Butch Femme Planet  

Go Back   Butch Femme Planet > RELATIONSHIPS, COMMUNITY, GROUPS > POLY RELATIONSHIPS

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 07-05-2012, 12:16 AM   #1
LadyHilary
Junior Member

How Do You Identify?:
Hard Femme
Preferred Pronoun?:
ma'am or girl
Relationship Status:
I'm not sure
 
LadyHilary's Avatar
 

Join Date: May 2012
Location: SF Bay
Posts: 10
Thanks: 13
Thanked 43 Times in 7 Posts
Rep Power: 20691
LadyHilary Has the BEST ReputationLadyHilary Has the BEST ReputationLadyHilary Has the BEST ReputationLadyHilary Has the BEST ReputationLadyHilary Has the BEST ReputationLadyHilary Has the BEST ReputationLadyHilary Has the BEST ReputationLadyHilary Has the BEST ReputationLadyHilary Has the BEST ReputationLadyHilary Has the BEST ReputationLadyHilary Has the BEST Reputation
Default Can a poly/mono work?

Question to the community:

Do you believe, and if so, what is required for a poly person and a mono person to maintain a long term romantic love relationship?

FYI on me: romantically heart monogamous, with multiple long-term committed leather relationships that may or may not involve sex and/or BDSM at any given interaction and when I attend leather events I often "trick" which means I may have some form of leathersex. All sexual encounters that are not with committed individuals are using safer sex. Tricks, though wonderful folks, are no threat to my leather family and/or the one who is first in my heart.

LadyHilary is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 11 Users Say Thank You to LadyHilary For This Useful Post:
Old 07-05-2012, 03:43 AM   #2
TenderKnight
Member

How Do You Identify?:
Kinky Poly Transman
Preferred Pronoun?:
He
 
TenderKnight's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Monroe, NC
Posts: 551
Thanks: 773
Thanked 825 Times in 257 Posts
Rep Power: 2402400
TenderKnight Has the BEST ReputationTenderKnight Has the BEST ReputationTenderKnight Has the BEST ReputationTenderKnight Has the BEST ReputationTenderKnight Has the BEST ReputationTenderKnight Has the BEST ReputationTenderKnight Has the BEST ReputationTenderKnight Has the BEST ReputationTenderKnight Has the BEST ReputationTenderKnight Has the BEST ReputationTenderKnight Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Good post and interesting thread.. I myself ID as poly, the girl that I am dating does not ID as such. We've talked a LOT about it and she knows where my heart lies.. With her.. I also have a very dear friend and lover that I have been involved with for almost 4 years. They know of one another and respect and trust my feelings for both of them..

I think that any kind of relationship can work, as long as all involved are open and honest about where motivations lie and when something just doesn't feel right.. I encourage both of my partners to talk and to share with me how they feel and I check in often when I want or need to about where I am feeling and what my needs are.

That being said, I am not looking for any other deep relationships.. I don't have any other sexual partners, but ifI find drawn to someone, I would check in with my girl first.. the man I see and I's relationship is different.. He is poly, my girl is not.

I guess my point is that it has been working so far, lol.. Lots of communication, transparency, and honesty. I look forward to seeing how others feel about this topic.

-Tony
__________________
The beatings shall continue..
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
until moral improves..
TenderKnight is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to TenderKnight For This Useful Post:
Old 07-05-2012, 05:26 AM   #3
girl_dee
*~*~*~*~*~

How Do You Identify?:
Feisty Femme
Preferred Pronoun?:
dee
Relationship Status:
Solid.
 
girl_dee's Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: i can almost see the ocean
Posts: 17,810
Thanks: 18,949
Thanked 39,602 Times in 9,768 Posts
Rep Power: 21474861
girl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputation
Default

i feel it can work if all parties are open, honest and do not have underlying issues/agendas/feelings that are unknown to the other parties.

i think we all have a poly heart in some way, in that we are capable of loving more than one human being (polyamourous) but how we interact with others is where the real work comes in.
__________________





