Butch Femme Planet  

Go Back   Butch Femme Planet > RELATIONSHIPS, COMMUNITY, GROUPS > Poly Relationships

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 12-01-2009, 05:48 PM   #1
Linus
The Planet's Technical Bubba

How Do You Identify?:
FTM
Preferred Pronoun?:
He/Him/Geek
Relationship Status:
Married to my forever!
 
Linus's Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Redondo Beach, CA
Posts: 5,440
Thanks: 2,929
Thanked 10,743 Times in 3,176 Posts
Rep Power: 21474856
Linus Has the BEST ReputationLinus Has the BEST ReputationLinus Has the BEST ReputationLinus Has the BEST ReputationLinus Has the BEST ReputationLinus Has the BEST ReputationLinus Has the BEST ReputationLinus Has the BEST ReputationLinus Has the BEST ReputationLinus Has the BEST ReputationLinus Has the BEST Reputation
Default Poly Relationships

So are there any others out there? What do you do to make it work? How do you address distance, if it's an issue?

Share stories of success and not so successfuly poly relationships here.. and perhaps.. find others?
__________________
Personal Blog || [] || Cigar Blog


"We become Human Doings instead of Human Beings." -- Ram Dass
Linus is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Linus For This Useful Post:
Old 12-08-2009, 09:18 AM   #2
violaine
Timed Out

How Do You Identify?:
atypical
Preferred Pronoun?:
plague words and phrases
Relationship Status:
love wise guys of the avian world
 

Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: wekiva springs basin
Posts: 3,236
Thanks: 9,934
Thanked 3,294 Times in 1,301 Posts
Rep Power: 0
violaine Has the BEST Reputationviolaine Has the BEST Reputationviolaine Has the BEST Reputationviolaine Has the BEST Reputationviolaine Has the BEST Reputationviolaine Has the BEST Reputationviolaine Has the BEST Reputationviolaine Has the BEST Reputationviolaine Has the BEST Reputationviolaine Has the BEST Reputationviolaine Has the BEST Reputation
Smile

hi linus.

i found a pretty good article-

http://www.newsweek.com/id/209164

"... It's a new paradigm, certainly—and it does break some rules. "Polyamory scares people—it shakes up their world view," says Allena Gabosch, the director of the Seattle-based Center for Sex Positive Culture. But perhaps the practice is more natural than we think: a response to the challenges of monogamous relationships, whose shortcomings—in a culture where divorce has become a commonplace—are clear. Everyone in a relationship wrestles at some point with an eternal question: can one person really satisfy every need? Polyamorists think the answer is obvious—and that it's only a matter of time before the monogamous world sees there's more than one way to live and love. "The people I feel sorry for are the ones who don't ever realize they have any other choices beyond the traditional options society presents," says Scott. "To look at an option like polyamory and say 'That's not for me' is fine. To look at it and not realize you can choose it is just sad..."

i have looked at polyamory several times over the years, and wondered if the model could ever work for me. a few of the relationships i've seen and people in them, have successfully worked out [because they all do the work]. certainly, a level of honesty/respect for other partners would make this kind of [or any!] relationship healthier.

look forward to reading on-

best,
belle



violaine is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to violaine For This Useful Post:
Old 12-08-2009, 09:49 AM   #3
MrSunshine
Senior Member

How Do You Identify?:
The Gardner
Preferred Pronoun?:
Ummmm
Relationship Status:
Nah
 
MrSunshine's Avatar
 
23 Highscores

Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Sunshine State, State of Sunshine
Posts: 2,616
Thanks: 1,577
Thanked 3,889 Times in 1,154 Posts
Rep Power: 21474853
MrSunshine Has the BEST ReputationMrSunshine Has the BEST ReputationMrSunshine Has the BEST ReputationMrSunshine Has the BEST ReputationMrSunshine Has the BEST ReputationMrSunshine Has the BEST ReputationMrSunshine Has the BEST ReputationMrSunshine Has the BEST ReputationMrSunshine Has the BEST ReputationMrSunshine Has the BEST ReputationMrSunshine Has the BEST Reputation
Default

