Lack of understanding of genderqueer

[cathexis]

Know this thread has been down awhile, but I need to bring it back up.

As you can see from my profile, I identify as genderqueer. Have always (45 years) been a kaiki (?sp). When I'm with a womon, I tend to go to the exact place that would equalize the genders. You know, if she's on the butch side of center, I'll unconsciously slide to femme of center and vice versa. Don't realize I've done it until someone mentions it months later.

Last week my doctor and I got into a discussion about testosterone injections. Okay, I brought it up. What can I expect? What changes? My Partner seems to think it will help me emotionally. Give me a sense of well being and confidence that I lack. Sounds like a good idea, but I only know what I've read in medical literature.

Anyone have any personal experiences they want to share?

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by cathexis

Know this thread has been down awhile, but I need to bring it back up.

As you can see from my profile, I identify as genderqueer. Have always (45 years) been a kaiki (?sp). When I'm with a womon, I tend to go to the exact place that would equalize the genders. You know, if she's on the butch side of center, I'll unconsciously slide to femme of center and vice versa. Don't realize I've done it until someone mentions it months later.

Last week my doctor and I got into a discussion about testosterone injections. Okay, I brought it up. What can I expect? What changes? My Partner seems to think it will help me emotionally. Give me a sense of well being and confidence that I lack. Sounds like a good idea, but I only know what I've read in medical literature.

Anyone have any personal experiences they want to share?

I can't help you with that myself but there are a few threads on testosterone already that could be helpful for you.

ETA: If you have questions about T, you probably should go in threads where that is discussed, which is mainly Trans threads. Here are some examples:

Linus has two threads that might be helpful. One is the Braveheart thread and one is the Ask a Trans person thread. DapperButch has a Questions for Transguys thread. Sam has a FTMs and transitioning thread. Girl_on_Fire has a Transgender Disclosure in Dating thread, which might also be useful in a different way. lettertodaddy has a Loving a Transman thread and Zora77 has a Dating a Transperson isn't Easy thread, which could give you insight into the relationship dynamic part of it.

These were found in the first 5 pages I pulled in my search. There are many more, but I'm limited on time this morning.

Good luck!

[cathexis]

I can't help you with that myself but there are a few threads on testosterone already that could be helpful for you.

ETA: If you have questions about T, you probably should go in threads where that is discussed, which is mainly Trans threads. Here are some examples:

Linus has two threads that might be helpful. One is the Braveheart thread and one is the Ask a Trans person thread. DapperButch has a Questions for Transguys thread. Sam has a FTMs and transitioning thread. Girl_on_Fire has a Transgender Disclosure in Dating thread, which might also be useful in a different way. lettertodaddy has a Loving a Transman thread and Zora77 has a Dating a Transperson isn't Easy thread, which could give you insight into the relationship dynamic part of it.

These were found in the first 5 pages I pulled in my search. There are many more, but I'm limited on time this morning.

Good luck

Thank you for your quick response to my question. Really appreciated!!!
Will check out the threads suggested. Wasn't sure where to go.

[ClintB]

Gender queer is a term that I'm starting to explore for myself.

Honestly I'm always a little late to my own party. Every since I can remember I was misgendered. In high school I tried girly but I never cared about cloths and frequently bought men's cloths... just because I liked them. I embraced an andogenous look when I came out, but girlfriends who were more butch than I pressured me to try be more feminine. It didn't work and it only made me feel more ashamed that I was failing girl school all over again... and self destructive behavior.

I'm trying to stop all the bullshit. I struggle to find a "professional" look that I am comfortable in, but in my day to day life I've cut my hair how I want, and now strictly wear men's clothing. I have some chest dysphoria I'm trying to figure out.

The problem with butch is that it's such a heavy label. I've not known a butch community that doesn't get into strong arming each other into stereotypes. I am sorry if that's totally wrong... it's just been my experience. I don't want another title I have to defend using. Gender queer is not at title I've fully adopted. I am in a confused state for gender... I'm not sure if I never was truly of girl, or if I've finally given up after being kicked out of the girl club so many times. :/

And that's a huge reason why I've come to these boards.

