Butch Femme Planet  

Go Back   Butch Femme Planet > HEALTH: BODY, MIND, SPIRIT > Support: Abuse, Addiction, Coping

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 08-04-2011, 09:49 PM   #21
jelli
Member

How Do You Identify?:
Femmilicious
Preferred Pronoun?:
*she*
Relationship Status:
And you said I wasn’t your type!!!
 
jelli's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: *SC*
Posts: 836
Thanks: 1,758
Thanked 1,079 Times in 377 Posts
Rep Power: 16588547
jelli Has the BEST Reputationjelli Has the BEST Reputationjelli Has the BEST Reputationjelli Has the BEST Reputationjelli Has the BEST Reputationjelli Has the BEST Reputationjelli Has the BEST Reputationjelli Has the BEST Reputationjelli Has the BEST Reputationjelli Has the BEST Reputationjelli Has the BEST Reputation
Lightbulb

Quote:
Originally Posted by atomiczombie View Post
Well I do know a bit about addiction since I have been in recovery since age 15. My own addiction gives me a good idea of what she is going though, although I went through it at a younger age than Jess. Thanks for the info Toughy, I will check those other programs out.

I ended up taking Jess to her mother's place. It's not the best place, as her mom (my ex-wife) is a verbal abuser. However, Jessica is mad at me for telling her she has a drug and alcohol problem and says I betrayed her by telling her she needs to go to a meeting if she is going to stay with us. But if I didn't do that, and just let her stay with us, I would be an enabler and I would cushion her from the consequences of the choices she made that caused her grandmother to throw her out. Now Jess says I am not her family and she will never talk to me again.
Knowing a bit about addiction you realize you or anyone else is trying to rationalize with someone that's using. You're talking to the drugs - not Jess being 100% herself.
__________________

“Sometimes we make the right decision; sometimes we make the decision right.”

“Every conflict is a lesson in self-discovery for both of us. Sometimes it's only hindsight that makes it worth it. For you, I would do it all again.“
jelli is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to jelli For This Useful Post:
Old 08-04-2011, 09:58 PM   #22
atomiczombie
Member

How Do You Identify?:
Femmesensual Transguy
Preferred Pronoun?:
He, Him, His
Relationship Status:
Dating
 
atomiczombie's Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Rio Vista, CA
Posts: 1,225
Thanks: 3,949
Thanked 3,221 Times in 757 Posts
Rep Power: 21474852
atomiczombie Has the BEST Reputationatomiczombie Has the BEST Reputationatomiczombie Has the BEST Reputationatomiczombie Has the BEST Reputationatomiczombie Has the BEST Reputationatomiczombie Has the BEST Reputationatomiczombie Has the BEST Reputationatomiczombie Has the BEST Reputationatomiczombie Has the BEST Reputationatomiczombie Has the BEST Reputationatomiczombie Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by jelli View Post
Knowing a bit about addiction you realize you or anyone else is trying to rationalize with someone that's using. You're talking to the drugs - not Jess being 100% herself.
Oh, I know. And I can't make her want to get help. She has to want it. She just hasn't hit bottom yet.
atomiczombie is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to atomiczombie For This Useful Post:
Old 08-05-2011, 01:00 AM   #23
undone
Junior Member

How Do You Identify?:
me!
Preferred Pronoun?:
Woman
Relationship Status:
Sold!
 
undone's Avatar
 

Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Long Beach, CA but home is Portland
Posts: 96
Thanks: 174
Thanked 178 Times in 63 Posts
Rep Power: 507770
undone Has the BEST Reputationundone Has the BEST Reputationundone Has the BEST Reputationundone Has the BEST Reputationundone Has the BEST Reputationundone Has the BEST Reputationundone Has the BEST Reputationundone Has the BEST Reputationundone Has the BEST Reputationundone Has the BEST Reputationundone Has the BEST Reputation
Default

atomiczombie, she's running out of options and they will get worse for her before she's willing to do the work and accept the help she'll need,

but good for her grandmother!!! i think if some one wants to pretend there is no issue that they cause then treat them as such make them just as accountable if not even more so, no leeway and you know if she was living in a place she liked then it would just take her that much longer in a place wherr she's not so comfy and happy she may be more willing to get out.
undone is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to undone For This Useful Post:
Old 08-11-2011, 12:04 PM   #24
atomiczombie
Member

How Do You Identify?:
Femmesensual Transguy
Preferred Pronoun?:
He, Him, His
Relationship Status:
Dating
 
atomiczombie's Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Rio Vista, CA
Posts: 1,225
Thanks: 3,949
Thanked 3,221 Times in 757 Posts
Rep Power: 21474852
atomiczombie Has the BEST Reputationatomiczombie Has the BEST Reputationatomiczombie Has the BEST Reputationatomiczombie Has the BEST Reputationatomiczombie Has the BEST Reputationatomiczombie Has the BEST Reputationatomiczombie Has the BEST Reputationatomiczombie Has the BEST Reputationatomiczombie Has the BEST Reputationatomiczombie Has the BEST Reputationatomiczombie Has the BEST Reputation
Default