*~*~ VEGAS, BABY! ~*~*~
October 6-9, 2017



To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
girl_dee is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 12 Users Say Thank You to girl_dee For This Useful Post:
Old 07-05-2012, 11:01 AM   #4
aishah
Member

How Do You Identify?:
queer stone femme shark baby girl
Preferred Pronoun?:
she, her, little one
Relationship Status:
dating myself.
 
aishah's Avatar
 
1 Highscore

Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: dallas, tx
Posts: 1,495
Thanks: 13,823
Thanked 6,425 Times in 1,289 Posts
Rep Power: 21474843
aishah Has the BEST Reputationaishah Has the BEST Reputationaishah Has the BEST Reputationaishah Has the BEST Reputationaishah Has the BEST Reputationaishah Has the BEST Reputationaishah Has the BEST Reputationaishah Has the BEST Reputationaishah Has the BEST Reputationaishah Has the BEST Reputationaishah Has the BEST Reputation
Default

i'm polyamorous and both of my partners are monogamous - one by circumstance (he's just never really felt the need or desire to date anyone else since we've been together - we've been together 7 yrs) and one by choice/disposition (he never planned to date anyone polyamorous and has no interest in it, but we fell in love and he's been really accepting of it - we've been together 1 yr).

the things that have been most important for us are open and honest communication...c., my partner who defines himself as being monogamous, had never really been in a relationship where that had been encouraged before. and the other thing is addressing it when jealousy comes up. usually it's around the idea that he's not enough for me, or i might find someone else and want to leave him, etc. so we've had a lot of conversations about breaking down those ideas/fears.

i'd love to date someone who is also poly, but with a few exceptions, i have always ended up with monogamous people. and it's worked pretty well in my long term relationships
aishah is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 11 Users Say Thank You to aishah For This Useful Post:
Old 07-05-2012, 11:28 AM   #5
Just_G
Senior Member

How Do You Identify?:
Butch, Switch, Comedian...G...whichever.
Preferred Pronoun?:
He....with an e!
Relationship Status:
I'll take kinky & twisted for $200, Alex!!
 
Tournaments Won: 1

Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: in the middle
Posts: 2,281
Thanks: 874
Thanked 6,161 Times in 1,450 Posts
Rep Power: 21474846
Just_G Has the BEST ReputationJust_G Has the BEST ReputationJust_G Has the BEST ReputationJust_G Has the BEST ReputationJust_G Has the BEST ReputationJust_G Has the BEST ReputationJust_G Has the BEST ReputationJust_G Has the BEST ReputationJust_G Has the BEST ReputationJust_G Has the BEST ReputationJust_G Has the BEST Reputation
Default

I believe anything can work if there is complete honesty and communication. When people fail to communicate and cannot be honest, that is when trust is lost and things fall apart. It is hard to gain trust back once it is broken.

My experiences with the people I have been involved with that id as poly have not been successful because they were not honest with me or kept things from me, which I consider to be dishonest when we have agreed to being forthcoming with anything that might hurt either one of us.

I was clear out in Wyoming once, with no way to leave or get home when I got an ”oh by the way” announcement that I shoukd have been told about a month sooner. And while it might not be a big deal to some folks, I felt deceived and the weekend was not very good. I am very clear about honesty and what it means to me. I don't need details, but I I do need to know something is going on.

I hope that makes sense.
__________________
Happy are those who dream and are ready to pay the price to make them come true!

