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Old 11-11-2011, 05:35 PM   #361
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Next reunion? I would LOVE to hug each and every one of you!

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Originally Posted by claybaby View Post
OOAK.....big hugs to you!! I am in rush this am to get to hospital for my colonoscopy but will write more this evening...take that rest..we are all here for you..and undertsand..but keep the fight in the spirit!!
DAPPER: it's all good hon..promise..I DO get it and your humor! I don't sweat small stuff..seriously!
CATALINA ROSE: I would give you a super clean crapper..really and it would not be an exploding one! A brand new one...smiles....and I would love to hang out with you at Reunion?????
((((((((((((OOAK)))))))))))....hang in there my friend! We will ALL get throught this......feel the love and support from every one of us!!!
Laters folks....I heart you all..Clay
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Old 11-11-2011, 05:48 PM   #362
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We all have those days. There were times I would lay in bed with my face to the wall wanting it all to stop. It is healthier to be honest, than to hide behind false cheer and bravato.

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Originally Posted by OneOfAKind View Post
Thank you everyone for your kind words. I'm sorry I brought my stress to the group. I was having a pain-filled night and felt like poop (No pun intended LOL). I'm usually very upbeat and the cheerleader of the group. Just couldn't summon the energy last night. Again, my apologies and love and light to all you courageous people
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Old 11-11-2011, 06:02 PM   #363
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I am off sleeping for a couple weeks and this thread gets busy. Sorry, to hear the reasons it is. We are troopers, though. If any of you need/want to talk, PM me and I will be happy to give you my cell.

Update: I only have one more week of radiation left. YEEHAW
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Old 11-11-2011, 06:48 PM   #364
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Gawd, I wish there was a way that we could all get together to laugh, cry, dance, hold hands and just be together. I know we could all benefit from it. Keep each other in the light.


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Old 11-11-2011, 08:05 PM   #365
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Old 11-11-2011, 08:30 PM   #366
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Evening all my brave Warrior buddies!!! I came to post a brief update..I am exhausted, to say the least. I have been through the wringer the last 3 weeks..and esp. this one..
The colonospcopy did reveal a mass...he wasn't able to tell me where or what size...and wasn't able to go on with endoscopy...so a biopsy was done. I got the results yesterday afternoon..it is an invasive malignancy...and I am scheduled to see a Surgical Gastro Oncologist next Tuesday, and I will have a CT scan of Chest..to rule out any mets there. The mass is in the transverse colon..and explains the dull, achy, nagging discomfort to the right lower flank area the last 16 months....so I don't know much else til I see him next week....sorry! My appt today with the Gynecological oncologist went well...she is deferring the hysto until I see the gastro onc. and they confer as to right course of treatment to handle both areas of cancer. She is giving me an excellent prognosis and feels she can eradicate the uterine ca with vag hysto with tubes and ovaries..lymph are in limbo at moment...and is hopeful the two specialties can do simultaneous surgeries and only one anesthesia...so I am hopeful....she is also hopeful there is not any other ca elsewhere and both can use the Da Vinci robotic arm for the surgeries...and I will have a hernia repair from my open lap chole last year (open Gallbladder surg)....either way I am going to dig my heels in and fight this darn stuff. I am numb tonight..I cried most of last..and just wanted to post something..as you all have been so loving and supportive and I appreciate each and every one...I am just tired, emotionally drained, and unable to write more...please know I think everyone of you are so incredible..and I heart you all...take care..and debby I may take you up on that offer...I have some amazing folks...and I so love them...night and sorry if I am rambling..I just can't go on any more tonight..mind is on overload...just wannna own this right now, mull it, and spend some quiet and alone time...I know each of you understand...love Clay Glow worm
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Old 11-11-2011, 08:46 PM   #367
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Default Can I just be held...please?

Tonight, all I want is a loving body to lie down by me, to hold me, to soothe my weary body..and to tell me this will be okay, to tell me how she loves me, and will walk this path with me...just a soft, sweet, and comforting body...to make me feel her love...and comfort me..where are you? I so need you...tonight..for a couple of nights..let my body be wrapped in yours...please?
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Old 11-12-2011, 09:19 AM   #368
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Good morning everyone. Sending hugs to all that come and go and an extra one to clay who needs a hand, huuuuuggggs 2 OneOfAKind, Cat, Debby and allll

I am fighting my way out of a funk this AM, so, what do ya do.Come here and post, write it out I spose........
My friend Milana passed away Thursday. She had been in a nursing home since August 2010, and was doing okay. I had this phone message from Cres, her brother-in-law when I got home from work. "Tommi, Milana passed away quickly this afternoon. She had gone to take a shower, got back to her room, and began to throw up blood, and hemorrhaged. When the nurse came to tell us , the paramedics were already there and took her to the Emergency hospital, and they said she had a cardiac arrest. It was fast.Just wanted to let you know in case you were coming to visit Sat."

