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Old 08-27-2013, 06:39 PM   #21
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Having three kids, grandkids, and soon to have a step-daughter I see no reason not to have a family-friendly wedding. However, I also get the point of an adult only wedding too. I think they do have the right to have it either way. If we were invited to an adult only wedding I'm certain unless it was agreed upon that we get a babysitter, that we wouldn't be going. But really, I don't see why we wouldn't... we don't get too many adult only invites anyway so it would be a treat to whoop it up and not have to be concerned with caring for a child. It's really no different than going to a club for the night and partying.
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Old 08-27-2013, 07:57 PM   #22
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An adult only wedding might have made my life difficult when my daughter was younger, but that's not the fault or problem of the folks throwing the wedding. I'd see no reason to take offense.

My brother, who generally lacks tact and all social graces, had an adult only wedding, but somewhere someone gave him and his wife the idea to hire a sitter to have at the hotel next door, and they did that. There were a number of travelers and that made it possible for them to come and not have to make multi-day care arrangements for their kids. The uncomfortable part came when they asked my daughter to be part of the wedding and stay for the reception, so there I was with my kid, and others couldn't have their kids with them, and she was the only kid. A little awkward but it wasn't the end of the world.
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Old 08-27-2013, 08:13 PM   #23
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Well, pretty much, Jac. pubs and clubs are not child friendly and no one expects them to be. I had DJ's from amsterdam, manchester and london... so.. the tone was not for kids...
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Old 08-27-2013, 08:22 PM   #24
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I have a hard time with the notion that weddings are for and about the guests.
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Old 09-02-2013, 09:22 AM   #25
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Ok, so this one time....at band camp...

Just kidding!

I worked a wedding last night, with kids who were seem behaved. It was very elegant, until a diaper was changed at...yes, at...a table.
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Old 09-02-2013, 02:53 PM   #26
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I have a hard time with the notion that weddings are for and about the guests.
Yes and no. It is the couple's day, and they are spending a heck of a lot on it. But guests are often traveling and spending a fair amount of time and money on the event. For some folks, it's a money they might not be able to easily afford. But they do because they care. When I worked at a library (low pay), a couple of closely spaced weddings could decimate my vacation time and discretionary income. Yet I knew I'd regret it if I didn't attend.

So while it certainly is not ABOUT the guests, couples who make it unnecessarily hard on guests are not being kind.

My cousin's son arranged to pick up relatives at the airport, paid for hotel rooms for those who could not afford them, and so on. I think that if you want loved ones at your wedding, you DO think about how not to make it a hardship on them.

As much as I love friends and relatives, there does come a point at which I will say no. A friend who required guests to fly into a remote area of the Upper Peninsula of Michigan and then do primitive camping for two days got a no. I love him, and the wedding pictures were beautiful. But -- for me -- that was too much. I think they had a great time, but I never regretted it. (You could see guests swatting mosquitos in some of the pics.)
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Old 09-02-2013, 04:14 PM   #27
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At the last wedding I attended there were lots of children (the bride had 2 of her own) Enough provision was made for them to prevent boredom without making the day all about the kids. They were seated at kid tables. This allowed them to feel grown up and their parents to enjoy a break from their offspring while still being close enough to supervise. The kids were given jobs such as handing out wedding favours and sweets. There were bubbles on the tables.... lots of little things like that.

I've also attended adult only weddings/events.

Personally I have no preference other than the kids aren't allowed to run wild and cause havoc.

At the end of the day a wedding is supposed to be all about the couple getting married. It is supposed to be their special, once in a lifetime day. They deserve to have what they want. The couple make their choices and neither them nor their guests need be offended or upset by those choices.

So if it's adults only and you can't go because you don't have a sitter then you don't go and the couple need to accept that not everyone with children will be able to go whether they want to or not.

Only when there is resentment or bloody mindedness does it have to be a issue.