This has always been an interesting concept to me. I myself have reached a point in my life, maybe age, that this would work for me if the right mix came up. It's something I've thought of more in recent years anyway and wonder if it would make life/relationships easier, more enjoyable?
Look forward to hearing any stories.
MrSunshine is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to MrSunshine For This Useful Post:
Old 12-08-2009, 01:34 PM   #4
Linus
The Planet's Technical Bubba

How Do You Identify?:
FTM
Preferred Pronoun?:
He/Him/Geek
Relationship Status:
Married to my forever!
 
Linus's Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Redondo Beach, CA
Posts: 5,440
Thanks: 2,929
Thanked 10,743 Times in 3,176 Posts
Rep Power: 21474856
Linus Has the BEST ReputationLinus Has the BEST ReputationLinus Has the BEST ReputationLinus Has the BEST ReputationLinus Has the BEST ReputationLinus Has the BEST ReputationLinus Has the BEST ReputationLinus Has the BEST ReputationLinus Has the BEST ReputationLinus Has the BEST ReputationLinus Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by violaine View Post
hi linus.

i found a pretty good article-

http://www.newsweek.com/id/209164

"... It's a new paradigm, certainly—and it does break some rules. "Polyamory scares people—it shakes up their world view," says Allena Gabosch, the director of the Seattle-based Center for Sex Positive Culture. But perhaps the practice is more natural than we think: a response to the challenges of monogamous relationships, whose shortcomings—in a culture where divorce has become a commonplace—are clear. Everyone in a relationship wrestles at some point with an eternal question: can one person really satisfy every need? Polyamorists think the answer is obvious—and that it's only a matter of time before the monogamous world sees there's more than one way to live and love. "The people I feel sorry for are the ones who don't ever realize they have any other choices beyond the traditional options society presents," says Scott. "To look at an option like polyamory and say 'That's not for me' is fine. To look at it and not realize you can choose it is just sad..."

i have looked at polyamory several times over the years, and wondered if the model could ever work for me. a few of the relationships i've seen and people in them, have successfully worked out [because they all do the work]. certainly, a level of honesty/respect for other partners would make this kind of [or any!] relationship healthier.

look forward to reading on-

best,
belle

Interesting. I don't know that it's a new paradigm. I think perhaps it's not a common one that most people think of because often it's associated to Mormon et al. concept of marriage. And it breaks down the traditional view of marriage and/or commitment.

I had actually been first introduced to this by K and as I investigated it more, I realized that there were a lot of things about this that made sense. When we think of our lives we love a lot of people for a variety of reasons (e.g., siblings, friends, parents, etc). We do not deny our love for them because we decide who should only love one friend or one parent or one sibling, etc. So why do we limit our deeper loves for only one? (work/busy schedule and other stuff aside).

Ultimately, I can say that the choice to be involved in a poly relationship or not is up to the person. I won't say that it's for everyone. It's not. But it can be great for many and allows a primary or a group relationship to grow well, strong and provide an avenue for support for all (something that can be challenge in a mono relationship where the partners rely on each for all support).

There are some biggies that should be parament in any relationship and it's heightened, IMO, in a poly relationship:

1. Communication.
2. Trust
3. Unconditional love
4. Honesty (both the stuff that is nice and stuff that is harsh)
5. Openness

Quote:
Originally Posted by Deadyboy View Post
This has always been an interesting concept to me. I myself have reached a point in my life, maybe age, that this would work for me if the right mix came up. It's something I've thought of more in recent years anyway and wonder if it would make life/relationships easier, more enjoyable?
Look forward to hearing any stories.
I'm actually kind of curious as to why it might make your life/relationships easier and/or more enjoyable?

I do believe it is about the right mix. For me, I'd love to find a B-F couple that would work with K and me (ideally loves furrkids and kidlets -- bigger the family, the better.). To me, I think it'd be the best option. For both of us, it would ideally address the desire/need for close friend for support (other than lover) as well as another to play with.