I was with my buddy when she was diagnosed with esophageal cancer June-2010. It was too late to operate when found. Told the chemo and radiation were palliative and would help keep the mass in her throat smaller. Her family never accepted that she was gay, and had shunned her for 20 years, but rallied round, and made peace with her when she got sick.

She was a valiant fighter for 16 months, with a trach tube and unable to talk. She thought it was a hiatal hernia because she was having trouble swallowing for a year or more before going to the right doctor. After Placement of a feeding tube, she had to have a trach tube because she couldn't come out of the anesthesia in July 2010. After that, she never came home again. She went from acute care, to sub-acute nursing home. She went through chemo and radiation

She was a great Wii bowler and won at all the games and did great crafts in the nursing home.

To those who feel yucky, or that something just isn't right in your body and being, seek a doctor that gets it. Many times we are just written off by busy and/or incompetent doctors. I can tell you I have fired many of the Doc's I went to. I fired the specialist that didn't want to do a thorough work up, and other scans and tests on me when I was diagnosed with Uterine cancer and prior to a radical total hysterctomy,tubes, ovaries and 16 lymph nodes. An ultrasound had shown my one kidney was twice the size of the other, and she was just "going to have a kidney surgeon on standby, just in case"...no, but hell no. I wanted an MRI, cat scan, IVP, etc. BEFORE the opened me up. She said, " Oh well we will see what kind of cancer it is and go from there..:

I said, :NO,,, we won't" and fired her..I went to a cancer gynecologist who ran all of the cancer screening tests PRIOR to surgery,
okay, I have talked enough. Tiggergirl wants Daddy to hold her cuz it's her turn for attention.
bye computer peeeps
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Old 11-12-2011, 10:10 AM   #369
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{{{{Tommi}}}}} My condolences on the loss of your friend, Milana. She'll be kicking butt at wii bowling in the clouds.

{{{{Clay}}}} I will try to give you a call today. I'm not a huge phone person, but I know how it feels to need a reassuring voice every now and again. Be loving to yourself right now, dear one.

So good to see you, Debby!

Back later with more.
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Old 11-12-2011, 10:17 AM   #370
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I so understand this feeling. Even though a friend came to stay during chemo, I have never felt so alone. The dog, as much as she loves me, just doesn't cut it.

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Tonight, all I want is a loving body to lie down by me, to hold me, to soothe my weary body..and to tell me this will be okay, to tell me how she loves me, and will walk this path with me...just a soft, sweet, and comforting body...to make me feel her love...and comfort me..where are you? I so need you...tonight..for a couple of nights..let my body be wrapped in yours...please?
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Old 11-12-2011, 10:54 AM   #371
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Tommi
For Milana and for you the one who stood by giving care and asking nothing in return, keeping you close in thought.
For those who are still fighting keep hope, i do even when days are dark hope remains.




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Good morning everyone. Sending hugs to all that come and go and an extra one to clay who needs a hand, huuuuuggggs 2 OneOfAKind, Cat, Debby and allll

I am fighting my way out of a funk this AM, so, what do ya do.Come here and post, write it out I spose........
My friend Milana passed away Thursday. She had been in a nursing home since August 2010, and was doing okay. I had this phone message from Cres, her brother-in-law when I got home from work. "Tommi, Milana passed away quickly this afternoon. She had gone to take a shower, got back to her room, and began to throw up blood, and hemorrhaged. When the nurse came to tell us , the paramedics were already there and took her to the Emergency hospital, and they said she had a cardiac arrest. It was fast.Just wanted to let you know in case you were coming to visit Sat."

I was with my buddy when she was diagnosed with esophageal cancer June-2010. It was too late to operate when found. Told the chemo and radiation were palliative and would help keep the mass in her throat smaller. Her family never accepted that she was gay, and had shunned her for 20 years, but rallied round, and made peace with her when she got sick.

She was a valiant fighter for 16 months, with a trach tube and unable to talk. She thought it was a hiatal hernia because she was having trouble swallowing for a year or more before going to the right doctor. After Placement of a feeding tube, she had to have a trach tube because she couldn't come out of the anesthesia in July 2010. After that, she never came home again. She went from acute care, to sub-acute nursing home. She went through chemo and radiation

She was a great Wii bowler and won at all the games and did great crafts in the nursing home.

