Butch Femme Planet  

Go Back   Butch Femme Planet > LOVE > Romance

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 09-17-2012, 01:37 PM   #21
Angeltoes
Senior Member

How Do You Identify?:
Femme
Preferred Pronoun?:
She
Relationship Status:
Nunya
 
Angeltoes's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Bernlandia
Posts: 1,740
Thanks: 4,286
Thanked 5,525 Times in 1,386 Posts
Rep Power: 21474849
Angeltoes Has the BEST ReputationAngeltoes Has the BEST ReputationAngeltoes Has the BEST ReputationAngeltoes Has the BEST ReputationAngeltoes Has the BEST ReputationAngeltoes Has the BEST ReputationAngeltoes Has the BEST ReputationAngeltoes Has the BEST ReputationAngeltoes Has the BEST ReputationAngeltoes Has the BEST ReputationAngeltoes Has the BEST Reputation
Default

As long as everyone is honest about what they want from the beginning then nobody is wrong. Maintaining is a little distance is probably the healthiest way to go anyway. Logically I know that's true but as long as we're being honest, my emotions usually win out over logic and I would not stop wishing for more if I cared about someone who held me at a distance emotionally.
__________________
Now say you're sorry for ushering in the fourth fucking reich- anonymous
Angeltoes is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to Angeltoes For This Useful Post:
Old 09-17-2012, 02:00 PM   #22
ruby_woo
Member

How Do You Identify?:
queer femme
Preferred Pronoun?:
her/she
Relationship Status:
single
 
ruby_woo's Avatar
 

Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 427
Thanks: 1,848
Thanked 1,941 Times in 376 Posts
Rep Power: 17615391
ruby_woo Has the BEST Reputationruby_woo Has the BEST Reputationruby_woo Has the BEST Reputationruby_woo Has the BEST Reputationruby_woo Has the BEST Reputationruby_woo Has the BEST Reputationruby_woo Has the BEST Reputationruby_woo Has the BEST Reputationruby_woo Has the BEST Reputationruby_woo Has the BEST Reputationruby_woo Has the BEST Reputation
Default

I'm another one who's scared of losing herself completely in someone else. I've done it before, don't want to do it again.

I don't want to give up my space anymore. I moved to another country (OK, Canada, but still...) to be with someone, gave up my my whole life in San Francisco, and moved into a tiny one bedroom apartment with another person. We didn't go out very often, I had a hard time making friends here, and my whole life basically became about her. Never again.
ruby_woo is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to ruby_woo For This Useful Post:
Old 09-17-2012, 02:40 PM   #23
aishah
Member

How Do You Identify?:
queer stone femme shark baby girl
Preferred Pronoun?:
she, her, little one
Relationship Status:
dating myself.
 
aishah's Avatar
 
1 Highscore

Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: dallas, tx
Posts: 1,495
Thanks: 13,823
Thanked 6,435 Times in 1,288 Posts
Rep Power: 21474850
aishah Has the BEST Reputationaishah Has the BEST Reputationaishah Has the BEST Reputationaishah Has the BEST Reputationaishah Has the BEST Reputationaishah Has the BEST Reputationaishah Has the BEST Reputationaishah Has the BEST Reputationaishah Has the BEST Reputationaishah Has the BEST Reputationaishah Has the BEST Reputation
Default

i love this thread idea. it's making me think really hard.

my biggest issue is that i suck at dealing with conflict and am a complete people pleaser. i'm also terrified of abandonment. (more because of childhood things than former relationships.) i can't deal with people being angry with me because i'm afraid they'll hurt me or they'll abandon me.

it's funny because c. has some anger issues and so we've definitely had to meet in the middle on this one. he's actively working on his anger stuff and i'm actively working on not avoiding conflict or trying to walk on eggshells/anticipate his moods, and not freaking out and panicking when there is anger or conflict.

on the upside, as i learn to communicate better and be more honest instead of avoidant, it has led to really healthy and awesome things in relationships because i'd rather talk about a problem than fight about it - that's just my personality. so we don't do the explosive fighting thing. i tease him about needing to have maintenance fights because we fight so little.