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Just_G is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 14 Users Say Thank You to Just_G For This Useful Post:
Old 07-05-2012, 12:05 PM   #6
Nadeest
Member

How Do You Identify?:
as myself
Preferred Pronoun?:
She
Relationship Status:
Single
 

Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Leesburg, FL
Posts: 595
Thanks: 2,868
Thanked 2,108 Times in 498 Posts
Rep Power: 16863240
Nadeest Has the BEST ReputationNadeest Has the BEST ReputationNadeest Has the BEST ReputationNadeest Has the BEST ReputationNadeest Has the BEST ReputationNadeest Has the BEST ReputationNadeest Has the BEST ReputationNadeest Has the BEST ReputationNadeest Has the BEST ReputationNadeest Has the BEST ReputationNadeest Has the BEST Reputation
Default

To be honest, I don't know, yet, if I am poly or mono. The first person that I dated, after I started transition was poly, however, and he got me started thinking about this sort of thing. He and I talked for quite a long time, online, as we lived a distance from each other, unfortunately. In the end, it was the distance and my financial inability to go see him that ended that relationship, not the fact that he was poly.

I think that it might be able to work, but I also think that it would take a lot of openness and communication between both parties to do it.
Nadeest is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to Nadeest For This Useful Post:
Old 07-05-2012, 11:04 PM   #7
imperfect_cupcake
Senior Member

How Do You Identify?:
feminine dolly dyke
Relationship Status:
Poly Solo/Solo
 
imperfect_cupcake's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: In a gauze of mystery
Posts: 1,645
Thanks: 2,186
Thanked 8,962 Times in 1,480 Posts
Rep Power: 21474845
imperfect_cupcake Has the BEST Reputationimperfect_cupcake Has the BEST Reputationimperfect_cupcake Has the BEST Reputationimperfect_cupcake Has the BEST Reputationimperfect_cupcake Has the BEST Reputationimperfect_cupcake Has the BEST Reputationimperfect_cupcake Has the BEST Reputationimperfect_cupcake Has the BEST Reputationimperfect_cupcake Has the BEST Reputationimperfect_cupcake Has the BEST Reputationimperfect_cupcake Has the BEST Reputation
Default

non-monogamous and I married a monogamous wife. I stopped having sex with others. At first it was uncomfortable and I freaked out about a lot of issues like, what if she tries to manipulate me through lack of sex, what if she tries to control me through monogamy, what if.... and really most of my issues were about feeling in control and lack of trust. after two months of dealing with my shit, I was fine. I found I was far more jealous of her giving attention to others but that calmed down too.

we were together, and I was perfectly happy to be monog, no issues came up. Until she did what my biggest fear is around being monogamous. She fucked off with someone else while we were having sexual issues due to both of us going through a depression.


I am always afraid that monogamous people will just piss off with others at some point, for sex/intimacy when the attention needs to be on our relationship. When I've had a problem in the past with a death in the family (which is what happened) and I've been non-monog, we've always closed the relationship temporarily to deal with our stuff and not bring other people into the mix while we sort our shit out and igve support.

I'm actually very angry about having changed a big thing about myself only to have had it thrown back at me. She was so scared in the first year we were together that she wasn't kinky enough, wasn't non-monog, wasn't expereinced enough... the amount of reassurance I used to pour on her... and she fucks off with a woman 10 years my junior. Thanks.

Monogamy my ass.

That said, I know I can do monogmany now so depending on who I meet next - as long as they can deal with my battered trust with monogamy...
imperfect_cupcake is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to imperfect_cupcake For This Useful Post:
Old 07-06-2012, 12:19 AM   #8
Princess
Member

How Do You Identify?:
princess
Preferred Pronoun?:
She, her.
Relationship Status:
One singular sensation!
 
Princess's Avatar
 

Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Topeka, KS
Posts: 1,245
Thanks: 1,982
Thanked 4,255 Times in 919 Posts
Rep Power: 21474843
Princess Has the BEST ReputationPrincess Has the BEST ReputationPrincess Has the BEST ReputationPrincess Has the BEST ReputationPrincess Has the BEST ReputationPrincess Has the BEST ReputationPrincess Has the BEST ReputationPrincess Has the BEST ReputationPrincess Has the BEST ReputationPrincess Has the BEST ReputationPrincess Has the BEST Reputation
Default

I am dating a kinky poly transman...