My kid kicked me off her facebook list and won"t return my calls or text messages. She has shut me out completely. I don't know what is happening with her, or if she is even safe. I am SO stressed out and worried and scared for her. I am carrying it all in my neck, and it is so stiff and sore, it hurts to turn my head even slightly. OUCH.
atomiczombie is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to atomiczombie For This Useful Post:
Old 08-11-2011, 12:53 PM   #25
sweetfemme247
Member

How Do You Identify?:
fem
Preferred Pronoun?:
femme, she, her, baby, sweetie
Relationship Status:
holding my heart close and putting back up a wall
 
sweetfemme247's Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: california, palm springs
Posts: 994
Thanks: 206
Thanked 719 Times in 350 Posts
Rep Power: 4115670
sweetfemme247 Has the BEST Reputationsweetfemme247 Has the BEST Reputationsweetfemme247 Has the BEST Reputationsweetfemme247 Has the BEST Reputationsweetfemme247 Has the BEST Reputationsweetfemme247 Has the BEST Reputationsweetfemme247 Has the BEST Reputationsweetfemme247 Has the BEST Reputationsweetfemme247 Has the BEST Reputationsweetfemme247 Has the BEST Reputationsweetfemme247 Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by atomiczombie View Post
My kid kicked me off her facebook list and won"t return my calls or text messages. She has shut me out completely. I don't know what is happening with her, or if she is even safe. I am SO stressed out and worried and scared for her. I am carrying it all in my neck, and it is so stiff and sore, it hurts to turn my head even slightly. OUCH.
I wish you the best of luck
__________________

Happiness is not something you postpone for the future; it is something you design for the present.
Jim Rohn
sweetfemme247 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to sweetfemme247 For This Useful Post:
Old 08-11-2011, 01:39 PM   #26
Greyson
Infamous Member

How Do You Identify?:
Transmasculine/Non-Binary
Preferred Pronoun?:
Hy (Pronounced He)
Relationship Status:
Married
 

Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: SF Bay Area
Posts: 6,589
Thanks: 21,132
Thanked 8,165 Times in 2,007 Posts
Rep Power: 21474857
Greyson Has the BEST ReputationGreyson Has the BEST ReputationGreyson Has the BEST ReputationGreyson Has the BEST ReputationGreyson Has the BEST ReputationGreyson Has the BEST ReputationGreyson Has the BEST ReputationGreyson Has the BEST ReputationGreyson Has the BEST ReputationGreyson Has the BEST ReputationGreyson Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by atomiczombie View Post
My kid kicked me off her facebook list and won"t return my calls or text messages. She has shut me out completely. I don't know what is happening with her, or if she is even safe. I am SO stressed out and worried and scared for her. I am carrying it all in my neck, and it is so stiff and sore, it hurts to turn my head even slightly. OUCH.

Drew, I'm sorry you and your family are going through all of this. Get yourself to at least a phone or online Al-Anon meeting. Go to the websites and start reading the material, most likely again. Your daughter's recovery is out of your hands. The best you can do for her is to take care of yourself physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

Sometimes we know the drill but when it comes to applying it to our loved ones it is much harder to see the reality of things and the light at the end of the tunnel.
__________________
Sometimes you don't realize your own strength
until you come face to face with your greatest weakness. - Susan Gale
Greyson is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to Greyson For This Useful Post:
Old 08-11-2011, 08:28 PM   #27
Dominique
Member

How Do You Identify?:
Female/Lesbian/half the athlete I used to be
Preferred Pronoun?:
she/her
Relationship Status:
Dates
 
Dominique's Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: So proud to be a Pittsburgher
Posts: 1,484
Thanks: 2,645
Thanked 3,735 Times in 1,168 Posts
Rep Power: 21474852
Dominique Has the BEST ReputationDominique Has the BEST ReputationDominique Has the BEST ReputationDominique Has the BEST ReputationDominique Has the BEST ReputationDominique Has the BEST ReputationDominique Has the BEST ReputationDominique Has the BEST ReputationDominique Has the BEST ReputationDominique Has the BEST ReputationDominique Has the BEST Reputation
Default

the phone drew, the phone.....assuming its a cell phone. WHO pays for that phone? Is she 17 still..... police can find out alot of information from a cell phone.