i struggle with other things that are not as huge of a deal for me...like, i definitely love my own space and my independence. and i have a tendency to fall hard and fast and get super wrapped up in new relationship energy. i also have a tendency to fall for people who are not as into me as i am into them, but i'm much better at letting go of those situations now than i used to be.
aishah is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to aishah For This Useful Post:
Old 09-17-2012, 03:41 PM   #24
thedivahrrrself
Senior Member

How Do You Identify?:
Queer Sapiosexual Femme
Relationship Status:
Mrs. Grumpy Cat
 
thedivahrrrself's Avatar
 
1 Highscore
Tournaments Won: 4

Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: 8,660 feet high in the Andes
Posts: 2,640
Thanks: 10,519
Thanked 11,662 Times in 2,292 Posts
Rep Power: 21474851
thedivahrrrself Has the BEST Reputationthedivahrrrself Has the BEST Reputationthedivahrrrself Has the BEST Reputationthedivahrrrself Has the BEST Reputationthedivahrrrself Has the BEST Reputationthedivahrrrself Has the BEST Reputationthedivahrrrself Has the BEST Reputationthedivahrrrself Has the BEST Reputationthedivahrrrself Has the BEST Reputationthedivahrrrself Has the BEST Reputationthedivahrrrself Has the BEST Reputation
Member Photo Albums
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Fatale View Post
Years ago I hired an emotional baggage porter and that has helped a lot. I let him do the heavy lifting so I'm free to do me.

I don't know that I can call my issue a scar, really, but I think it might scar and scare others. When I speak about it, perhaps because I'm femme, or particularly because I'm femme, I've actually had people say things akin to, "Wow, that's such a guy thing to say, think, feel, act." The simple truth is, I don't think I'm wired for the long haul. I don't foster fantasies about finding my one and only and spending the rest of our lives together. I don't think I want that. I'm okay with falling in love with someone even as I understand that it will likely be a finite thing. I learn from every relationship I have, each adds its threads to my tapestry and then I move on. I don't mean that to sound as scavengeresque as it might. Yes, growing with someone is a lovely thing. It can strenghten and deepen the relationship. I just don't want to do it for years and years with the same person. At least at this point in my life, that idea bores the fuck out of me. Does that make me seem callous, heartless, pity worthy? I don't know. While I think there's definitely something to be said for the whole "leave 'em wanting more" philosophy, it's neither my ambition or intent to leave forlorn lovers in my wake. I'm always up front about my feelings and were they to be honest about it, none of my exes would ever be able to say they didn't know my feelings on the topic. I truly believe I am a serial monogamist. After each parting I take time for myself because I also really dig being single for stretches.

Perhaps this will change in years to come, but right now I cannot imagine it.

Fatale -- I don't think that makes you callous or horrible in any way! I know some women (more women than men actually) who look at love as something that comes and goes throughout someone's life. Different people come into your life for a while and then things go another way. You learn something from each one and you grow throughout the process. It's not a bad way to look at things. It helps you to appreciate what you have.

I think, for you, dating someone like me would be a nightmare. You would have to find someone who either shares your attitude or is secure enough to realize that you will last as long as things are good and confident enough to think they're going to make it good for a long time.

For me, my ideal would be to love the same person throughout my life (and possibly afterlife), but I understand not everyone gets that. And for some people, it happens more than once. We play with the cards we are dealt.
__________________
Small business owners around the world use microfinance to help expand their businesses and provide for their families.
You can help!
Click here to learn about Kiva.
thedivahrrrself is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to thedivahrrrself For This Useful Post:
Old 09-17-2012, 03:53 PM   #25
thedivahrrrself
Senior Member