Would it be easier? I don't know. Depends on how the relationship goes and how well the five points above are met (they are needed in all relationships but definitely come out more in poly relationships). I had thought about trying to do a LD with a femme but... it didn't quite seem to work (although that might be more due to my schedule being wacky at times). K and I have discussed it and we have figured that it'd be best if it wasn't LD and if it was a couple.

Anyways.. hopefully others will post. I know of one transguy who has two wives and is very happy with that (although life has thrown a huge loop for him thanks to the economy but that's a separate issue).

Oh.. before I forget, The Ethical Slut is a great good and pretty much the poly "Bible". It's a great reference about relationships, even if you don't feel that poly is for you. I'd highly recommend it.
__________________
Personal Blog || [] || Cigar Blog


"We become Human Doings instead of Human Beings." -- Ram Dass
Linus is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 11 Users Say Thank You to Linus For This Useful Post:
Old 12-08-2009, 01:46 PM   #5
MrSunshine
Senior Member

How Do You Identify?:
The Gardner
Preferred Pronoun?:
Ummmm
Relationship Status:
Nah
 
MrSunshine's Avatar
 
23 Highscores

Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Sunshine State, State of Sunshine
Posts: 2,616
Thanks: 1,577
Thanked 3,889 Times in 1,154 Posts
Rep Power: 21474853
MrSunshine Has the BEST ReputationMrSunshine Has the BEST ReputationMrSunshine Has the BEST ReputationMrSunshine Has the BEST ReputationMrSunshine Has the BEST ReputationMrSunshine Has the BEST ReputationMrSunshine Has the BEST ReputationMrSunshine Has the BEST ReputationMrSunshine Has the BEST ReputationMrSunshine Has the BEST ReputationMrSunshine Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Linus View Post
I'm actually kind of curious as to why it might make your life/relationships easier and/or more enjoyable?
You must have misread that Linus. I said "I wonder if it would make life/relationships more enjoyable"? I'm just a curious kinda guy
MrSunshine is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-08-2009, 02:01 PM   #6
Linus
The Planet's Technical Bubba

How Do You Identify?:
FTM
Preferred Pronoun?:
He/Him/Geek
Relationship Status:
Married to my forever!
 
Linus's Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Redondo Beach, CA
Posts: 5,440
Thanks: 2,929
Thanked 10,743 Times in 3,176 Posts
Rep Power: 21474856
Linus Has the BEST ReputationLinus Has the BEST ReputationLinus Has the BEST ReputationLinus Has the BEST ReputationLinus Has the BEST ReputationLinus Has the BEST ReputationLinus Has the BEST ReputationLinus Has the BEST ReputationLinus Has the BEST ReputationLinus Has the BEST ReputationLinus Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Deadyboy View Post
You must have misread that Linus. I said "I wonder if it would make life/relationships more enjoyable"? I'm just a curious kinda guy
Ok. Now I'm really confused. The quote I referred from you have above has:


It's something I've thought of more in recent years anyway and wonder if it would make life/relationships easier, more enjoyable?

Either way... it can but it can also make things more difficult. If the expectation that this will solve everything... eh. I dunno. Can it make things easier? In some ways, I think it can (there is a support system around for everyone -- kinda like the concept of a commune in the past). It should result in greater communication and more openness on relationships. A lot of it will depend on how the relationship dynamic is configured.

I do think that it can open up more love opportunities because you can keep your primary relationship while having others that meet the needs that your primary (if you a primary/secondary kind of setup) is unable to or won't meet. It doesn't mean that you love them less but rather that you love them as they are and still have those other needs (whatever they may be) met.

