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Old 02-03-2018, 06:01 PM   #721
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Default Weather

A weather intern walks into a bar and asks for a Cold Draft. Suddenly the bar door swings open and gusty cool air fills up the bar. After drinking his Draft things seem to get back to normal.

The guy then orders a Thunderclap on ice. Suddenly the roof gets pelted with hail stones and an intense lightning flash and thunderous explosion rock the bar. After drinking his Thunderclap things seem to once again get back to normal.

Feeling rather good at this point he asks for a third drink- ordering a Tornado on the rocks. This time the bar is not only pelted with even larger hail stones but ferocious winds rip the door off its hinges, shake the bar violently and break every window.

Feeling extra good and cocky at this point he then orders an extra large and extra strong Hurricane. The bartender after this request looks up at the guy perplexed and says, “Sorry fella, we have no Hurricanes in Kansas.”
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Old 02-09-2018, 06:20 PM   #722
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Default 4 Friday Funnies ....

What do you call a grizzly with no shoes? Bear foot.

What is the difference between a school teacher and a train? A school teacher says, “spit your gum out” while a train says, “chew, chew, chew.”

How does a computer catch fish? With its internet.

Why did the fish have a bad report card? Because all of his grades were under sea.

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Old 02-18-2018, 11:06 AM   #723
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Old 04-01-2018, 07:10 AM   #724
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Default

What’s the Easter Bunny’s favorite kind of music?

Hip hop.

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Old 04-01-2018, 07:45 AM   #725
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Old 04-01-2018, 12:17 PM   #726
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Quote:
Originally Posted by homoe View Post
You know, you're supposed to give the punch line, goofball.

Maybe, "Doggone!"?
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Old 04-01-2018, 01:10 PM   #727
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gemme View Post
You know, you're supposed to give the punch line, goofball.

Maybe, "Doggone!"?
Maybe y'all could donate to the 'buy Gemme new glasses' fund?

Oh, geez.
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Old 04-01-2018, 07:29 PM   #728
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Quote:
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Maybe y'all could donate to the 'buy Gemme new glasses' fund?

Oh, geez.
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Old 04-02-2018, 03:48 AM   #729
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Default

Okay the client that inspired this thread shared this one with me at med time Saturday morning...

Q: Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?

A: Of course because the Empire State Building can't jump!
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Old 04-02-2018, 06:44 PM   #730
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Default

How do you make a handkerchief dance?

Put a lil boogie in it
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Old 04-05-2018, 02:43 PM   #731
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Old 04-05-2018, 04:09 PM   #732
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Default

Anarchist dyslexics untie!

Walking into the hall of a rich friend's house, I noticed they had the heads of various animals mounted on the wall - and the rear end of a tiger. So I asked him why it wasn't the head of the tiger up there. "Incompetent taxidermist" I was told, "bit of a cat arse trophy, that one"...

We went for a drive to a local flea market later. On the way, I noticed a strange road sign - it said "Road works ahead" when it was clearly being repaired. We'd been at the market for a while when I had to make a call of nature and found another incorrect sign - the disabled toilet was working perfectly. At the end of the day, my friend asked me what I'd thought of the market. I told him I thought it was fun, but I was a little puzzled and disappointed, and kept getting funny looks from the traders. "Why's that?" he asked. "Nobody'd sell me any fleas!" I replied.
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Old 05-08-2018, 11:14 AM   #733
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Why can't you trust atoms?

Because they make up everything!
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Old 05-09-2018, 08:10 AM   #734
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Old 05-20-2018, 08:13 AM   #735
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Q: What did the janitor say when he came out of the closet?

A: SUPPLIES!
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Old 05-20-2018, 10:18 AM   #736
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Old 05-20-2018, 02:48 PM   #737
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Default From..... Reader's Digest

A lizard walks into an bar pushing a baby in a stroller.

"What's your kid's name?", asked the bartender.

"Tiny," says the lizard. "Because he's my newt."



https://www.rd.com/joke/a-lizard-walks-into/
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Old 05-20-2018, 06:12 PM   #738
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Old 05-23-2018, 05:23 PM   #739
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Old 05-23-2018, 05:36 PM   #740
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