How Do You Identify?:
Queer Sapiosexual Femme
Relationship Status:
Mrs. Grumpy Cat
 
thedivahrrrself's Avatar
 
1 Highscore
Tournaments Won: 4

Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: 8,660 feet high in the Andes
Posts: 2,640
Thanks: 10,519
Thanked 11,662 Times in 2,292 Posts
Rep Power: 21474851
thedivahrrrself Has the BEST Reputationthedivahrrrself Has the BEST Reputationthedivahrrrself Has the BEST Reputationthedivahrrrself Has the BEST Reputationthedivahrrrself Has the BEST Reputationthedivahrrrself Has the BEST Reputationthedivahrrrself Has the BEST Reputationthedivahrrrself Has the BEST Reputationthedivahrrrself Has the BEST Reputationthedivahrrrself Has the BEST Reputationthedivahrrrself Has the BEST Reputation
Member Photo Albums
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Angeltoes View Post
I really appreciate that you're honest and upfront because your comment brings to mind one of my fears which is feeling unwanted, as if I'm an intrusion or as if I'm just temporary in hys life and hy knows it. As others have said, I too am needy – no joking. I think even a few people here can attest to that, but I'm also painfully upfront about myself. I don't want to hear, 'you have your friends and I have mine' or 'I need lots of space' because I don't and I don't want to be left wanting more unless it's in the bedroom and just for a little while. I want as much as hy is capable giving and that has to mean sweeping me off my feet and making me feel like the center of hys world. Or at least that our relationship is leading that way. It's much too much for some. I'm intense, ridiculously romantic and very sensitive and if ever someone wants to be with me that person is going to have to welcome that. I'm sure there is a scar that causes me to be the way I am but I'm not aware of it's origin.

Part of me wishes I could be tougher, mentally. I think I'd be much happier if I could not need so much. But it's not going to happen because I'm just not wired that way.

Angeltoes, I believe you will get tougher mentally. Life has a way of helping us all out there. Look at where you were 5-10 years ago. Are you a little better now than you were?

Your post pulled at my heart, because I can be crazy oversensitive too. I'm better than I used to be, but it's a terrible burden on all your relationships - be they friendship or love.

I'm incredibly lucky. I found someone who really helps me grow in this area. He addresses my sensitivity and insecurities first, then explains the problem. He doesn't take it easy on me, but I think he approaches me in a different way than he probably would anyone else, because he realizes that I can be super-fragile, and I hold his opinion higher than just about anyone's. Even if he is furious with me, he makes sure I understand that I am loved.

And I think that's something we can all do. Regardless of what MrSunshine says, I think almost everyone goes into a relationship with some kind of baggage. It's our own responsibility to let it go and work on ourselves, yes, but we can all be better at relating to our partners and making sure we address their needs and are sensitive to their scars.
__________________
Small business owners around the world use microfinance to help expand their businesses and provide for their families.
You can help!
Click here to learn about Kiva.
thedivahrrrself is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to thedivahrrrself For This Useful Post:
Old 09-17-2012, 03:58 PM   #26
thedivahrrrself
Senior Member

How Do You Identify?:
Queer Sapiosexual Femme
Relationship Status:
Mrs. Grumpy Cat
 
thedivahrrrself's Avatar
 
1 Highscore
Tournaments Won: 4

Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: 8,660 feet high in the Andes
Posts: 2,640
Thanks: 10,519
Thanked 11,662 Times in 2,292 Posts
Rep Power: 21474851
thedivahrrrself Has the BEST Reputationthedivahrrrself Has the BEST Reputationthedivahrrrself Has the BEST Reputationthedivahrrrself Has the BEST Reputationthedivahrrrself Has the BEST Reputationthedivahrrrself Has the BEST Reputationthedivahrrrself Has the BEST Reputationthedivahrrrself Has the BEST Reputationthedivahrrrself Has the BEST Reputationthedivahrrrself Has the BEST Reputationthedivahrrrself Has the BEST Reputation
Member Photo Albums
Default

<------------ does NOT like sharing closet space.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MissItalianDiva View Post
I don't feel I have any real relationship fears other than the normal doubts when one first is still getting to know one another