I am mono...and accepting of our situation. He is very right, with honesty and communication everything has been working quite well. I know right where he stands, and he I. There isnt a day that goes by that we don't talk about how we are feeling, and what's needed to make it work. I do think it depends on the people involved, but I think that is with any relationship or situation. Honesty is the best policy no matter what the situation or relationship...but with trust and communication..most anything can work. Poly OR Mono.
Princess is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to Princess For This Useful Post:
Old 07-06-2012, 01:42 AM   #9
2qt
Member

How Do You Identify?:
Femme
Relationship Status:
Enjoying Single Life
 
2qt's Avatar
 

Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Mothership
Posts: 208
Thanks: 234
Thanked 418 Times in 112 Posts
Rep Power: 4179617
2qt Has the BEST Reputation2qt Has the BEST Reputation2qt Has the BEST Reputation2qt Has the BEST Reputation2qt Has the BEST Reputation2qt Has the BEST Reputation2qt Has the BEST Reputation2qt Has the BEST Reputation2qt Has the BEST Reputation2qt Has the BEST Reputation2qt Has the BEST Reputation
Default

No offence to the poly or mono people out there just my 2 cents worth so please don't hate for my post lol...

Personally I don't believe it can work because of the between the 2....I have been in a poly/mono relationship before and given it was my 1st attempt it was also one that will remain as a reminder to me why I was hesitant in the 1st place to get involved...

I was the mono and hy was the poly.... Initially I thought I could deal with things as long as we remained open and honest with each other, provided we did the whole communication thing everything would be sweet....

Alas as time progressed things began to change and other people involved begun to get noses out of place and it became a messy triangle of confusion, mistrust, anger, hurt between all who were involved....

Even though you are honest about who you are with or who you are attracted to or feel you want to explore things with, doesn't stop the realization of real feelings coming into the mix of things.... Being open and honest doesn't stop the mind or heart wondering if they are enjoying them more then you or the feeling of being inadequate to meet their needs as a whole and I found out in the end that's exactly what was felt....

I find whilst one persons needs are met there is always someone who is meeting just one side of the persons needs when you mix the 2 together.... Because the mono is doing all she/hy can do to make the poly happy and stable or the poly doing the same for the mono to make sure they feel secure and most times the poly has a couple to deal with these same issues with.... I don't feel it can be given the 100% which most mono require which is why we are mono to give 100% of ourselves to another......

When a poly dates another poly..... There is more understanding because you are both in the same equal posistion to each other.... Where as if you are a mono in the poly/mono relationship and you feel the need to change your status to a poly as well it doesn't seem to go over very well or at least sometimes it doesn't......

I have nothing against someone being a poly or not I believe it's a personal choice as it's my choice to be a mono... Like any relationships it requires time and understanding and there is good and bad in all aspects of relationships.... In the end what really matters is if you enjoy being there then why not.... If you don't then get the hell out before the sheets burn
2qt is online now   Reply With Quote
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to 2qt For This Useful Post:
Old 07-06-2012, 05:31 AM   #10
girl_dee
*~*~*~*~*~

How Do You Identify?:
Feisty Femme
Preferred Pronoun?:
dee
Relationship Status:
Solid.
 
girl_dee's Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: i can almost see the ocean
Posts: 17,810
Thanks: 18,949
Thanked 39,602 Times in 9,768 Posts
Rep Power: 21474861
girl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputation
Default

IMO and it is just MY opinion here there are many different aspects to the term *Poly*.

i feel it's in the wiring. Either you are wired for it or you are not. Many people are capable of loving multiple people and they are not always of a sexual nature. If you are mono, and you are with someone who is poly, i do not know how this could ever work.

i like the family aspect of the poly lifestyle, it's a stronger bond than most bio families. We go through trials and tribulations together, through it all there is always a family bond, unless you cross one of us at which time everything changes. Rules are established, boundaries set up and they must be respected. If one of us has a problem, they others rally together to help resolve it.

