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Old 08-26-2011, 09:46 PM   #1
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Default Femme on Femme Love (or Lust)

Just curious - how many of us who identify as femme are attracted to other femmes?

I'm looking through all of the people who are recommended matches for me on OKCupid and all of them (except one) presents as Femme. And while they're each lovely in their own way, not a single one interests me in a sexual/romantic kind of way. I pay attention to and respond to butches only. Is that weird?
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Old 08-26-2011, 10:17 PM   #2
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Hello,

I think it's all in whom you like as a person. There are so many variables. I have a ton of friends that if you look at them (by looks only) you will see fem on fem. But when you get to know them like me. You will see right into it there is ALWAYS a Ying and a Yang in the relationship or you could say B and F....

So I get what you are saying about you are not attracted to other femme's in that sexual way. I too find butches nice looking but that doesn't mean I would sleep with them. I like the B/F Dynamic.

I find a lot of dating sites are femme on femme. So I've steered away.

Good luck to you!
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Old 08-26-2011, 10:41 PM   #3
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Dynamics are a powerful and beautiful thing.


The most beautiful thing ~ finding the one that fits who you are.



Butch on Butch, Femme on Femme, Femme on Butch...Butch on Femme.
Boi on boi, Dom on boi, trans on trans...you name it.

It's all there for our choosing, and it's all beautiful.



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Old 08-26-2011, 10:51 PM   #4
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Thumbs up It's definately not weird

NO, it's NOT weird to be attracted to butches only! It's HOT! There are no rules for attraction. There's no explaining it, there's no need to. I live by "To each her/hys own".

I like being friends with other Femmes, I enjoy their company and sharing girl stories and confidences. The camaraderie is invaluable. But I want to be held and caressed and loved only by a Butch. Butches complete me. I love the differences between us, makes me feel special. And I crave the inherent bond we share as female beings.

I had a similar experience to yours when I filled out an online dating profile recently, being naive, I assumed somewhere it was going to ask me if I had a preference for Femme or Butch women. But no. All the matches I was given presented as Femme (to steal your phrasing).

Thus I landed on this Planet. It's a good place for us to be, eh?
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Old 08-27-2011, 12:00 AM   #5
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I've been attracted to a wide range of people, including a few femmes.

My partner is neither butch nor femme - or she's kinda both in different moments and sometimes at the same moment. And she is damn fine in all her aspects.

Most of my attractions have clustered in the masculine female-bodied range, regardless of ID.
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Old 08-27-2011, 02:15 AM   #6
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I'm primarily attracted to butches but there have been femmes that have made me stutter and blush and I have been wildly attracted to.

There are ones who have held open my doors, been insanely intelligent, treated me like a naughty princess (and I will refuse to acknowledge I said this in about five minutes because it's so unlike me as a person, but as a sexual dynamic it somehow triggers me, even though I hate it/love it/shut-up-I-never-said that kind of way and all of them cottoned on to that and toyed with it in a piss take sexual kind of way) teased the hell out of me in a friendly way, were bloody minded about their own ethics/desires/ambitions... very strong women who knew how to be a bit of a charmer. I like to be chased and I like the other person showing initiative in a confident sly rougish way that slightly pulls my pig tails and flatters me at the same time (gosh barb, not a tall order there... but it really is my weakness). And I do know of a few femmes that can easily achieve those things, so if I was allowed I'd certainly have a bit of naughty rumpy with them.

One of my best mates was able to do this. It's a fine line though. If you can't pull it off, you risk my wrath... only very certain people can say "shut up and sit your fat ass down, princess" and have me titter like a girl. Butches can't. it's too close to old shit for me. But butches trigger everything else sexually far more easily anyway, so it's only fair.


I'd have a roll in the hay with a few of my femme mates cause I'm friendly like that.
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Old 08-27-2011, 04:11 AM   #7
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"Naughty rumpy" is my new favourite phrase.
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Old 08-27-2011, 06:04 AM   #8
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Me. All the girls I have dated tend to tick several boxes, but I'm very attracted to femmes, particularly if they sit on the androgynous side. I haven't had a relationship with someone femme for a long time now, I suspect as they're not different enough to get a proper ying/yang going for a long-term thing. Interestingly enough I find it easier to orgasm with my current partner than I have with anyone else. I'm not sure if this has to do with his gender, our dynamics or the fact that we have a relationship devoid of any drama.
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Old 08-27-2011, 06:12 AM   #9
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I have responded to this in different threads so hopefully it is not too redundant!

Femmes are my friends! I feel at ease with femmes (gay, straight or otherwise identified). They are my tribe. There is instant recognition of shared experience -regardless of who they sleep with. Of course, when they are lesbian femmes, I feel an even greater comfort level. There is a feminine energy that I so identify with, take comfort in, and relate to.

My first love was femme. She was beautiful, brilliant, very funny and I was crazy about her. I was so attracted to all that she was. I still think about her today and hope so much that she is happy. We kept in touch for a long time after we broke up.

I watched her dating and slowly progressing to more and more butch women, away from femmes as lovers. I could see her searching for that place that she could call home. She hit the jackpot with her last and probably final love: a very butch lesbian basketball player. She fell hard in the way I always knew that she would & they were/probably still are very much in love.

I did not know there was another dynamic when I first came out. I never say never about much in my life but it is doubtful I would fall in love with another femme. The sexual energy is not there in the same way for me as it is with a butch.

That's just the way it is for me.

Lesbian dating sites are full of femmes. Great for butches, not so great for us, LTD.

Hugs,
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Old 08-27-2011, 06:15 AM   #10
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*Raising hand* Me, me, me!

I happen to be one of those femmes who is attracted to other femmes. I am also attracted to butches. I am attracted to women. Period.

