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Old 07-08-2011, 11:35 AM   #21
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Personally, I'd rather you not limit yourself in your responses. I appreciate the honesty and sometimes processing it through writing can be very healing. Thank you for sharing, I am getting quite a bit of insight here.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Anya/Georgia View Post
As always, I speak for myself & my own experiences:

For 10 years my Stone Butch would not allow me to perform oral sex on her. Fucking her or touching her breasts were out of the question. She did feel comfortable masturbating in front of/with me.

I guess during this time I could have been considered a stone femme but it was not my own true sexual identity. Oh god, here goes: I love to eat pussy & I missed it somewhat but there were other obvious benefits in my relationship.

During our 11th year, she was a little tipsy & somehow I wound up fucking her & she liked it but it was a very, very rare experience thereafter and she never wanted to discuss it. It just did not fit with her own sexual identity or self-image. That was OK with me.

Did I love doing it-yes I did! Maybe I have a smidgen of femme top in me but that does not feel comfortable for me at all in my own self-image. I am open to just about anything but am not overtly aggressive sexually. I feel very shy sexually really and have to feel totally comfortable and safe with my sexual partner in order to let myself go. That letting go is very, very hard for me. Stems from my puritanical, rigid upbringing I am sure.

How can I be open to anything on one hand but am never the one to "make the moves"? I have no idea, if you can figure that one out, I'd be glad to know.

I really do hope it is OK to be so honest. I have no idea why I am-scares me a little. The Internet is forever. I just have not found so many like-minded souls before & at least for now, it is bubbling out of me. I think I better put a cork in it.
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Old 07-08-2011, 11:39 AM   #22
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I love this description. Thank you, again, for being so patient and thorough with your answers (I will not run away with the innuendo that could so easily be put into that sentence). I am no stranger to the terms we are using, I'm just playing stupid, in a sense, so that I may understand how we are all using them in relation to ourselves.

You're quite right, everyone's interpretation of the words is different, so how can I share what it means to me in the context of conversation? For now I'm just going to keep asking questions so I can be sure of exactly what the poster is intending to convey.

Also, I'm a fan of the "pleasure balls" analogy.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Gemme View Post
Pitcher and catcher, of course, refer to baseball. The pitcher takes the Top role and the catcher takes the submissive role. Sometimes. That doesn't always come into play, though.

Play.

Ha.

ba dum BUM

Basically, instead of a baseball, the partners are throwing pleasure balls.

One receives the pleasure in an active manner. That's the catcher. By active manner, I mean the other person (the pitcher) is consciously doing things to create pleasure for their partner. The receiver provides pleasure to the pitcher in what could be referred to as passive or inactive manner by showing him/hym/her/ze that their initial actions have created a pleasureable reaction and the cycle builds from there.

I don't particularly care for terms inactive or passive, because it goes back to the whole 'being a pillow princess' thing. For some, that's a compliment. For others, an insult. And it's just wrong. If I'm enjoying my honey and what he's doing, I'm not just laying there. My innards are contracting, my hips moving, my nails digging into his skin, and he's going to hear it too.

Although, I AM a princess and I AM often on pillows.

Hmmmm.....

I think I just made this waaaaay more complicated than it needed to be.



Let's try again, yes?

The dance that so many talk about is most evident during Stone sex to me. As is Newton's law. One action (pitching) creates an equal and opposite reaction (catching) and it goes on and on from there. The partners feed off of one another's enjoyment of one another and their shared pleasure until...ideally....kaboom.
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Old 07-08-2011, 12:43 PM   #23
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Morning, gang!

Gemme, you are priceless. You are answers are eloquent and beautiful!
Andy, I am sure that no one will get frustrated with your questions; they seem honest and sincere.

OK, so being a Stone Femme means to me that I do not cross any boundaries that are established in a sexual, and/or emotional way. In other words, we all deserve a safe place to explore and by creating that space, I know that my guy feels good about what hy/he/etc. is doing. It is cycle, ya know. If he feels good, then he will want to make me feel good (emotionally, mentally, physically, and sexually), and that further encourages me to want to make him feel good. I know that this seems pretty common sense, but really, in a Stone's world, this can often be neglected. So for me, being Stone Femme is not just about sexual does and don'ts, its about acknowledging the whole person, not just ID. This part of my answer is also in response to Andy's questions.
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Old 07-08-2011, 12:48 PM   #24
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Anya/Georgia View Post