Some people are in it for the multiple sexual partner (what they perceive as) benefit, others just fall in love with more than one person and enjoy the companionship of each. There are so many dimensions to the poly lifestyle that each one of us may have a different perspective.
__________________





*~*~ VEGAS, BABY! ~*~*~
October 6-9, 2017



To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
girl_dee is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to girl_dee For This Useful Post:
Old 07-06-2012, 11:57 AM   #11
girl_dee
*~*~*~*~*~

How Do You Identify?:
Feisty Femme
Preferred Pronoun?:
dee
Relationship Status:
Solid.
 
girl_dee's Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: i can almost see the ocean
Posts: 17,810
Thanks: 18,949
Thanked 39,602 Times in 9,768 Posts
Rep Power: 21474861
girl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by honeybarbara View Post
non-monogamous and I married a monogamous wife. I stopped having sex with others. At first it was uncomfortable and I freaked out about a lot of issues like, what if she tries to manipulate me through lack of sex, what if she tries to control me through monogamy, what if.... and really most of my issues were about feeling in control and lack of trust. after two months of dealing with my shit, I was fine. I found I was far more jealous of her giving attention to others but that calmed down too.

we were together, and I was perfectly happy to be monog, no issues came up. Until she did what my biggest fear is around being monogamous. She fucked off with someone else while we were having sexual issues due to both of us going through a depression.


I am always afraid that monogamous people will just piss off with others at some point, for sex/intimacy when the attention needs to be on our relationship. When I've had a problem in the past with a death in the family (which is what happened) and I've been non-monog, we've always closed the relationship temporarily to deal with our stuff and not bring other people into the mix while we sort our shit out and igve support.

I'm actually very angry about having changed a big thing about myself only to have had it thrown back at me. She was so scared in the first year we were together that she wasn't kinky enough, wasn't non-monog, wasn't expereinced enough... the amount of reassurance I used to pour on her... and she fucks off with a woman 10 years my junior. Thanks.

Monogamy my ass.

That said, I know I can do monogmany now so depending on who I meet next - as long as they can deal with my battered trust with monogamy...

Good Heavens, that must have sucked! Insecurities can play havoc on any relationship. Bring the mono/poly twist into and you have a recipe for disaster. i would also like to state that not everyone is driven by sex, but that seems to be a common denominator. i don't know how anyone sacrifices or risks an entire good relationship to go have sex with someone else, but i am not in their shoes to judge that. If you want to have sex with different people then find someone who is either open to that or stay single.

i have had jealousy issues in the past, but i now know i had reason to be untrusting. Each and every time i trusted, i was right about my suspicions.
My current relationship is not like that, she openly loves others in her life and that is a wonderful thing. i admire that about her, but she loves me unconditionally and makes sure i know where i stand at all times. Nothing to be jealous of.

In my past when i was dealing with something new to me, which was *jealousy* and i talked to my Syr/partners wife about it, she explained it like this:

"Jealousy is when you feel something that belongs to you is being given to someone else without your consent"

That was so true, whether it be sex, love, time, emotions, attention. Poly has to be a willing place, you can't just turn off your feelings of wanting to be just one on one, or having the person you love be true to you only.
__________________





*~*~ VEGAS, BABY! ~*~*~
October 6-9, 2017



To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
girl_dee is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to girl_dee For This Useful Post:
Old 07-06-2012, 12:58 PM   #12
*Anya*
Intersectional Feminist

How Do You Identify?:
Lesbian non-stone femme
Preferred Pronoun?:
She, her
Relationship Status:
Committed to being good to myself
 
*Anya*'s Avatar
 

Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: West Coast
Posts: 6,747
Thanks: 34,810
Thanked 33,905 Times in 5,857 Posts
Rep Power: 21474848
*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation
Default

I judge not how others live their life.

I know myself and what my soul needs to thrive.

Poly relationships would not work for me in any capacity.

It is clear from many posts that I have read, that it can and does work very well for some folks within poly relationships.

I just know, that for me, it would not.

It is what it is. Monogamy is where it is at for me.
__________________
~Anya~


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


"If Hillary was president now, would we be turning the clock back on the one issue for which there is no more time, climate change?”

