|
Breakups, Lessons Learned, Healing PLEASE do not use this forum for ugliness or nasty posts. |
|
Thread Tools | Display Modes |
04-02-2010, 12:45 PM | #221 | |
Infamous Member
How Do You Identify?:
Woman Preferred Pronoun?:
HER - SHE Relationship Status:
Relating Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: CA & AZ I'm a Snowbird
Posts: 5,408
Thanks: 11,826
Thanked 10,829 Times in 3,199 Posts
Rep Power: 21474856 |
Quote:
Your point about divorcing queers is well taken. Have to go back and read these posts. I have a problem with stereotyping and double standards in general because no one group is all anything. Do I think that women have been more oppressed and discriminated against overall... you bet I do! male privilege (especially, white-male privilege) still dominates our culture. |
|
The Following User Says Thank You to AtLast For This Useful Post: |
04-02-2010, 04:42 PM | #222 |
Practically Lives Here
How Do You Identify?:
Queer Stone Femme Girl of the Unicorn Variety Preferred Pronoun?:
She, as in 'She's a GEM' Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: The roads are narrow here
Posts: 36,585
Thanks: 182,168
Thanked 108,771 Times in 25,657 Posts
Rep Power: 21474887 |
Internal dialogue....
This isn't to add to the conversation and probably doesn't have any meaning to anyone at all and that's just peachy. I have an issue with what I wrote myself and cannot edit it, or course, being that I wrote it yesterday.
Meg Ryan, cutie patootie that she was (before the botched plastic surgery on her face)...okay, she's still cute but not as cute as before...prefers accents, I think. I wrote Latin men and then realized that Russell Crowe was not Latin. Doh. I edited to say manly men because that's the only thing I could think of to change it to but that hasn't sat right with me. So, I think...like me...she has a thing for guys with an accent. |
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Gemme For This Useful Post: |
04-02-2010, 04:48 PM | #223 |
Member
How Do You Identify?:
Me Relationship Status:
not here Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: somewhere
Posts: 175
Thanks: 161
Thanked 117 Times in 67 Posts
Rep Power: 22 |
Interesting posts. I'm new here so I think I will learn as I go, I think, haha |
04-02-2010, 06:46 PM | #224 | |
Timed Out
How Do You Identify?:
Permanently Banned 10/2010 Preferred Pronoun?:
He Relationship Status:
She thinks all my jokes are corny Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Great State O'
Posts: 880
Thanks: 1,027
Thanked 1,839 Times in 500 Posts
Rep Power: 0 |
Quote:
Please show me where I used queer marriages as an example of anything. I'm beginning to think you misconstrue my words on purpose Dylan |
|
04-02-2010, 06:56 PM | #225 | |
Timed Out
How Do You Identify?:
Permanently Banned 10/24/2010 Preferred Pronoun?:
She. Relationship Status:
Married (one of 18,000) Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Atascadero, CA
Posts: 4,933
Thanks: 2,309
Thanked 7,109 Times in 2,327 Posts
Rep Power: 0 |
Quote:
Oh, I don't know. Where on EARTH did I come up with that? Because you just feed me the material Rev., I don't have to make a THING up. |
|
The Following User Says Thank You to SuperFemme For This Useful Post: |
04-03-2010, 01:27 PM | #226 |
Timed Out
How Do You Identify?:
Permanently Banned 10/24/2010 Preferred Pronoun?:
She. Relationship Status:
Married (one of 18,000) Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Atascadero, CA
Posts: 4,933
Thanks: 2,309
Thanked 7,109 Times in 2,327 Posts
Rep Power: 0 |
p.s. Dylan you are right about sleeping with others while legally separated. Texas and six other states don't even ALLOW legal separation. Who knew? See, I learned something. It has to be whittled down to state law really on a *legal* basis. On a *moral* basis? That is between the couple I guess but technically it IS adultery. So thanks, because I had no idea.
|
04-03-2010, 02:19 PM | #227 |
Infamous Member
How Do You Identify?:
Woman Preferred Pronoun?:
HER - SHE Relationship Status:
Relating Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: CA & AZ I'm a Snowbird
Posts: 5,408
Thanks: 11,826
Thanked 10,829 Times in 3,199 Posts
Rep Power: 21474856 |
Legal vs. moral, very different concepts. And I'm thinking about personal moral vs. public moral.... dictates, conditioning, power dynamics and money..... on and on.....