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by ClintB

Gender queer is a term that I'm starting to explore for myself.

Honestly I'm always a little late to my own party. Every since I can remember I was misgendered. In high school I tried girly but I never cared about cloths and frequently bought men's cloths... just because I liked them. I embraced an andogenous look when I came out, but girlfriends who were more butch than I pressured me to try be more feminine. It didn't work and it only made me feel more ashamed that I was failing girl school all over again... and self destructive behavior.

I'm trying to stop all the bullshit. I struggle to find a "professional" look that I am comfortable in, but in my day to day life I've cut my hair how I want, and now strictly wear men's clothing. I have some chest dysphoria I'm trying to figure out.

The problem with butch is that it's such a heavy label. I've not known a butch community that doesn't get into strong arming each other into stereotypes. I am sorry if that's totally wrong... it's just been my experience. I don't want another title I have to defend using. Gender queer is not at title I've fully adopted. I am in a confused state for gender... I'm not sure if I never was truly of girl, or if I've finally given up after being kicked out of the girl club so many times. :/

And that's a huge reason why I've come to these boards.

Well, I hope that you find what you are searching for. This is a great place to work this kind of stuff out.

[imperfect_cupcake]

Originally Posted by ClintB

Gender queer is a term that I'm starting to explore for myself.

Honestly I'm always a little late to my own party. Every since I can remember I was misgendered. In high school I tried girly but I never cared about cloths and frequently bought men's cloths... just because I liked them. I embraced an andogenous look when I came out, but girlfriends who were more butch than I pressured me to try be more feminine. It didn't work and it only made me feel more ashamed that I was failing girl school all over again... and self destructive behavior.

I'm trying to stop all the bullshit. I struggle to find a "professional" look that I am comfortable in, but in my day to day life I've cut my hair how I want, and now strictly wear men's clothing. I have some chest dysphoria I'm trying to figure out.

The problem with butch is that it's such a heavy label. I've not known a butch community that doesn't get into strong arming each other into stereotypes. I am sorry if that's totally wrong... it's just been my experience. I don't want another title I have to defend using. Gender queer is not at title I've fully adopted. I am in a confused state for gender... I'm not sure if I never was truly of girl, or if I've finally given up after being kicked out of the girl club so many times. :/

And that's a huge reason why I've come to these boards.

hey ClintB, yeah, many of my partners, although they identified as internally masculine, some still ID'd as women, some didn't - they were just their own gender. And although they could have easily fit into "butch" they found the label "too heavy" as well. They felt the community of butches were constantly policing their masculinity and it's value (when are you going to get a hair cut, why are you wearing mascara, crossing your legs isn't butch and all kinds of fucked up bullshit. And yeah, it happens). Side stepping it by chosing a term with little to no rules by using genderqueer (non-binary) seems to give them more breathing room.

welcome to the boards

[Esme nha Maire]

Originally Posted by ClintB

Gender queer is a term that I'm starting to explore for myself.

Honestly I'm always a little late to my own party. Every since I can remember I was misgendered. In high school I tried girly but I never cared about cloths and frequently bought men's cloths... just because I liked them. I embraced an andogenous look when I came out, but girlfriends who were more butch than I pressured me to try be more feminine. It didn't work and it only made me feel more ashamed that I was failing girl school all over again... and self destructive behavior.

I'm trying to stop all the bullshit. I struggle to find a "professional" look that I am comfortable in, but in my day to day life I've cut my hair how I want, and now strictly wear men's clothing. I have some chest dysphoria I'm trying to figure out.