“Would we be having to wonder if our president’s love of dictators foreshadows some kind of coup here? Would anyone have to wonder if she was Putin’s bitch? And instead of trying to kick millions off health care to pay for a tax cut for herself, she’d be trying to raise her own taxes to get more people covered."

“Do you really think if just-as-evil-Hillary had been elected conservatives would now be in control of the Supreme Court as they will for decades? Just wait until the 5-to-4 decisions start rolling in gutting unions, making it harder for minorities to vote, siding with polluters, overturning abortion rights..."

~Bill Maher
*Anya* is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to *Anya* For This Useful Post:
Old 07-06-2012, 07:00 PM   #13
QueenofSmirks
Member

How Do You Identify?:
QueerFemme
Preferred Pronoun?:
she/her
Relationship Status:
Good question...
 
QueenofSmirks's Avatar
 
1 Highscore

Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Phoenix - Valley of the Sun
Posts: 1,375
Thanks: 925
Thanked 2,770 Times in 830 Posts
Rep Power: 21474845
QueenofSmirks Has the BEST ReputationQueenofSmirks Has the BEST ReputationQueenofSmirks Has the BEST ReputationQueenofSmirks Has the BEST ReputationQueenofSmirks Has the BEST ReputationQueenofSmirks Has the BEST ReputationQueenofSmirks Has the BEST ReputationQueenofSmirks Has the BEST ReputationQueenofSmirks Has the BEST ReputationQueenofSmirks Has the BEST ReputationQueenofSmirks Has the BEST Reputation
Default

I think any relationship dynamic *can* work. It can also *not* work. It isn't so much the dynamic itself, it is the combination of the people involved and their environment and circumstances and life and relationship choices that play a part in it all. I've been in poly relationships that had some tremendous highs, and I've been in some that just plain didn't work at all. I've also been in monogamous relationships that had tremendous highs, and some that plain just didn't work at all. I've been in relationships where some people identified as poly (me being one of them), and others did not. I agree with what someone said earlier (it might have been Cajun Dee) that some people are wired to be poly, and some aren't. I don't think we're all meant to be the same or experience the same things, and it certainly isn't a judgment on those who do or do not identify as one or the other.
__________________
Stephanie

"There is only one success - to be able to spend your life in your own way." Christopher Morley
QueenofSmirks is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to QueenofSmirks For This Useful Post:
Old 07-06-2012, 07:28 PM   #14
girl_dee
*~*~*~*~*~

How Do You Identify?:
Feisty Femme
Preferred Pronoun?:
dee
Relationship Status:
Solid.
 
girl_dee's Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: i can almost see the ocean
Posts: 17,810
Thanks: 18,949
Thanked 39,602 Times in 9,768 Posts
Rep Power: 21474861
girl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputation
Default

i have also found that when some who is (my word) wired for Mono and they reluctantly enter a relationship with someone who is poly that they have no idea what emotions or feelings can come out of that. Lots of people think its great kinky to see their partner with a playmate, but it's only kinky the first time.

Lots of issues NEED to be discussed, especially in a leather household setting.
Everyone NEEDs to adhere to the rules and boundaries and everyone NEEDs to be respectful of others, once one of these things does not happen it all crumbles.
__________________





*~*~ VEGAS, BABY! ~*~*~
October 6-9, 2017



To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
girl_dee is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to girl_dee For This Useful Post:
Old 07-06-2012, 07:54 PM   #15
QueenofSmirks
Member

How Do You Identify?:
QueerFemme
Preferred Pronoun?:
she/her
Relationship Status:
Good question...
 