There is no way I can put every single person that is unfaithful into one specific category. Nor can I personally define what is morally right for anyone else but myself. Hummm.. actually, the term moral doesn't sit well with me anyway. And I prefer legal sanctions about marriage (straight or queer) to encoumpass no-fault divorce. I have yet to see a divorce in which fault cannot be found with both partners in some way. Sure, there are things like cheating (if partners have an agreement to be sexually mongamous) and/or abusive trump most fault variables, but I am happy that many states have moved beyond fault which has been really based upon moral issues for dissolution of marriage. There are many other variables such as children to deal with. Many of us do own property together and have set-up retirement plans together. Along with the right to marry legally, comes all the responsibilities of marriage and divorce. I am just not OK with someone being sexual with someone else and being with me. However, I am very clear about this at the start and want this honesty returned. Sometimes we just have things that are deal-breakers. I'm just glad I have developed some clarity about what I can accept and not accept and an understanding that all of us are just different in these matters. |
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to AtLast For This Useful Post: |
04-03-2010, 02:22 PM | #228 | |
Timed Out
How Do You Identify?:
Permanently Banned 10/24/2010 Preferred Pronoun?:
She. Relationship Status:
Married (one of 18,000) Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Atascadero, CA
Posts: 4,933
Thanks: 2,309
Thanked 7,109 Times in 2,327 Posts
Rep Power: 0 |
Quote:
|
|
04-03-2010, 02:28 PM | #229 |
Infamous Member
How Do You Identify?:
Woman Preferred Pronoun?:
HER - SHE Relationship Status:
Relating Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: CA & AZ I'm a Snowbird
Posts: 5,408
Thanks: 11,826
Thanked 10,829 Times in 3,199 Posts
Rep Power: 21474856 |
|
04-03-2010, 02:47 PM | #230 |
Infamous Member
How Do You Identify?:
femme Preferred Pronoun?:
she Relationship Status:
Married Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: rose cottage
Posts: 5,498
Thanks: 8,407
Thanked 15,610 Times in 3,973 Posts
Rep Power: 21474856 |
one of my main credos is I dont accept the unacceptable. When people start to court me, I go through a series of questions that I ask them at different points along the way, and offer my own answers to them. Its a fun little game, but a serious one as well. I even tease (but am serious) about a contract before living together, compiled of things we have discussed and agreed upon. If someone absolutely has to have the sink cleaned out of dishes at all times...they need to let me know that because I am a stacker...I let the dishes stack up until there is enough of them to warrant standing there to do them. You would think this would not be a serious issue, but with two past partners, it was. So I have included this kind of "research" in my "questionarre"
so if I am going to ask about sinks and dirty dishes, you know I am going to ask about morals and values. Let someone say the "n" word and its a deal breaker. Seriously. Let someone tell me its ok to emotionally cheat on a partner,that they believe its not the same thing as physical cheating, they also lose. I am CLEAR about my unacceptables, deal breakers. Life is way to short to think I can spend even a day with someone who does things that have the same affect on my soul as nails on chalkboards have on my spine....
__________________
Pole bachit, a lis chuye.