I really do hope it is OK to be so honest. I have no idea why I am-scares me a little. The Internet is forever. I just have not found so many like-minded souls before & at least for now, it is bubbling out of me. I think I better put a cork in it.
You are gravy, sister! When I first found dash, I was the same way. Hell, I still probably talk too much...lol. Don't ever let anyone try to silence you either. I have not ran across that kind of attitude here on the planet, but there are other places that people will try to get you to shut up. Keeping speaking your truth no matter who has an opinion about it.
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Old 07-08-2011, 12:59 PM   #25
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lillith View Post
You are gravy, sister! When I first found dash, I was the same way. Hell, I still probably talk too much...lol. Don't ever let anyone try to silence you either. I have not ran across that kind of attitude here on the planet, but there are other places that people will try to get you to shut up. Keeping speaking your truth no matter who has an opinion about it.
What's "dash"?
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Old 07-08-2011, 01:23 PM   #26
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Anya/Georgia View Post
As always, I speak for myself & my own experiences:

For 10 years my Stone Butch would not allow me to perform oral sex on her. Fucking her or touching her breasts were out of the question. She did feel comfortable masturbating in front of/with me.

I guess during this time I could have been considered a stone femme but it was not my own true sexual identity. Oh god, here goes: I love to eat pussy & I missed it somewhat but there were other obvious benefits in my relationship.

During our 11th year, she was a little tipsy & somehow I wound up fucking her & she liked it but it was a very, very rare experience thereafter and she never wanted to discuss it. It just did not fit with her own sexual identity or self-image. That was OK with me.

Did I love doing it-yes I did! Maybe I have a smidgen of femme top in me but that does not feel comfortable for me at all in my own self-image. I am open to just about anything but am not overtly aggressive sexually. I feel very shy sexually really and have to feel totally comfortable and safe with my sexual partner in order to let myself go. That letting go is very, very hard for me. Stems from my puritanical, rigid upbringing I am sure.

How can I be open to anything on one hand but am never the one to "make the moves"? I have no idea, if you can figure that one out, I'd be glad to know.

I really do hope it is OK to be so honest. I have no idea why I am-scares me a little. The Internet is forever. I just have not found so many like-minded souls before & at least for now, it is bubbling out of me. I think I better put a cork in it.
Don't feel bad because you love to eat pussy. I love to eat pussy too!!
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Old 07-08-2011, 03:48 PM   #27
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Quote:
OK, so being a Stone Femme means to me that I do not cross any boundaries that are established in a sexual, and/or emotional way.
Actually, every person should respect every other person's sexual/emotional boundaries. Everyone has boundaries. Those boundaries can change depending on who is in the bed or not change.

For many/most? Stone Butch is about no vaginal penetration (and perhaps no anal penetration) and breasts are not breasts, but are a chest. I think it's a mixed bag concerning blow jobs and the 'little cock' (the clit), but it is in the mind set that it's a blow job not sucking a clit. I have never known a Stone Butch (or Stone Femme Top) who turned down a blow job on the 'big cock'.

Stone Femmes (who are bottoms) generally balk at wearing a cock or vaginally penetrating any Butch with their fingers. Anal is a mixed bag. It's a mixed bag about blow jobs on the little cock, but definitely a go for the big cock. Touching nipples on the chest is also a mixed bag, but I have never met a stone femme who would cup a breast in their hand to suck the nipple. It's a different kind of touch for nipples on a chest.

I am completely Stone big cock identified in kink space. In non-kink space, my sexual boundaries are entirely dependent on the femme in my (her) bed and the energy between us.

-----------------
'dash' is a reference to another butch/femme website that many many many of us frequented before this big ass planet was created....there is a dash (-) in the name.
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Old 07-08-2011, 04:16 PM   #28
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Toughy View Post
Actually, every person should respect every other person's sexual/emotional boundaries. Everyone has boundaries. Those boundaries can change depending on who is in the bed or not change.

For many/most? Stone Butch is about no vaginal penetration (and perhaps no anal penetration) and breasts are not breasts, but are a chest. I think it's a mixed bag concerning blow jobs and the 'little cock' (the clit), but it is in the mind set that it's a blow job not sucking a clit. I have never known a Stone Butch (or Stone Femme Top) who turned down a blow job on the 'big cock'.

Stone Femmes (who are bottoms) generally balk at wearing a cock or vaginally penetrating any Butch with their fingers. Anal is a mixed bag. It's a mixed bag about blow jobs on the little cock, but definitely a go for the big cock. Touching nipples on the chest is also a mixed bag, but I have never met a stone femme who would cup a breast in their hand to suck the nipple. It's a different kind of touch for nipples on a chest.

I am completely Stone big cock identified in kink space. In non-kink space, my sexual boundaries are entirely dependent on the femme in my (her) bed and the energy between us.

-----------------
'dash' is a reference to another butch/femme website that many many many of us frequented before this big ass planet was created....there is a dash (-) in the name.


