is the place where the doors slide open and I discover I am out of the basement. I have to pay close attention to where my feet are; it is so easy to stumble here in the light of day. Oblivious limitations and universally accepted interpretations are pried from installation and put on trial. Never is it acceptable to allow my alcoholic thinking to make decisions for my sober life. The road to my door must be kept clear so I can get out to do my part and so G-d can come home to me. Spin heads, spin tales, spin dry * CHAPTER & VERSE I remember being trained and rehearsed for finding the words Which would release my soul from bondage The scrupulous concern for detail pointed me to heaven And yet I drank. Inside these rooms the path is wide Judgment is suspended and I have the right to be wrong The penalties for error can be great But the privilege and risk are mine As in all things, the extremists come They have come to this place too Thumpers hound and belittle Threaten and cajole They tell page numbers like punch lines And narrow the field at every opportunity I can't stay sober sitting on my old stool I can't maintain desire by their chapter and their verse.
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04-20-2010, 12:26 PM | #249 |
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April 20
What I Take from Laban’s House If I have the audacity to have a problem I must provide the instantaneous solution or be the cause of world-wide panic. Additionally it is the height of rudeness to have open-ended dilemma. It makes the gods uncomfortable, don’t you know, makes them shift in their seats and wish me away. I prevent banishment by either being problem free or solution-full and when the answers are not to their liking I exile myself saving them the inconvenience and me the embarrassment. It is never good to implode the household deities, you never know when you might need one for historic perspective or a door stop. Inventory your reservations * WHEN A SNAPPER CROSSES THE ROAD What should I do? I see the soggy green/gray lump creeping the macadam Too slow to survive for long The urge in me to aim And end the duckling-eaters life Is short lived but a palpable surge My Disney style justice is dismissed But heard from nonetheless Shall I pull over and assist? This turtle is as ill equipped For this stretch of road As I am ill equipped to aid in its conveyance Should I reach with my fingers or toes To something I know can extend its neck And sever me from parts I hold dear? The ever present missionary in me has spoken and is silenced In fact what I can do is slow down and give wide birth I know this creature is a danger but never more so than me.
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04-21-2010, 06:48 AM | #250 |
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April 21
Bound The reason the sleeves of my disease wrap around and tie in the back is so that I will struggle with change. Alcoholism is my straightjacket and my goal is that ‘loose garment life’ I’ve heard so much about. The sweat I work up from railing against my confining existence causes petulance. Frothing and enervated, defeat is the landing on which I collapse, acceptance a flight of steps away. My ailment leads me to believe I have nothing to hold onto as I adjust; and though this isn’t true, the fact remains that this is still a process of letting go. Have a parenthetical lunch with a friend * PINK CLOUD When the pink cloud lands in my valley My task is to walk The pleasure of its presence can never outweigh The practice this cloud affords me. Walking in a haze of cherry blossom lightness The future is a blur I do not fear Forward motion seeds my inertia I will keep on. When the test begins And I must proceed in the obscurity of night The lively steps of pink-cloud days Will cheer and empower me. I can imbed my future with right action And bank the confidence I feel today Saving it for the rain swept days which come to everyone Progress is positive even when made in bliss.
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04-22-2010, 06:45 AM | #251 |
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April 22
Bummed I accept change like coins slipped into a cup that sits beside me on the curb; never did it occur to me that I look in need of pity or alms from strangers; which is to say I don’t accept much these days, yet I do not fight it either. I keep my head down when I can no longer fend off the inevitable. I may not win control or compliance, might not remain strong enough to fight another day, but this too is a blessing somehow. A laying down of arms and money in my pocket makes the world a funny place to endure when I’m living in the tiny room in my head. What good news it would be if I learned to throw the windows open and let the day take me, though this time it’s G-d that needs to wear the ear muffs and lead me through the coldness of change. On my own I just walk further down the blind alleys and fold myself on this sidewalk in exhaustion. I don’t like the tea or the sympathy, but I don’t think I would mind if G-d took me in. Alphabetize your expectations * HOLD CARD My bottom pulled my hold card to the tabletop I turned it over and found I have a bit of value Each time I turned over my will My value increased. After many spins, the face cards appear I’m the Jack, the Queen, the King I revel in the times and practice it has taken to get here I play my hand and take my chances I have been privileged to pair with wonderful sober partners Who turn themselves over and transform before my eyes The years raise the anti And I play close to my chest The stakes are high And if I turn in the wrong direction I can be the Joker once again.