The field sees, the forest hears |
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to Soft*Silver For This Useful Post: |
04-04-2010, 04:30 PM | #231 | |
Member
How Do You Identify?:
Human Preferred Pronoun?:
left of right Relationship Status:
right of left Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: ]centered[
Posts: 321
Thanks: 587
Thanked 514 Times in 182 Posts
Rep Power: 2132874 |
It's not just disruptive to the sufferer, but everyone who knows them. It pervades every pore of the relationship until it kills it eventually. Maybe not in every case, but in my case, yeah. Some people suffer from the whole triple threat you mentioned, it's sad to feel so un-cared for by the other, that they would not want to get help. But they have to want it for themselves, another person will never be important enough. Like with my own addictions, I had to want to be clean and sober for myself, not for someone else. But I've also learned, for ME, sex addiction is a huge consideration in partnering -- learned like everything else, the hard way. I want no drugs, no alcohol, no smoking, and no sex addictions in my life. I want my partner to be able to be as fully in the present as possible. I offer that, and I want it in return. No more compromising my values. There are enough challenges in life without having to face daily addictions as part of the burden. Progress, not perfection -- and for me, progress starts with being free from active addictions, and my partner also. This is a separate issue (but related) from that of honesty and communication which are integral; for me it is impossible to achieve that with addictions in the way.
Quote:
|
|
04-04-2010, 05:26 PM | #232 | |
Timed Out
How Do You Identify?:
Permanently Banned 10/24/2010 Preferred Pronoun?:
She. Relationship Status:
Married (one of 18,000) Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Atascadero, CA
Posts: 4,933
Thanks: 2,309
Thanked 7,109 Times in 2,327 Posts
Rep Power: 0 |
Quote:
Progress, not perfection baby! |
|
04-04-2010, 05:36 PM | #233 |
Member
How Do You Identify?:
Human Preferred Pronoun?:
left of right Relationship Status:
right of left Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: ]centered[
Posts: 321
Thanks: 587
Thanked 514 Times in 182 Posts
Rep Power: 2132874 |
In a way they do shine a light on a pervasive problem. On the down side, it tends to cause people to make light of a serious situation. Not everyone who suffers can get an all-expenses-paid trip to "Promises" or whatever the hell celeb rehab is popular these days. Maybe instead of highlighting those on pedestals, they could offer real solutions for the average person who may need it. It's a very complicated issue that can't be treated with a golf club.
|
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to I'mOneToo For This Useful Post: |
04-04-2010, 06:32 PM | #234 | |
Infamous Member
How Do You Identify?:
Woman Preferred Pronoun?:
HER - SHE Relationship Status:
Relating Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: CA & AZ I'm a Snowbird
Posts: 5,408
Thanks: 11,826
Thanked 10,829 Times in 3,199 Posts
Rep Power: 21474856 |
Quote:
So glad you bring these points up. What is disrupted and how can really differ from couple to couple, as well. The thread got all involved with the celebrity phenomenon, but, what about just us? And I bet we all have an array of personal variables around relationships/marriages. When something causes our life to spin out of control, like multi-affairs or developing an online relationship that gets us in trouible - thinking about the Michigan man that ended up killing someone via an online romance in which the woman was actually the mother using her daughters identity, it can be addictive in nature. His marriage went down the tubes during his torrid love affair with someone who was actually not who he thought. And the guy he killed (the perceived threat) had never actually met the woman, either! he spent most of his time at home on the pc and he had a family! |
|
The Following User Says Thank You to AtLast For This Useful Post: |
04-04-2010, 07:06 PM | #235 |
Timed Out
How Do You Identify?:
Permanently Banned 10/24/2010 Preferred Pronoun?:
She. Relationship Status:
Married (one of 18,000) Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Atascadero, CA
Posts: 4,933
Thanks: 2,309
Thanked 7,109 Times in 2,327 Posts
Rep Power: 0 |
Many sex addicts are not in relationships. With a real person that is.
|
04-04-2010, 07:45 PM | #236 | |
Timed Out
How Do You Identify?:
unmistakably Preferred Pronoun?:
dearheart Relationship Status:
In love, loved and Happy, thanks for askin' Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: SF CA
Posts: 1,720
Thanks: 1,113
Thanked 3,383 Times in 931 Posts
Rep Power: 0 |
Quote:
maudlin this evening, I guess... |
|
The Following User Says Thank You to Nina For This Useful Post: |
04-05-2010, 02:27 AM | #237 |
BFP Angel
How Do You Identify?:
Femme Relationship Status:
Yes I have a status. Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: I ride a cowboy in Rodeo in the communist nation of the isle of cali.