I think a lot of the time, femme/femme attraction is not as prevalent in online communities. I think that it is often somehow tied in to how lesbians are objectified by men, but I am sure that is an entirely different conversation and I don't want to derail.

I am partnered with a beautiful stone butch. That doesn't change my attraction to femmes. It doesn't stop me from exclaiming over a Victoria's Secret commercial or from pausing/rewinding it.

I try not to be "closed" to things. I am a "want it all" kinda woman, and if I close my mind to things, I just might miss something! To quote the marvelous Steven Tyler, "I don't wanna miss a thing."

As all the others have stated, you are only as limited as you allow yourself to be.

Good luck!
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Old 08-27-2011, 08:07 AM   #11
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And I'm not going to miss a thing! I live my life with no regrets.

Like you Christie. I love all things Women. My S/O is Butch. She'll argue

*Soft Butch, maybe* and is not into labels. But she is Butch. I don't care

if she was UTCH, I love her just the way she is.

I love a woman, any woman (but admit, I am attracted to a brainiac and

masculine tendencies) who takes care of herself, i/e in mind, body and

spirit. I appreciate female beauty in a myriad of ways. And when I see it,

I'm not afraid to say. We are comfortable (and secure) enough in our

relationship, that I can say. It doesn't invite jealousy, quite the opposite.

It often opens the door to some very beautiful conversations.

Much like Jess and Christie, my s/o and I spend week days apart. Her job is

across the state line, not very far in distance, but travel time with traffic

etc....makes the commute/combined with long work hours, just not worth

She keeps a studio apartment near her job. But is close enough (thank

the gay angels) that if we need each other, or have an event to attend

that can happen.
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Old 09-01-2011, 02:14 PM   #12
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Talking

How can one not be?!?

Femme = Rawr!!
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Old 09-01-2011, 03:03 PM   #13
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For the life of me, I will never understand what is such a big deal about femmes being attracted to other femmes! Or, butches to butches. Then again, I think it is just that any and all attraction to women that is what I get most. Women all over the spectrum being who they are.
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Old 09-01-2011, 03:09 PM   #14
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We can't help who we fall in love with.
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Old 09-01-2011, 03:19 PM   #15
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I think that any time you find that special "thing" about someone that attracts you, that makes you want to be with them, that makes you fall in love...its a beautiful thing! And although I've never been sexually attracted to femmes, I can still look at a femme woman and think she is absolutely beautiful and hot...its just not what I'M looking for at the moment. I love the butch/femme dynamic, and I am primarily attracted to masculinity. That being said, I have friends who are in femme/femme and butch/butch relationships and it still gives me the warm fuzzies (something that happens to me whenever I see two people in love).
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Old 09-01-2011, 03:29 PM   #16
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Originally Posted by AtLastHome View Post
For the life of me, I will never understand what is such a big deal about femmes being attracted to other femmes! Or, butches to butches. Then again, I think it is just that any and all attraction to women that is what I get most. Women all over the spectrum being who they are.


It's almost as if it was internal homophobia.. It grates my last nerve when homos ewwwww other homos... It's bad enough hetero peoples do it but your own?? It's icky to see, hear, or be ewww'd at...
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Old 09-01-2011, 03:30 PM   #17
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I have always been more attracted to butch/andro woman. I have dated a femmes but find that, dating-wise, I am better with a butch/andro. Femmes make amazing friends for me though. (Anya/Georgia and I would probably make the best of friends-we seem to agree exactly on that point).

Butch woman? OMG. (shivers) One date put everything in my car b/c it was raining & she did not want me to get wet and cold. It took her 3 trips and she was soaked but made sure I got to the car while she carried an umbrella over me. I love the whole "chivalry is not dead" thing that butch women seem to have naturally.

Andro women? Yum. I used to see someone at the local club all the time and it drove me crazy that I could not tell (guy or girl). That person used to smile at me from their place with their friends and they had the most gorgeous smile. And wouldn't you know it, they introduced themselves and they had an andro name that did not give me any girl/guy clues-damn it!

Now, don't get me wrong. I think femme/femme is super hot. My BFF and I get tongues wagging at the local BDSM club when we play b/c she is such a girly girl (married & bi) and I am femme. We would likely shatter the illusions if people actually knew that we really are just friends.


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Old 09-01-2011, 04:49 PM   #18
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I internalized alot of femmephobia when i came out as a PC lesbian. But then I also internalized alot of butchphobia too. First, i came to realize how strongly attracted I was to butches, and realized I was so femme. Over the decades, especially lately, I have taken the emotional tattoes off my heart and allowed myself to be attracted to people, not labels.

I get quite a wide-on thinking about high femmes
as well there are some damn good looking handsome butches
and MtFs and FtMs and intersexed individuals and...

I look in my mirror and I see someone capable of being attracted to so many people...
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Old 09-01-2011, 11:30 PM   #19
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Originally Posted by AtLastHome View Post
For the life of me, I will never understand what is such a big deal about femmes being attracted to other femmes! Or, butches to butches.
It isn't a big deal to me. I just know what I'm attracted to. People are free to like who they like. I'm always curious about what makes people tick. *shrug*
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Old 09-02-2011, 10:15 AM   #20
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Yup. I am a feminine girl who only feel attracted to other feminine woman.
But I think what is femme and butch is in the style. Etc. I have very typical boyish style as personality. But I am still feminine, I think you can be butch and have typical girly interests and still be a butch, that is all in the looks and style you got.

I want a feminine girlfriend.
I don't mean to offend anyone now, but I think butches remind me to much of men, and if I would date someone who was like a man, I would date a man.
I am not attracted to butches at all but I would like to have good friends of all sexualitites, identities, ethnicities and gender.

/ R
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