"I don't believe kids should be excluded so I'm not going if the kids can't go"

"I wanted just one day all about us without kids disrupting things"

Grandma would say "a wedding isn't a wedding unless someone falls out with someone else" Hmmm.... dunno about that one grandma, but it was certainly true where my family is concerned.
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Old 09-02-2013, 07:37 PM   #28
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Yes and no. It is the couple's day, and they are spending a heck of a lot on it. But guests are often traveling and spending a fair amount of time and money on the event. For some folks, it's a money they might not be able to easily afford. But they do because they care. When I worked at a library (low pay), a couple of closely spaced weddings could decimate my vacation time and discretionary income. Yet I knew I'd regret it if I didn't attend.

So while it certainly is not ABOUT the guests, couples who make it unnecessarily hard on guests are not being kind.

My cousin's son arranged to pick up relatives at the airport, paid for hotel rooms for those who could not afford them, and so on. I think that if you want loved ones at your wedding, you DO think about how not to make it a hardship on them.

As much as I love friends and relatives, there does come a point at which I will say no. A friend who required guests to fly into a remote area of the Upper Peninsula of Michigan and then do primitive camping for two days got a no. I love him, and the wedding pictures were beautiful. But -- for me -- that was too much. I think they had a great time, but I never regretted it. (You could see guests swatting mosquitos in some of the pics.)
I didn't expect my guests to come, really. My parents could not fly from canada to amsterdam, nor could my friends. My friends in england could not afford the airfare and the bus, though very affordable, is a 12 hour drive. Most people I know in London do not have cars. You don't need a car.

So I had three guests from london (plus DJs). That's it. I was find with that. I wanted my wedding in Amsterdam, I wanted a marriage not a civil partnership, and frankly I wanted to be married in Holland. I missed my mom and dad pretty badly, especially when I came down the stairs dressed to get in the cab to go to the civil service. Ink's Mom and Tante Ellen tried really hard to make me feel at home though. Ink was with her dad and brother and I was with her mom and auntie.

But I fully accepted that my choice about what I wanted for my wedding meant that the majority of of my guests would not be there. I was ok with it, given that 90% of my friends "don't believe in marriage" anyway.
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Old 09-02-2013, 07:53 PM   #29
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The couple should have the choice and we should not take it personally.
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Old 09-02-2013, 10:07 PM   #30
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Default To me

If it was about us, we would elope.
It is not. Trust me on this. Your memories of this day are photo's, comments, and pictures. It a surreal moment in your history.

I know. I have done this 3 times. I remember very little of the day(s). It is all about the photographs, the 2 min with each person at a table, and not at all about food, or songs, or anything. This is a big day. Your want to share with Hym or hir. you need to share it with family.

I had my last wedding at Disneyland. Of course they have babysitters extraordinaire. Worked out great. Not as expensive as I would have thought.

For me, excluding children was not an option. If it is not for you, and you know who you are. go for family peace and if you have no place for kids, well hire someone. I would have to. Damn, my Grandchildren keep having kids....
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Old 09-02-2013, 10:23 PM   #31
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The couple should have the choice and we should not take it personally.
It's usually the couple who takes it personally when a family member or friend declines the invitation.

Just saying, yeah it's your day, but if you're already entitled, and you think having a wedding gives you permission to let it all out, god help your friends and relatives.
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Old 09-02-2013, 10:55 PM   #32
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I got married many years ago in a church that had a room for kids, and we provided free childcare to those attending. Worked out really well - many of our friends would not have come with a baby, or they would have had to pay a sitter, and it just seemed easier to have one there.

No crying kids, no hurt friends. Win-win.

Personally, I would not take my children under a certain age to a wedding. For the child's sake more than anyone else's. Those things are usually pretty boring for kids.
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Old 09-03-2013, 12:28 AM   #33
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Default Just another point I am making.....

I would venture to say most weddings are not free of the drama, or embarrassment and/or shenanigans that are unwelcome! I am speaking of those who create drama, or by drunkenness can take the spotlight from the intended couple. Yup.....the adults!! Sometimes the adult drama is worse than if kids had attended. I agree with some statements in that separate accommodations for kids can be a deal breaker for attending or not, and I think its a great way for the happy couple to say we really want you to attend and share our day! Of course it is totally the choice of the couple who are getting married, that is a given! But they have a guest list for a reason, so as not to share this day with only each other! The chicken dance is absolutely no fun without kids participating IMO!!