Hopefully that makes sense.
__________________
Personal Blog || [] || Cigar Blog


"We become Human Doings instead of Human Beings." -- Ram Dass
Linus is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Linus For This Useful Post:
Old 12-08-2009, 02:15 PM   #7
MrSunshine
Senior Member

How Do You Identify?:
The Gardner
Preferred Pronoun?:
Ummmm
Relationship Status:
Nah
 
MrSunshine's Avatar
 
23 Highscores

Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Sunshine State, State of Sunshine
Posts: 2,616
Thanks: 1,577
Thanked 3,889 Times in 1,154 Posts
Rep Power: 21474853
MrSunshine Has the BEST ReputationMrSunshine Has the BEST ReputationMrSunshine Has the BEST ReputationMrSunshine Has the BEST ReputationMrSunshine Has the BEST ReputationMrSunshine Has the BEST ReputationMrSunshine Has the BEST ReputationMrSunshine Has the BEST ReputationMrSunshine Has the BEST ReputationMrSunshine Has the BEST ReputationMrSunshine Has the BEST Reputation
Default

I can see where that might seem vague. I guess I expect you to read my mind Linus. I was really just being curious out loud I suppose.
I don't see it as solving everything per se but I think if, like I said before about the right mix, was there it could be an outstanding situation.
One thing for sure is I can't do chaos. If I can't live in harmony with someone/s I would rather be alone.
MrSunshine is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to MrSunshine For This Useful Post:
Old 12-08-2009, 02:17 PM   #8
Linus
The Planet's Technical Bubba

How Do You Identify?:
FTM
Preferred Pronoun?:
He/Him/Geek
Relationship Status:
Married to my forever!
 
Linus's Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Redondo Beach, CA
Posts: 5,440
Thanks: 2,929
Thanked 10,743 Times in 3,176 Posts
Rep Power: 21474856
Linus Has the BEST ReputationLinus Has the BEST ReputationLinus Has the BEST ReputationLinus Has the BEST ReputationLinus Has the BEST ReputationLinus Has the BEST ReputationLinus Has the BEST ReputationLinus Has the BEST ReputationLinus Has the BEST ReputationLinus Has the BEST ReputationLinus Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Deadyboy View Post
I can see where that might seem vague. I guess I expect you to read my mind Linus. I was really just being curious out loud I suppose.
I don't see it as solving everything per se but I think if, like I said before about the right mix, was there it could be an outstanding situation.
One thing for sure is I can't do chaos. If I can't live in harmony with someone/s I would rather be alone.
Oh sure. I know quite a few great poly families where this works great.
__________________
Personal Blog || [] || Cigar Blog


"We become Human Doings instead of Human Beings." -- Ram Dass
Linus is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-08-2009, 02:24 PM   #9
Andrew, Jr.
Timed Out

How Do You Identify?:
Me
Preferred Pronoun?:
He
Relationship Status:
Unavailable
 
Andrew, Jr.'s Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Over the Rainbow in a House
Posts: 5,072
Thanks: 16,004
Thanked 5,249 Times in 2,216 Posts
Rep Power: 0
Andrew, Jr. Has the BEST ReputationAndrew, Jr. Has the BEST ReputationAndrew, Jr. Has the BEST ReputationAndrew, Jr. Has the BEST ReputationAndrew, Jr. Has the BEST ReputationAndrew, Jr. Has the BEST ReputationAndrew, Jr. Has the BEST ReputationAndrew, Jr. Has the BEST ReputationAndrew, Jr. Has the BEST ReputationAndrew, Jr. Has the BEST ReputationAndrew, Jr. Has the BEST Reputation
Smile

I know a few poly families where it has worked for them. But the main thing is to talk about it. Communication is key.
Andrew, Jr. is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Andrew, Jr. For This Useful Post:
Old 12-08-2009, 02:25 PM   #10
Linus
The Planet's Technical Bubba

How Do You Identify?:
FTM
Preferred Pronoun?:
He/Him/Geek
Relationship Status:
Married to my forever!
 
