Sarcasm, Scathing Witticisms & Uninspiring Quotes

hippieflowergirl · 01-01-2010, 09:27 PM

a safe little lockdown to get that crappy little comment (yours or someone else's) or your favorite hilarious but truly insulting quote out of your head so you can stop feeling bad about yourself and go back to being the charming little tidbit of perfection that you are!

~~~~~~~~~~

"i feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here."

stephen bishop

"[he's]...a legend in his own lunchtime."

rex harrison

"i can't believe that out of 100,000 sperm, you were the quickest.

steven pearl

"thank god you've insulted me! that means that i don't have to be nice anymore."

billy idol

"every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats."

h. l. mencken

"sometimes i need what only you can provide: your absence."

ashleigh brilliant

~~~~~~~~~~

carry on....

evolveme · 01-01-2010, 10:06 PM

Equal opportunity means everybody will have a fair chance at being incompetent. - Laurence J. Peter

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade, pee in it, and serve it to the people that piss you off. - Jack Handy, Deep Thoughts

hippieflowergirl · 01-01-2010, 10:08 PM

i've had a really enjoyable evening! this wasnt it.

evolveme · 01-01-2010, 10:12 PM

A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five. - Unknown

hippieflowergirl · 01-01-2010, 10:21 PM

THAT'S your insult? Dude! Breast milk is harsher than that! (my brother Daniel when hated on by an asshat on a Seattle bus)

Cyclopea · 01-01-2010, 10:24 PM

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gb_1JZW-Ab0"]YouTube- 2010 Polish American String Band "The Jokers Ball"[/ame]

Hudson · 01-01-2010, 10:10 PM

"I wouldn't suck your lousy dick if I was suffocating and there was oxygen in your balls!" Hilary Taylor as Taffy in Female Trouble

"If I wanted that comeback I'da scraped it outta yer mouth" - My friend Holly when I got sassy once

Mister Bent · 01-01-2010, 10:11 PM

I also love a good gladhanding.

"You have the greatest untapped potential of anyone I've ever met."

"Her plastic surgeon has such a delightful sense of humor."

"I don't care what anyone says about you, I think you are a fabulous person!"

Dex · 01-02-2010, 06:03 PM

We get along because..
The same exact thing that is wrong with you, is wrong with me... DEX

always2late · 01-02-2010, 07:22 PM

“The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.” - George Bernard Shaw

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." - Clarence Darrow

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde

"You have delighted us long enough." - Jane Austen

amiyesiam · 01-03-2010, 01:36 AM

"You are literally to stupid to insult" from the movie Hangover

hippieflowergirl · 01-06-2010, 09:24 PM

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.”
Oscar Wilde

"He has the attention span of a lightning bolt."
Robert Redford

"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge."
Thomas Brackett Reed

“He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.”
Samuel Johnson

“He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.”
Paul Keating

“He had delusions of adequacy.”
Walter Kerr

“Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?”
Mark Twain

“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.”
Mae West

imperfect_cupcake · 01-13-2010, 04:21 PM

my ex boss, from jamaica (apparently a saying where she grew up):

"It's not my fault you're ugly/fat/skinny/stupid. Take that attitude out of my face."

"too post modern to care." - friend's description and disclaimer

"I am god and you are shit. now fuck off." - drunk on the 73 to dalston.

"quit verbally pissing on me, will you. Catheterise that stench. Jesus wept till you shut UP." - arsey remark from friend to another friend whilst playing pool as chatty gal wouldn't shut up while one person was taking a shot.

reply? "can't help it. your extreme pool moves are making my ureatha twitch. I think your groove is giving me cystitis."

Passionaria · 01-08-2012, 02:34 PM

OK, I am usually all flowery and stuff, but I just have to say : sometimes this IS the right response!!!

ain't that some shit???

Inked_Trinity · 01-08-2012, 04:57 PM

" I will take 'Same Shit / Different Day' category for $200.00, Alex."

Inked_Trinity · 01-10-2012, 11:47 AM

Saw a sign at a fire station and it says "If we can't see your address, how can we find you?" WTF! Hello? Just look for the smoke

AnnRkey · 04-25-2013, 07:43 PM

Love is the self-delusion we manufacture to justify the trouble we take to have sex. ~ Daniel S. Greenberg

One should always be in love. This is the reason why one should never marry. ~ Oscar Wilde

thedivahrrrself · 05-09-2013, 10:06 PM

From my favorite misanthrope, Douglas Adams:

It is a well-known fact that those people who must want to rule people are, ipso facto, those least suited to do it... anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.

You live and learn. At any rate, you live.

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.

He was a dreamer, a thinker, a speculative philosopher... or, as his wife would have it, an idiot.

A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.

