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Old 07-16-2012, 01:00 PM   #41
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what I love about being a Classic Femme, is that people smile and respect me just because of my age...I head toward a door and people open it and smile at me as they hold it open for me to go first. I glow when they do this. At the check out register, the cashier calls me Maam and the boy shows up automatically to take my groceries to the car (and is surprised when he sees I drive a huge 350 dually, lol). While admiring flowers in Lowe's, young couples come over and ask my advise. Young nieces call me when their babies are sick to find out what worked when my almost 30 year old daughter was a sick baby. The phone person who is calling me to check on an order, who cant even see me, but knows me from the store, asks me how I am doing in the heat and if I need anything.

I dont remember this kind of kindness as a younger femme. I have had butches open doors for me but honestly, everyone does it for me now. And I know I dont look THAT old. But old enough. I smile alot..and i always look for people's eyes...I catch them alone in the world, and somehow make contact with them and they respond in kindness. I am moving slower nowadays and I think people see this too. I hurt alot, and never without it, so this probably is seen on me too. But I also smile..always. Always. And not out of pretense. Its because I am smiling inside. I am so out of my former worlds of despair and loneliness and fear and anger. I think sometimes we walk around with those four emotions and it keeps the world out. When they are gone, it lets the world in. And i think that really has alot to do with age. the older I get, the less time i want to give to those four emotions...
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Old 07-16-2012, 04:30 PM   #42
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I always find it interesting to go back and read posts that I had written a year ago- or even as recently as the one I had posted in this thread on February 1st.

I kind of came "out of the closet" about the 10-year age difference between my sweetheart and I on that date. (I'm the older one!!).

It was very difficult for me then and not difficult at all now to talk about.

I already had gone through what HoneyBarbara describes in her post, when I was in my late 40's, early 50's. I would look around at all the younger femmes and looking at them did make me feel at times, as though I were "less than".

Sometimes, it still gives me pause to look at the 20 and 30-year-olds  but it is more nostalgia now than grief.

My life is infinitely happier now than it was 10-years ago. I can't undo the passage of time. Don't ask me if I would-if I could.

I do not know the answer to that. Perhaps only to have met my love sooner but who knows if the stars would have aligned for us then? Things do happen when they are supposed to, even if not on our own personal timetable.

I don't know if aging is more difficult for femmes, than for butches. I can only speak for myself. 

I do remember when I was not invisible, when heads turned to look at me and when my body was so tight that you could bounce a dime off of it. Frankly, on some level, that attention made me uncomfortable. 

I like that now it is just my butch's face that lights up when I approach. That attention feels warm, comfortable and so welcomed by me. 

As long as I am beautiful in her eyes, can walk, talk, think and have hot sex; I am happy and content and feel so very lucky.
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Old 07-16-2012, 05:35 PM   #43
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I don't think it makes me feel less than... though in some ways it does. It makes me feel that an important part of my femininity - my girlishness, rather than womanliness - is utterly erased or completely invisible because of my "level of experience" and I feel my femininity is being forced in a direction that doesn't allow for that type of

daisy loving
butterfly chasing
barefoot
giggling
daisy chain making
glitter loving
vulnerable
sweet

girl that does reside in me along with the skilled, knowledgeable, nurturing, kind woman. I feel like my femininity, because of my age and my amount of experience can only be accepted as desirable if - and only if - I'm maternal, teaching, dominant, femme-fatal, classy older woman... I'm no katherine hepburn. I'm really not. I don't have that kind of grace. That's not the kind of femininity I bring to the table.

So what happens to the girly girl in me when she is no longer wanted as a part of my femininity? When the younger dykes do aproach me, it's always with the attitude of me teaching them something, or I'm going to blow their mind or wow an older woman guess she'll show me a thing or two, put me in my place mama, or other some such nonsense.

and those my own age, who once adored my girlishness are now with much younger femmes who have an innocence that I can't provide to them. But I'm still a girl inside. But that part of me seems to have become completely invisible.

That's why I'm asking: what happens to femininity as we age? what *kind* of femininity are we "allowed" to own as desirable as older women? Cause I don't see being a sweet girl as something a femme is viewed as if she's had a certain amount of experience and age.

Am I the only one who feels parts of them is invisible due to the expectancy of "experience", "wisdom," "maturity" and "skill"?
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Old 07-16-2012, 07:47 PM   #44
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I will always be feminine, no matter how old I am because it is just a part of me, just as breathing in and out is a part of me.

To me, it has nothing to do with being girlish or womanly. It is an intrinsic part of who I am and aging has done nothing to diminish the feminine aspect of myself.

daisy loving: I love daisies but I love roses more

butterfly chasing: I did not chase butterflys as a young girl and do not imagine I will start now

barefoot: I walk barefoot now as much as I ever did

giggling: I still giggle when something tickles my fancy or my funnybone

daisy chain making: never did, probably never will

glitter loving: I never did like glitter even as a young girl-too messy for me

vulnerable: I am a very vulnerable person, always have been and imagine I will continue to be so until I am an old woman

sweet: I think sweetness has nothing to do with age

I think each of us may look at aging and girlishness or womanliness differently.

I never really gave much thought to being girlish but always have given being feminine a great deal of thought.

Maybe also because I am not dating, my "experience", "wisdom," "maturity" and "skill", does not factor into any equation for me or for my partner.

We accept each other where each of us are at this point in out lives, just as I work on accepting myself and where I am at today.

I try hard to not focus on my yesterdays or my tomorrows but to be here now.
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Old 07-16-2012, 08:19 PM   #45
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Honeybarbara, no one takes away the girl in you except those you let do so..I still wear pink fur collars and just bought a pair of winter boots with glittery stars all over them (oh man what I get first picks on in my store!). I cant imagine being less of who I am just because my hair has changed color. the classic poem, "i shall wear purple" is all about claiming what women were refused to enjoy as young women. We, femmes today, got to be much more free and so now we have to write our own poem...one that promises we will never give up the daisy chains and lemon perfumes and glitter in our hair...
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Old 07-17-2012, 02:54 AM   #46
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It's not that it's taken away, it's that it's not seen, not validated, not encouraged. Having a certain type of femininity is "admired" and desired. I still am who I am. I just feel the girl in me is far more invalid, invisible as I age. She's not wanted. What other want more and more as I age, is a bloody mum. And if that's not the role I want to give...

I have a mate who is 65 and she finds she gets this even from younger dykes as mates around her. She's seen as a maternal figure or historian. It pisses her off. When I've talked to her about how I'm feeling she's honest and said she doesn't feel girlish and she hasn't really identified with feeling girlish since her 20's so it's not part of her femininity, which is fine, we all have different kinds of femininity be she feels that she's forced into grandmotherly/motherly type femininity in the local community and she finds it very limiting.
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