Linus's Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Redondo Beach, CA
Posts: 5,440
Thanks: 2,929
Thanked 10,743 Times in 3,176 Posts
Rep Power: 21474856
Linus Has the BEST ReputationLinus Has the BEST ReputationLinus Has the BEST ReputationLinus Has the BEST ReputationLinus Has the BEST ReputationLinus Has the BEST ReputationLinus Has the BEST ReputationLinus Has the BEST ReputationLinus Has the BEST ReputationLinus Has the BEST ReputationLinus Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Andrew, Jr. View Post
I know a few poly families where it has worked for them. But the main thing is to talk about it. Communication is key.
That's a paramount in any relationship (e.g. Friendship, family, etc.) but is highlighted in a poly one, for sure.
__________________
Personal Blog || [] || Cigar Blog


"We become Human Doings instead of Human Beings." -- Ram Dass
Linus is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-08-2009, 02:27 PM   #11
cara
Senior Member

How Do You Identify?:
Queer/lesbian femme
Preferred Pronoun?:
She/her
Relationship Status:
Married to my love 08.15.15
 
cara's Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Snohomish County, Washington State
Posts: 3,401
Thanks: 11,994
Thanked 13,254 Times in 2,724 Posts
Rep Power: 21474854
cara Has the BEST Reputationcara Has the BEST Reputationcara Has the BEST Reputationcara Has the BEST Reputationcara Has the BEST Reputationcara Has the BEST Reputationcara Has the BEST Reputationcara Has the BEST Reputationcara Has the BEST Reputationcara Has the BEST Reputationcara Has the BEST Reputation
Default

poly is not for everyone and anyone who thinks it may make your life easier/less complicated is looking through rose-colored glasses. my experiences with poly have been mixed. at this point, i would say its not for me. however, who is to say what the future may hold? trying to keep this message short and to the point since i am posting from my phone. hugs! ~cara
cara is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to cara For This Useful Post:
Old 12-08-2009, 02:44 PM   #12
Linus
The Planet's Technical Bubba

How Do You Identify?:
FTM
Preferred Pronoun?:
He/Him/Geek
Relationship Status:
Married to my forever!
 
Linus's Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Redondo Beach, CA
Posts: 5,440
Thanks: 2,929
Thanked 10,743 Times in 3,176 Posts
Rep Power: 21474856
Linus Has the BEST ReputationLinus Has the BEST ReputationLinus Has the BEST ReputationLinus Has the BEST ReputationLinus Has the BEST ReputationLinus Has the BEST ReputationLinus Has the BEST ReputationLinus Has the BEST ReputationLinus Has the BEST ReputationLinus Has the BEST ReputationLinus Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by cara View Post
poly is not for everyone and anyone who thinks it may make your life easier/less complicated is looking through rose-colored glasses. my experiences with poly have been mixed. at this point, i would say its not for me. however, who is to say what the future may hold? trying to keep this message short and to the point since i am posting from my phone. hugs! ~cara

I will agree with that although it applies to any relationship. Some times they work, sometimes.. not so much. Knowing whether it's for you or not is a good thing and an important understanding.
__________________
Personal Blog || [] || Cigar Blog


"We become Human Doings instead of Human Beings." -- Ram Dass
Linus is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Linus For This Useful Post:
Old 12-08-2009, 04:04 PM   #13
sharkchomp
Member

How Do You Identify?:
TG/stone butch
Preferred Pronoun?:
He
Relationship Status:
Single
 
sharkchomp's Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Knoxville
Posts: 426
Thanks: 419
Thanked 1,341 Times in 309 Posts
Rep Power: 9701637
sharkchomp Has the BEST Reputationsharkchomp Has the BEST Reputationsharkchomp Has the BEST Reputationsharkchomp Has the BEST Reputationsharkchomp Has the BEST Reputationsharkchomp Has the BEST Reputationsharkchomp Has the BEST Reputationsharkchomp Has the BEST Reputationsharkchomp Has the BEST Reputationsharkchomp Has the BEST Reputationsharkchomp Has the BEST Reputation
Default