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04-23-2010, 06:32 AM | #252 |
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April 23
Exposition Is there a difference between being discerning and being critical? Is it in the direction from whence I came or the destination to which I am driven? Does performance to an audience, even if it is the one in my head, create the line of demarcation or is it all one big bowl of goo? Does putting too fine a point of everything pierce my serenity and prick my skin? Is it the grating unplanned nature of life that bothers me into commentary or is it my in born desire to dissection that pushes me? And where is there room for kindness, is it in my dissertation or could it be in my critique? Bury ideas about nuts * THE MEAL Home cooking is the key I want to order in, Have my life delivered to the door The takeout menus entice me From three courses on china To burgers handed through sliding windows. It all sounds good and I request all for take home But this is not the way I must light the flame and chop the veggies I can’t have a life prepared by others I can share recipes and suggestions This is help not displacement I can stand and cook with others And together make a feast I can not sit and wait to be served. I stand at the range while the sauce simmers And it comes clear I am my own meal.
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04-24-2010, 12:06 AM | #253 |
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April 24
More Better When I take a break from my idyllic life, trading up to paradise, I balk at thoughts of returning to the simply marvelous day to day I have worked so hard to attain. Self accusation floods under the door, but I whimilate it with fact. My reluctance to turn my back on a good thing is an asset which many days keeps me sober. I greedily seize every improvement and hold on for dear life. If reflections of the past even held a glimmer for me I might worry; I turn from all but the highest good. I don’t regret the past but I shall never return to it. Glance at the path you feel lead to * REALLY RAINING Why do people ask if someone is really sober? They’re checking for winners, I guess responded my sponsor But what does that mean? Well, when the clouds roll in And the next thing you know it’s really raining You can clearly discern the difference between that and just a shower The commitment of water saturates the atmosphere And rain is the undeniable certainty That is what people are looking for And they ask to discover if the person even comprehends the concept What do they do if the person is really sober? Stand next to them And soak it all in.
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04-25-2010, 07:22 AM | #254 |
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April 25
Coming Home to Work I have arrived home to a beehive; everyone industrious, everyone filled with purpose, everything buzzing right along. My response to this of course is anger. I have a sting and I want to use it. I have a place it falls into yet I fear falling. The living world is now opened to me, but my destination had been death for so long that the prospect of diligence ignites steel blue fury. I divide my time between gratitude and rage. I want to accuse myself, rescue myself, then I remember everyone in this place has a buzz, a stripe and a stinger. Hum in a foreign language * DESSERT I have to be my own appetizer I have to be the thing which entices and intrigues me I must be the roughage, the salad full of color and variety The entrée must be me, as well. The things which sustain me The meat of my life I have to supply and swallow it down I can be all this. I run to the sweetness of others But this cannot be my source of sustenance The greater part of me Needs to derive from me. I can set the table And fill it with the fullness of who I am I am enough and others are dessert Twinkies will never be sufficient, they can only be a treat.
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04-25-2010, 07:04 PM | #255 |
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A movie about the beginning of Al Anon is being shown on TV tonight..right now in fact!