BUT

What I do have and need to continue to work on is that I sometimes don't like to share my personal space and self. It's odd. I am selfish with my space and time. It isn't that I don't want to or can't be open to sharing that space it is just a conscious effort to get there. Something that took me a very long time to become aware of. It was a lot easier to just blame it on being busy with my family or business but the fact is that is BS I am an amazing multi tasker and have plenty of time IF I choose to make the time.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fatale View Post
I think that's what a lot of my stuff is about, too. I want my space, I want my life the way I want my life and if you can fit into that, great. If not, well, we'll have an issue. I very much come from a place of believing we should each have our own friends with whom we do things separately some times. It makes the time we spend together sweeter. I think it's healthy to have whole lives that can be brought to the table. I don't want to merge with you. We can amalgamize from time to time, but I still want to retain my own properties. I guess I'm mercurial.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MissItalianDiva View Post
Beautifully put! I just don't feel the need to mesh spaces either. I want to maintain my own sense of self and space. I do believe this is possible with a like minded individual but definitely have grown and come to the point where I am absolutely not willing to accept anything but what I know I want and need. That might seem unreasonable to some and perhaps it is but it is one of my non negotiables.
__________________
Small business owners around the world use microfinance to help expand their businesses and provide for their families.
You can help!
Click here to learn about Kiva.
thedivahrrrself is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to thedivahrrrself For This Useful Post:
Old 09-17-2012, 04:08 PM   #27
starryeyes
Senior Member

How Do You Identify?:
a round peg in a square hole
Preferred Pronoun?:
Guess...
Relationship Status:
Seat taken
 
starryeyes's Avatar
 

Join Date: May 2011
Location: Rocky Mountain High
Posts: 2,491
Thanks: 2,199
Thanked 10,057 Times in 2,078 Posts
Rep Power: 21474851
starryeyes Has the BEST Reputationstarryeyes Has the BEST Reputationstarryeyes Has the BEST Reputationstarryeyes Has the BEST Reputationstarryeyes Has the BEST Reputationstarryeyes Has the BEST Reputationstarryeyes Has the BEST Reputationstarryeyes Has the BEST Reputationstarryeyes Has the BEST Reputationstarryeyes Has the BEST Reputationstarryeyes Has the BEST Reputation
Default

I don't have any fears other than fact that my partner is 20 years older than me. I get afraid that I am going to be alone sooner than I want to be, or go through issues with her aging when I am still relatively young. I am a freak when it comes to thinking about the future and being paranoid anyways, so that doesn't help. We talk about it and deal with it. We are both in it for the long haul, so it is what it is, regardless. I just can't imagine my life without her, so that's what gets me all scared.
__________________
"It's ok to make mistakes. It's ok to fall down. Get up! Look sickening....and make them eat it!" - Latrice Royale

Starry
starryeyes is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 13 Users Say Thank You to starryeyes For This Useful Post:
Old 09-17-2012, 05:50 PM   #28
Nomad
Timed Out

How Do You Identify?:
stone femme Daddy's girl
Preferred Pronoun?:
she/her
Relationship Status:
disinterested
 
Nomad's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: in my head
Posts: 991
Thanks: 5,848
Thanked 3,745 Times in 734 Posts
Rep Power: 0
Nomad Has the BEST ReputationNomad Has the BEST ReputationNomad Has the BEST ReputationNomad Has the BEST ReputationNomad Has the BEST ReputationNomad Has the BEST ReputationNomad Has the BEST ReputationNomad Has the BEST ReputationNomad Has the BEST ReputationNomad Has the BEST ReputationNomad Has the BEST Reputation
Default

i thought i had too many fears to count but then i realized that the real issue is that i'm afraid i wont be accountable enough to and for myself
Nomad is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Nomad For This Useful Post:
Old 09-17-2012, 07:26 PM   #29
MissItalianDiva
Senior Member

How Do You Identify?:
Miss Twiggy
Preferred Pronoun?:
Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious and that shit doesn't sound atrocious!
Relationship Status:
divorce happens..all that glitters ain't gold
 
MissItalianDiva's Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: SLC Utah
Posts: 2,284
Thanks: 2,768
Thanked 7,161 Times in 1,793 Posts
Rep Power: 21474853
MissItalianDiva Has the BEST ReputationMissItalianDiva Has the BEST ReputationMissItalianDiva Has the BEST ReputationMissItalianDiva Has the BEST ReputationMissItalianDiva Has the BEST ReputationMissItalianDiva Has the BEST ReputationMissItalianDiva Has the BEST ReputationMissItalianDiva Has the BEST ReputationMissItalianDiva Has the BEST ReputationMissItalianDiva Has the BEST ReputationMissItalianDiva Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by thedivahrrrself View Post
<------------ does NOT like sharing closet space.