QueenofSmirks's Avatar
 
1 Highscore

Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Phoenix - Valley of the Sun
Posts: 1,375
Thanks: 925
Thanked 2,770 Times in 830 Posts
Rep Power: 21474845
QueenofSmirks Has the BEST ReputationQueenofSmirks Has the BEST ReputationQueenofSmirks Has the BEST ReputationQueenofSmirks Has the BEST ReputationQueenofSmirks Has the BEST ReputationQueenofSmirks Has the BEST ReputationQueenofSmirks Has the BEST ReputationQueenofSmirks Has the BEST ReputationQueenofSmirks Has the BEST ReputationQueenofSmirks Has the BEST ReputationQueenofSmirks Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cajun_dee View Post
i have also found that when some who is (my word) wired for Mono and they reluctantly enter a relationship with someone who is poly that they have no idea what emotions or feelings can come out of that. Lots of people think its great kinky to see their partner with a playmate, but it's only kinky the first time.

Lots of issues NEED to be discussed, especially in a leather household setting.
Everyone NEEDs to adhere to the rules and boundaries and everyone NEEDs to be respectful of others, once one of these things does not happen it all crumbles.

I would add... for everyone involved, be honest with yourself and your partner(s) about your boundaries. Anything you reluctantly agree to is not going to magically be okay. For me, in one of my relationships, I really wasn't okay with some of the boundaries set in place by my partner. I reluctantly agreed to them because she had agreed to things she wasn't comfortable with. In the end those things manifested into all sorts of other ugly things - control issues, trust issues, etc.

That was a long time ago, and I've learned a lot of life lessons since then. It's better to get it all out in the open up front because it's going to come out in some way, shape or form eventually.

__________________
Stephanie

"There is only one success - to be able to spend your life in your own way." Christopher Morley
QueenofSmirks is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to QueenofSmirks For This Useful Post:
Old 07-06-2012, 08:10 PM   #16
girl_dee
*~*~*~*~*~

How Do You Identify?:
Feisty Femme
Preferred Pronoun?:
dee
Relationship Status:
Solid.
 
girl_dee's Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: i can almost see the ocean
Posts: 17,810
Thanks: 18,949
Thanked 39,602 Times in 9,768 Posts
Rep Power: 21474861
girl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by QueenofSmirks View Post

I would add... for everyone involved, be honest with yourself and your partner(s) about your boundaries. Anything you reluctantly agree to is not going to magically be okay. For me, in one of my relationships, I really wasn't okay with some of the boundaries set in place by my partner. I reluctantly agreed to them because she had agreed to things she wasn't comfortable with. In the end those things manifested into all sorts of other ugly things - control issues, trust issues, etc.

That was a long time ago, and I've learned a lot of life lessons since then. It's better to get it all out in the open up front because it's going to come out in some way, shape or form eventually.

Yes and even if we have a smidgen of a *thing* about something and it doesn't come out, we regret it later.

i feel many times people don't know what their boundaries are until they are IN the situation, which is not always a good thing.

i hear and read about many people thinking they would be great with the poly lifestyle, until they try it.
__________________





*~*~ VEGAS, BABY! ~*~*~
October 6-9, 2017



To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
girl_dee is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to girl_dee For This Useful Post:
Old 07-07-2012, 08:36 PM   #17
Ginger
Senior Member

How Do You Identify?:
Gay, lesbian, femme
Preferred Pronoun?:
I, you, she
Relationship Status:
Dating
 

Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: East coast
Posts: 2,336
Thanks: 5,544
Thanked 11,992 Times in 1,993 Posts
Rep Power: 21474844
Ginger Has the BEST ReputationGinger Has the BEST ReputationGinger Has the BEST ReputationGinger Has the BEST ReputationGinger Has the BEST ReputationGinger Has the BEST ReputationGinger Has the BEST ReputationGinger Has the BEST ReputationGinger Has the BEST ReputationGinger Has the BEST ReputationGinger Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cajun_dee View Post

In my past when i was dealing with something new to me, which was *jealousy* and i talked to my Syr/partners wife about it, she explained it like this:

"Jealousy is when you feel something that belongs to you is being given to someone else without your consent"


This is a fascinating thread. Some of my favorite people on the Planet are here and the discussion is so grounded and thoughtful.

I don't have any insight to add, but Dee, your parter's wife's definition of jealousy really struck home with me. I had jealousy toward a partner's ex, once, and it still makes me sad to think about it.