Of course she is going to torture you, emotional blackmail is how the drug makes them behave. You are not doing what she wants you to do. This is bigger than you. As Greyson said, take care of you, and get help with her.
__________________


As long as there was coffee in the world, how bad could things be??
Dominique is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Dominique For This Useful Post:
Old 08-26-2011, 08:22 PM   #28
girl_dee
Practically Lives Here

How Do You Identify?:
Femme
Preferred Pronoun?:
dee
Relationship Status:
Hitched up
 
girl_dee's Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Livin’ the Dream
Posts: 24,079
Thanks: 30,560
Thanked 54,972 Times in 13,922 Posts
Rep Power: 21474873
girl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputation
Default

So sorry about all of this, fucking alcohol / drugs / addictions ruins too many lives and relationships.
girl_dee is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to girl_dee For This Useful Post:
Old 08-29-2011, 06:57 PM   #29
sylvie
Senior Member

How Do You Identify?:
Mr Mtn's babygirl
Preferred Pronoun?:
girly, she
Relationship Status:
fiercely protected ♥
 
sylvie's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Moving home in OR with Him VERY soooon !!
Posts: 2,548
Thanks: 4,834
Thanked 7,501 Times in 1,850 Posts
Rep Power: 21474853
sylvie Has the BEST Reputationsylvie Has the BEST Reputationsylvie Has the BEST Reputationsylvie Has the BEST Reputationsylvie Has the BEST Reputationsylvie Has the BEST Reputationsylvie Has the BEST Reputationsylvie Has the BEST Reputationsylvie Has the BEST Reputationsylvie Has the BEST Reputationsylvie Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by atomiczombie View Post
My kid kicked me off her facebook list and won"t return my calls or text messages. She has shut me out completely. I don't know what is happening with her, or if she is even safe. I am SO stressed out and worried and scared for her. I am carrying it all in my neck, and it is so stiff and sore, it hurts to turn my head even slightly. OUCH.
my heart seriously breaks for you..
has there been any change? any contact with her?
my situation is a bit different, where it's my father, i've been able to separate myself from his alcoholism finally, and hoping one day he will seek proper help.. but in the case of a child, i just couldn't imagine Drew.
sending positive thoughts that she's safe and contacts you soon, if she hasn't already!
__________________
my Mantra:
i am letting go of angers, continuing to find forgiveness, welcoming inner peace & deserving of it all.



my facebook weight loss page:
http://www.facebook.com/asyllyjourney
sylvie is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to sylvie For This Useful Post:
Old 12-26-2015, 01:25 PM   #30
Kätzchen
Senior Member

How Do You Identify?:
Femme
Preferred Pronoun?:
She
Relationship Status:
Attached & Monogamous
 

Join Date: May 2010
Location: Near my honey, right here at home.
Posts: 15,051
Thanks: 36,151
Thanked 31,927 Times in 9,907 Posts
Rep Power: 21474865
Kätzchen Has the BEST ReputationKätzchen Has the BEST ReputationKätzchen Has the BEST ReputationKätzchen Has the BEST ReputationKätzchen Has the BEST ReputationKätzchen Has the BEST ReputationKätzchen Has the BEST ReputationKätzchen Has the BEST ReputationKätzchen Has the BEST ReputationKätzchen Has the BEST ReputationKätzchen Has the BEST Reputation
Default

This past year has been challenging for both my young son and I. I have spent months laying the ground work for what happens next (intervention).

I first had to admit to myself that my young son is an alcoholic of epic proportions. Then I admitted to myself that I could no longer participate in his recovery, that recovering my own sanity comes first. I love my son, but I don't like or love the disease that is swallowing up his precious life.

I am attending my first Al-anon meeting today.
__________________
Kätzchen

_____ ______
Kätzchen is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 12 Users Say Thank You to Kätzchen For This Useful Post:
Old 03-12-2016, 06:46 PM   #31
Gayandgray
Senior Member

How Do You Identify?:
Femme-ish, tomboy lesbian
Preferred Pronoun?:
She
Relationship Status:
Together a really long time
 
Gayandgray's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: In my mind? On a tropical island
Posts: 4,857
Thanks: 13,579
Thanked 12,914 Times in 3,079 Posts
Rep Power: 21474849
Gayandgray Has the BEST ReputationGayandgray Has the BEST ReputationGayandgray Has the BEST ReputationGayandgray Has the BEST ReputationGayandgray Has the BEST ReputationGayandgray Has the BEST ReputationGayandgray Has the BEST ReputationGayandgray Has the BEST ReputationGayandgray Has the BEST ReputationGayandgray Has the BEST ReputationGayandgray Has the BEST Reputation
Default

My spouse's daughter is an addict, and it has been extremely difficult for us to deal with over the years. I just do not have the patience for my stepdaughter's drama anymore, I feel I have more than enough to worry about with taking care of her Mother. We have helped her out countless times and she continues to lie to us and she would still be stealing from us if I didn't forbid her from coming to our house. I used to give in to her and I guess I was an enabler, along with my spouse, but now that my spouse's health has deteriorated to the point it is , I feel it is too unsafe for my stepdaughter to be around her Mother. I'm not preventing them from having a relationship, she can come over as long as it is a "supervised" visit. If not myself, than my stepson or step grandson has to be there to ensure my stepdaughter does not steal her Mother's medicine or our dogs seizure meds, and anything else she can get ahold of to sell for money for heroin. She also can be violent and I have to make sure my spouse is safe. It is heartbreaking some days and I have cried and prayed about it, and finally came to the decision that I'm going to practice tough love with her. No more money, no more bailing her out of jail, etc. I pray she will reach her rock bottom point and decide to get the help she needs one day soon. I had a stepsister that had the same problem and she died in her early fifties from it.
__________________
Gayandgray is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to Gayandgray For This Useful Post:
Old 03-12-2016, 07:40 PM   #32
betruetoyoursoul
Senior Member

