Relationships - What things do you want & need? - Page 10

imperfect_cupcake · 05-30-2015, 09:14 PM

Personally? Yes, it is. Usually people are swept up in their ideas and ideals of others, rather than the reality of the other.

I think it will take someone a really long time to know if they want *all* of me. Because they won't know all of me till they spend a long time getting to know who the hell I am. And how I am with different people and different situations.

So, yes, I think is a very rare thing to come by. And even rarer to have it mutual.

JustLovelyJenn · 05-31-2015, 10:21 AM

Recently... I am realizing how important it is to me that my partner and I are sexually compatible. This doesn't just mean... its good. It means common interests in the bedroom... my kink list is fast becoming part of the interview process.

anotherbutch · 05-31-2015, 12:43 PM

Honesty, integrity, a little vanity, and maybe a little humility would be nice... but I must say, sanity has to be at the top of the list.

Sammy583 · 05-31-2015, 01:58 PM

In the future I will be looking for someone who is..
caring, honest, knows who they are, knows what they want in life, works for what they want, puts themselves and people they care about first in life.

Someone who can be serious at times it is needed but also someone who can handle my sarcasm and also has a sense of humor.

Someone who has dreams, passion and ambition.

Someone who is strong, will do what's needed to take care of themselves, me and us just as I always would as well.

JDeere · 06-09-2015, 10:30 PM

Someone who can show their feelings, even if they are scared to death!

imperfect_cupcake · 06-10-2015, 11:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JDeere

Someone who can show their feelings, even if they are scared to death!

< would fail miserably at that!

Not my strong point. 11 years in a culture where it's considered rude to be emotionally expressive (it's perceived that to do so is requiring those around you to cope with them) so I tend to keep my feelings to myself unless it's very private. However, I'm completely open and vocal about what I *think*

But those are two different things.

Good for you for knowing what you need in that regard!

Jesse · 06-10-2015, 11:49 AM

Someone who truly chooses to be in an interpersonal relationship with ME, and not just in a relationship to avoid being alone or whatever. I am not good "back burner" material.

Daisy Chain · 06-10-2015, 03:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jesse

Someone who truly chooses to be in an interpersonal relationship with ME, and not just in a relationship to avoid being alone or whatever. I am not good "back burner" material.

I know what you mean, who wants to be a place holder, what a poor investment of time.

DC

JDeere · 06-17-2015, 07:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jesse

Someone who truly chooses to be in an interpersonal relationship with ME, and not just in a relationship to avoid being alone or whatever. I am not good "back burner" material.

Oh you hit the nail on the head for another one that is on my list!

Venus007 · 06-19-2015, 04:22 AM

I do best with someone who is funny, horny, has self knowledge and is secure in themselves enough to take my need for independence and alone time, intelligence and having the ability to argue rationally helps a lot too

JDeere · 06-21-2015, 07:54 PM

Someone who can boil crawfish with me!!!! And who is not scared to get their hands pinched by them!

gotoseagrl · 10-07-2015, 11:03 AM

I've learned that sometimes you think you know all of what you want or need, until you actually have it. Then you discover even more you didn't know you needed as well as things that don't really matter after all. It can be a long list, but it evolves with good & bad experiences.

~ Someone who was genuinely my friend first
~ Differences that are complimentary or insignificant instead of destructive
~ A relationship that builds up instead of breaks down who I am - someone who brings me back home to the best of me
~ One that people who care about me the most think is right
~ Being with someone I deeply respect & admire
~ Being humbled by each other
~ Painful honesty & selflessness
~ Fears that melt away, instead of worsen
~ Believing in positive reinforcement instead of negative
~ Super strong communication that is effortless & mutually desired, daily
~ Trust that is easily earned & maintained
~ The same old-fashioned, old school values
~ A sense of humor that we sometimes can't control
~ Sharing nerdy little things in common as well as the major things
~ Perceiving flaws & mistakes with love instead of resentment
~ Someone who actively cares about their health on their own the same as me
~ Someone whose lifestyle naturally falls in line with mine
~ Dynamics that are so fulfilling & exciting :-)
~ Someone I absolutely always feel safe with ... always
~ Someone who has self control when it's needed
~ We make each other ridiculously happy over the most simple things in life
~ Someone who spoils me with love & care rather than material things
~ Someone who shows instead of tells
~ We make each other better & bring out the best in ourselves vs the worst
~ Routines & consistent structure that others would find boring
~ Someone who makes me look forward instead of backwards
~ The feeling of Christmas waking up to this person
~ Falling asleep together
~ Someone with whom I feel such a deep peace that surpasses even the greatest meditation there is
~ Someone who speaks at the same pace I do ... who happens to be born & raised where I was, in a place we both have wanted to settle in ... ok maybe this isn't a requirement lol I just got super lucky
~ Having a relationship we can't even imagine being without
~ Most importantly, we don't ever feel the need to want to change each other, because we're already so happy & healthy together as is

