Jokes To Get You Through Your Day...

[Scorp]

Howdy,

I'm creating this new thread for folks to post some of their best jokes.

Let's see what you got!

I'll kick it off with this:


After the eighty-three year old lady finished her annual physical
examination, the doctor said,

"You are in fine shape for your age, Mrs. Jones, but tell me, do you
still have intercourse?"

"Just a minute, I'll have to ask my husband," she said..

She stepped out into the crowded reception room and yelled out loud:

"Henry, do we still have intercourse?" And there was a hush!

You could hear a pin drop.

Henry answered impatiently, "If I told you once, Mary, I told

you a hundred times... What we have is.......




Blue Cross!!"

[Miss Scarlett]

Q: What do you get when you cross and Armadillo and a sex toy?






A: An Armadildo

[bigbutchmistie]

A little boy and his parents stand before a judge, judge asks the little boy, where do you wanna live? Do you wanna live with your daddy? Little boy says noooooo he beats me, Judge says, ok. Do you wanna live with your momma ? Little boy says no she beats me worse... Judge says, ok. son you have to live with someone so where do you wanna live? The little boy says I wanna live with the Cowboys cause they never beat anybody

[asphaltcowboi]

do you know why God made your but crack go up and down instead of side to side?
so it doesnt go blub,blub,blub and get stuck when you go down the slide.

[Scorp]

So this guy walks into his Psychiatrist's office wearing nothing but clear saran wrap around his waist.

The shrink comes in and sits at his desk and looks at the guy and says "Clearly, I can see your nuts"...

[Linus]

These are from a friend's blog. He regularly posts funnies up...


1. King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the Euphrates, the most valuable diamond in the ancient world. Desperate, he went to Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan.

Croesus said, “I'll give you 100,000 dinars for it.”“But I paid a million dinars for it,” the King protested. “Don't you know who I am?
I am the king!”

Croesus replied, “When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference who you are.”

2. Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers. Unfortunately, all the Swiss league records were destroyed in a fire ... and so we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.

3. A man rushed into a busy doctor's surgery and shouted, “Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!”

The doctor calmly responded, “Now, settle down. You'll just have to be a little patient.”

4. Back in the 1800's the Tate's Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted to produce other products and, since they already made the cases for watches, they used them to produce compasses. The new compasses were so bad that people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather than California. This, of course, is the origin of the expression -- “He who has a Tate's is lost!”

5. A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining to the local civic official, who apologized profusely saying, “I must have taken Leif off my census.”

6. A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal elder who indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation.

When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the elder looked him in the eye and said, “Let me tell you, with fronds like these, you don't need enemas.”

[Gemme]