Kobi · 05-10-2013, 12:59 PM

Kobi · 05-11-2013, 06:09 AM

01-01-2010, 09:27 PM	#1
hippieflowergirl Member How Do You Identify?: ~ Preferred Pronoun?: ~ Relationship Status: ~ Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: ~ Posts: 424 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 461 Thanked 466 Times in 176 Posts Rep Power: 274205	Sarcasm, Scathing Witticisms & Uninspiring Quotes a safe little lockdown to get that crappy little comment (yours or someone else's) or your favorite hilarious but truly insulting quote out of your head so you can stop feeling bad about yourself and go back to being the charming little tidbit of perfection that you are! ~~~~~~~~~~ "i feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here." stephen bishop "[he's]...a legend in his own lunchtime." rex harrison "i can't believe that out of 100,000 sperm, you were the quickest. steven pearl "thank god you've insulted me! that means that i don't have to be nice anymore." billy idol "every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats." h. l. mencken "sometimes i need what only you can provide: your absence." ashleigh brilliant ~~~~~~~~~~ carry on....

01-01-2010, 10:06 PM	#2
evolveme Member How Do You Identify?: honeysuckle venom Preferred Pronoun?: a pistol and a sugar cane Relationship Status: I promise to aid and abet Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: in between poems where ceilings are floors and joe ghost floats achromatic toward day Posts: 514 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 229 Thanked 737 Times in 228 Posts Rep Power: 288948	Equal opportunity means everybody will have a fair chance at being incompetent. - Laurence J. Peter When life gives you lemons, make lemonade, pee in it, and serve it to the people that piss you off. - Jack Handy, Deep Thoughts __________________ Class, race, sexuality, gender and all other categories by which we categorize and dismiss each other need to be excavated from the inside. - Dorothy Allison

01-01-2010, 10:12 PM	#4
evolveme Member How Do You Identify?: honeysuckle venom Preferred Pronoun?: a pistol and a sugar cane Relationship Status: I promise to aid and abet Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: in between poems where ceilings are floors and joe ghost floats achromatic toward day Posts: 514 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 229 Thanked 737 Times in 228 Posts Rep Power: 288948	A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five. - Unknown __________________ Class, race, sexuality, gender and all other categories by which we categorize and dismiss each other need to be excavated from the inside. - Dorothy Allison

01-01-2010, 10:24 PM	#6
Cyclopea Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Lesbian Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Exit Zero Posts: 1,267 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,694 Thanked 1,617 Times in 633 Posts Rep Power: 226199	[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gb_1JZW-Ab0"]YouTube- 2010 Polish American String Band "The Jokers Ball"[/ame] __________________ http://forum.axishistory.com/images/...arious/eye.jpg

01-01-2010, 10:11 PM	#8
Mister Bent Senior Member How Do You Identify?: . Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: . Posts: 2,905 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,151 Thanked 5,831 Times in 1,721 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	o lookee, my signature line made the list! I also love a good gladhanding. "You have the greatest untapped potential of anyone I've ever met." "Her plastic surgeon has such a delightful sense of humor." "I don't care what anyone says about you, I think you are a fabulous person!" __________________ Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin to slit throats. - H. L. Mencken

01-01-2010, 10:08 PM	#3
hippieflowergirl Member How Do You Identify?: ~ Preferred Pronoun?: ~ Relationship Status: ~ Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: ~ Posts: 424 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 461 Thanked 466 Times in 176 Posts Rep Power: 274205	i've had a really enjoyable evening! this wasnt it.

01-01-2010, 10:21 PM	#5
hippieflowergirl Member How Do You Identify?: ~ Preferred Pronoun?: ~ Relationship Status: ~ Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: ~ Posts: 424 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 461 Thanked 466 Times in 176 Posts Rep Power: 274205	THAT'S your insult? Dude! Breast milk is harsher than that! (my brother Daniel when hated on by an asshat on a Seattle bus)

01-01-2010, 10:10 PM	#7
Hudson Member How Do You Identify?: FTM Preferred Pronoun?: He/Him Relationship Status: Truth is stranger than fiction. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Atlanta, Georgia Posts: 434 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 160 Thanked 575 Times in 211 Posts Rep Power: 365376	"I wouldn't suck your lousy dick if I was suffocating and there was oxygen in your balls!" Hilary Taylor as Taffy in Female Trouble "If I wanted that comeback I'da scraped it outta yer mouth" - My friend Holly when I got sassy once

01-02-2010, 06:03 PM	#9
Dex Junior Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, Her, Girl, Girlie, Fembot, babe, hon, sweetie, darling Relationship Status: single Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: manhattan Posts: 4 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 0 Thanked 4 Times in 2 Posts Rep Power: 0	I like you because. . . . We get along because.. The same exact thing that is wrong with you, is wrong with me... DEX