How Do You Identify?:
Femme
Preferred Pronoun?:
She,Her,BabyGirl
Relationship Status:
On a Beautiful Journey regardless if I am single or coupled!
 
betruetoyoursoul's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Southern California
Posts: 1,564
Thanks: 7,942
Thanked 2,397 Times in 1,093 Posts
Rep Power: 21474849
betruetoyoursoul Has the BEST Reputationbetruetoyoursoul Has the BEST Reputationbetruetoyoursoul Has the BEST Reputationbetruetoyoursoul Has the BEST Reputationbetruetoyoursoul Has the BEST Reputationbetruetoyoursoul Has the BEST Reputationbetruetoyoursoul Has the BEST Reputationbetruetoyoursoul Has the BEST Reputationbetruetoyoursoul Has the BEST Reputationbetruetoyoursoul Has the BEST Reputationbetruetoyoursoul Has the BEST Reputation
Default

I really appreciate the topic being discussed. People all over the world have been impacted by someone they care about, love, are in that line of work that helps those that are/have been addicted. I have family and friends that fell down into a deep dark hole. I have deep compassion for those that do fall into addiction. Peace, love, hope, and strength to all of us that are on this journey.
__________________
betruetoyoursoul is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to betruetoyoursoul For This Useful Post:
Old 05-22-2016, 12:03 PM   #33
IrishAmazon
Member

How Do You Identify?:
Hey Lady!
Preferred Pronoun?:
Ms.
Relationship Status:
Dancing in the sunshine and rain.
 
IrishAmazon's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Northern Nevada
Posts: 124
Thanks: 441
Thanked 436 Times in 114 Posts
Rep Power: 5292844
IrishAmazon Has the BEST ReputationIrishAmazon Has the BEST ReputationIrishAmazon Has the BEST ReputationIrishAmazon Has the BEST ReputationIrishAmazon Has the BEST ReputationIrishAmazon Has the BEST ReputationIrishAmazon Has the BEST ReputationIrishAmazon Has the BEST ReputationIrishAmazon Has the BEST ReputationIrishAmazon Has the BEST ReputationIrishAmazon Has the BEST Reputation
Default

I'm trying to figure out where I fit in it anymore. 5 years ago I fell in love hard we met online a few towns apart, two years agonwe moved to a different state. In the last year she is drinking every night alone or not in the house. She can't have just one ever. I am having a difficult time wanting to go anywhere out with her because I can't stand the drunkenness.
I am the daughter and the sister and the granddaughter of alcoholics. I have very little patience for it. I don't mind having a few drinks when we used to go out it was fun I don't ever drink unless I trust explicitly the company I am in. But I can't do that anymore with her because she gets sloppy and goes over board. When we are at a friends house who have teenagers she is always offering them drinks witch n is some times alowed since they are in college but someone's 14 year old little brother came and she was asked not to and still did. I had to leave I apologized to our hosts and explainEd the if I did anything or said anything more it would just push her to angery and fighting.
She ruined her gastric bypass she had done six years ago
She worked so hard to loss weight line dancing hiking up crazy inclined hills marching through sand.
I fell hard for the girl.who was always on the go, made freinds anywhere didn't need a buzz to have a good time.
And now we are here, I can't stand the taste or smell.of beer I've always had a gag reflex to it, that translates to no intimacy no kisses because as soon as she comes home she pops one open.

I'm afraid I have to be done with her but I'm so not ready to admit that all of our love and passion is gone because she chooses beer over me over us.

We have talked about it I let her know the last time that I was done arguing about it that I hate fighting and at this time I've said anything I feel is worth saying my next step is to just go. I don't know how to leave her though.
__________________

IrishAmazon
IrishAmazon is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to IrishAmazon For This Useful Post:
Old 05-22-2016, 09:05 PM   #34
FireSignFemme
Senior Member

