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Old 07-16-2011, 07:34 AM   #21
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For me it doesn't always takes money. I am usually stuck with taking someone in a series of "dates", so I try to do the most I can in the shortest time possible.

It takes respect, creativity, presence, good hygiene, planning and care.

First and foremost treat her with respect. Anything else is unacceptable.

Be creative as to what to do, even if it means driving around in circles and asking for directions just so you can take her to that perfect spot.

Be present, ask questions, look for signs of what she likes or doesn't like. Pull back the chair at a restaurant, open doors, in my case translate, be totally present.

Good hygiene is a given for me, but I usually go an extra mile for dates. And yes, smell good enough to make her want to munch on you. Do some pre-date grooming, fresh haircut, take care of your hands, nails, etc.

Plan something for her, money is not always involved. I once had a "date" that entailed me spending a lot of time and effort getting something to work just so that we could do something together. It was worth it, it was inexpensive and it was fun.

Look at her in the eye, let her know how much you are enjoying her presence and always make sure to compliment her. I am certain she also put a lot of effort in looking as spectacular as she does. Show her you care. After all, she is the reason you are out on a date to begin with.
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Old 07-16-2011, 07:35 AM   #22
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I usually start with, "You wanna date me? I'll let ya." and take it from there.







Labels: humor, parody
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Old 07-16-2011, 08:35 AM   #23
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My situation is a bit unique and my needs different then the typical.

If someone dates me it means they have to come here and sense it's out in the country, normally requires a drive, they normally stay the night. Therefore I only date someone I've spent time with getting to know. I have met people for coffee in Greensboro and Raleigh but its hard for me to just slip out and spend a few hours for coffee.

I'm happy to plan and cook. I think its rude to go to someone's house empty handed. I don't even do this, especially when someone is entertaining me. Do a little research and surprise me. A bottle of wine, flowers, a plant, anything. I also expect you to help out with cleaning up after. If you come for the weekend help me around the farm. Yes- I put them to work! If they can't handle some work then they probably won't fit into my lifestyle anyhow.

I don't expect someone to pay. It depends on who ask whom and what we're doing. If someone takes me out to dinner I expect them to pay. I reciprocate by inviting them for a home cooked meal.

I really enjoy someone who is intelligent and creative. Someone who plans a surprise for me and helps me make the available time. It can be a trip to the lake, a hike, go fishing, kayaking, movie, dinner, almost anything. I hate always making plans and deciding.

Its not what we do so much as the energy present. I prefer someone attentive and affectionate. Good conversation without effort.
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Old 07-16-2011, 08:45 AM   #24
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Show genuine interest in me as a person, I, in return, will do the same. If I date you, I am genuinely interested in knowing you.

I would rather sit and just have coffee & chat than go to the movies on a first date.

Be real with me. If I go out with you, I am already impressed by you so no pretense is necessary.

Understand that I am just as anxious as you are that the date go well, though I may now outwardly show it.

No expensive fancy date needed (though that is fun too). A picnic at the beach or a park is great.

Splitting the cost of the date is fine. Just because you are butch does not mean I expect you to pay but be honest ahead of time. If you do not bring it up, I will to make you more comfortable.

If you really like me, please let me know. I hate to guess. If you decide you do not want to see me again, be honest & tell me. I will do the same.

Be respectful, honor my boundaries.

Good hygiene, no bad breath please.

Please, no stories about femmes that did you wrong in the past. I will refrain from telling you stories about butches that did me wrong; in return.

In a nutshell: be the sweet, charming, open and honest butch that I know you are, even before I really know you.
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Old 07-16-2011, 08:52 AM   #25
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My most memorable date that I hold dearly in memories to this day,being young and as broke as we both were, new how much I loved Melissa Etheridge and instead of expensive flowers (which die) wrote on a plain piece of notebook papers the lyrics to one of her songs. (this was before you could google the lyrics, so they actually listened to the song enough to write the lyrics), we took a thermos of coffee and a blanket to my back yard and laid under the moon and stars and just talked, laughed and shared, wants, desires, dreams, goals and laughter. Even though it was many many years ago I still have that piece of notebook paper with those lyrics on it, and remember the aroma of thier cologne. IMHO the greatest gifts anyone can give another is thier time, (seems it's the one things most of us just don't have enough of). And to share themselves with another. In my many years of dating I've had great ones and not so great ones. Gotta love the "wandering eyes" type of dates lol.
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Old 07-16-2011, 09:23 AM   #26
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Default I love this