Tuff Stuff · 10-21-2015, 05:10 PM

Me-I can tolerate alot if I truly like this person i'm with..oh,there will be respect and boundaries between us..it's just I know there will be days where I do not like this person i'm with.The honeymood period for me lasts 6 months,tops,and then reality sets in and i'll find myself moving further and further away from someone.This is why I must have my time alone..that is a must.Sometimes I can be with the one I love for an hour,maybe one whole day,one week even.But after that...leave me,alone,plz.You don't have to share my beliefs,my politics,clothes style,ect..but we must be compatible partners in bed.Me and my gf lasted this long because we both like sex and sex is never boring between us.When I first met her she was shy about alot of things in the bedroom,over time she has learned to enjoy herself when she's with me,she can trust me to do her no harm.Point is,she enjoys sex.You don't have to be my best friend,either...live your own life,have your own friends,take off whenever you want to leave,but please call me and let me know that you are safe.Sometimes opposites attract..this is how I lean tolerance in my life..so the more different my partner is from me,the more I will learn..you must have a sense of humor about life,it's ups and downs...I say cry if you have to,and then come back and laugh about life once again.I am a shoulder to lean on,cry on,bite on..I never leave those I love in their time of need.Like it or not,I will be there to take care of you,cus,you're worth it.

homoe · 10-25-2015, 04:14 PM

Sense of humor is a MUST! All the rest will sort itself out

Chad · 11-27-2015, 03:29 PM

I agree humor is a wonderful quality. I like silly, kind, sweet, and adventurous ladies. A lady that can go from gardening or a walk on the beach to a formal evening out would catch my eye. I enjoy good conversation about almost anything.

What I want is all of the above. What I need is minimal I am very independent.

cinnamongrrl · 11-27-2015, 06:29 PM

Someone who is outsoorsy and advebturous is high on my list...

A sense of humor is a necessity. I laugh every day...even if its only at myself...

An excellent hugger/cuddler

The ability to cook wouldn't hurt... I prefer to bake rather than cook

Tidiness....goes a long...LONG way....

Brains above all else...and lots of them...

imperfect_cupcake · 11-27-2015, 07:11 PM

Someone to hang out and watch movies with

Someone to laugh in bed and have a bed picnic with

Someone to go to the European film festival with, the Particle physics lab tour, the science talks at the rail way club for a pint, go to the pub quiz on occasion, go out for sushi or a pic nic, go to the Turkish baths with, go to the B flicks movie theatre at the end of my street.

Go away on city breaks for 3-4 day long weekends, take a week off and go to Marakesh, rent a small cabin for a few days and go skinny dipping, read to each other, and banter while playing cards.

Lots of sex. Lots of laughs. Activities. Lazing about and good food.

I don't care what their house habits are like, or where they live or what they live in... Because I won't be living with them. So none of that stuff matters. I'm in it for the friendship, the companionship, the love, the sex and the time we share.
Not the domestic aspect. I rule my domestic home. And I'm not sharing. I will gladly worship them at theirs

VintageFemme · 11-27-2015, 08:12 PM

Lately it seems those that I'm dating and/or meeting are looking more for a girl friend than a girlfriend. It seems they are more interested in hanging out and having someone to talk to, etc. And while that's all fine and well, it's absolutely not what I need in a relationship. Maybe it's my age group. I dunno. I so hope not. I need a good old fashioned butch/femme full on relationship that includes passion and excitement as well as companionship and comfort. Goddess, I hope I'm just in some kind of bad juju place and this is not the way it is or is going to be in my future. I couldn't bear that.

As for 'the list' - someone who is...

creative
independent
sexual
extremely witty
charming/old fashioned
grounded with spontaneous tendencies

I need a lot of attention when I need it and then a lot of space when I need that too. I'm so freaking hard to handle, it's insane so I need a lot of patience and sticktoitnivness. Yeah, that's what I need in a relationship, sticktoitniveness.