To those who feel yucky, or that something just isn't right in your body and being, seek a doctor that gets it. Many times we are just written off by busy and/or incompetent doctors. I can tell you I have fired many of the Doc's I went to. I fired the specialist that didn't want to do a thorough work up, and other scans and tests on me when I was diagnosed with Uterine cancer and prior to a radical total hysterctomy,tubes, ovaries and 16 lymph nodes. An ultrasound had shown my one kidney was twice the size of the other, and she was just "going to have a kidney surgeon on standby, just in case"...no, but hell no. I wanted an MRI, cat scan, IVP, etc. BEFORE the opened me up. She said, " Oh well we will see what kind of cancer it is and go from there..:

I said, :NO,,, we won't" and fired her..I went to a cancer gynecologist who ran all of the cancer screening tests PRIOR to surgery,
okay, I have talked enough. Tiggergirl wants Daddy to hold her cuz it's her turn for attention.
bye computer peeeps
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Old 11-12-2011, 11:06 AM   #372
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(((((((((((((((((Tommi))))))))))))))))...my deepest condolences, my friend! Yes, Milana is kicking butt on Wii Bowling in the clouds now..hold onto the memories you two shared..she is with you..in your heart, my friend! Take care..know we walk with you...in spirit...Clay
To Debby, CatalinaRose, OOAK, Debby, Dapper, and all the other bravest of Warriors...I send each a big hug..and love you all...we will continue to hold one another, walk the path we are on, and be lovingly supportive..always...I heart you all..Clay
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Old 11-12-2011, 01:13 PM   #373
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I am having an extended WTF moment today...

I have been calling my mother every day since I was there to see her...checking on how she is, pushing for the docs to do whatever it is they need to do so that she can come here.

She's had good days, and bad days, but in all of it I've had the enduring sense that she's not being completely honest with me. I'm not surprised by this...it's the status quo....but it's unnerving just the same.

Anyway...last week I was at a seminar for 4 days....calling her as usual.
Yesterday...traveling home, I tried calling a couple times...no answer, and no answering machine.
Today...a couple times...no answer, no answering machine.

This is what she did when this all first came to light, and she informed us of her cancer with a note in the mail.

It may be nothing more than a broken answering machine, but I doubt it. And I'm trying to reach friends (without starting a panic), and waiting for the other shoe to fall.

I'm completely convinced that she's unplugged the machine and isn't answering the phone...and I'm wondering why.
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Old 11-12-2011, 01:17 PM   #374
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(((((((((((((Tommi))))))))))))) I am sorry for your loss. I can only imagine your feelings and sadness. In the Jewish tradition we tear our coat collar when someone passes away as physical proof that we will never be whole when a loved one dies. I always thought it a strange and archaic tradition, but as I have grown older it makes total sense to me. I wish you the best Tommi.
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Old 11-12-2011, 09:59 PM   #375
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OOAK:
I think that would be just awesome. I know I could use every thing you mentioned...blow bubbles, color in a book, laugh, and just console..yes..we should...let's....smiles
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Gawd, I wish there was a way that we could all get together to laugh, cry, dance, hold hands and just be together. I know we could all benefit from it. Keep each other in the light.


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Old 11-12-2011, 10:05 PM   #376
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OOAK:
You take that rest....do what YOU feel is right for yourself..and know we are here for YOU as well..please feel free to PM me..anytime....I can understand tired..and needing a "break" just don't let go of the "fight" in you...know we are here...right beside you..with a hand up, a hnad out (stretched), or a hug...it is yours..for asking...I walk in the light and journey...right along side you...as do the rest of us...hugs...Clay Glo Worm
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Old 11-13-2011, 02:50 PM   #377
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I am so sorry for everyone who is experiencing loss and cancer diagnosis right now. I wish there was a way I could help everyone
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Old 11-13-2011, 04:12 PM   #378
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I did finally hear from my mother. I also still have the feeling that she's not being honest.

She's stalling on coming to Florida now...making excuses about appointments and things that can either be done here (for her) or taken care of at her house by friends.

Either she's worse and doesn't want to say anything.

Or she's feeling quite a bit better and I am once again disposable.

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Old 11-13-2011, 04:17 PM   #379
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1OAK....I LOVE that image...it is so warming, so captivating, and gives me such a warm, comfy feeling..thanks for sharing that with us....


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Old 11-14-2011, 08:13 PM   #380
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{{{{Jo}}}} I apologize in advance if this is none of my business, but since I am going through a similar situation with my father perhaps we can commiserate.

I finally realized after this last go around with my dad that I can't make him share with my siblings and I that which he himself cannot even come to terms with. I feel like I have been chasing him around the block since my mom died nearly three years ago and to be quite frank, I'm tired of it. Since I was a little girl I have had my dad on a pedestal I'm not all together sure he is deserved of, and I'm just now...at the age of 38...coming to this realization.

So, my decision is/was to not feed into his BS. I can love him to the moon and back and hope for the best but after all is said and done I can't make him better nor can I make him change his behavior or the way he fundamentally is as a human being. And I have finally come to a place of peace in my heart about this. Well, I still get teary at times over it all, but I have done all I can do and I know how bad it feels to bend over backwards for him and then get this passive/aggressive, shoulder-shrug response.

Hang in there! Are you still coming to AZ soon? xoxo
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