The problem with butch is that it's such a heavy label. I've not known a butch community that doesn't get into strong arming each other into stereotypes. I am sorry if that's totally wrong... it's just been my experience. I don't want another title I have to defend using. Gender queer is not at title I've fully adopted. I am in a confused state for gender... I'm not sure if I never was truly of girl, or if I've finally given up after being kicked out of the girl club so many times. :/

And that's a huge reason why I've come to these boards.

I hope you manage to feel comfortable with who you are as soon as possible, ClintB! (hugs). I've waaay less experience of life than most here (I mean, varied experiences of life. I may have existed longer than a lot of the folk here, but it's been a very narrow existence for much of it) but one thing that helped me somewhat through times when I felt pushed hither and thither by a world determined to try to make me what I was not was my namesake, Esme Weatherwax (from Terry Pratchett's Discworld stories) who is renowned for being herself just as hard as she can, whom I've long regarded as a bit of a role model.

There are various names for people that insist you have to be in this or that group and fit some preconceived notions of what it means to be in this or that group. Let's be gentle and call these people idiots. I think what they're really concerned about is their own self-identity, they want it affirmed - and if you don't fit their idea of themselves, they don't see you as being part of their group/clique whatever. That does have a certain utility, to an extent, as it allows us to quickly identify folk we might be interested in, or wish to avoid, but it becomes invidious when it's used to attack or criticise folk just for being themselves. There are always mavericks, outliers, in any sizable group of people. The idiots can make it feel painful to be one that doesn't quite fit in, but it emphatically is OK to be different, if you are.

May you find your way to happier times soon, dear. xx

[Esme nha Maire]

Originally Posted by imperfect_cupcake

.... But is this the case where you live? Lack of understanding of genderqueers or gender fluid? Of boy minded a-gender or transmasculine genders? Not just woman or man?

I've just read imperfect cupcakes' original post, curious to see what this thread started from. I've lived the bulk of my life quite naieve socially. To say that 2017, when I started exploring the LGBT scene and stuff on YouTube, and came across BFP, has broadened my horizons is a bit like saying a H-bomb makes a rather large bang.

I approve. The world of people is way more varied and interesting than I had ever imagined. Unlike the younger me, I'm no longer hung up on a view of labels as being imperfect boxes that don't quite contain me properly (instead I regard them as partial descriptors of who I am), and I am interested in labels only insofar as they help me understand myself and others. I am finding that as with the world of science, it seems that the more I learn the more I become aware of how much else there is to learn. And it's all helping me understand myself better, which is making me happier.

So, Your Grace (or may I call you cupcake?) I would be delighted if you would care to either educate me on the subject of non-binary genders, or point me at material thereon, as aside from being aware that there exist in the world folk who do not identify as male or female, as well as asexuals, I am pretty durned ignorant on the subject!

[AmazonDC]

Originally Posted by Esme nha Maire

I've just read imperfect cupcakes' original post, curious to see what this thread started from. I've lived the bulk of my life quite naieve socially. To say that 2017, when I started exploring the LGBT scene and stuff on YouTube, and came across BFP, has broadened my horizons is a bit like saying a H-bomb makes a rather large bang.

I approve. The world of people is way more varied and interesting than I had ever imagined. Unlike the younger me, I'm no longer hung up on a view of labels as being imperfect boxes that don't quite contain me properly (instead I regard them as partial descriptors of who I am), and I am interested in labels only insofar as they help me understand myself and others. I am finding that as with the world of science, it seems that the more I learn the more I become aware of how much else there is to learn. And it's all helping me understand myself better, which is making me happier.

So, Your Grace (or may I call you cupcake?) I would be delighted if you would care to either educate me on the subject of non-binary genders, or point me at material thereon, as aside from being aware that there exist in the world folk who do not identify as male or female, as well as asexuals, I am pretty durned ignorant on the subject!

Look up the term Middle sexed.. and the condition called CAH.. I am a Gender Queer Male identified Middle sexed Person. I biologically have no sex. I am both male and female genetically. I am by far not an expert on Gender Queer just is My story My experience