PNW late bloomer

anaisninja · 05-17-2014, 03:32 AM

Even though I've been here since the end of February, I realized tonight that I've never posted a newbie intro.

If you don't know what a late bloomer is, it's someone who awakens to their sexual orientation later in life. In my case, much later. I'm only just realizing what the heck is going on with me now... in my mid-late 40s!

One advantage of being so old is that I won't disappoint my parents by coming out. They are both long gone. Other friends and family have been open-armed and welcoming. As a "femme" (I think?) I am learning that coming out is a daily occurrence because most people can't tell I'm not straight.

As part of this process, I'm seeing a therapist who specializes in late bloomers like me. I also joined a support group for married women who discover they are attracted to women. (I've been separated since 2008. We are still very close but finally mailed the divorce papers last month.) Both of these resources have helped me immensely in dealing with my new reality. And also with my sense of urgency and worry that it's all too late for me. I'm an optimist by nature and am consciously choosing to focus on the positive. At least I didn't wait another year, right?

Most recently, I connected the dots and noticed a pattern among the women I've been attracted to: they are all butches! I don't know if that makes me a femme or not. I'm not exactly a girly girl, but I'm no tomboy either. I'm still learning my way.

So far I'm finding this is a great community. Please friend me if you think we have anything in common or can support each other. Although... I'll admit I'm partial to butches aged 45-55 in the Pacific Northwest.

I've really enjoyed spending time here, getting to know people. Thanks for the warm welcome.

anaisninja · 05-17-2014, 03:57 AM

One of the reasons I made a newbie intro thread is so I could post an update, because I couldn't find a good place elsewhere to put it.

So... I'm embarrassed to admit this but until yesterday, the only experience I'd had with women was a few kisses. One of those kisses happened last week when I went to visit someone 2,500 miles away whom I thought was going to be "the one." Well I had to practically beg her for it, which is also embarrassing. And it didn't give me enough info to see if there was chemistry because her side of it was so half-assed.

I've found it incredibly demoralizing to go through this at my age. Nobody wanted to be my "first." They think I'm just curious, or experimenting, or confused. I felt defensive and ashamed about that too, because, well why *is* this happening now? Why did I wait so long? Did I always know and was suppressing it? Was I in complete denial?

But it's none of those things, although I still don't know why it happened the way it did. And although I wish I'd gone through this 20 years ago, for whatever reason, this is my new reality today. It's real. It's my life, not an experiment.

It's like that catch-22 college students used to find themselves in, in the days before internships. You can't get a job without experience, but you can't get experience without a job.

Well anyway, I'd gone on a random okcupid date some time in April, and I really liked her. Last night she came over to watch a classic movie on Netflix and let's just say, we never saw the end of the movie.

It was so amazing. I'd been so afraid of looking like I don't know what I'm doing. I'm not saying there weren't a couple of uncertain, fumbling moments, but for the most part it just flowed and felt so natural. And I was so attracted to her, I just wanted to pounce! Luckily she pounced first.

It felt so good to be with someone who wanted to be with me. Afterward she said she felt honored to be my "first" and she didn't judge me at all or doubt my sincerity about it. She wants to see me again and I want to see her again. I am so proud of myself for being open to this opportunity. It was everything I was hoping it would be and more.

And just because I bet some of you want to know... 3 times.

EnchantedNightDweller · 06-12-2014, 05:10 AM

Omg, you just told my exact story! Thank you, it feels good to know I'm not alone!

fever · 06-15-2014, 06:24 PM

Thanks for posting an intro. I also live in the PNW. If you live near Seattle or Portland, you will find butches. lol

Waving at you from Vancouver, BC Canada

lettertodaddy · 06-15-2014, 08:47 PM

Better late than never!

I'm also in the PacNW. In Vancouver, BC to be specific.

SirenManda · 06-18-2014, 09:34 AM

Happiness doesn't have a time limit.

I'm also in the PNW, Seattle to be exact. Finding your path is exciting and amazing. Good luck!