How Do You Identify?:
N/A
 
3 Highscores

Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: WA
Posts: 4,434
Thanks: 37,962
Thanked 10,512 Times in 3,155 Posts
Rep Power: 21474849
FireSignFemme Has the BEST ReputationFireSignFemme Has the BEST ReputationFireSignFemme Has the BEST ReputationFireSignFemme Has the BEST ReputationFireSignFemme Has the BEST ReputationFireSignFemme Has the BEST ReputationFireSignFemme Has the BEST ReputationFireSignFemme Has the BEST ReputationFireSignFemme Has the BEST ReputationFireSignFemme Has the BEST ReputationFireSignFemme Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by IrishAmazon View Post
someone's 14 year old little brother came and she was asked not to and still did. I had to leave
In my 20's a couple in our neighborhood used to allow minors to drink in their home. One night a young couple left a party of theirs and on the way home were hit by a train and died. Alcohol was found in their system and even though neither was drunk, they were both still considered over the limit because there is no amount of alcohol it is lawful for minors not in the care of their legal guardians to consume. In some states, places, situations parents can allow minor children to have wine and things in the home but clearly that was not the case here. In this situation the minute those minors had more than one drop of alcohol in them away from their parents they were over the legal limit. And since our neighbors were the ones who provided that alcohol they were held both criminally and civilly responsible. Punishment - it rained down on their heads like fire and brimstone.

Your girlfriend is allowing minors to consume alcohol - and that’s a crime. And since the child she was allowing to drink was under 16 in many places, jurisdictions it’s considered an even worse offense than what it would be if the child in question was a couple years older. Also knowledge of a crime and not reporting it is a crime. Though temporarily leaving the home so she can have the whole place to herself to practice unchecked all the crime she wants might make you feel better, I’m not so sure it would be enough to absolve you of all criminal responsibility were she ever caught just depending on what the charge/charges were and how much you knew, were aware of the sittuation.

How is it going to look in court if you’re called to take the stand and the best you have to offer in your defense is- Well yeah I know it's illegal your honor but I can’t help myself. I’m so in love - my hormones just keep tugging at me pulling me away from the direction of correct and proper behavior any old way. Do you really think, in any courts mind that is going to constitute any kind of justifiable defense? The fact is whether you believe a law is right or wrong, stupid or not, if you get caught they’re still going to punish you just the same. Something better to think about reflect on now, this side of incarceration rather than mull over later from behind bars I would think.
FireSignFemme is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to FireSignFemme For This Useful Post:
Old 05-23-2016, 12:05 AM   #35
Stone-Butch
Senior Member

How Do You Identify?:
Stonebutch
Preferred Pronoun?:
she
Relationship Status:
single
 
Stone-Butch's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 3,172
Thanks: 12,115
Thanked 8,417 Times in 2,607 Posts
Rep Power: 21474851
Stone-Butch Has the BEST ReputationStone-Butch Has the BEST ReputationStone-Butch Has the BEST ReputationStone-Butch Has the BEST ReputationStone-Butch Has the BEST ReputationStone-Butch Has the BEST ReputationStone-Butch Has the BEST ReputationStone-Butch Has the BEST ReputationStone-Butch Has the BEST ReputationStone-Butch Has the BEST ReputationStone-Butch Has the BEST Reputation
Default addictions

I was an addictions counsellor for many years and went through most of your situations first hand with both the addicted and the families and it is a very sad state in both cases. These people are not criminals unless they can be charged with ruining their own lives. My ex gfs son was addicted to many drugs and with trying to get him into rehab and trying ourselves to help him he just continually went from rehab to rehab with no change in sight. I saw him at his best and his worse but as many say, they have to want to change themselves and accept the help that is offered as it is not easy when you are pulled into the life of addiction. It is good to see some of those who sought and accepted help, congratulations on your recovery and hopefully the strength to continue being clean and sober as it is an ongoing struggle.
Stone-Butch is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Stone-Butch For This Useful Post:
Old 05-23-2016, 12:30 AM   #36
IrishAmazon
Member

How Do You Identify?:
Hey Lady!
Preferred Pronoun?:
Ms.
Relationship Status:
Dancing in the sunshine and rain.
 
IrishAmazon's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Northern Nevada
Posts: 124
Thanks: 441
Thanked 436 Times in 114 Posts
Rep Power: 5292844
IrishAmazon Has the BEST ReputationIrishAmazon Has the BEST ReputationIrishAmazon Has the BEST ReputationIrishAmazon Has the BEST ReputationIrishAmazon Has the BEST ReputationIrishAmazon Has the BEST ReputationIrishAmazon Has the BEST ReputationIrishAmazon Has the BEST ReputationIrishAmazon Has the BEST ReputationIrishAmazon Has the BEST ReputationIrishAmazon Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by FireSignFemme View Post
In my 20's a couple in our neighborhood used to allow minors to drink in their home. One night a young couple left a party of theirs and on the way home were hit by a train and died. Alcohol was found in their system and even though neither was drunk, they were both still considered over the limit because there is no amount of alcohol it is lawful for minors not in the care of their legal guardians to consume. In some states, places, situations parents can allow minor children to have wine and things in the home but clearly that was not the case here. In this situation the minute those minors had more than one drop of alcohol in them away from their parents they were over the legal limit. And since our neighbors were the ones who provided that alcohol they were held both criminally and civilly responsible. Punishment - it rained down on their heads like fire and brimstone.