Ummmm don't even go there lol the mere thought of sharing closet space gives me panic attacks..lol just not going to work
MissItalianDiva is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to MissItalianDiva For This Useful Post:
Old 09-17-2012, 07:50 PM   #30
tazz
Member

How Do You Identify?:
Athlete/tomboi
Preferred Pronoun?:
she, her, cutie
Relationship Status:
Estoy recibiendo cómodo con él
 
tazz's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: you never know where i might end up ;)
Posts: 1,365
Thanks: 1,807
Thanked 1,759 Times in 642 Posts
Rep Power: 20456637
tazz Has the BEST Reputationtazz Has the BEST Reputationtazz Has the BEST Reputationtazz Has the BEST Reputationtazz Has the BEST Reputationtazz Has the BEST Reputationtazz Has the BEST Reputationtazz Has the BEST Reputationtazz Has the BEST Reputationtazz Has the BEST Reputationtazz Has the BEST Reputation
Default

my fears are abandonement; i also have a strong personality (i've toned it down a lot) and a lot of peeps choose not to deal with me instead of communicating.

few tend to have patience to get to know me to fully understand and adore me.

i take a lot, and i also give a lot in return...

who i have attracted has always been an issue, since my self-worth was not always that great... it's gotten a hell of a lot better.

i'm not afraid to up and move, since i consider myself a "mobile" individual. there are a few places i would rather live than in California.

do i have a handle on my issues...? You Betcha...

it's not always easy for me to meet and get into a relationship... i'm very jaded and cautious... but once i feel i can trust, my world and heart opens... and it wont take an ice pick to get there

i used to be a "people pleaser"... not so much anymore... either you like me and accept me or not...

~namaste'
__________________
"She walks a different path than some of us, but those on her wavelength enjoy the journey with her." --DLOS

tazz is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 13 Users Say Thank You to tazz For This Useful Post:
Old 08-28-2014, 07:48 PM   #31
D Phryxus
Junior Member

How Do You Identify?:
bi femme
Preferred Pronoun?:
Feminine
Relationship Status:
Poly-married
 
D Phryxus's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Alaska
Posts: 31
Thanks: 35
Thanked 61 Times in 23 Posts
Rep Power: 92901
D Phryxus Has the BEST ReputationD Phryxus Has the BEST ReputationD Phryxus Has the BEST ReputationD Phryxus Has the BEST ReputationD Phryxus Has the BEST ReputationD Phryxus Has the BEST ReputationD Phryxus Has the BEST ReputationD Phryxus Has the BEST ReputationD Phryxus Has the BEST ReputationD Phryxus Has the BEST ReputationD Phryxus Has the BEST Reputation
Unhappy self esteem

A lot of my relationship fears and concerns relate to my own self-esteem. i know this and admit to it.

I am poly and I am married to a man. WE have dated separately and we have dated the same person in both closed and open relationship.
The fears that developed after a few tries at dating the same person is a few of them about 3-6 months into dating have broken things off with me saying that they are only interested in my husband and do not find me sexually attractive.
This was a low-blow. I felt like it was the equivalent of taking my self-esteem and throwing it on the ground in order to stomp on a few times before throwing it into a meat grinder.
(side note: my husband did not continue dating these woman because he felt they were not open and honest enough about what they wanted and resented their treatment of me)

As someone who is naturally nervous about approaching women in general...the previosu relationships caused me to wonder if any woman would ever be interested in me.