I think one of the biggest challenges with poly relationships is being intimate with someone but not being jealous or possessive (for me). I'm sure there are other issues for people but for myself this is the biggest issue. When I am in a poly relationship I tend to keep someone at a distance to avoid my own personal hang ups (being possessive and jealous).

~~~shark~~~~~~~~
__________________



take a fish boating
sharkchomp is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to sharkchomp For This Useful Post:
Old 12-08-2009, 04:53 PM   #14
Bootboi
Member

How Do You Identify?:
Butch Bear
Preferred Pronoun?:
Mister Bear.. lol actually whatever not a big deal to me.
Relationship Status:
Solo sauntering along
 

Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Minneapolis, Minnesota
Posts: 216
Thanks: 127
Thanked 327 Times in 107 Posts
Rep Power: 2089259
Bootboi Has the BEST ReputationBootboi Has the BEST ReputationBootboi Has the BEST ReputationBootboi Has the BEST ReputationBootboi Has the BEST ReputationBootboi Has the BEST ReputationBootboi Has the BEST ReputationBootboi Has the BEST ReputationBootboi Has the BEST ReputationBootboi Has the BEST ReputationBootboi Has the BEST Reputation
Default

I once fancied myself as being able to maintain a status of poly. I quickly learned that it was more than enough emotional work to maintain a relationship with one person. I could never see myslf as poly. I'm also selfish and I dont share well with others.
Bootboi is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to Bootboi For This Useful Post:
Old 12-18-2009, 02:01 AM   #15
hippieflowergirl
Member

How Do You Identify?:
~
Preferred Pronoun?:
~
Relationship Status:
~
 

Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: ~
Posts: 424
Thanks: 461
Thanked 466 Times in 176 Posts
Rep Power: 274205
hippieflowergirl Has the BEST Reputationhippieflowergirl Has the BEST Reputationhippieflowergirl Has the BEST Reputationhippieflowergirl Has the BEST Reputationhippieflowergirl Has the BEST Reputationhippieflowergirl Has the BEST Reputationhippieflowergirl Has the BEST Reputationhippieflowergirl Has the BEST Reputationhippieflowergirl Has the BEST Reputationhippieflowergirl Has the BEST Reputationhippieflowergirl Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Linus View Post
Interesting. I don't know that it's a new paradigm. I think perhaps it's not a common one that most people think of because often it's associated to Mormon et al. concept of marriage. And it breaks down the traditional view of marriage and/or commitment.
i think it's our north american eurocentrism that makes us believe poly relationships are "new". the majority do tend to think they've invented everything afterall. (unless they despise it of course)
hippieflowergirl is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to hippieflowergirl For This Useful Post:
Old 12-20-2009, 11:38 PM   #16
Write14u
Member

How Do You Identify?:
Butch
Preferred Pronoun?:
I'm easy
Relationship Status:
She's some kind of wonderful.
 
Write14u's Avatar
 

Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: I keep my heart and soul in the boondocks
Posts: 626
Thanks: 240
Thanked 714 Times in 325 Posts
Rep Power: 759421
Write14u Has the BEST ReputationWrite14u Has the BEST ReputationWrite14u Has the BEST ReputationWrite14u Has the BEST ReputationWrite14u Has the BEST ReputationWrite14u Has the BEST ReputationWrite14u Has the BEST ReputationWrite14u Has the BEST ReputationWrite14u Has the BEST ReputationWrite14u Has the BEST ReputationWrite14u Has the BEST Reputation
Default

This is something I've been exploring/reading about for the past year or so. I'll tell you one thing, though. Mention it to some people and they just think you're effing nuts.
In the past year, I've learned that yep, you can deeply love more than one person at the same time, and oh yeah, if both those people want monogamy, you're, umm, just screwed.

I'm looking forward to reading more because I simply just haven't had that much exposure to people who actually are living life poly.
__________________
"I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days."
-- Crash Davis, Bull Durham
Write14u is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Write14u For This Useful Post:
Old 12-21-2009, 12:56 AM   #17
violaine
Timed Out

How Do You Identify?:
atypical
Preferred Pronoun?:
plague words and phrases
Relationship Status:
love wise guys of the avian world
 

Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: wekiva springs basin
Posts: 3,236
Thanks: 9,934
Thanked 3,294 Times in 1,301 Posts
Rep Power: 0
violaine Has the BEST Reputationviolaine Has the BEST Reputationviolaine Has the BEST Reputationviolaine Has the BEST Reputationviolaine Has the BEST Reputationviolaine Has the BEST Reputationviolaine Has the BEST Reputationviolaine Has the BEST Reputationviolaine Has the BEST Reputationviolaine Has the BEST Reputationviolaine Has the BEST Reputation
Default

hi linus

i am going to respond to the sentences below in separate lines, please.


When we think of our lives we love a lot of people for a variety of reasons (e.g., siblings, friends, parents, etc).

yes, i do believe that for people with siblings/parents/friends- a variety of love can exist.



We do not deny our love for them because we decide who should only love one friend or one parent or one sibling, etc.

again, yes- but the type of relationship i would know with a parent/sibling may differ quite a lot dynamics-wise from how i relate to friends, or a person with whom i want to be close to sexually even more so than family or friendships. friendships may turn into relationships or just remain on a platonic level.


So why do we limit our deeper loves for only one? (work/busy schedule and other stuff aside).

i can only write that i would not consciously set out to place how much love exists for my relationships family/friends/partner. however, i do have a comment about "unconditional love" - in general, and as i read and relate them to your "5" below.

i have set boundaries in my relationships- family/friends/partner. not exactly unconditonal if there are lines drawn.

thinking about a poly relationship involving clear-cut conversations [defined]and mutual decision-making, et c. how do these go hand in hand with a limitless love [involving more than two people at a time] ?

i understand respect, fairness, communication- listening/talking, honesty, and so on. the term "unconditonal love" throws me because it seems [to me] there's an implication of purity/without limits/perfection/unquestionable- love.


best,
belle


There are some biggies that should be parament in any relationship and it's heightened, IMO, in a poly relationship:

1. Communication.
2. Trust
3. Unconditional love
4. Honesty (both the stuff that is nice and stuff that is harsh)
5. Openness



I'm actually kind of curious as to why it might make your life/relationships easier and/or more enjoyable?

I do believe it is about the right mix. For me, I'd love to find a B-F couple that would work with K and me (ideally loves furrkids and kidlets -- bigger the family, the better.). To me, I think it'd be the best option. For both of us, it would ideally address the desire/need for close friend for support (other than lover) as well as another to play with.

Would it be easier? I don't know. Depends on how the relationship goes and how well the five points above are met (they are needed in all relationships but definitely come out more in poly relationships). I had thought about trying to do a LD with a femme but... it didn't quite seem to work (although that might be more due to my schedule being wacky at times). K and I have discussed it and we have figured that it'd be best if it wasn't LD and if it was a couple.

Anyways.. hopefully others will post. I know of one transguy who has two wives and is very happy with that (although life has thrown a huge loop for him thanks to the economy but that's a separate issue).

Oh.. before I forget, The Ethical Slut is a great good and pretty much the poly "Bible". It's a great reference about relationships, even if you don't feel that poly is for you. I'd highly recommend it.
violaine is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to violaine For This Useful Post:
Old 12-22-2009, 04:57 PM   #18
Andrew, Jr.
Timed Out

How Do You Identify?:
Me
Preferred Pronoun?:
He
Relationship Status:
Unavailable
 
Andrew, Jr.'s Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Over the Rainbow in a House
Posts: 5,072
Thanks: 16,004
Thanked 5,249 Times in 2,216 Posts
Rep Power: 0
Andrew, Jr. Has the BEST ReputationAndrew, Jr. Has the BEST ReputationAndrew, Jr. Has the BEST ReputationAndrew, Jr. Has the BEST ReputationAndrew, Jr. Has the BEST ReputationAndrew, Jr. Has the BEST ReputationAndrew, Jr. Has the BEST ReputationAndrew, Jr. Has the BEST ReputationAndrew, Jr. Has the BEST ReputationAndrew, Jr. Has the BEST ReputationAndrew, Jr. Has the BEST Reputation