Nattih · 11-27-2015, 08:43 PM

I need someone who is able to "just know" when I want them to quietly hold me.

I also need someone who feels that the foundation of our relationship is bigger than just the two of us, but is also the structure for our future legacy.

imperfect_cupcake · 11-28-2015, 03:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by VintageFemme

Lately it seems those that I'm dating and/or meeting are looking more for a girl friend than a girlfriend. It seems they are more interested in hanging out and having someone to talk to, etc. And while that's all fine and well, it's absolutely not what I need in a relationship. Maybe it's my age group. I dunno. I so hope not. I need a good old fashioned butch/femme full on relationship that includes passion and excitement as well as companionship and comfort. Goddess, I hope I'm just in some kind of bad juju place and this is not the way it is or is going to be in my future. I couldn't bear that.

As for 'the list' - someone who is...

creative
independent
sexual
extremely witty
charming/old fashioned
grounded with spontaneous tendencies

I need a lot of attention when I need it and then a lot of space when I need that too. I'm so freaking hard to handle, it's insane so I need a lot of patience and sticktoitnivness. Yeah, that's what I need in a relationship, sticktoitniveness.

Vintage, we may want completely different things but I often feel like I am the only person in butch-femme land who wants what I do. Mostly I get people who want what I feel are rigid formulaic formal and stiff awkward (for me) dates that don't feel that treat me like an individual girl. Just a cut out gender representative to shovel fill in the blank formula romance on. And I feel invisible and sad rather than romanced.

It feel pretty much like I'm the only one that feels this way too.

I think it's a human condition to feel that way.

05-31-2015, 10:21 AM	#182
JustLovelyJenn Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She/her Relationship Status: That's Need to Know Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Aberdeen, WA Posts: 4,478 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 12,464 Thanked 13,995 Times in 3,685 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	Recently... I am realizing how important it is to me that my partner and I are sexually compatible. This doesn't just mean... its good. It means common interests in the bedroom... my kink list is fast becoming part of the interview process. __________________ --Jenn

06-09-2015, 10:30 PM	#185
JDeere Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Transgender Preferred Pronoun?: He/him/his Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Jul 2014 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 17,752 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 31,018 Thanked 28,871 Times in 9,718 Posts Rep Power: 21474863	Someone who can show their feelings, even if they are scared to death! __________________ Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning. Albert Einstein

06-10-2015, 11:49 AM	#187
Jesse Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Transguy Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: single Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Central West Coast of Florida Posts: 5,204 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 34,866 Thanked 17,793 Times in 3,939 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	Someone who truly chooses to be in an interpersonal relationship with ME, and not just in a relationship to avoid being alone or whatever. I am not good "back burner" material. __________________ “You’re so hard on yourself. Take a moment. Sit back. Marvel at your life: at the grief that softened you, at the heartache that widened you, at the suffering that strengthened you. Despite everything, you still grow. Be proud of this.”

06-19-2015, 04:22 AM	#190
Venus007 Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Serene Highness ;} Relationship Status: Dreamily contemplating some outrage against conventional morality Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: Houston area Posts: 1,362 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,417 Thanked 4,767 Times in 1,144 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	I do best with someone who is funny, horny, has self knowledge and is secure in themselves enough to take my need for independence and alone time, intelligence and having the ability to argue rationally helps a lot too __________________ . "I need no warrant for being, and no word of sanction upon my being. I am the warrant and the sanction. " Ayn Rand, Anthem "So you'll die happily for your sins. You'd rather die in guilt then live in love?" Timothy Leary

06-21-2015, 07:54 PM	#191
JDeere Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Transgender Preferred Pronoun?: He/him/his Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Jul 2014 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 17,752 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 31,018 Thanked 28,871 Times in 9,718 Posts Rep Power: 21474863	Someone who can boil crawfish with me!!!! And who is not scared to get their hands pinched by them! __________________ Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning. Albert Einstein

05-30-2015, 09:14 PM	#181
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,727 Times in 1,613 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	Personally? Yes, it is. Usually people are swept up in their ideas and ideals of others, rather than the reality of the other. I think it will take someone a really long time to know if they want all of me. Because they won't know all of me till they spend a long time getting to know who the hell I am. And how I am with different people and different situations. So, yes, I think is a very rare thing to come by. And even rarer to have it mutual.