I ended up dating again but I still have these insecurities about my own attractiveness, especially when it comes to sexual relationships.
__________________
Love knows no Limits.
D Phryxus is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to D Phryxus For This Useful Post:
Old 08-28-2014, 09:31 PM   #32
SirenManda
Member

How Do You Identify?:
I don’t want contact.
 
SirenManda's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: .
Posts: 256
Thanks: 162
Thanked 948 Times in 231 Posts
Rep Power: 6277470
SirenManda Has the BEST ReputationSirenManda Has the BEST ReputationSirenManda Has the BEST ReputationSirenManda Has the BEST ReputationSirenManda Has the BEST ReputationSirenManda Has the BEST ReputationSirenManda Has the BEST ReputationSirenManda Has the BEST ReputationSirenManda Has the BEST ReputationSirenManda Has the BEST ReputationSirenManda Has the BEST Reputation
Default

My biggest relationship fear is feeling like I have to tone down my natural personality. I can come off stuck up if people can't realize I'm being sarcastic. I don't want to bottle all my comments and hold back how I feel because someone is overly sensitive. Needless to say, I can be hard to deal with.
__________________
Mermaids don't lose sleep over the opinions of shrimp.
SirenManda is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to SirenManda For This Useful Post:
Old 08-31-2014, 07:49 AM   #33
Asari
Member

How Do You Identify?:
Femme
Preferred Pronoun?:
female ones
Relationship Status:
Single
 
Asari's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Germany
Posts: 146
Thanks: 563
Thanked 275 Times in 90 Posts
Rep Power: 4780806
Asari Has the BEST ReputationAsari Has the BEST ReputationAsari Has the BEST ReputationAsari Has the BEST ReputationAsari Has the BEST ReputationAsari Has the BEST ReputationAsari Has the BEST ReputationAsari Has the BEST ReputationAsari Has the BEST ReputationAsari Has the BEST ReputationAsari Has the BEST Reputation
Default

At times I'm afraid that I'll never have a relationship at all. Im not that old but I have never even held hands with someone.... except friends and family.
__________________
“Earth provides enough to satisfy every man's needs, but not every man's greed.”

Mahatma Gandhi
Asari is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Asari For This Useful Post:
Old 08-13-2015, 11:29 PM   #34
JDeere
Practically Lives Here

How Do You Identify?:
Transgender
Preferred Pronoun?:
He/him/his
Relationship Status:
Single
 
JDeere's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 17,752
Thanks: 31,018
Thanked 28,873 Times in 9,718 Posts
Rep Power: 21474863
JDeere Has the BEST ReputationJDeere Has the BEST ReputationJDeere Has the BEST ReputationJDeere Has the BEST ReputationJDeere Has the BEST ReputationJDeere Has the BEST ReputationJDeere Has the BEST ReputationJDeere Has the BEST ReputationJDeere Has the BEST ReputationJDeere Has the BEST ReputationJDeere Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Insecurity
Fear of being abused
Fear of being cheated on
__________________
Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.

Albert Einstein
JDeere is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to JDeere For This Useful Post:
Old 08-14-2015, 12:07 AM   #35
Shystonefem
Member

How Do You Identify?:
Stone Femme
Preferred Pronoun?:
She
Relationship Status:
Shy for President
 
Shystonefem's Avatar
 

Join Date: May 2014
Location: NH
Posts: 1,105
Thanks: 5,475
Thanked 3,678 Times in 898 Posts
Rep Power: 21474847
Shystonefem Has the BEST ReputationShystonefem Has the BEST ReputationShystonefem Has the BEST ReputationShystonefem Has the BEST ReputationShystonefem Has the BEST ReputationShystonefem Has the BEST ReputationShystonefem Has the BEST ReputationShystonefem Has the BEST ReputationShystonefem Has the BEST ReputationShystonefem Has the BEST ReputationShystonefem Has the BEST Reputation
Default

It's funny, I never had any insecurities until the last relationship.

I am afraid to open up now. Kind of like "anything you say can and will be used against you". I won't discuss my fears or dreams too freely.

