Top 10 Lesbian Myths

[Jett]

Top 10 Myths About Lesbians

1. LESBIANS HATE MEN

No, actually I found most lesbians love men, and have many men in their lives. Many have been married to men, though perhaps not in love they loved their spouse as friends. Lesbians also love their fathers and brothers, sons, and friends. There are some people who hate men, just as often it's straight women (even some men do). Actually to be frank, I've found in my experience more men hate lesbians, than the opposite (ironically these people are probably most readily identified by their statements about "lesbians hate men").

Some gay, straight women and men do hate the violence that men commit against women, and many have first hand experience with that, and the condition of the world and second class status of women under the current patriarchy. These things could result in hating men. But lesbians are more often said to be man-haters because it is not understood that females can love other females because they are naturally attracted to the spirituality, emotional make-up, and unique sexuality of other women. It's also used as a way to discredit the ability of women to live lives outside of the need for men. But just because you're not attracted to someone, doesn't mean you hate them, that's kindergarten thinking. People who hate men are called "Misandrists", not "lesbians".

2. LESBIANS WANT TO BE MEN

No, this one is especially attributed to "butch" lesbians. In reality people who are brave and brazen enough be a non-conformist against the hetero-normative expectations of sexual orientation are also more prone to non-comformative behaviors in social sexual dress codes. Many in this choose to dress in more androgynous or more masculine ways that make them feel comfortable in who they are. In reality many heterosexual people dress in more non-conformative ways as well. People who's minds are the opposite sex of their body are called Transsexuals, not lesbians.

3. LESBIANS SHOULDN'T WORK WITH CHILDREN

Lesbians should work with children. Perhaps the next generations could learn from the get-go what normal, loving, caring everyday people we all are no matter our sexual orientation. Lesbians aren't interested in children sexually, that is called a Pedophile, and 98% of them are straight men abusing young girls.


4. LESBIANISM IS OK, AS LONG AS THEY KEEP QUIET AND KEEP IT OUT OF SIGHT

Ahhhhhhh no, lesbians are A-ok all around. Homosexuality is not abnormal, it is not a "human deviation", it is found regularly in nature in animals of all species. What's not ok is discrimination and violence against them because of their visibility, what abnormal is lobotomy's and shock treatments that were given to people because they fell in love with someone that wasn't the opposite sex. It's not ok to deny housing, jobs, hospital visitation of dying spouses, it's not ok to kill, rape and beat people because of their sexual orientation... maybe if all that stopped you'd get your wish and we'd be more quiet.

5. ALL LESBIANS ARE JUST ANGRY FEMINISTS

Not all lesbians are feminist, there are some lesbians are in the feminist movement in an effort to further the rights of all women lesbian or not. The feminist movement has greatly improved the lives of all queer females and straight women alike. Lesbians who are feminists have also been a huge part and greatly furthered the LGQBTI movement for all homosexuals and trans persons as well. It's called fighting for equal rights for everyone... not we want more than you... we want the same as you. If you're experiencing "angry lesbian feminists" perhaps they're just mad at you for calling them that or something else you did.

6. LESBIANS HAVE PENIS ENVY.

First of all sexuality and sexual orientation is about the person and not a sex organ. A person may desire the experience of penetration or giving another that experience through the use of sexual toys. Second not all dildos are penis replica's, some are some aren't. I know it may be difficult to comprehend but there is more to sexual orientation than fixation on genitals, and really most lesbians aren't thinking about a lot about penis's, that's probably important to try to remember.

7. LESBIANS WHO LOVE BUTCH LESBIANS SHOULD JUST FIND A MAN.

This is an easy one, one word... L-E-S-B-I-A-N. But to be even clearer, butch lesbians aren't men... wait (checks and cleans my spectacles and looks again) nope, still not men. With that I'll leave you with one more deep sobering thought to ponder...L-E-S-B-I-A-N

8. LESBIANS ARE UGLY WOMEN WHO CAN'T FIND MEN

Nope! Lesbians are women with all different types of physical characteristics, just- like- any- other- group- within- the- human- sexes. Blond, brunette, red heads, raven haired, short, tall, fat, skinny, long haired, short haired women of all colors and races that simply don't desire men. Again, many lesbians have been married and had boyfriends. If it was about being ugly, there are some of ugly men out there to pair up and not so hard to find that anyone would need to change sexual orientation over it.

9. LESBIANS ARE OUT TO CONVERT YOUNG GIRLS (RECRUITING)
Lesbians are not interested in conversion or force. As lesbians they know well the feeling of having another's ideas of sexuality force fed to them. They are acutely and especially aware sexual orientation isn't something somebody can talk you into. There is no "lesbian dust" we sprinkle on people... get real (but if there was I'd throw it on you).