05-31-2015, 12:43 PM	#183
anotherbutch Senior Member How Do You Identify?: butch Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: single and very content this way... Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: the midwest Posts: 1,784 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 317 Thanked 1,300 Times in 367 Posts Rep Power: 9955619	Honesty, integrity, a little vanity, and maybe a little humility would be nice... but I must say, sanity has to be at the top of the list.

05-31-2015, 01:58 PM	#184
Sammy583 Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Relationship Status: Working on it. Join Date: May 2015 Location: SunShine State Posts: 80 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 39 Thanked 178 Times in 42 Posts Rep Power: 1293999	In the future I will be looking for someone who is.. caring, honest, knows who they are, knows what they want in life, works for what they want, puts themselves and people they care about first in life. Someone who can be serious at times it is needed but also someone who can handle my sarcasm and also has a sense of humor. Someone who has dreams, passion and ambition. Someone who is strong, will do what's needed to take care of themselves, me and us just as I always would as well.

10-07-2015, 11:03 AM	#192
gotoseagrl Senior Member How Do You Identify?: old-fashioned queer stone submissive girl Preferred Pronoun?: mermaid, very lucky babygirl Relationship Status: Saltwater mermaid ♡ Join Date: May 2010 Location: CA Posts: 2,209 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,192 Thanked 6,116 Times in 1,726 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	I've learned that sometimes you think you know all of what you want or need, until you actually have it. Then you discover even more you didn't know you needed as well as things that don't really matter after all. It can be a long list, but it evolves with good & bad experiences. ~ Someone who was genuinely my friend first ~ Differences that are complimentary or insignificant instead of destructive ~ A relationship that builds up instead of breaks down who I am - someone who brings me back home to the best of me ~ One that people who care about me the most think is right ~ Being with someone I deeply respect & admire ~ Being humbled by each other ~ Painful honesty & selflessness ~ Fears that melt away, instead of worsen ~ Believing in positive reinforcement instead of negative ~ Super strong communication that is effortless & mutually desired, daily ~ Trust that is easily earned & maintained ~ The same old-fashioned, old school values ~ A sense of humor that we sometimes can't control ~ Sharing nerdy little things in common as well as the major things ~ Perceiving flaws & mistakes with love instead of resentment ~ Someone who actively cares about their health on their own the same as me ~ Someone whose lifestyle naturally falls in line with mine ~ Dynamics that are so fulfilling & exciting :-) ~ Someone I absolutely always feel safe with ... always ~ Someone who has self control when it's needed ~ We make each other ridiculously happy over the most simple things in life ~ Someone who spoils me with love & care rather than material things ~ Someone who shows instead of tells ~ We make each other better & bring out the best in ourselves vs the worst ~ Routines & consistent structure that others would find boring ~ Someone who makes me look forward instead of backwards ~ The feeling of Christmas waking up to this person ~ Falling asleep together ~ Someone with whom I feel such a deep peace that surpasses even the greatest meditation there is ~ Someone who speaks at the same pace I do ... who happens to be born & raised where I was, in a place we both have wanted to settle in ... ok maybe this isn't a requirement lol I just got super lucky ~ Having a relationship we can't even imagine being without ~ Most importantly, we don't ever feel the need to want to change each other, because we're already so happy & healthy together as is __________________ Be still when you have nothing to say; when genuine passion moves you, say what you've got to say, and say it hot. D. H. Lawrence

10-21-2015, 05:10 PM	#193
Tuff Stuff Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Woman Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Married Join Date: May 2013 Location: California Posts: 695 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 904 Thanked 1,318 Times in 506 Posts Rep Power: 9408452	Mushy but true Me-I can tolerate alot if I truly like this person i'm with..oh,there will be respect and boundaries between us..it's just I know there will be days where I do not like this person i'm with.The honeymood period for me lasts 6 months,tops,and then reality sets in and i'll find myself moving further and further away from someone.This is why I must have my time alone..that is a must.Sometimes I can be with the one I love for an hour,maybe one whole day,one week even.But after that...leave me,alone,plz.You don't have to share my beliefs,my politics,clothes style,ect..but we must be compatible partners in bed.Me and my gf lasted this long because we both like sex and sex is never boring between us.When I first met her she was shy about alot of things in the bedroom,over time she has learned to enjoy herself when she's with me,she can trust me to do her no harm.Point is,she enjoys sex.You don't have to be my best friend,either...live your own life,have your own friends,take off whenever you want to leave,but please call me and let me know that you are safe.Sometimes opposites attract..this is how I lean tolerance in my life..so the more different my partner is from me,the more I will learn..you must have a sense of humor about life,it's ups and downs...I say cry if you have to,and then come back and laugh about life once again.I am a shoulder to lean on,cry on,bite on..I never leave those I love in their time of need.Like it or not,I will be there to take care of you,cus,you're worth it.