I love how diverse we all are....

for me personally, i am old school and i love old school treatment....please pay for my dinner, open my doors, hold my hand or let my hand rest in the crook of your arm, make sure im on the inside as we walk down a street this shows the world that you respect me and that im yours for the evening.

im not opposed to "dutch" just communicate that.


im also not opposed to planning a date...however i don't want to plan the first one..immediate turn off for me...im also not flattered when someone says i want to take you out on a date by the way i want you to also pay...again another turn off.

yes sometimes knowing who is paying for dinner and such is important.......

communication is important upfront....
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Old 07-16-2011, 09:44 AM   #27
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Surprises just ROCK! Pick me up from work..take me for a drive..stop the car because it's a great song in the Wal Mart parking lot if need be and ask me to dance..look at me like you've haven't seen me for a lifetime..kiss so deeply I forget to breathe...come over at 3am because it's a nasty storm and you know how much I secretly fear them..hold me to make me feel safe. You get the idea I'm sure. I'm old school as well. And I refuse to believe chivalry is dead. I still believe in knights in rusted/dented armor.lol
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Old 07-16-2011, 10:19 AM   #28
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When Kat was wooing me, she sent me this, randomly during the day when I was at work. Just the lyrics, no note. It gave me goosebumps. (And probably got her lucky that night)

She's the One -- Bruce Springsteen
With her killer graces and her secret places that no boy can fill
With her hands on her hips, oh, and that smile on her lips because she knows that it kills me
With her soft French cream, standing in that doorway like a dream, I wish she'd just leave me alone
Because French cream won't soften them boots and French kisses will not break that heart of stone
With her long hair falling and her eyes that shine like a midnight sun
Whoa-oh, she's the one
She's the one

That thunder in your heart at night when you're kneeling in the dark, it say's you're never gonna leave her
But there's this angel in her eyes that tells such desperate lies, and all you want to do is believe her
And tonight you'll try just one more time to leave it all behind and to break on through
Oh, she can take you, but if she wants to break you, she's gonna find out that ain't so easy to do
And no matter where you sleep tonight or how far you run
Whoa-oh, she's the one
She's the one

Oh oh, and just one kiss, she's fill them long summer nights with her tenderness
That secret pact you made, back when her love could save you from the bitterness
Oh, she's the one
Oh, she's the one
Oh, she's the one
Oh, she's the one
Oh, she's the one
Oh, she's the one
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Old 07-16-2011, 10:22 AM   #29
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Default With...

courtesy, generosity, chivalry, and good manners. And a little bit of innocent flirting with me wouldn't hurt anything.
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Old 07-16-2011, 10:48 AM   #30
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Don't spend too much money. I actually pulled out of a new relationship once because the Butch I was dating (and it hadn't been going on very long at all) spent hundreds of dollars on me at V-Day. It made me incredibly uncomfortable, and while hy clearly had good intentions - it made me want to not date hym any more. I just couldn't get passed it! The combination of feeling bought and feeling weird that I didn't (actually, couldn't!) reciprocate monetarily was just way too much for me and I skedaddled.

Some of the greatest gifts I'd ever received cost less than 20 dollars. Most of them I still have and use today.

- a glasses case shaped like a handbag
- a black/gold checkered cigarette case
- a compact with a dragonfly painted on it
- a totebag with a cartoon monkey wearing a pirate outfit on it
- a little black change purse with blue stars on it
- paul frank earbuds
- Morrissey and Siouxsie duet "Interlude" on vinyl
- a brown with pink polka dots travel mug
- the b-horror-movie Carnival of Terror on VHS (this was forever ago!)
- playing cards with Elvis on them!!!!!

And most recently, my work-bestie (who I admit I have a bit of a crush on) drew me a picture for my birthday. It's a cartoon fox and captioned "Happy Birthday, Bestie! You are so foxy!" I put it on my fridge. For his birthday I made him marble magnets with Wonder Woman on them and he was super excited. We're besties like that.
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Old 07-16-2011, 10:56 AM   #31
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I grew up in Texas and have very firm ideas on how I should be treated - good Southern manners go far with me! Money is immaterial, though - in fact, a fancy restaurant seems like too much unless it's a special occasion. Picnics, boat rides, gentle hikes, drives, etc are more my speed. And I don't really like the classic "dinner and a movie". I prefer a show and drinks - if we're going to watch a performance of any kind I'd want to talk about it after, and a coffee shop or quiet bar give us a chance to do that! Treat me like a lady, focus on the moment, share your thoughts with me, and actually be interested when I share with you. Everything else is optional.