10. LESBIANS JUST HAVEN"T FOUND THE RIGHT MAN YET

Really, no, some haven't found the right woman yet, and if they haven't found the right man it's because there isn't one... the important thing to remember here is, they're gay, so stop hitting on them stupid.

---

Lesbians and Dykes (I prefer "Big Ol' Damn Dyke" if you're name calling, thank you) often do have an agenda. I know, see you were right, we want something. I found most of us seem for the most part hell bent on finding a life partner, someone to share the daily grind with, to love, laugh and cry with. Some would like a family, a home and a dog or cat. They may also seek community... not always successfully.

And yes, they also seem to often care about equal rights for themselves and their families, and sometimes just want to be safe.

But if you find all this lacking, and want to hear me say something really awful about lesbians... there is this.

Lesbians in South Africa today are being murdered and raped daily by men trying to "cure" them of their sexuality. The sexual attacks are called "corrective rape" of which 10 new cases are reported each week. Of the men who are brought to trial, only 1 in 25 will be convicted.

Though it's far away, and an extreme example, this is not something that's isolated and far away. Lesbians are raped, beaten and killed for there sexuality on every continent. If you Google "lesbian raped" you'll receive over 40,000 hits... admittedly these are not all real cases... many are ads for porn videos depicting lesbians being raped. Yeah I know, not so funny.

[SuperFemme]

you forgot:

All lesbians have short hair/are butch

While there are some women who look more masculine than others, the general lesbian population looks pretty much like the general female population. Some have short hair, some have long, some wear makeup, some don't.

You can tell which women are lesbians and which aren't just by looking at them
I hate to break it to the masses, but there is no set of signs or mannerisms that identify lesbians to the general public. There are a select few women who are noticeably gay, usually identifiable by the rainbow stickers on their cars or the pink triangles on their lapels, but most of us look like everybody else. Many gay people claim that they can spot other gay people by using a special power called "gaydar," but for the most part there is no way to know for sure. It would be handy for me if there were some way to pick lesbians out of the crowd in order to avoid the embarrassing situation of crushing out on a straight woman, but until we figure out some kind of universal secret handshake, getting to know people and finding out the old-fashioned way (prying) is the only surefire method.

We can change and be straight if we want to (because it's a choice)
Conversely, straight people can become gay if they really want to. Try suggesting this to someone like George W. Bush or Dr. Laura and see what happens. In my opinion, sexual orientation is not a choice any more than height and eye color are. True, some gay people try to mask their orientation and attempt to be straight. Some people wear lifts and tinted contacts, too.
Putting anyone into a box based solely on sexual orientation, or skin color, or religion isn't fair. Keep in mind that people are incredibly diverse and have a lot more going for them than any one aspect. I think that all of us should make it our goal this year to make friends with one person who's very different than us (I'’ll be on the lookout for a right wing republican straight male). I'll bet that all of us will find ourselves pleasantly surprised, and be the better for it.

[Dylan]

Lesbians grew up with bad relationships with their fathers or other men in their lives, and that's why they reject men


Were We Supposed To Add To The List?,
Dylan

[SuperFemme]

Originally Posted by Dylan

Lesbians grew up with bad relationships with their fathers or other men in their lives, and that's why they reject men


Were We Supposed To Add To The List?,
Dylan

I don't know, but I couldn't help myself.

[Ms. Tabitha]

Being a lesbian is just a phase.

Someone made her a lesbian

Lesbians are promiscuous.

If you have friends who are lesbian's, that must mean you are also a lesbian as well.

Lesbians are always easy to identify.

AND

Just because your a lesbian does not mean you drag a U-Haul to your second date!!

[Jett]

Originally Posted by Ms. Tabitha

..........
Just because your a lesbian does not mean you drag a U-Haul to your second date!! [/CENTER]

Heh... oml... yeah that one.

[apretty]

no mom, all lesbians don't want to do you.

[Medusa]

How about that fact that we all eat hummus, have hairy armpits, and wear Birkenstocks.

(some of us do! - some of us dont!)

[weatherboi]

the second date uhaul theory has been replaced with a turkey baster and the best male friend being brought to the second date.

ridiculous huh?

Originally Posted by Ms. Tabitha

Just because your a lesbian does not mean you drag a U-Haul to your second date!! [/CENTER]

[Jett]

Originally Posted by Dylan

Lesbians grew up with bad relationships with their fathers or other men in their lives, and that's why they reject men


Were We Supposed To Add To The List?,
Dylan

Any inputs all good...

Metro

[faymie]

Thanks for all the wonderful reflections. I am lesbian--and femme. Probably could have figured myself out sooner if there had not been so many 'myths.'

I've been playing in the arcade for a while now. This is my first post to the fora!