Yanno, I went through the complete smiley list.......and not one wedding smiley exists!?? <le' sigh>
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Old 09-03-2013, 08:41 PM   #34
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It's usually the couple who takes it personally when a family member or friend declines the invitation.

Just saying, yeah it's your day, but if you're already entitled, and you think having a wedding gives you permission to let it all out, god help your friends and relatives.
I've never wanted to get married.

I should have worded better. When we stop taking things personally, life is better. Weddings are so fraught with feelings and personalities. It seems like such an emotional cluster fuck.

I've worked so many weddings, I'm kind of jaded. Lol.
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Old 09-03-2013, 08:47 PM   #35
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It's usually the couple who takes it personally when a family member or friend declines the invitation.

Just saying, yeah it's your day, but if you're already entitled, and you think having a wedding gives you permission to let it all out, god help your friends and relatives.
I've never wanted to get married.

I should have worded better. When we stop taking things personally, life is better. Weddings are so fraught with feelings and personalities. It seems like such an emotional cluster fuck.

I've worked so many weddings, I'm kind of jaded. Lol.
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Old 09-04-2013, 04:07 AM   #36
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It can be if you are a control freak. I gave control over to other people so I didn't have to deal with any arguments about anything. And people *ate that up*

We had almost no money. People cooked the food, our friends gave us their house in the Jordan to have the reception in, the english DJs (friends of inks) donated their time as our wedding gift and we found them free couches to sleep on in Amsterdam. Inks english guests and mine, we got them a deal at a very inexpensive little boutique hotel and those that could not afford that, we found couches for.

When I arrived to Centraal Station with my GIGANTIC TRUNK of a wheelie suitcase, we walked through the snow and ice, dragging the bags to the house. It was hard work and it was stunning in Amsterdam with the fresh snow. Some of our guests got snowed in and had to stay longer.

When I arrived at the house this was the first thing I saw:



As a piss take for the front area display you can see from the little cobbled street, was this obnoxious pink pony they bought me as a wedding gift (!!!!!). I loved it. It whinnied and made clippy cloppy noises. Yes a couple drunk people wound up on it. More drunk people wore my veil though. I was amused.

they had done the whole bottom floor in white christmas trees of varying sizes, snow, pink and silver glitter, and pink, white, clear, silver and red christmas balls hung on fishing wire and strung with white fairy lights every where. Then my two hosts dressed up as Wedding Fairies with wings and old 80's punk outfits and Danish christmas hats.

they were at the wedding like that as ushers.

The cake, it cost me about £20 to make for 50 people and the top part is vegan. It's Matrimony Cake, prairie recipe from gramma and everyone LOVED it. It was hoovered in minutes. For decorations, I asked everyone to give me little toys that they had. My maid of honour took two of her My Little Ponies and adjusted them- she made one with a mohawk and butch (inks) and mine had a long tail of metalic butterflies. They were amazing, and it was her wedding gift to us.

My wedding dress: £10 matilan, wedding shawl £12 ebay, Veil made by my mother, wig £20 Dalston Market and I styled it myself, Shoes £30 internet shoe sale, stockings £15 but had to order from germany. I already owned the corset and underwear. Entire wedding outfit: £82. that's about $130? Inks was the same. She ordered from ebay, made stuff, and that's her Drag King tiarra. She wore glittering humming birds on her cheeks. She looked great.



Weddings do not have to be traumatic or expensive. And it should reflect the couple. I loved my wedding. It was so *fun*
I never wanted a traditional marriage and I didn't have one. All our wedding savings were stolen and we had to do it everything, including the licence (300 euros) on £850. (about $1,350). All of our wedding gifts were people doing something for the wedding or donating to giving us a two day honeymoon in amsterdam.

I don't understand weddings that cost massive amounts. My marriage did not last. But at least I had a blast at my wedding and I didn't go in debt for it.

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Old 09-04-2013, 09:08 AM   #37
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Ah yes the adult only wedding!

My sister and I had to be around 7 and 9 when an older cousin of ours got married.
The both of us could go to the long and very boring Catholic church part of the wedding, but not the reception. It sucked knowing this. And it also sucked knowing that we'd have to spend the rest of the day with our 85 year old grant Aunt, learning how to play solitaire and watching a repeat of The love boat.