I have a fear of being cheated on. I was a VERY trusting person, now, I am not sure that I would ever be as trusting again.

I am afraid of not being good enough. I don't want to have to try hard to be someone I am not, just to be accepted or considered good enough.

I am now a runner. I was never a runner before but now, I look for "warning signs" and, even though I am not dating anyone, I know for a fact that the first time I saw even a smidgen of my ex in someone, I would run. I look for reasons to not be interested and/or to equate others with my ex....

I am afraid to give my heart completely because I am now afraid that my heart will be crushed without thinking twice.

I didn't realize that I had soany fears until I thought about it. The old me is definitely not around anymore. I no have that spark of fearlessness when it comes to getting in a relationship.
Shystonefem is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 12 Users Say Thank You to Shystonefem For This Useful Post:
Old 08-20-2015, 01:05 AM   #36
JDeere
Practically Lives Here

How Do You Identify?:
Transgender
Preferred Pronoun?:
He/him/his
Relationship Status:
Single
 
JDeere's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 17,752
Thanks: 31,018
Thanked 28,873 Times in 9,718 Posts
Rep Power: 21474863
JDeere Has the BEST ReputationJDeere Has the BEST ReputationJDeere Has the BEST ReputationJDeere Has the BEST ReputationJDeere Has the BEST ReputationJDeere Has the BEST ReputationJDeere Has the BEST ReputationJDeere Has the BEST ReputationJDeere Has the BEST ReputationJDeere Has the BEST ReputationJDeere Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Rejection, is a really big fear for me.
__________________
Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.

Albert Einstein
JDeere is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to JDeere For This Useful Post:
Old 08-20-2015, 03:54 AM   #37
Daisy Chain
Member

How Do You Identify?:
Femme
Preferred Pronoun?:
she
Relationship Status:
Hy calls me Hys Kitten
 
Daisy Chain's Avatar
 

Join Date: May 2015
Location: 2nd star to the right and straight on til morning
Posts: 729
Thanks: 1,814
Thanked 1,810 Times in 448 Posts
Rep Power: 0
Daisy Chain Has the BEST ReputationDaisy Chain Has the BEST ReputationDaisy Chain Has the BEST ReputationDaisy Chain Has the BEST ReputationDaisy Chain Has the BEST ReputationDaisy Chain Has the BEST ReputationDaisy Chain Has the BEST ReputationDaisy Chain Has the BEST ReputationDaisy Chain Has the BEST ReputationDaisy Chain Has the BEST ReputationDaisy Chain Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Truthfully I know I am quite damaged through many experiences in life. But I can also say I have grown and healed a great deal in recent years, not least through the unconditional love and understanding from my loved one.

I few I can think of straight off are....gifts: I used struggle to allow Hym to send me things.....in my crazy childhood I always had to `pay` in some way if I received anything, either material or a nice experience, attention etc....so I have a default emotion of fear when I am blessed or happy about something...I have come a long way in this. Hy has finally taught me that Hys attentions and generosity do not have a price tag.

Another would be feeling `not good enough`....in many ways but one example would be that when we first found each other despite mailing and speaking on the phone for...wait for it.....maybe 6 months....it was only then I felt confident enough to send Hym my photo. It was all credit to Hym that despite asking a couple of times, when I stalled Hy would laugh and say it didnt matter as Hy adored me anyhow no matter what I looked like.

There are quite a few more but to be honest I dont really want to visit that head space for long so I`ll leave it there....

I would happily say that I am far more whole and healed now than I was few years ago.