Your girlfriend is allowing minors to consume alcohol - and that’s a crime. And since the child she was allowing to drink was under 16 in many places, jurisdictions it’s considered an even worse offense than what it would be if the child in question was a couple years older. Also knowledge of a crime and not reporting it is a crime. Though temporarily leaving the home so she can have the whole place to herself to practice unchecked all the crime she wants might make you feel better, I’m not so sure it would be enough to absolve you of all criminal responsibility were she ever caught just depending on what the charge/charges were and how much you knew, were aware of the sittuation.

How is it going to look in court if you’re called to take the stand and the best you have to offer in your defense is- Well yeah I know it's illegal your honor but I can’t help myself. I’m so in love - my hormones just keep tugging at me pulling me away from the direction of correct and proper behavior any old way. Do you really think, in any courts mind that is going to constitute any kind of justifiable defense? The fact is whether you believe a law is right or wrong, stupid or not, if you get caught they’re still going to punish you just the same. Something better to think about reflect on now, this side of incarceration rather than mull over later from behind bars I would think.
So you leave me feeling atacked, and you assume that all the events made it to things I felt like I needed to express today. You assumed and though I am not always clear when I write you missed a few things.

So please let's try something constructive because as simply as you decide I'm a doddling twitt, I assure you I am not. What in heavens name ould you suggest I do in such a sittuation? Call the cops? Have you ever spent time in vegas? Your lucky to get them to some for a shooting or armed robbery (yes from experince).

I did what i was able and no I was not sweetnor kind about it, I warned her, I expressed myself, I explained reprcusions to her and the freinds that own the home. If you feel like in my words I at any point it was implied that I sat by twirling my thumbs while her stupidity ensued you are mistaken. I left when the only thing left was anger, not leaving wasn't an option. I did not leave her and the kids to their own devices I left the home while it was full of other adults icluding some of the parents and the home owners.

Yep I decided to put some information out here partial to clear my head and partially for perception. But bless your soul you went for judgment, awsome. I get that what happened pissed you off pissed me off too. For So Many More Reasons than you can count.

Hears some of what I didn't feel like I needed to add, his mother gave permission for him and his 19 year old brother to have alcohol in this home, and the owners allow throw 20 daughter to drink in the home when she's home from college. The owners of the house asked that they not drink that day because there were early plans the next day. Do I agree or think that this is what's best for the kids not at all, not my call not my kids. So I did what I was able to and left.

So please judge me hope it makes you feel like a better woman.
Never in my adult life have hormones had the control over me that you so disrespectfuly imply.
What my heart keeps me from doing is breaking up and leaving her so far. Because this is all a new behavior that has been building. Something has taken a huge shift, My best freind is fading away to someone I don't know or want to know. I am caught because I don't belive you give up on some one you care about or have committed yourself to, but as someone who has of experience adicts I know some times all you can do is accept that you can not really help.
__________________

IrishAmazon
IrishAmazon is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to IrishAmazon For This Useful Post:
Old 05-23-2016, 07:37 AM   #37
*Anya*
Infamous Member

How Do You Identify?:
Lesbian non-stone femme
Preferred Pronoun?:
She, her
Relationship Status:
Committed to being good to myself
 

Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: West Coast
Posts: 8,258
Thanks: 39,306
Thanked 40,815 Times in 7,290 Posts
Rep Power: 21474856
*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation
Default

I hesitated to respond to your post Irish but feel compelled.

Thank you for your total honesty and vulnerability in sharing this with us.

I hesitated to respond because I thought to myself , "I am sure she is already doing this"; but maybe you are not.

I work with addicts/alcoholics in my job. Most of them practiced their disease until they got involved with the legal system. For many, the judge gave the choice of jail or treatment.

One of the first things that I tell them is that it doesn't matter how many times that you fall but that you keep getting up and working on your sobriety. It gives them a tiny bit of hope because many of them feel that all hope is lost and that they will live like this the rest of their lives.

I work with their families if they chose to have them involved. I am forever surprised that so many have never thought to go to an Al-Anon meeting.

At first, they always feel that if they begged, cried, pleaded, enabled, took care of, tried harder or tried more, the addict would just say, "Ok, I chose you".

If only it were that easy. In the beginning, the addict/alcoholic is in the grip of their disease but the loved ones are also in the grip of theirs. Your girlfriend is choosing the bottle over you right now because she is truly addicted. You may be addicted to a certain way of behaving with her.

If you are not, please go to Ala-Anon meetings. You will meet people there that will teach you and support you. If you have already gone and want to say , "I didn't like it or my family is not like theirs"; if you are living with a practicing alcoholic: you are living exactly what they lived.

If you try everything, learn everything and your girlfriend does not even respond to an intervention; you must save yourself.

You must take care of you.