01-02-2010, 07:22 PM	#10
always2late Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: m'lady Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: NJ Posts: 2,000 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,834 Thanked 6,231 Times in 1,462 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	“The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.” - George Bernard Shaw "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." - Clarence Darrow "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde "You have delighted us long enough." - Jane Austen __________________ Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field. I'll meet you there ~ Rumi

01-03-2010, 01:36 AM	#11
amiyesiam Senior Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: she/they Relationship Status: single Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: pa Posts: 2,703 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 17,488 Thanked 10,138 Times in 2,161 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	"You are literally to stupid to insult" from the movie Hangover __________________ A year from now you will wish that you started today~Karen Lamb

01-06-2010, 09:24 PM	#12
hippieflowergirl Member How Do You Identify?: ~ Preferred Pronoun?: ~ Relationship Status: ~ Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: ~ Posts: 424 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 461 Thanked 466 Times in 176 Posts Rep Power: 274205	"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.” Oscar Wilde "He has the attention span of a lightning bolt." Robert Redford "They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge." Thomas Brackett Reed “He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.” Samuel Johnson “He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.” Paul Keating “He had delusions of adequacy.” Walter Kerr “Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?” Mark Twain “His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.” Mae West

01-13-2010, 04:21 PM	#13
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,727 Times in 1,613 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	my ex boss, from jamaica (apparently a saying where she grew up): "It's not my fault you're ugly/fat/skinny/stupid. Take that attitude out of my face." "too post modern to care." - friend's description and disclaimer "I am god and you are shit. now fuck off." - drunk on the 73 to dalston. "quit verbally pissing on me, will you. Catheterise that stench. Jesus wept till you shut UP." - arsey remark from friend to another friend whilst playing pool as chatty gal wouldn't shut up while one person was taking a shot. reply? "can't help it. your extreme pool moves are making my ureatha twitch. I think your groove is giving me cystitis."

01-08-2012, 02:34 PM	#14
Passionaria Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Urban Bohemian : http://youtu.be/IM96Ch9Gx4A Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: She ran away with with the Gypsy's ✿ Posts: 2,519 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,316 Thanked 3,735 Times in 1,250 Posts Rep Power: 16689909	OOC : scorpio side OK, I am usually all flowery and stuff, but I just have to say : sometimes this IS the right response!!! ain't that some shit??? __________________ *Moon cat madness*

01-08-2012, 04:57 PM	#15
Inked_Trinity Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: BadAss! / Sarcastic Bastard! Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: Earth Posts: 2,352 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,507 Thanked 6,924 Times in 1,817 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	" I will take 'Same Shit / Different Day' category for $200.00, Alex." __________________ Tell me I can't do it.. then stand back and watch me amaze you.

01-10-2012, 11:47 AM	#16
Inked_Trinity Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: BadAss! / Sarcastic Bastard! Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: Earth Posts: 2,352 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,507 Thanked 6,924 Times in 1,817 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	Saw a sign at a fire station and it says "If we can't see your address, how can we find you?" WTF! Hello? Just look for the smoke __________________ Tell me I can't do it.. then stand back and watch me amaze you.

04-25-2013, 07:43 PM	#17
AnnRkey Member How Do You Identify?: As Myself Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: Unknown & Known Universe Posts: 226 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 406 Thanked 420 Times in 143 Posts Rep Power: 2875676	Love is the self-delusion we manufacture to justify the trouble we take to have sex. ~ Daniel S. Greenberg One should always be in love. This is the reason why one should never marry. ~ Oscar Wilde

05-09-2013, 10:06 PM	#18
thedivahrrrself Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Queer Sapiosexual Femme Relationship Status: Mrs. Grumpy Cat Tournaments Won: 4 Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: 8,660 feet high in the Andes Posts: 2,640 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 10,519 Thanked 11,662 Times in 2,292 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	From my favorite misanthrope, Douglas Adams: It is a well-known fact that those people who must want to rule people are, ipso facto, those least suited to do it... anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job. You live and learn. At any rate, you live. Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so. He was a dreamer, a thinker, a speculative philosopher... or, as his wife would have it, an idiot. A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools. __________________ Small business owners around the world use microfinance to help expand their businesses and provide for their families. You can help! Click here to learn about Kiva.

05-10-2013, 12:59 PM	#19
Kobi Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Biological female. Lesbian. Relationship Status: Happy Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Hanging out in the Atlantic. Posts: 9,234 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,840 Thanked 34,660 Times in 7,652 Posts Rep Power: 21474860	these are nasty but they made me spew coffee today..... __________________

05-11-2013, 06:09 AM	#20
Kobi Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Biological female. Lesbian. Relationship Status: Happy Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Hanging out in the Atlantic. Posts: 9,234 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,840 Thanked 34,660 Times in 7,652 Posts Rep Power: 21474860	__________________