Good information above, Toughy. I would only like to add that there are some Stone Butches where no vaginal touching/no chest touching whatsoever occurs. Just as there are Stone Femmes who do not participate in any vaginal/chest touching of Stone Butches.

Oh, and there are certainly both butches and femmes who do not like penetration, but do not identify as Stone...it is just something they don't particularly care for (just thought I would throw that out there before a non stone, non penetrating person takes offense!).
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Are you educated or indoctrinated?
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Old 07-08-2011, 04:28 PM   #29
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Yes, respect sexual boundaries. Otherwise, one could become to what really amounts to a rapist (butch, femme, or otherwise). We are all different and all have every right to refuse any kind of touch/sexual act that we want to refuse. Without being questioned, manipulated, or judged.

Boundaries and comfort zones are important for all of us to identify personally and not be afraid to make known to lovers.
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Old 07-08-2011, 04:33 PM   #30
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I agree, boundaries are important no matter how you ID

I don't ID as Stone, but am enjoying the interaction of words in this thread
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Old 07-08-2011, 06:29 PM   #31
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I truly appreciate the feedback, dialogue, perspectives & knowledge shared in this thread Thanks to all also for being so open with parts of yourselves that are so very personal.
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Old 07-08-2011, 07:05 PM   #32
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Default Ok. I ventured into this thread...

meaning to read every post before I commented - but, being the ol' crotechy bitch that I am, I didn't have the patience nor motivation - I am so jaded, I believe I've heard it all before.

Let me back up a bit...for years, I was a Lesbian - I didn't know any better, so that's what I always called myself. I was involved in sexually 'reciprocal' relationships. And by 'reciprocal' I mean - you do me, I do you. Well, that never sat well with me, and I'll tell you why. I was a lousy 'lesbian' - according to what the 'ideal' sort of 'lesbian' was supposed to be - reciprocal 'everything'. Well, I just couldn't go there. I was accused of being 'straight' because I - too put it bluntly - didn't enjoy/like going down on a woman - nor a man, for that mattter (I was 'straight' for the first 20 years of my life). I just did not like it, could not stomach it, didn't want to, etc. - I think you get the picture.

To me, being 'stone' is not touching/feeling up a butch - not that I would want to - I don't. Never mind, 'going down'! That to me - and I am only speaking for myself - is unspeakable! It is nothing I would ever want to do. So, anyone I partner with, would have to be stone in that way.

Ok, enough said about my preferences & personal interpretation of 'stone femme'...carry on.
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Old 07-08-2011, 08:09 PM   #33
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Thank you all for your input. Toughy, Dapper, very helpful indeed, thanks!!!

I'm all for respecting boundaries and giving pleasure within what is enjoyable to whomever I am partnered with. I think it's important that it was brought up in this thread, and I'm really glad we're all on the same page about that.

As for "dash", that's hilarious to me because I originally signed up over there before the "p" stood for planet. Silly me, not putting two and two together to make four!

It appears there is much for me to examine about myself in relation to others and the dynamics of touch. Sure I've thought about it, but I've never really stopped to examine in depth the reasons for the emotions and feelings that I have about it. Good thread, all!
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Old 07-08-2011, 08:19 PM   #34
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Reciprocal sex is not the only type of sex that lesbians engage in. Lesbians are not the only people who engage in reciprocal sex. Lesbians' sex lives are just as varied as any other group of people- they can be kinky, vanilla, stone, not stone, like/don't like oral sex, penetration, etc. There are stone butch lesbians and stone femme lesbians.
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Old 07-08-2011, 08:31 PM   #35
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my Ms is a stone femme, until She's not. Wink wink
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Old 07-08-2011, 08:40 PM   #36
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"The true feminist deals out of a lesbian consciousness whether or not she ever sleeps with women."
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Old 07-09-2011, 04:31 AM   #37
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Originally Posted by cinderella View Post
meaning to read every post before I commented - but, being the ol' crotechy bitch that I am, I didn't have the patience nor motivation - I am so jaded, I believe I've heard it all before.

Let me back up a bit...for years, I was a Lesbian - I didn't know any better, so that's what I always called myself. I was involved in sexually 'reciprocal' relationships. And by 'reciprocal' I mean - you do me, I do you. Well, that never sat well with me, and I'll tell you why. I was a lousy 'lesbian' - according to what the 'ideal' sort of 'lesbian' was supposed to be - reciprocal 'everything'. Well, I just couldn't go there. I was accused of being 'straight' because I - too put it bluntly - didn't enjoy/like going down on a woman - nor a man, for that mattter (I was 'straight' for the first 20 years of my life). I just did not like it, could not stomach it, didn't want to, etc. - I think you get the picture.

