what NOT to do in a relationship.......

[chefhmboyrd]

yeah i think it's time i write that book, i bet we all could too!
what NOT to do........

#1 do not give away all your power during the honeymoon sex part.......

as in have a backbone, don't let your partner run the whole show. that sets the tone and culture for the whole rest of the relationship.
have and opinion and express it. don't be afraid to disagree. even if you don't feel real strongly about something don't jut roll over and say "scratch my belly again please....."

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by chefhmboyrd

yeah i think it's time i write that book, i bet we all could too!
what NOT to do........

#1 do not give away all your power during the honeymoon sex part.......

as in have a backbone, don't let your partner run the whole show. that sets the tone and culture for the whole rest of the relationship.
have and opinion and express it. don't be afraid to disagree. even if you don't feel real strongly about something don't jut roll over and say "scratch my belly again please....."

In some relationships all power must be given to the other for it to work.

Then again some folks are fond of a good belly rub...

[adorable]

Originally Posted by chefhmboyrd

yeah i think it's time i write that book, i bet we all could too!
what NOT to do........

#1 do not give away all your power during the honeymoon sex part.......

as in have a backbone, don't let your partner run the whole show. that sets the tone and culture for the whole rest of the relationship.
have and opinion and express it. don't be afraid to disagree. even if you don't feel real strongly about something don't jut roll over and say "scratch my belly again please....."

Ha Ha ha...........
Actually I have found the latter to be true.
I had to give up power to find my truth.

One thing I can say is that "to thine own self be true" and that is regardless of self or truth.


We sometimes think we know. We don't always. Truth may be found in the crop or the belt. Sometimes the greatest power is found in powerlessness. It can be found in "I need you." It can be found in "Yes." It can be found in not using safewords. It can be found in being that girl. Let Go. Let.......IT.

[dark_crystal]

Originally Posted by chefhmboyrd

yeah i think it's time i write that book, i bet we all could too!
what NOT to do........

#1 do not give away all your power during the honeymoon sex part.......

as in have a backbone, don't let your partner run the whole show. that sets the tone and culture for the whole rest of the relationship.
have and opinion and express it. don't be afraid to disagree. even if you don't feel real strongly about something don't jut roll over and say "scratch my belly again please....."

now that i am reading this it is occurring to me that there is all kinds of precedents that can get set during the honeymoon sex part! there are things you might spend hours doing at first that your personality is not inclined toward as a rule- and when that starts to wear off you find out their personality IS inclined to it and now you have a problem (things like talking on the phone or IM or coccooning on the couch that are natural during the bonding period but may not be the default mode for both partners)

[chefhmboyrd]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

In some relationships all power must be given to the other for it to work.

Then again some folks are fond of a good belly rub...

i do enjoy a good belly rub......

[AtLast]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

In some relationships all power must be given to the other for it to work.

Then again some folks are fond of a good belly rub...

ROLF!!

Different strokes!

Just thinking that it might be a good idea to just be yourself... during all phazes... I know, not easy to do, but I don't want to wake up to someone I don't know or vise versa...

... no matter the strokes of choice....

[miss entycing]

Originally Posted by chefhmboyrd

yeah i think it's time i write that book, i bet we all could too!
what NOT to do........

#1 do not give away all your power during the honeymoon sex part.......

as in have a backbone, don't let your partner run the whole show. that sets the tone and culture for the whole rest of the relationship.
have and opinion and express it. don't be afraid to disagree. even if you don't feel real strongly about something don't jut roll over and say "scratch my belly again please....."

so...... if someone say, 'tops from the bottom' or takes hold and climbs up in Hys lap and takes what she wants.... did I just take Hys power away?
I dont think that ever came into play during the honeymoon part, or 4 yrs later in the ol married couple that we are now, lol...
whether I am told what Hy desires, or if I am guided that direction, simply told flat out what Hy wants, or what Hy is fixin to take or the look in Hys eyes that tells me I can take what I want, since I've been such a good girl... I never thought Hy was giving any of Hys power away.

so is that what you meant by rule #1?
being genuine here, no snark, no nothing... genuinely curious

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by AtLastHome

ROLF!!

Different strokes!

Just thinking that it might be a good idea to just be yourself... during all phazes... I know, not easy to do, but I don't want to wake up to someone I don't know or vise versa...

... no matter the strokes of choice....

True dat!

It's pretty simple in *my* experience if you are up and up on what kind of person you are, your traits, your habits, all that is gonna eventually rise and the other person will take notice.

So instead of all lollipops and rainbows and promises of shitting glitter *I* have found it to be honest up front about what I will do, won't and may comply to . Now I tend to be non compliant, so it is pretty up front I am boss. The end. I too tend to educate and inform I am no white picket fence nor pink cupcakes.

It keeps things on the up and up that way yanno?

Good thread andy!

[Ebon]

Don't be dishonest or with holding. Or play games with your partner.

[chefhmboyrd]

Originally Posted by adorable

Ha Ha ha...........
Actually I have found the latter to be true.
I had to give up power to find my truth.

One thing I can say is that "to thine own self be true" and that is regardless of self or truth.


We sometimes think we know. We don't always. Truth may be found in the crop or the belt. Sometimes the greatest power is found in powerlessness. It can be found in "I need you." It can be found in "Yes." It can be found in not using safewords. It can be found in being that girl. Let Go. Let.......IT.

i believe i am far too gone to ever be completely submissive again.....
but i have seen the advantages of being completely powerless.
not for me, not anymore.
and i am not about owning someone either.....

there are never any true equals....
the balance of power can shift, part of the "only constant is change" theory.
i know that i am easily swayed by sparkly thing and sex is a drug for me....
i could almost be talked into anything if the conditions are right.....
then something goes POP
and i wake up like i've been in a drug induced coma....
3 - 4 weeks months years.........

gotta hold on to my power, hold my cards cloer to my vest, etc... whatever you want to call it.
brutal honesty is my tool of choice these days.
seem like no one really want to hear the truth anymore.