My favorite date (so far!) was a nighttime walk through a city garden that had been decorated for Christmas. It was our own fairy wonderland! We talked about everything for hours, admired the lights and displays, and I was her entire focus. She was courteous and chivalrous, constantly seeing to my comfort. The only money spent was on a cup of hot cocoa when I started to get a bit chilled. Afterwards she dropped me back off at my car with a smile, a desire to see me again, and a chaste kiss with no pressure for more. Best date ever.
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Old 07-16-2011, 11:01 AM   #32
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Gayla got 8 postcards from the area...put a note and a stamp on each one and sent them all the way across country to C. and A. in Pa...they are also doing the postcard exchange and agreed to mail them out using my PO address, which Gayla does not have...it was really really really a sweet surprise...

that's one thing that I, as the Nina-Femme, appreciated as a date...
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Old 07-16-2011, 11:15 AM   #33
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Let's see I am a bit simple, I like flowers but not roses please, I love carnations...... if your going to take me out on a date please be dressed nicely, dont have mounds of fast food bags all over your car, I dont like to sit in someone else's left over food. Open a door for me, turn off your cell phone, dont flirt with the waitress or anyone else while im around, big turn off.... dont talk about your ex's (it has happen before, big mistake). my dog is number one in my life, she always has been and always will be........ money wise I dont care to go to some fancy place unless its a special occasion. I am a simple person who likes small gifts to show you care.
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Old 07-16-2011, 11:25 AM   #34
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OK, I am intentionally NOT reading other replies so I may repeat a thought or two...

I have three kids so I fully understand that the budget can get tight and I have no problems with that. Yes, I would love to be swept off my feet, taken to a wonderfully expensive meal etc etc etc. But, life does not always allow for such indulgences.

So, assuming we have a minimal or non-existent budget, let's try something a little more realistic.

* My local art museum accepts donations in lieu of charging admittance and parking is free for museum guests. Personally, I love to go here for a date, I like to see what (if any) art moves someone.

* The local botanical gardens are free and parking is free. They have a variety of gardens from the "Southern Home" garden to the rose garden to the Japanese gardens etc. Lots of pretty and unique things to see, easy to walk with swings and benches and fountains scattered throughout.

* State parks. Usually a small charge to get in but lots of places to walk, spread a blanket and relax, talk and get to know/rediscover each other. And, if you have a Frisbee or soccer ball etc, you can bring it with you.

* Cook for me!!! I am not the greatest cook ever and I love it when someone cooks for me. I am even happy to grocery shop (just provide me a list) and clean up.

* If we go out to eat, please tell me what you are thinking of ordering-I am going to use your order to determine what to get. If you order a $15 pasta dish, I am not going to order $40 in surf & turf. I know, it is weird, but I prefer to stay within the same price range. I don't care who orders first though. But treat the wait staff well! If you treat them badly, this may well be your last date with me.

* Watch a movie with me. I have hundreds of DVDs and I love to curl up with a movie. It is even better when you can make out during part or all of the film.

* Sit on the porch at night with me and talk to me. Point out the brightest stars, tell me stories about when you were little and just enjoy the evening.

* Give me a back rub, a foot rub etc. I am a very tactile person and love a massage. Even better, tell me that my hair is pretty and ask if you can brush it. I will let you brush my hair until your arm falls off-lol.

* Pay attention to me. Ask me questions, SHOW INTEREST in me, and just talk to me. The best thing you can give someone is your attention. Be in the moment. Put the cell phone down, stop texting. I hate it when someone is always texting and they are supposed to be with me. If you are with me then BE WITH ME, not your cell. (Allowances made for texts from kids etc). I want to feel like your priority, not your option.

* Treat me like your grandmother. No really! Open the door, pull out my chair (if you are comfortable doing so), don't make every other word the "four letter" variety. Present yourself cleanly, make sure your car or home is neat (cleaning does not cost anything), use your manners.

* Smell good! In addition to being very tactile, I am also scent driven. Clean is yummy. Sweat on clean is sexy. Sweat on BO-not so much.

* If you want to charm me, then make me feel like a lady. Charm will take you further than flash.

Hope this helps, even a little bit


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Old 07-16-2011, 11:26 AM   #35
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Ok, now I am going back to read what everyone else said

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Old 07-16-2011, 11:53 AM   #36
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Originally Posted by LaneyDoll View Post
But treat the wait staff well! If you treat them badly, this may well be your last date with me.
Oh god, exactly!