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04-25-2010, 09:37 PM | #256 |
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Just a share...Something I was reading and I found nice to have all in the same place...Kind of a reminder all in the same page...smiles
AA Quotes and Slogans easy does it first things first live and let live but for the grace of god think......think.......think one day at time let go and let god kiss---keep it simple stupid act as if......... this too shall pass expect miracles I can't .........he can..........I think I'll let him (steps 1,2,3) if it works.........don't fix it keep coming back..........it works if you work it stick with the winners keep right size sobriety is a journey ..........not a destination faith without works is dead poor me.....poor me............pour me another drink to thine own self be true I came; I came to; I came to believe (steps 1,2,3) live in the NOW if god seems far away, who moved ? turn it over aa=altered attitudes nothing is so bad, a drink won't make it worse we are only as sick as our secrets there are no coincidences in AA be part of the solution, not the problem sponsors: have one-----use one-----be one I can't handle it god; you take over keep an open mind it works -------it really does ! (page 88,line 8 in the big book) willingness is the key more will be revealed you will intuitively know you will be amazed no pain.........no gain go for it keep the plug in the jug do it sober let it begin with me just for today sober `n` crazy pass it on it's in the book you either is-------or you ain't before you say: I can't ............say I'll try don't quit 5 minutes before the miracle happens some of us our sicker than others we're all here because we're not all there alcoholism is an equal opportunity destroyer practice an attitude of gratitude the road to sobriety is a simple journey for confused people with a complicated disease another friend of bill W.'s god is never late have a good day unless of course u have made other plans decisions aren't forever it takes time 90 meetings in 90 days.........90/90 you are not alone where you go .......there you are don't drink, read the big book, and go to meetings use the 24-hour plan make use of the telephone therapy stay sober for yourself look for similarities rather than differences remember your last drunk remember that alcoholism is incurable, progressive, and fatal try not place conditions on your sobriety when all else fails, follow directions count your blessings share your happiness respect the anonymity of others share your pain let go of old ideas try to replace guilt with gratitude what goes around, comes around change is a process, not an event take the cotton out of your ears and put it in your mouth call your sponsor before, not after, you take the first drink sick and tired of being sick and tired it's the first drink that gets you drunk to keep it, you have to give it away man's extremity is god's opportunity the price for serenity and sanity is self-sacrifice one alcoholic talking to another...........one equals one take what you can use and leave the rest what if........ yeah but......... if only......... help is only a phone call away around AA or in AA ? you can't give away what you don't have one drink is too many and thousand not enough K.C.B. --- keep coming back anger is but one letter away from danger courage to change easy does it, but do it bring the body and the mind will follow accept your admission remember when............ dry and tighten up (financially) we AAs are 'gifted' people there are 12 steps in the ladder of complete sobriety fear is the darkroom where negatives are developed before engaging your mouth, put your mind in gear! I want what I want when I want it there is no chemical solution to a spiritual problem AA is not something you join, it's a way of life we can be positive that our drinking was negative spirituality is the ability to get our minds off ourselves faith is spelled ...............a-c-t-i-o-n backsliding begins when knee-bending stops if I think, I won't drink. if I drink, I can't think bend your knees before you bend your elbow the first step in overcoming mistakes is to admit them formula for failure: try to please everyone sorrow is looking back, worry is looking around willpower= our willingness to use a higher power aa is an education without graduation when your head begins to swell your mind stops growing a journey of a 1,000 miles begins with the first step god=good orderly direction be as enthusiastic about AA as you were about your drinking you received without cost, now give without charge humility is our acceptance of ourselves trying to pray is praying get it ---give it---grow in it faith is not belief without proof but trust without reservation we're responsible for the effort not the outcome this is a selfish program ego=edge god out keep your sobriety first to make it last I drank: too much---too often---too long AA will work if you want it to work minds are like parachutes----they won't work unless they're open what you hear and see here, stays here alcoholism is the only disease that tells you you're all right if you turn it over and don't let go of it, you will be upside down. an AA meeting is where losers get together to talk about their winnings AA is a school in which we are all learners and all teachers god taught us to laugh again but god please don't let us forget that we once cried serenity is not freedom from the storm but peace amid the storm AA may not solve all your problems but it is willing to share them it isn't the load that weighs us down------it's the way we carry it principles before personalities when u do all the talking you only learn what you already know the 7t's ---take time to think the thing through there are none too dumb for the AA program but many are too smart we all have another drunk left in us but we don't know if we have another recovery in us to be forgiven we must forgive when we surrender to our higher power, the journey begins the person with the most sobriety at a meeting is the one who got up earliest that morning knowledge of "the answers" never made anyone slip---it was failing to practice "the answers" known H.A.L.T.