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by EntycingFemme

so...... if someone say, 'tops from the bottom' or takes hold and climbs up in Hys lap and takes what she wants.... did I just take Hys power away?
I dont think that ever came into play during the honeymoon part, or 4 yrs later in the ol married couple that we are now, lol...
whether I am told what Hy desires, or if I am guided that direction, simply told flat out what Hy wants, or what Hy is fixin to take or the look in Hys eyes that tells me I can take what I want, since I've been such a good girl... I never thought Hy was giving any of Hys power away.

so is that what you meant by rule #1?
being genuine here, no snark, no nothing... genuinely curious

I am gonna piggy back off this for a sec.

That whole honey moon phase going away thing. *I* don't get why it has to and why it would.

I mean you are the same people, why does it go away? Why?

Why would you want it to?

[chefhmboyrd]

Originally Posted by EntycingFemme

so...... if someone say, 'tops from the bottom' or takes hold and climbs up in Hys lap and takes what she wants.... did I just take Hys power away?
I dont think that ever came into play during the honeymoon part, or 4 yrs later in the ol married couple that we are now, lol...
whether I am told what Hy desires, or if I am guided that direction, simply told flat out what Hy wants, or what Hy is fixin to take or the look in Hys eyes that tells me I can take what I want, since I've been such a good girl... I never thought Hy was giving any of Hys power away.

so is that what you meant by rule #1?
being genuine here, no snark, no nothing... genuinely curious

what i meant reall for rule #1 is to not just go along with things cause you got your sex googles on....
gotta make sure you are getting what you want out of it too, beside laid.... lol

[jenny]

Originally Posted by Organicbutch

Don't be dishonest or with holding. Or play games with your partner.

Exactly. Be real, be honest, be frank. The best advice I can give -- get to know yourself well, and learn to like yourself, so that you don't ever feel the need to try to be someone you're not. Get to know the person you're dating well, and allow that person to learn who you are. Think. Talk. Communicate. Talk some more. Think some more...

And enjoy.

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by chefhmboyrd

i believe i am far too gone to ever be completely submissive again.....
but i have seen the advantages of being completely powerless.
not for me, not anymore.
and i am not about owning someone either.....

there are never any true equals....
the balance of power can shift, part of the "only constant is change" theory.
i know that i am easily swayed by sparkly thing and sex is a drug for me....
i could almost be talked into anything if the conditions are right.....
then something goes POP
and i wake up like i've been in a drug induced coma....
3 - 4 weeks months years.........

gotta hold on to my power, hold my cards cloer to my vest, etc... whatever you want to call it.
brutal honesty is my tool of choice these days.
seem like no one really want to hear the truth anymore.

Are we talking about power exchange or sex?

I am confused because sex does not define Dominance nor submission at all

[JustJo]

...forget why you're there to begin with.

...take your partner for granted.

...forget to tell them and show them how you feel.

...be anyone other than who you truly are.

[chefhmboyrd]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

Are we talking about power exchange or sex?

I am confused because sex does not define Dominance nor submission at all

i am talking about not letting some great sex cloud your judgment to agree to things that you would not normally do, and/or at some point feel like you are no longer in control of our life.

not really a D/s thing at all, but i do definitely see what you mean and how it relates.
it is like you said. being clear from the beginning what you will and won't do/agree to,

brutal honesty......

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by chefhmboyrd

what i meant reall for rule #1 is to not just go along with things cause you got your sex googles on....
gotta make sure you are getting what you want out of it too, beside laid.... lol

I got my sex goggles taken away from me due to my training so *I* don't get this sort of thinking, now mind you, if I want to fuck I say it honestly.

Let's fuck.

It's me possibly objectifying someone and we would fuck and I am not in anyway attached nor am I thinking

Oh a relationship.





I am assuming that is what you mean sex goggles.

[miss entycing]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

I am gonna piggy back off this for a sec.

That whole honey moon phase going away thing. *I* don't get why it has to and why it would.

I mean you are the same people, why does it go away? Why?

Why would you want it to?

*I* personally absolutely agree with everything you said- as for the why's? I honestly can't answer, because I really don't know why some couples veer off the honeymoon path, I have no earthly idea where the intensity goes, or where the emotional attachment goes... or even where the raw need for sex goes!
I think it's a shame tho.. to lose something so intense.
I can only speculate that things happen.... maybe a physical condition or deep depression affecting one partner for instance? I also think that before you know it, if you arent paying attention or you are taking it for granted that it will always be there, you notice something has faded, and by that time, its really hard to get back. I dunno.
again, just speculating!

[PearlsNLace]

Things I have learned not to do in a relationship-

give up friends.

give up support networks.

move across the country to a place I know nothing about to make them happy.


believe that it was my job to make them happy.

give up being happy, in attempt to make any other person happy.

Adopt an animal on a whim to make them happy.


I see a theme here.

And growth! YEAH!!! I dont do these things anymore!!

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by chefhmboyrd

i am talking about not letting some great sex cloud your judgment to agree to things that you would not normally do, and/or at some point feel like you are no longer in control of our life.

not really a D/s thing at all, but i do definitely see what you mean and how it relates.
it is like you said. being clear from the beginning what you will and won't do/agree to,

brutal honesty......

Gotcha...

Which answers my question about the sex goggles which leads me to the I was trained (I can expand if needed) so therefore my thinking when it comes to sexual desires is based on a lot more than carnal OR I just want it and it's someone to have sex with because frankly sex is good.

SO I have to ask what is it about this super duper sex that makes you forget judgement?

What is so different?

Truly curious