Smile

Hi Linus,

I think most people are capable to love many people, if they allow themself. It is a matter of being open, free from what society norms are, and enjoying yourself with many. For some, the concept is do-able. However, in reality they can't for whatever reason (boundaries of safety, religious beliefs, kids, and so on). Sometimes one partner can handle it, and then when the reality comes into play, they decide that it is something that they cannot support or participate in. No matter how much talking is done, good and bad, it still kills it.

I agree, if you mention this to most people, you get looked at like you have 3 heads. Oy.

Have you watched the series "Big Love"? Good show.
Andrew, Jr. is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Andrew, Jr. For This Useful Post:
Old 12-22-2009, 05:08 PM   #19
Locutus
Junior Member

How Do You Identify?:
Daddy
Relationship Status:
Open to the Possibilities
 
Locutus's Avatar
 

Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Wichita, KS
Posts: 39
Thanks: 8
Thanked 23 Times in 15 Posts
Rep Power: 23222
Locutus Has the BEST ReputationLocutus Has the BEST ReputationLocutus Has the BEST ReputationLocutus Has the BEST ReputationLocutus Has the BEST ReputationLocutus Has the BEST ReputationLocutus Has the BEST ReputationLocutus Has the BEST ReputationLocutus Has the BEST ReputationLocutus Has the BEST ReputationLocutus Has the BEST Reputation
Default

I can totally relate. I've attempted it once or twice but have faced up to the fact that it simply doesn't work for me because I am possessive and don't share well.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Bootboi View Post
I once fancied myself as being able to maintain a status of poly. I quickly learned that it was more than enough emotional work to maintain a relationship with one person. I could never see myslf as poly. I'm also selfish and I dont share well with others.
Locutus is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Locutus For This Useful Post:
Old 12-22-2009, 05:15 PM   #20
IrishGrrl
Member

How Do You Identify?:
Queer Femme Leatherdyke
Preferred Pronoun?:
She/her
Relationship Status:
In a relationship/non-monogamous
 

Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Fort Worth, TX
Posts: 877
Thanks: 276
Thanked 1,209 Times in 366 Posts
Rep Power: 2427287
IrishGrrl Has the BEST ReputationIrishGrrl Has the BEST ReputationIrishGrrl Has the BEST ReputationIrishGrrl Has the BEST ReputationIrishGrrl Has the BEST ReputationIrishGrrl Has the BEST ReputationIrishGrrl Has the BEST ReputationIrishGrrl Has the BEST ReputationIrishGrrl Has the BEST ReputationIrishGrrl Has the BEST ReputationIrishGrrl Has the BEST Reputation
Default

I've always wondered if being poly would be for me. I've done it, so I dont know for sure. For me, I think yes, initially I would be jealous of the other person recieving attention from my lover/partner. I think that as long as I recieved enough indivdual attention, I would get over that pretty easily. I know I wouldnt have an issue with my partner/lover having sex with someone else. I dont not equate sex with love, so once I got over the initial start of having this happen, since it's so new and different for me personally, I'd be ok. The tricky thing about poly for me..and I think if you ask the general population..alot would agree..that it's not just the act of your lover having sex with someone else..it's the idea that they may leave YOU for THEM eventually. That other person in your mind may be recieving special attention you are not. For me, that's where I get stuck..but my rational mind tells me, that you run that risk in ANY relationship..perhaps more in a monogomous one no? I dont believe humans are made to be monogomous creatures..we just arent ..it's not natural.I believe we CAN..and DO out of choice..or preference, but biologically, I think we are not meant to.

Just my personal thoughts.

edited to add..
My love is VERY conditional. You treat me like shit..or my children like shit..you're gone. Love be damned.
IrishGrrl is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to IrishGrrl For This Useful Post:
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 05:41 AM.


ButchFemmePlanet.com
All information copyright of BFP 2018