Some of my clients that were 20-year heroin addicts or alcoholics finally were ready to get clean and stay clean and are now living a sober life.

Your girlfriend may decide to do the same but she may not. Regardless, you can not save her from herself.

That is the hardest lesson of all but at the core of everything.


Al-Anon Information Services in Nevada

Nevada Web site http://www.nevadaal-anon.org

LAS VEGAS. (702) 615-9494

LAS VEGAS NORTE ESPAÑOL. (702) 309-7030

RENO. (775) 348-7103
__________________
~Anya~




Democracy Dies in Darkness

~Washington Post


"...I'm deeply concerned by recently adopted policies which punish children for their parents’ actions ... The thought that any State would seek to deter parents by inflicting such abuse on children is unconscionable."

UN Human Rights commissioner
*Anya* is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to *Anya* For This Useful Post:
Old 05-23-2016, 05:32 PM   #38
IrishAmazon
Member

How Do You Identify?:
Hey Lady!
Preferred Pronoun?:
Ms.
Relationship Status:
Dancing in the sunshine and rain.
 
IrishAmazon's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Northern Nevada
Posts: 124
Thanks: 441
Thanked 436 Times in 114 Posts
Rep Power: 5292844
IrishAmazon Has the BEST ReputationIrishAmazon Has the BEST ReputationIrishAmazon Has the BEST ReputationIrishAmazon Has the BEST ReputationIrishAmazon Has the BEST ReputationIrishAmazon Has the BEST ReputationIrishAmazon Has the BEST ReputationIrishAmazon Has the BEST ReputationIrishAmazon Has the BEST ReputationIrishAmazon Has the BEST ReputationIrishAmazon Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Thank you so much all of you for the thoughtfulness and kind words.
FireSignFem I appologize for being so defensive in my reaction. You made your personal conection based on the limited amount I put forword. I am not one for explaining things, and should not discount the intake of my words.
__________________

IrishAmazon
IrishAmazon is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to IrishAmazon For This Useful Post:
Old 04-04-2018, 03:03 PM   #39
imperfect_cupcake
Senior Member

How Do You Identify?:
feminine dolly dyke
Preferred Pronoun?:
Your Grace
Relationship Status:
I put my own care first
 
imperfect_cupcake's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: In a gauze of mystery
Posts: 1,776
Thanks: 2,426
Thanked 9,727 Times in 1,613 Posts
Rep Power: 21474852
imperfect_cupcake Has the BEST Reputationimperfect_cupcake Has the BEST Reputationimperfect_cupcake Has the BEST Reputationimperfect_cupcake Has the BEST Reputationimperfect_cupcake Has the BEST Reputationimperfect_cupcake Has the BEST Reputationimperfect_cupcake Has the BEST Reputationimperfect_cupcake Has the BEST Reputationimperfect_cupcake Has the BEST Reputationimperfect_cupcake Has the BEST Reputationimperfect_cupcake Has the BEST Reputation
Default

I've been in and out of Al-anon meetings for a long ass time. Never got a sponsor.
After several years on my own, no dating, no fwb, no bootie calls cause I find it never gets to be just that anymore at my age. Expectations and pressures come in fast and I just can't handle them anymore with my co-dependency shit. I really need people to be able to look after themselves, as much as my friends do. And as soon as I have sex with someone, that expectation of care-taking changes: suddenly everything changes - how much we talk, level of care-taking, who I spend my time with, what I'm supposed to want - everything.

So I don't have sex anymore. Explaining stuff doesn't work. Talking about being in self care mode, needing friendships, nothing more emotional than that... it doesn't translate.

I've been doing really well with it. Slowly, very slowly, getting myself towards a centre point. Understanding what independent, balanced, healthy self care at least *looks* like and understanding what I have to do to get there. It's just the very slow plodding 3 forward, 2 back, getting there.

But now my best friend has fallen into drink in the last 2 years. Yet another of my friends. And fuck me she can be a royal slice of acidic asshole when she drinks. Sometimes she's hilarious, but others she's just a twat. She's also in a relationship I can see that is not exactly stellar for her mental health.

Why do people bitch to me about their partners doing really horrible things and talk abot breaking up with them and then I never hear of them breaking up... and then when I ask they say while laughing sheepishly "oh we worked that out... he's sorry and blah blah..." and then they never talk to me about their relationship again until it's shitty.

why do people do this? It gives me the impression their relationship is shit because that's the only time I hear about it.

Anyway, she's drinking. I am trying so fucking hard not to help her when she fucks up. Recently she said something really awful that I am not sure she kind of meant that way to a mutual friend who was going through something seriously shit. I opened my mouth to step in and say "I think what she meant was..." to protect my friend's feelings from K's stupid filterless dumb-ass talky hole, and also hoping to show that K isn't the gapping anus she appeared to be in that moment. Instead, I shut my mouth.