Daisy
Daisy Chain is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to Daisy Chain For This Useful Post:
Old 08-20-2015, 05:16 AM   #38
Zimmeh
Infamous Member

How Do You Identify?:
Femme
Preferred Pronoun?:
Me
Relationship Status:
I am a human and not a possession
 
Zimmeh's Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Southern Volusia County, FL
Posts: 6,746
Thanks: 23,549
Thanked 13,441 Times in 4,316 Posts
Rep Power: 21474857
Zimmeh Has the BEST ReputationZimmeh Has the BEST ReputationZimmeh Has the BEST ReputationZimmeh Has the BEST ReputationZimmeh Has the BEST ReputationZimmeh Has the BEST ReputationZimmeh Has the BEST ReputationZimmeh Has the BEST ReputationZimmeh Has the BEST ReputationZimmeh Has the BEST ReputationZimmeh Has the BEST Reputation
Default

I have been through a lot of emotional and physical abuse as a child. There are times, when I'm afraid to allow someone to love me. This type of insecurity is something that I continue to work on. As a result, it can end a relationship and then I become depressed. Being a Capricorn, I love to help people out and this helpfulness has been taking advantage of by former partners. I am learning on a daily basis, how to be there for people but not give 100% of my help to only one person.

I am afraid of rejection and having my heart broke. That's why it takes me so long to trust my next partner.

Zimmeh
__________________
"A loving heart is the truest wisdom"
-Chinua Achebe
Zimmeh is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to Zimmeh For This Useful Post:
Old 08-20-2015, 07:52 AM   #39
Karysma
Member

How Do You Identify?:
Femme
Preferred Pronoun?:
she,her
Relationship Status:
Post Apocolyptic
 
Karysma's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 172
Thanks: 850
Thanked 768 Times in 148 Posts
Rep Power: 12960227
Karysma Has the BEST ReputationKarysma Has the BEST ReputationKarysma Has the BEST ReputationKarysma Has the BEST ReputationKarysma Has the BEST ReputationKarysma Has the BEST ReputationKarysma Has the BEST ReputationKarysma Has the BEST ReputationKarysma Has the BEST ReputationKarysma Has the BEST ReputationKarysma Has the BEST Reputation
Member Photo Albums
Default

Intresting topic. I have been thinking alot about this lately.

I think my experience reflects alot of those here... a fear of rejection that stems from a feeling of not 'being enough'. I don't know how this can be avoided when you have been through the end of a relationship which in fact PROVED that you weren't enough and were summarily rejected. Unless you are the one who always done the leaving I don't know how this can be avoided.

My last partner made me feel like I was made for her and that what we had was special and unshakable. I am now left trying to internalize that it wasn't special - and was like so many others that have blown up was just a made up illusion that was based on fundamental lies. This is the only thing that has helped me come to terms with something I never thought I would be able to live without.

I have become acutely aware of my shortcomings as an intimate partner and am currently trying to address some of these things. This apears to walk the fine line of being the person you are, verses changing yourself into something else in order to sustain a relationship. I don't want to be what I'm not but I do want to be the best version of what I am in order to maximize the happiness in my life. The difficulty is determining the difference...
__________________
Karysma

Karysma is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 11 Users Say Thank You to Karysma For This Useful Post:
Old 08-24-2015, 06:17 PM   #40
Tuff Stuff
Member

How Do You Identify?:
Butch Woman
Preferred Pronoun?:
She
Relationship Status:
Married
 
Tuff Stuff's Avatar
 

Join Date: May 2013
Location: California
Posts: 695
Thanks: 904
Thanked 1,318 Times in 506 Posts
Rep Power: 9408452
Tuff Stuff Has the BEST ReputationTuff Stuff Has the BEST ReputationTuff Stuff Has the BEST ReputationTuff Stuff Has the BEST ReputationTuff Stuff Has the BEST ReputationTuff Stuff Has the BEST ReputationTuff Stuff Has the BEST ReputationTuff Stuff Has the BEST ReputationTuff Stuff Has the BEST ReputationTuff Stuff Has the BEST ReputationTuff Stuff Has the BEST Reputation
Default

You know what hurts and left a huge hole in my heart...a Femme saying she's your soul mate and during some of the hardest times in your life she leaves you..not even a letter,a phone call,nothing...u just never hear from her,again.

I haven't moved on from loving her...i'm still here if she ever wants to come back.
Tuff Stuff is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Tuff Stuff For This Useful Post:
Reply

Tags
dating, hurt, insecurity, relationships, scars

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 06:00 PM.


ButchFemmePlanet.com
All information copyright of BFP 2018