=don't get too hungry(h).......or too angry(a)......or too lonely(l) ........or too tire(t) fear stands for Frustration Ego, Anxiety, Resentment the 12 steps tell us how it works; the 12 traditions tell us why it works......... AA won't ...........keep you from going to hell.............nor is it a ticket to heaven............but it will...........keep u sober long enough.........for you to make up your mind...............which way you want to go! if faith without works is dead; then .........willingness without action is fantasy when a person tries to control their drinking they have already lost control the task ahead of us is never as great as the power behind us seven days without an aa meeting makes one WEAK you are not required to like it, you're only required to DO IT when wallowing in your self-pity ...... get off the cross we need the wood we in AA don't carry the alcoholic; we carry the message the results are in god's hand we are not human beings having spiritual experiences; we are spiritual beings having human experiences remember nothing is going to happen today that you and god can't handle when man listens, god speaks; when man obeys, god works don't watch the "slippers" but watch those who don't slip closely and watch them go through difficulties and pull through the 3 t's of gratitude to repay AA for our sobriety: our time, our talent, our treasure it's a pity we can't forget our troubles the same way we forget our blessings be careful what you pray for; you're liable to get it the time to attend a meeting is when you least feel like going work the program from the waist up AA is the highest priced club in the world.........if u have paid the dues, why not enjoy the benefits ? the first step is the only step a person can work perfectly the will of god will never take you where the grace of god will not protect you your big book is your sponsor too AA never opened the gates of heaven to let me in, AA did open the gates of hell to let me out the only thing we take from this world when we leave is what we gave away time wasted in getting even can never be used in getting ahead some people are so successful in AA that they turn out to be almost as good as they used to think they were when they were drinking sobriety delivers everything alcohol promised possibilities and miracles are one in the same get out of the driver's seat.......let go and let god how==honesty, open-mindedness, and willingness danger sign: when your eyes have wandered from the alcoholics who still suffers and needs help-----to the faults of those whom the program has already helped first we stayed sober because we have to............ then we stay sober because we are willing to.......... finally we stay sober because we want to............. slogans are wisdom written in shorthand active alcoholics don't have relationships; they take hostages everyday is a gift that is why we call it the present if you find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't lead anywhere every recovery from alcoholism began with one sober hour each and every alcoholic----sober or not----teaches us some valuable lessons about ourselves and recovery we had to quit playing god don't compare---identify don't intellectualize----utilize RULE 62----don't take yourself so damn seriously!!!!!!! AA has a wrench to fit every nut that walks through a meeting room door living in the here and now how does one become an "old-timer" ? don't drink and don't die! AA spoils your drinking!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! faith is our greatest gift; its sharing with others our greatest responsibility if you want to drink-----that is your business if you want to quit-------that is AA's business in a bar, we got sympathy-----as long as our money lasted. in AA, we get understanding------for nothing! even my worst day in sobriety is better than my best day drunk the elevator is broken-------use the steps let it begin with me when all else fails.........the directions are in the big book trust god.........clean house........help others anonymity is so important it's half of our name if we don't grow, we gotta go all you need to start your own AA meeting is a resentment and a coffee pot!! religion is for those who fear god.........spirituality is for those who have been to hell and back there are no atheists in foxholes three suggestions for making an AA speech: 1).BE INTERESTING 2).BE BRIEF 3).BE SEATED when you are a sponsor, you get out of yourself. if i serve, i will be served why recovery never ends: the disease is alcoholISM, not alcoholWASM! the AA way of life is meant to be bread for daily use, not cake for special occasions the smartest thing an AA member can say is, " help me " you are exactly where god wants you to be god will never give you more than you can handle slow but sure in AA we say a "coincidence" is a miracle in which god chooses to remain anonymous it takes the good and bad AA meeting----the good and bad AA talk -----to make this fellowship "work" give time .......time faith is a lighted doorway, but trust is a dark hall the lesson I must learn is simply that my control is limited to my own behavior, my own attitudes the AA paradoxes: ---from weakness(adversity) comes strength ---we forgive to be forgiven ---we give it away to keep it ---we suffer to get well ---we surrender to win ---we die to live ---from darkness comes light ---from dependence we found independence AA works for people who believe in god AA works for people who don't believe in god AA NEVER works for people who believe they ARE god just for today I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle my whole life problems at once. I can do something for 12 hours that would appall me if i felt that i had to keep it up for a LIFETIME there are two days in every week which we have no control over----yesterday and tomorrow. today is the only day we can change. it is not the experience if today that drives people mad----it is the remorse or bitterness for something which happened yesterday and the dread of what tomorrow may bring. slippers in AA use the rdp---revolving door policy pain is the touchstone of spiritual growth god has no grand kids there is a god and I am not it the road to disappointment (resentment) is paved with expectation be nice to newcomers .........one day they may be your sponsor denial is not a river in Egypt ! guilt is the gift that keeps on giving the flip side to forgiveness is resentments there is no magic in recovery only miracles fear is the absences of faith courage is faith that has said its prayers depression is anger toward inward alcoholics heal from the outside in.........but feel from the inside out 3 A's in AA-----affection (thoughtfulness) -----attention (listening) -----appreciation (gratitude) if it is meant to be...........I can't stop it if it isn't god's will ............I can't make it happen there are AA members who MAKE things happen there are AA members who WATCH things happen there are AA members who DON'T KNOW anything happen WHICH ARE YOU ??????