This one time I went out on a date with a guy because he was postering for the communist party and I struck up a conversation with him about politics (true fact - I will talk to anybody, and I thought "oh neat, a communist. I should talk to him!"). Anyway, the place we went was Sneaky Dee's, which at that time was my favourite place to go (his suggestion). He was SUCH AN INCREDIBLE DOUCHEBAG to the servers, and I was mortified because it was a place that I hung out often enough that I knew most of the people who worked there would recognise me. He actually put his hand in the air and SNAPPED at one juncture and I just about crawled over the table to murder him. (Don't get me started on the hypocrisy of pretending to be a champion of the working person and then treating people who work in the service industry like shit.) I spent a solid month ignoring his phonecalls after that until he gave up.

I also hate when people constantly send their food back. I mean if there is something genuinely wrong (like, if it's cold) that's one thing - but if it's EVERY single time we go out to eat and over stupid reasons then we're going to have an issue. Plus I feel like I can't eat my food until the other person's food is back and I hate when something comes between me and my food.

I'm really weird (maybe not so weird?) about how people behave when they are with me, even friends. If you are obnoxious or have a huge sense of entitlement I'm not going to want to hang out with you. If you make a nuisance of yourself and are demanding of the employees at whatever place we happen to be at (or are unfriendly to them in any way) I will feel humiliated and not want to spend time with you any more.
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Old 07-16-2011, 12:16 PM   #37
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as for who pays? the asker. If I ask you out, I pay. You ask me out, you pay. Asker picks restaurant and informs when asking. good idea to have a plan B in case someone has food sensitivities.

I *have* been caught out by this before by thinking this was fairly common - it's not in London! I was butt broke and this very suave suited and booted butch solicitor (UK for Lawyer) asked me out for a light dinner on the south bank of the thames, outside table, bit of dimsum. Ok, I thought, that's nice, sure. I take £10 with me, just in case, and head off.

I arrive and it's way more expensive than I thought but that's ok, she's picked it, she asked me, I'll just go light and let her order mostly. As we are talking before the waiter comes I start to get this feeling she's more southern english butch than northern or the kind of butch in North america.... that means everything I might assume goes out the window. This also means she hasn't dated much. they don't really "date" here... that would mean she doesn't know date manners/rituals of the kind I'm used to. ergo, I'm going to have to have a glass of water and a salad with my £10 in this very expensive place.

So I don't order any wine, I turn down, politely, her offer to buy a bottle. I then order an appetiser as my meal. She orders several buckets of dim sum. Offers me some. I say no thanks, I'm not very hungry. oh go on have a few and places four on my plate. I don't touch them till close to the end of the meal.

after a rather awkward date where I realise that although I've met with her casually a couple times at events, this is a no goer. different lifestyle. she doesn't pay attention well either. talks about herself a bit too much in a very boring way and takes herself way too seriously. generalises too much.

when the bill arrives she looks at it and says "split this down the middle, shall we?" with a big happy non-observant grin.
"actually, if you don't mind, I'm just going to pay for mine. I've only got a tenner on me." which came out a bit frosty. I think she was a bit bruised by that. Her tone changed and she sounded a bit hurt.

I rushed away with a lot of relief.

serves me right for making assumptions about people and dating and I should have stated right at the beginning about my budget.

Inki did try to pay for me as often as possible, bless her, and we always have a small wrestle over the bags. I've learned to just let her carry them and say thank you. she means only to be of use and I appreciate it when she takes the awkward bags when we cycle home from shopping. She find me chairs when my feet hurt when we are out, she always gives me the seat on the train. But to assume she will do this for all femmes is a mistake, she'll promptly tell a femme to fuck off at an event if she wants a chair that inki has, simply because she's girly and inki's a butch and therefore has chair rights. She doesn't do the gender divide. she does it because it's me. not because I'm a femme. That feels special.
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Old 07-16-2011, 12:18 PM   #38
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My only rule is don't bore me. Quiet is fine. Simple is fine. But don't actively bore me.

i can't tell you the number of times i've been picked up and then the butch (or femme) got gas, went to an ATM to get cash, didn't know the directions to where we were going, etc. Don't waste my time. Do all that before you pick me up, for god's sake.

i went out on one date, and the butch stopped by at a business to pick out some furniture for a house she owned that she was staging. Took like an hour. i used to buy furniture for a living. It was NOT interesting. Maybe some people would have loved it. This one also talked about her ex and indicated the ex thought she was perhaps on the stalky side. No second date for her.
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Old 07-16-2011, 12:19 PM   #39
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Opening of doors and etc are givens. Those must be done. I am an old school femme, that never changes.