It wasn't that I felt she was giving away something that belonged to me, it was that she was giving away something she had never given me.

And the ex was so mean to her, which made it even more painful to watch.

I had never thought of it that way till I read your post.

Scout
Ginger is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to Ginger For This Useful Post:
Old 07-08-2012, 12:24 AM   #18
LadyHilary
Junior Member

How Do You Identify?:
Hard Femme
Preferred Pronoun?:
ma'am or girl
Relationship Status:
I'm not sure
 
LadyHilary's Avatar
 

Join Date: May 2012
Location: SF Bay
Posts: 10
Thanks: 13
Thanked 43 Times in 7 Posts
Rep Power: 20691
LadyHilary Has the BEST ReputationLadyHilary Has the BEST ReputationLadyHilary Has the BEST ReputationLadyHilary Has the BEST ReputationLadyHilary Has the BEST ReputationLadyHilary Has the BEST ReputationLadyHilary Has the BEST ReputationLadyHilary Has the BEST ReputationLadyHilary Has the BEST ReputationLadyHilary Has the BEST ReputationLadyHilary Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cajun_dee View Post

... especially in a leather household setting.
Everyone NEEDs to adhere to the rules and boundaries and everyone NEEDs to be respectful of others, once one of these things does not happen it all crumbles.
The expression of needs and exceptionally clear boundaries and rules are key.

Success is my goal, I believe in love and the ability for the human heart to expand.
LadyHilary is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to LadyHilary For This Useful Post:
Old 07-18-2012, 05:52 AM   #19
girl_dee
*~*~*~*~*~

How Do You Identify?:
Feisty Femme
Preferred Pronoun?:
dee
Relationship Status:
Solid.
 
girl_dee's Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: i can almost see the ocean
Posts: 17,810
Thanks: 18,949
Thanked 39,602 Times in 9,768 Posts
Rep Power: 21474861
girl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by IslandScout View Post
This is a fascinating thread. Some of my favorite people on the Planet are here and the discussion is so grounded and thoughtful.

I don't have any insight to add, but Dee, your parter's wife's definition of jealousy really struck home with me. I had jealousy toward a partner's ex, once, and it still makes me sad to think about it.

It wasn't that I felt she was giving away something that belonged to me, it was that she was giving away something she had never given me.

And the ex was so mean to her, which made it even more painful to watch.

I had never thought of it that way till I read your post.

Scout

Yes yes i went through this too, and back then talked to my Sister about it, when she explained it that way, it was dead on. i've experienced what i feel is jealousy once in my life, and i hope to never feel that pain again. i was more angry with myself for being jealous. i feel i was fighting for something that was never really mine, i know that now.

__________________





*~*~ VEGAS, BABY! ~*~*~
October 6-9, 2017



To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 0 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
girl_dee is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to girl_dee For This Useful Post:
Old 08-17-2012, 05:14 PM   #20
fever
Member

How Do You Identify?:
stonefemme
Relationship Status:
single
 
fever's Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: near Vancouver, B.C. Canada
Posts: 592
Thanks: 2,649
Thanked 1,280 Times in 357 Posts
Rep Power: 17783428
fever Has the BEST Reputationfever Has the BEST Reputationfever Has the BEST Reputationfever Has the BEST Reputationfever Has the BEST Reputationfever Has the BEST Reputationfever Has the BEST Reputationfever Has the BEST Reputationfever Has the BEST Reputationfever Has the BEST Reputationfever Has the BEST Reputation
Default Excellent thread

This thread deals with questions about myself and relationships of the past. I am thrilled to see so many thoughts on the subject. I have learned a lot about myself over the past few years. I still don't know how poly femmes do it.

Do you think that it is mostly a butch who wants to be poly, especially one who ID's as a Top/Dominant, or are there just as many femmes who can't or don't want to have one partner???

Candice

fever is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to fever For This Useful Post:
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 05:09 AM.


ButchFemmePlanet.com
All information copyright of BFP 2013