My friend can talk to me about his feelings if he wants. Or he can talk to K about them and what she said after he calms down because it was fuckin rude. As much as I want to yank her aside and say "HEY, that was fucking rude, doofus. Do you know what you said actually translates to 'I'd rather kill myself than to be your mum suffering with dementia??? I'm pretty sure that's not what you meant. At least I fucking hope not!"

But I'm not going to do that. I'm just going to let her stupid words do stupid things and rant about it here.

I love her. She literally saved my life once, and saved me from so many drunk assholes assaults at parties, I lived with her on and off for 7 years, she's gone over to ex-boyfriends houses and told them off for being shits when we were young. I met her when she was just 18 and I was 23, she was playing guitar in a puddle in a basement of a community artists space and I took her upstairs to make cookies in a toaster oven with me and that was kind of that. I love her to bits and I'd never give up on her. I've known her for 24 years.

But she doesn't half get on my fucking tits sometimes.

I wish I could save her like we used to save each other when were young and so very stupid.
imperfect_cupcake is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to imperfect_cupcake For This Useful Post:
Old 04-04-2018, 06:27 PM   #40
JDeere
Practically Lives Here

How Do You Identify?:
Transgender
Preferred Pronoun?:
He/him/his
Relationship Status:
Single
 
JDeere's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 17,752
Thanks: 31,018
Thanked 28,873 Times in 9,718 Posts
Rep Power: 21474863
JDeere Has the BEST ReputationJDeere Has the BEST ReputationJDeere Has the BEST ReputationJDeere Has the BEST ReputationJDeere Has the BEST ReputationJDeere Has the BEST ReputationJDeere Has the BEST ReputationJDeere Has the BEST ReputationJDeere Has the BEST ReputationJDeere Has the BEST ReputationJDeere Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by imperfect_cupcake View Post
I've been in and out of Al-anon meetings for a long ass time. Never got a sponsor.
After several years on my own, no dating, no fwb, no bootie calls cause I find it never gets to be just that anymore at my age. Expectations and pressures come in fast and I just can't handle them anymore with my co-dependency shit. I really need people to be able to look after themselves, as much as my friends do. And as soon as I have sex with someone, that expectation of care-taking changes: suddenly everything changes - how much we talk, level of care-taking, who I spend my time with, what I'm supposed to want - everything.

So I don't have sex anymore. Explaining stuff doesn't work. Talking about being in self care mode, needing friendships, nothing more emotional than that... it doesn't translate.

I've been doing really well with it. Slowly, very slowly, getting myself towards a centre point. Understanding what independent, balanced, healthy self care at least *looks* like and understanding what I have to do to get there. It's just the very slow plodding 3 forward, 2 back, getting there.

But now my best friend has fallen into drink in the last 2 years. Yet another of my friends. And fuck me she can be a royal slice of acidic asshole when she drinks. Sometimes she's hilarious, but others she's just a twat. She's also in a relationship I can see that is not exactly stellar for her mental health.

Why do people bitch to me about their partners doing really horrible things and talk abot breaking up with them and then I never hear of them breaking up... and then when I ask they say while laughing sheepishly "oh we worked that out... he's sorry and blah blah..." and then they never talk to me about their relationship again until it's shitty.

why do people do this? It gives me the impression their relationship is shit because that's the only time I hear about it.

Anyway, she's drinking. I am trying so fucking hard not to help her when she fucks up. Recently she said something really awful that I am not sure she kind of meant that way to a mutual friend who was going through something seriously shit. I opened my mouth to step in and say "I think what she meant was..." to protect my friend's feelings from K's stupid filterless dumb-ass talky hole, and also hoping to show that K isn't the gapping anus she appeared to be in that moment. Instead, I shut my mouth.

My friend can talk to me about his feelings if he wants. Or he can talk to K about them and what she said after he calms down because it was fuckin rude. As much as I want to yank her aside and say "HEY, that was fucking rude, doofus. Do you know what you said actually translates to 'I'd rather kill myself than to be your mum suffering with dementia??? I'm pretty sure that's not what you meant. At least I fucking hope not!"

But I'm not going to do that. I'm just going to let her stupid words do stupid things and rant about it here.

I love her. She literally saved my life once, and saved me from so many drunk assholes assaults at parties, I lived with her on and off for 7 years, she's gone over to ex-boyfriends houses and told them off for being shits when we were young. I met her when she was just 18 and I was 23, she was playing guitar in a puddle in a basement of a community artists space and I took her upstairs to make cookies in a toaster oven with me and that was kind of that. I love her to bits and I'd never give up on her. I've known her for 24 years.

But she doesn't half get on my fucking tits sometimes.

I wish I could save her like we used to save each other when were young and so very stupid.
You cant save someone who doesnt want to be saved.
JDeere is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to JDeere For This Useful Post:
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 04:24 PM.


ButchFemmePlanet.com
All information copyright of BFP 2018