Posts: 334
Thanks: 310
Thanked 247 Times in 98 Posts
Rep Power: 3700737 |
So.....
I have been reading and following this thread just cuz well it interested me. Often times with threads like this my thinking and questions kind of go off in a direction that really is part of the topic but umm sometimes it doesn't look like it. So with my disclaimer here are my questions: 1) What if societies rules on how someone is to engage in sex were changed/different? 2) What if the societal rules and religious based rules on relationships and sexual conduct and activity were changed? 3) Aren't some of the ideas, rules, practices discussed in this thread really american societal rules of sexual conduct? 4) If the american societal rules of engagement within a relationship with regard to sex, sexuality and sexual conduct were different what would they look like? sweetcali |
The Following User Says Thank You to sweetcali For This Useful Post: |
01-05-2024, 11:41 AM | #238 | |
Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
Femme Preferred Pronoun?:
She Relationship Status:
Monogamously Attached to my boyfriend and future husband. Join Date: May 2010
Location: He’s usually with me unless I am with Him.
Posts: 15,084
Thanks: 36,001
Thanked 31,991 Times in 9,939 Posts
Rep Power: 21474865 |
*bump bump*
Quote:
Second: Fidelity is of paramount importance, especially for those of us who desire and prefer monogamous relationship ties. I *HATE* behavioral choices that cause people to cheat. I also view it as a huge red flag when my partner's friends know my partner has cheated on me and then they accidentally blurt it out in front of both my partner and I -- as it happened on January 1st, just earlier this week. Needless to say, i am heartbroken over my partner's decision to do what they did, and although we have yet to dissolve our relational tie, I do hope we can salvage something of the last few years we've been together. Not sure what will happen, but I do know that I will not be moving forward until both of us decide what we want to do next. <<<<<<~~~~ my heart is heavy from our/my relationship trauma. I won't be available anytime soon.
__________________
Kätzchen _____ ______ |
|
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to Kätzchen For This Useful Post: |
01-06-2024, 08:53 AM | #239 |
Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
queer femme-inist Relationship Status:
I'm lucky. Join Date: May 2010
Location: Western Mass
Posts: 3,694
Thanks: 9,207
Thanked 14,345 Times in 2,666 Posts
Rep Power: 21474853 |
It’s cool and maybe sad to see so many familiar names on this thread.
I’ve never cheated on anyone, nor knowingly been with someone who was cheating, but I have been cheated on. A few months before I joined the old site, maybe 20 years ago, my partner of ten years told me that she was having an affair. It was emotionally immature of her, at the least, but as time past, I was relieved, and of course Pete and I have been together for 14 years, and married for eight years. Still, it was a cowardly choice, and I’m very sorry for others whose partners have made the same cowardly choice. |
01-06-2024, 10:48 AM | #240 |
Infamous Member
How Do You Identify?:
TG Preferred Pronoun?:
He Relationship Status:
once in a while someone amazing comes along...and here I am! Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Down on the farm
Posts: 5,492
Thanks: 9,850
Thanked 14,399 Times in 4,049 Posts
Rep Power: 21474856 |
Fidelity and monogamy are at the top of my tick list. I've never cheated on anyone. I have been cheated on and it is crushing. I put all of my trust into a relationship once that trust is earned. When it is breached, I'm done. No fixing it no apology wanted or needed no excuses. Just leave me alone.
This happens in online and LDR's just as it dies in real life. Not nearly as crushing but still hurtful. I guess perhaps dew to the nature of the situation mostly being virtual. Either way I back off and need alone time to clear my head and thoughts. Sort of back up and punt. Regroup. I always learn something about myself, so when it has happened, all is not lost, only a setback.
__________________
Yeah so what if I'm triple dipped in awesome sauce? The best way to predict the future, is to create it. |
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to Blade For This Useful Post: |
Tags |
cheating, monogamy, relationships |
Thread Tools | |
Display Modes | |
|
|