To me, being 'stone' is not touching/feeling up a butch - not that I would want to - I don't. Never mind, 'going down'! That to me - and I am only speaking for myself - is unspeakable! It is nothing I would ever want to do. So, anyone I partner with, would have to be stone in that way.

Ok, enough said about my preferences & personal interpretation of 'stone femme'...carry on.
I appreciate your thoughts and whatever you just don't care to do certainly is a boundary you need to have respected.

I feel like you are making some generalizations about lesbian sex and stereotyping us. I certainly don't have a predetermined and narrow interpretation of what lesians always do. I haven't stuck to one and only one way of enjoying sex through all my years of lesbianism. Sex is fluid and can evolve. Identifying as a butch woman has not changed this at all for me.

Absolutely, sexual boundaries need to be respected. Stereotyping segments of the entire queer spectrum based upon what you individually have experienced and putting it into negative language (that is how this feels to me) is troublesome. As troublesome as when I see someone stereotyping or making negative judgements of a stone person. I am very careful as a non-stone individual to not make statements that could offend those that are stone and not generalize about stone sexuality.
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Old 07-09-2011, 10:55 AM   #38
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Yes, it does sound like I'm generalizing, and perhaps I am. I apologize for that, it was not my intention. The intention was not so much for 'generalizing', but to express *my* personal feelings and experiences, and the way *I* perceive them. My personal feelings are mine - I am not trying to speak for others. Perhaps I am coming across too adamantly strong and/or 'narrow' - but, it's the way I feel for *me*. It is neither right nor wrong, it is only right for me. I may be mistaken, but I believe the intention of this thread was to get feedback on our personal opinion of what we thought a 'stonefemme' to be.

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Originally Posted by AtLastHome View Post
I appreciate your thoughts and whatever you just don't care to do certainly is a boundary you need to have respected.

I feel like you are making some generalizations about lesbian sex and stereotyping us. I certainly don't have a predetermined and narrow interpretation of what lesians always do. I haven't stuck to one and only one way of enjoying sex through all my years of lesbianism. Sex is fluid and can evolve. Identifying as a butch woman has not changed this at all for me.

Absolutely, sexual boundaries need to be respected. Stereotyping segments of the entire queer spectrum based upon what you individually have experienced and putting it into negative language (that is how this feels to me) is troublesome. As troublesome as when I see someone stereotyping or making negative judgements of a stone person. I am very careful as a non-stone individual to not make statements that could offend those that are stone and not generalize about stone sexuality.
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Old 07-09-2011, 11:02 AM   #39
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I was involved in sexually 'reciprocal' relationships. And by 'reciprocal' I mean - you do me, I do you.
Femme gives butch a blow job, butch fucks femme with cock. Butch goes down on femme, femme gives butch a blow job. Both look like 'you do me, I do you' as far as I can tell.

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To me, being 'stone' is not touching/feeling up a butch -
Huh? No wonder so many folks think 'stone' is not right with these kinds of statements. Every stone femme I know touches and feels up the stone butch they are with. Sex would be boring beyond belief if a stone femme just laid there and did not touch me.

Quote:
I was a lousy 'lesbian' - according to what the 'ideal' sort of 'lesbian' was supposed to be - reciprocal 'everything'.
I want to know what an 'ideal' lesbian looks like and what they do in bed. I have been in bed with a bunch and I mean a bunch of lesbians. I have no idea what the 'ideal' 'lesbian' does. I have had plenty of sex with lesbians that was not reciprocal 'everything'. Oh yeah............I am a lesbian although I don't particularly like the word, but it fits.

I just wish this stereotyping would stop. Stereotyping stone sexuality and lesbian sexuality does not work well.
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Old 07-09-2011, 01:33 PM   #40
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Originally Posted by cinderella View Post
. I may be mistaken, but I believe the intention of this thread was to get feedback on our personal opinion of what we thought a 'stonefemme' to be.
Hey, cinderella. Thanks for your comments. You are getting feedback on your personal opinion. This thread was started because I find that a lot of focus tends to be on Stone Butch, and what that means; I wanted to discuss what it means to be a Stone Femme. Like a Stone Butch ID, I think that being a Stone Femme is just as open to personal interpretation. You are right when you say that there is no right or wrong answer; however, you go on to contradict yourself by saying your way is right. All I know is that my stone fluctuates and changes depending on my partner's needs, wants, and desires. I do have one hard no, and that is vaginal penetration (giving). I am open to the possibilities of everything else (and goodness there is a ton of everything else). Let me make this also very clear, my identity is not based on my partner's. It is important to me that I be proactive in my own needs, wants, and desires because I am a giver, a pleaser and want to share as much intimacy and sex with my love as much as possible. I am stone, but not made of stone.
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