I can see the point of not having kids at your wedding. And then I can't.
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Old 09-04-2013, 12:08 PM   #38
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Quote:
Originally Posted by honeybarbara View Post
It can be if you are a control freak. I gave control over to other people so I didn't have to deal with any arguments about anything. And people *ate that up*

We had almost no money. People cooked the food, our friends gave us their house in the Jordan to have the reception in, the english DJs (friends of inks) donated their time as our wedding gift and we found them free couches to sleep on in Amsterdam. Inks english guests and mine, we got them a deal at a very inexpensive little boutique hotel and those that could not afford that, we found couches for.

When I arrived to Centraal Station with my GIGANTIC TRUNK of a wheelie suitcase, we walked through the snow and ice, dragging the bags to the house. It was hard work and it was stunning in Amsterdam with the fresh snow. Some of our guests got snowed in and had to stay longer.

When I arrived at the house this was the first thing I saw:



As a piss take for the front area display you can see from the little cobbled street, was this obnoxious pink pony they bought me as a wedding gift (!!!!!). I loved it. It whinnied and made clippy cloppy noises. Yes a couple drunk people wound up on it. More drunk people wore my veil though. I was amused.

they had done the whole bottom floor in white christmas trees of varying sizes, snow, pink and silver glitter, and pink, white, clear, silver and red christmas balls hung on fishing wire and strung with white fairy lights every where. Then my two hosts dressed up as Wedding Fairies with wings and old 80's punk outfits and Danish christmas hats.

they were at the wedding like that as ushers.

The cake, it cost me about £20 to make for 50 people and the top part is vegan. It's Matrimony Cake, prairie recipe from gramma and everyone LOVED it. It was hoovered in minutes. For decorations, I asked everyone to give me little toys that they had. My maid of honour took two of her My Little Ponies and adjusted them- she made one with a mohawk and butch (inks) and mine had a long tail of metalic butterflies. They were amazing, and it was her wedding gift to us.

My wedding dress: £10 matilan, wedding shawl £12 ebay, Veil made by my mother, wig £20 Dalston Market and I styled it myself, Shoes £30 internet shoe sale, stockings £15 but had to order from germany. I already owned the corset and underwear. Entire wedding outfit: £82. that's about $130? Inks was the same. She ordered from ebay, made stuff, and that's her Drag King tiarra. She wore glittering humming birds on her cheeks. She looked great.



Weddings do not have to be traumatic or expensive. And it should reflect the couple. I loved my wedding. It was so *fun*
I never wanted a traditional marriage and I didn't have one. All our wedding savings were stolen and we had to do it everything, including the licence (300 euros) on £850. (about $1,350). All of our wedding gifts were people doing something for the wedding or donating to giving us a two day honeymoon in amsterdam.

I don't understand weddings that cost massive amounts. My marriage did not last. But at least I had a blast at my wedding and I didn't go in debt for it.
Fabulous! Esp pink pony!

Agree on really expensive weddings...why start "happily ever after" in massive debt?
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Old 09-04-2013, 12:36 PM   #39
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Default I prefer dogs.

I'm eager for a child-free personal space at any given time. Unless it's an exceptional, well-read and mannered child that's not extremely attached to a personal electronic device--but that applies to adults, too.
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Old 09-04-2013, 02:39 PM   #40
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HB, LOVE the description of your wedding.

O/our wedding in Vancouver was done on a budget too (all of it was arranged with Blue in the States and me in Israel so eBay was definitely O/our friend), and apart from U/us, the only people there were the marriage officiant and two volunteer witnesses (one of the first same sex couples to get married in Canada who acted as witnesses for couples from other countries). It was beautiful and although I know that both O/our familes would have liked to be present what mattered to U/us was that W/we were married even if, at that point, W/we were unable to live in the same country.

So, my view on adult only/childless weddings is no different to my view on weddings in general, i.e., that folks should respect the wishes of the couple involved, be it in regard to the guest list, the venue, or any other aspect of the day. They don't have to 'approve', but they should at least respect the fact that it's not their day to plan.

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