10-25-2015, 04:14 PM	#194
homoe Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Butch Relationship Status: ..... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: 30 minute ferry ride from Seattle Posts: 38,565 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 20,811 Thanked 33,586 Times in 14,918 Posts Rep Power: 21474889	Sense of humor is a MUST! All the rest will sort itself out

11-27-2015, 03:29 PM	#195
Chad Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: OFOS Stone butch Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Loved Caregiver Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Texas Posts: 6,164 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,746 Thanked 20,325 Times in 5,678 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	Want and need I agree humor is a wonderful quality. I like silly, kind, sweet, and adventurous ladies. A lady that can go from gardening or a walk on the beach to a formal evening out would catch my eye. I enjoy good conversation about almost anything. What I want is all of the above. What I need is minimal I am very independent.

11-27-2015, 06:29 PM	#196
cinnamongrrl Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: cleverly disguised as a responsible adult* Preferred Pronoun?: wild woman Relationship Status: No, thank you. Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: in my heart I'm going to Carolina...but I'm in MA for now Posts: 7,558 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 14,861 Thanked 27,369 Times in 6,858 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	Someone who is outsoorsy and advebturous is high on my list... A sense of humor is a necessity. I laugh every day...even if its only at myself... An excellent hugger/cuddler The ability to cook wouldn't hurt... I prefer to bake rather than cook Tidiness....goes a long...LONG way.... Brains above all else...and lots of them... __________________

11-27-2015, 07:11 PM	#197
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,727 Times in 1,613 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	Someone to hang out and watch movies with Someone to laugh in bed and have a bed picnic with Someone to go to the European film festival with, the Particle physics lab tour, the science talks at the rail way club for a pint, go to the pub quiz on occasion, go out for sushi or a pic nic, go to the Turkish baths with, go to the B flicks movie theatre at the end of my street. Go away on city breaks for 3-4 day long weekends, take a week off and go to Marakesh, rent a small cabin for a few days and go skinny dipping, read to each other, and banter while playing cards. Lots of sex. Lots of laughs. Activities. Lazing about and good food. I don't care what their house habits are like, or where they live or what they live in... Because I won't be living with them. So none of that stuff matters. I'm in it for the friendship, the companionship, the love, the sex and the time we share. Not the domestic aspect. I rule my domestic home. And I'm not sharing. I will gladly worship them at theirs

11-27-2015, 08:12 PM	#198
VintageFemme Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Outside Posts: 2,299 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,828 Thanked 7,640 Times in 1,657 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	Lately it seems those that I'm dating and/or meeting are looking more for a girl friend than a girlfriend. It seems they are more interested in hanging out and having someone to talk to, etc. And while that's all fine and well, it's absolutely not what I need in a relationship. Maybe it's my age group. I dunno. I so hope not. I need a good old fashioned butch/femme full on relationship that includes passion and excitement as well as companionship and comfort. Goddess, I hope I'm just in some kind of bad juju place and this is not the way it is or is going to be in my future. I couldn't bear that. As for 'the list' - someone who is... creative independent sexual extremely witty charming/old fashioned grounded with spontaneous tendencies I need a lot of attention when I need it and then a lot of space when I need that too. I'm so freaking hard to handle, it's insane so I need a lot of patience and sticktoitnivness. Yeah, that's what I need in a relationship, sticktoitniveness. __________________ Unfinished Business & Open to Serendipity

11-27-2015, 08:43 PM	#199
Nattih Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Single Join Date: May 2010 Location: always on a plane Posts: 174 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 285 Thanked 633 Times in 164 Posts Rep Power: 13046649	I need someone who is able to "just know" when I want them to quietly hold me. I also need someone who feels that the foundation of our relationship is bigger than just the two of us, but is also the structure for our future legacy.