At this stage of the game, I am unwilling to pay for dinner. I have paid my dues, thank you.If you cant pay for dinner, you cant afford me. I dont mean you need money but you need to be successful enough in life to hold your own. I am not taking care of, financially nor emotionally, another human being. And if you cant pay for dinner, thats a clear sign for me that one of the two of the forementioned might be a likelihood.

Be sober. I dont care if you have a drink with dinner but by god, dont be a lush. Its SO over, the excuses of why you arent too drunk. At my age, if you are drunk at dinner, you are simply just an old drunk and I wont bother with you...

Dress nice. Dont show up with stains or wrinkles or odd smells. I dont care what your excuse is. I count more than those excuses. BTW...horse smells arent odd smells...

Pay attention to me. Be present. Dont go wonder off into lala land and all your worries. Nor let me catch your eye on some other girl. Have some conversation starters and know how to listen as well as talk. And talk. the strong silent ones are so not cool anymore. If you cant talk to me, its not a good date.

Be civil..I love what the other gals said about being nice to the wait staff. was having dinner with a coworker one day and was totally appalled by her behavior toward them. I never hung out with her again. and that was just a coworker...

Know what you are getting into, before the date. I am not the girl i use to be. Dont expect me to be submissive and dainty. I am also not "down and dirty". I am ladylike and sweet, funny and flirty, but very strong and independent. I am not needy and in trouble. I am also not trouble. Dont come at me like a knight in shining armour...lol on my word pun. I am with you for dinner, not for rescue...

have clean breath

be yourself. I am out with you because something about YOU tickled my fancy. Dont put on airs or try to impress me by changing ...be true to who you are...that makes the best date!

Show up with a gift. A single red rose. A cd for us to listen to that I get to take home and keep. A little horse to add to my collection (you would know I collect palomino knick knacks)

Take photos during the date and post them on your facebook so that the world would know we went out. Show me you are happy to be with me...proud of it.

Dont assume sex. it wont happen. Not at the age I am at..the age of self preservation. I cant provide intimacy just because we like each other. I need far more than that. I think dating has lost its definition.It was originally meant as a process to find the "one". And its ok that we dont need to hang on for "one" anymore. But I do think we threw the baby out with the bath water and jumped into bed too soon too often..speaking for myself...the "we" meaning myself, past and up to the present. I have been dating and havent had sex on a date in forever. I tell people it will take at least a year. LOL> you should see their expressions. Some view it as a challenge. They fall to the wayside when they cant pace themselves. Sex happens....but not too fast...too soon...

oh...dont even kid about ordering horse meat. I will punch you.
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Old 07-16-2011, 01:00 PM   #40
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nina View Post
Gayla got 8 postcards from the area...put a note and a stamp on each one and sent them all the way across country to C. and A. in Pa...they are also doing the postcard exchange and agreed to mail them out using my PO address, which Gayla does not have...it was really really really a sweet surprise...

that's one thing that I, as the Nina-Femme, appreciated as a date...

Oh this was so much fun
you will never know how happy I was
knowing that you were gonna get a surprise
I am such a geek
and
you took forever to get to the post office


so dating
I don't date
Corkey won't let me
Not sure why that is (snort)
anyway
being the odd duck that I am
while I LOVE surprising other people (those that actually love to be surprised)
I personally don't care to be surprised (ever)
I love knowing exactly what I am getting for B-day etc weeks ahead of time and joyfully waiting till I get it.
I prefer (read want/need) to be involved in the planning of my life
so back in the day (before marriage)
I liked to plan dates together
split the costs or take turns
being polite etc is a given
treating others well is a given
but then so is living within one's means
being able to be yourself and being able to relax
I really want to be comfortable, feel excepted, etc and want the other person to feel that way too.
cause ya know at some point if things work out you may end up living together
personally I don't want to live together and be all formal
home is the place you get to relax and escape from the world
if you are a beer drinking, sports watching in your boxers kind of butch well then you better let that special femme know that side of you exists. Though I would not recommend wearing just boxers on the first date
It is nice if you also clean up well and do know how to behave in public.
Be honest, be honest, be honest
no one is perfect
and we all have our querks


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