05-17-2014, 03:32 AM	#1
anaisninja Member How Do You Identify?: . Preferred Pronoun?: . Relationship Status: . Join Date: Feb 2014 Location: . Posts: 117 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 167 Thanked 486 Times in 93 Posts Rep Power: 6064351	PNW late bloomer Even though I've been here since the end of February, I realized tonight that I've never posted a newbie intro. If you don't know what a late bloomer is, it's someone who awakens to their sexual orientation later in life. In my case, much later. I'm only just realizing what the heck is going on with me now... in my mid-late 40s! One advantage of being so old is that I won't disappoint my parents by coming out. They are both long gone. Other friends and family have been open-armed and welcoming. As a "femme" (I think?) I am learning that coming out is a daily occurrence because most people can't tell I'm not straight. As part of this process, I'm seeing a therapist who specializes in late bloomers like me. I also joined a support group for married women who discover they are attracted to women. (I've been separated since 2008. We are still very close but finally mailed the divorce papers last month.) Both of these resources have helped me immensely in dealing with my new reality. And also with my sense of urgency and worry that it's all too late for me. I'm an optimist by nature and am consciously choosing to focus on the positive. At least I didn't wait another year, right? Most recently, I connected the dots and noticed a pattern among the women I've been attracted to: they are all butches! I don't know if that makes me a femme or not. I'm not exactly a girly girl, but I'm no tomboy either. I'm still learning my way. So far I'm finding this is a great community. Please friend me if you think we have anything in common or can support each other. Although... I'll admit I'm partial to butches aged 45-55 in the Pacific Northwest. I've really enjoyed spending time here, getting to know people. Thanks for the warm welcome.

05-17-2014, 03:57 AM	#2
anaisninja Member How Do You Identify?: . Preferred Pronoun?: . Relationship Status: . Join Date: Feb 2014 Location: . Posts: 117 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 167 Thanked 486 Times in 93 Posts Rep Power: 6064351	Update One of the reasons I made a newbie intro thread is so I could post an update, because I couldn't find a good place elsewhere to put it. So... I'm embarrassed to admit this but until yesterday, the only experience I'd had with women was a few kisses. One of those kisses happened last week when I went to visit someone 2,500 miles away whom I thought was going to be "the one." Well I had to practically beg her for it, which is also embarrassing. And it didn't give me enough info to see if there was chemistry because her side of it was so half-assed. I've found it incredibly demoralizing to go through this at my age. Nobody wanted to be my "first." They think I'm just curious, or experimenting, or confused. I felt defensive and ashamed about that too, because, well why is this happening now? Why did I wait so long? Did I always know and was suppressing it? Was I in complete denial? But it's none of those things, although I still don't know why it happened the way it did. And although I wish I'd gone through this 20 years ago, for whatever reason, this is my new reality today. It's real. It's my life, not an experiment. It's like that catch-22 college students used to find themselves in, in the days before internships. You can't get a job without experience, but you can't get experience without a job. Well anyway, I'd gone on a random okcupid date some time in April, and I really liked her. Last night she came over to watch a classic movie on Netflix and let's just say, we never saw the end of the movie. It was so amazing. I'd been so afraid of looking like I don't know what I'm doing. I'm not saying there weren't a couple of uncertain, fumbling moments, but for the most part it just flowed and felt so natural. And I was so attracted to her, I just wanted to pounce! Luckily she pounced first. It felt so good to be with someone who wanted to be with me. Afterward she said she felt honored to be my "first" and she didn't judge me at all or doubt my sincerity about it. She wants to see me again and I want to see her again. I am so proud of myself for being open to this opportunity. It was everything I was hoping it would be and more. And just because I bet some of you want to know... 3 times.

06-15-2014, 06:24 PM	#4
fever Member How Do You Identify?: stonefemme Relationship Status: single Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: near Vancouver, B.C. Canada Posts: 592 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,649 Thanked 1,280 Times in 357 Posts Rep Power: 17783435	Hello Thanks for posting an intro. I also live in the PNW. If you live near Seattle or Portland, you will find butches. lol Waving at you from Vancouver, BC Canada

06-15-2014, 08:47 PM	#5
lettertodaddy Member How Do You Identify?: dorky queer femme bottom Preferred Pronoun?: feminine ones Relationship Status: single, dammit. Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: vancouver, bc Posts: 240 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 157 Thanked 716 Times in 158 Posts Rep Power: 8075872	Better late than never! I'm also in the PacNW. In Vancouver, BC to be specific. __________________ "If I'm in a room full of cookies, the cookies ain't got no damn chance." - Charles Barkley The meaning behind my screen name:

06-12-2014, 05:10 AM	#3
EnchantedNightDweller Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: her, she Relationship Status: Being single is a good thing and I like it. Join Date: Jun 2014 Location: Texas Posts: 1,492 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,907 Thanked 2,462 Times in 803 Posts Rep Power: 21474847	Omg, you just told my exact story! Thank you, it feels good to know I'm not alone!

06-18-2014, 09:34 AM	#6
SirenManda Member How Do You Identify?: I don’t want contact. Join Date: Apr 2014 Location: . Posts: 256 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 162 Thanked 948 Times in 231 Posts Rep Power: 6277471	Happiness doesn't have a time limit. I'm also in the PNW, Seattle to be exact. Finding your path is exciting and amazing. Good luck!