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Believe what people show you the first time. It will keep you in balance, and will show you truth! ~*~ Author unknown ~*~ When negative thoughts come to mind, Let them die stillborn. Speak and do posotive in any situation, And watch your dreams grow and flurish. If you can't say anything posotive, Zip it up. Do not give birth to that which you do not want to see grow. See it, Believe it, Own it, Have it! ~*~ Lady Pamela ~*~ |
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04-25-2010, 10:07 PM | #257 |
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04-26-2010, 03:11 AM | #258 |
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April 26
Imperturbable Perfectionism is a cover, a blanket of lead; hard to move and rich with poison. What it tries to hide is my unwillingness to struggle and strive. It’s not a fear of failure, but the horror of success after a long hot pursuit. If I can stall on the intricacies of the first move there is no further movement. If I can fail before I begin there is no sweat, no stain, no stink. Catastrophe is no bother, but skinned knees are my undoing. Winning is not so important to me; my unfortunate goal is to look untroubled. Snap a picture of your beliefs * TRANSITIONS During the months of winter The trees stand tall and leafless Static in their appearance, frozen in direction The insurgence of spring brings to life the truth The buds and flowers show the draw of the their owners The pull of life from the earth and sky. Other trees have begun to restore the gifts so graciously given These leafless giants open themselves As home and sustenance to the surrounding community Returning favors and flavors, coming to terms with wholeness Celebrations of all I have, call for me to give back Even during the time when we all look the same.
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04-27-2010, 03:19 AM | #259 |
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April 27
Blinded Alcoholism hits me like a kind of blindness. I stagger through the living room cursing anyone who changes familiar placement or published timetables. Like every aspect of this disease shocked sightlessness is mine to deal with. I must pick up the white cane, procure the Seeing Eye pup, learn to read clustered braille. When my vision clears in these well worked spaces I am relieved, but I must accept that when I walk into a new room more often then not I will be blind again and must pick up my walking stick once more. Apply a timeframe to misery * STREET SIGNS Hanging out on the corner of Disillusion Boulevard and Grief Road Then returning to that special spot on Despair Avenue Was my daily routine. I made the circle and never looked far afield Widening my circuit Allowed me to find Anticipation Place and Hopeful Terrace I pushed my search and found roads Whose existence I never fathomed intersected Creating areas of intrigue Optimism Court interfacing with Realization Way Is the fairest of my finds But many a fine street corner has me lurking Catching stray sunshine and encouragement I make my home wherever the hospitality is available And return less often to the dark and stifling places of the past Happiness is where you find it Just make sure to read the signs.
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04-27-2010, 07:28 AM | #260 |
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Wandering down that happy road of destiny, seems like the street signs are flourescent at times, and at others they are jsut burned out and dark. I miss many things on the road, and take time to park at the roadstops and just be. Be in the moment. Be here. Be me. Me on the happy road meeting others that are just there.
For today, I crank the engine, and merge into traffic watching my blindside. Tommi |
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12 step recovery, acoa, al-anon, alcoholic, alcoholics anonmyous, coda, on-line meeting |
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