Faymie

[Kobi]

Originally Posted by faymie

Thanks for all the wonderful reflections. I am lesbian--and femme. Probably could have figured myself out sooner if there had not been so many 'myths.'

I've been playing in the arcade for a while now. This is my first post to the fora!

Faymie

Welcome Faymie.

Yes, there are so many myths and stereotypes, it's amazing any of us got this far.

[Nat]

The myth of inevitable lesbian bed death probably added years to my closet-time.

[Rope]

That is why I have always found a difference between lesbians and butch/femme. In my unscientific surveying, butch/femme has less bed death because we tend to have elements of sexuality in our identity. It's a more cock centric vs. dildo centric identification--butch cock that is.

I don't identify as a lesbian, I identify as a butch. I feel I am on the male side of butch and prefer 'hy' rather than she as a pronoun, it's not much deeper of an identification than that. That said, no, I do not want to be a man as some would think that myth goes--the more masculine the butch, the more they want to be a man.

Rope--

[BullDog]

Myth: butches and femmes are not lesbians.

Reality: Many of us are both.

[Jett]

Originally Posted by Rope

That is why I have always found a difference between lesbians and butch/femme. In my unscientific surveying, butch/femme has less bed death because we tend to have elements of sexuality in our identity. It's a more cock centric vs. dildo centric identification--butch cock that is.

I don't identify as a lesbian, I identify as a butch. I feel I am on the male side of butch and prefer 'hy' rather than she as a pronoun, it's not much deeper of an identification than that. That said, no, I do not want to be a man as some would think that myth goes--the more masculine the butch, the more they want to be a man.

Rope--

Seems you are saying if there's not a "cock" mentality involved in human sexual interactions bed death is sure to follow. Or w/o cock there's no elements of "sexuality".

REALLY?

Guess what... sex doesn't just go tits up when there's not a cock involved. I'm not going to detail my sex life on a public forum, but to say it is well rounded... yes... but doesn't solely depend on a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g in particular but my love and desire for my gal.

(not directed at you Rope) These types of inferences, whether it be male=masculine... butches have to have "butch cuts" (hair)... female butches are "butch lite"... all the lesbian myths, etc. etc. etc. day in and day out is one of the reasons I don't frequent many BF places anymore.... I simply get so effin' tired of people telling others (and me) what they say, do, look like and identify as means.

I don't need to be pumped up and I don't need to be cut down and I'm deeper and more 3 dimensional than all these boxes. My internal make-up is where the dominant part of my masculinity lay, more than existing in say, my hairstyle. It's always been about my insides. My walk, talk and emotional aura... and my masculinity it's female born and that doesn't make it less powerful or dominant in my personality.

Further... my feminine part, (yes feminine) my female "essence" is not a pink bow on my unders... , it's soft soulful entwined connect w/ other females... and it's a black satin fiery blast if pushed too hard... there's nothing pink, giggly or gushy about it.

Ya know, thinking, it's no different from the real world has often been to femmes, butches and the like, placing preconceived bs expectation or how XYZ has to look act and be to be accepted. It's really to bad that we too often do that to our own.

[lipstixgal]

Originally Posted by Nat

The myth of inevitable lesbian bed death probably added years to my closet-time.

Is there really such a thing as lesbian bed death?? I wonder about that??

[LipstickLola]

I thought I had myself allllllllll figured out, and then I read... But seriously? I am a lesbian, and I am NOT less than......

[AtLast]

Originally Posted by LipstickLola

I thought I had myself allllllllll figured out, and then I read... But seriously? I am a lesbian, and I am NOT less than......

Absolutely!! We are not less than anything and we are as B-F as any one else!

Lesbian bed death in and of itself is one of the biggest myths of all! Makes me crazy to see it perpetuated by our own community. It's that old generalization thing.

[BullDog]

You know what Rope, if anyone is reading more into your post you can always clarify if you want. Quite frankly, your post reads as anti-lesbian to me and perpetuating lesbian myths in a thread that was started to debunk them. Feel free to show me I am wrong if you wish.

I do not know you, but I find it hard to believe that you haven't been exposed to a wide range of lesbians given what I do understand your background to be. A mutual friend- a femme lesbian- arranged a get together when you were in Portland years ago- so I know you know some lesbian femmes and butches. I've seen it first hand. Oh and we all met at a lesbian bar and none of the lesbians treated butches badly there. I don't understand why you draw a distinction betwen lesbian and butch-femme or why you did in your post at the very least.

You've been part of the online BF websites for years, you live in the Bay Area, you help arrange BF socials, you are active in the leather community. I am making an educated guess that you know or have met lots of different types of lesbians, many of whom are also butch or femme. So I don't get your remark that lesbians tend to have more bed death than butch-femme because they aren't cock centric (object to a dildo being thought of as a cock- yeah I am lost with your argument so I might haven't gotten it wrong).