Top 10 Lesbian Myths

[LipstickLola]

Originally Posted by Kobi

You will learn more here on the Planet then you ever thought even was possible.
And, I suspect like the rest of us, you take what fits, try out a few new things, acknowledge the rest, and become a well rounded and informed
POQ i.e. person of queerness.

Kumbaya

Oh I'm well rounded alright!
POQ eh? I like it
Peace out, LOL

[Isadora]

Originally Posted by Rope

Now, now Isadora...you know if a glow in the dark dolphin was comin' at you, you'd jump out of bed <g>.

Now, now Rope...you know if it had a glow in the dark rosary attached I would so keep it, create a ritual and an altar to it (for it?).

[Rope]

"The fact is butch/femme cock follows a very straight, heterosexual mode of sexually interpretation"

The fact is that for SOME our cock is anything but very straight (narrow) or heterosexual especially when queers are involved. I read this and thought, "really? wow" now my own community is dissin' me AND perhaps you've never met a femme that enjoyed butch cock, but again, so many B/F expressions and interpretations out there.

[Starbuck]

She thought I was a lesbian just because I joined the Army, to serve my country. I'm like, hello! I'm serving my country because I'm frickin' patriotic ya know?! She didn't find out until 20 years later that I am indeed a lesbian.

[Heart]

Bed-death = sexist myth that women don't like sex. Ha!

Another myth: lesbians don't like penetrative sex. *snort* (Don't confuse sex with politics)

But I do wonder if those of us who are lesbian identified are less inclined towards cock-worship.

Heart
(tongue firmly planted in cheek)

[Jett]

Originally Posted by Rope

That is why I have always found a difference between lesbians and butch/femme. In my unscientific surveying, butch/femme has less bed death because we tend to have elements of sexuality in our identity. It's a more cock centric vs. dildo centric identification--butch cock that is.

I don't identify as a lesbian, I identify as a butch. I feel I am on the male side of butch and prefer 'hy' rather than she as a pronoun, it's not much deeper of an identification than that. That said, no, I do not want to be a man as some would think that myth goes--the more masculine the butch, the more they want to be a man.

Rope--

Seems you are saying if there's not a "cock" mentality involved in human sexual interactions bed death is sure to follow. Or w/o cock there's no elements of "sexuality".

REALLY?

Guess what... sex doesn't just go tits up when there's not a cock involved. I'm not going to detail my sex life on a public forum, but to say it is well rounded... yes... but doesn't solely depend on a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g in particular but my love and desire for my gal.

(not directed at you Rope) These types of inferences, whether it be male=masculine... butches have to have "butch cuts" (hair)... female butches are "butch lite"... all the lesbian myths, etc. etc. etc. day in and day out is one of the reasons I don't frequent many BF places anymore.... I simply get so effin' tired of people telling others (and me) what they say, do, look like and identify as means.

I don't need to be pumped up and I don't need to be cut down and I'm deeper and more 3 dimensional than all these boxes. My internal make-up is where the dominant part of my masculinity lay, more than existing in say, my hairstyle. It's always been about my insides. My walk, talk and emotional aura... and my masculinity it's female born and that doesn't make it less powerful or dominant in my personality.

Further... my feminine part, (yes feminine) my female "essence" is not a pink bow on my unders... , it's soft soulful entwined connect w/ other females... and it's a black satin fiery blast if pushed too hard... there's nothing pink, giggly or gushy about it.

Ya know, thinking, it's no different from the real world has often been to femmes, butches and the like, placing preconceived bs expectation or how XYZ has to look act and be to be accepted. It's really to bad that we too often do that to our own.

[Medusa]

Originally Posted by Metropolis

Seems you are saying if there's not a "cock" mentality involved in human sexual interactions bed death is sure to follow. Or w/o cock there's no elements of "sexuality".

REALLY?

Guess what... sex doesn't just go tits up when there's not a cock involved. I'm not going to detail my sex life on a public forum, but to say it is well rounded... yes... but doesn't solely depend on a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g in particular but my love and desire for my gal.

(not directed at you Rope) These types of inferences, whether it be male=masculine... butches have to have "butch cuts" (hair)... female butches are "butch lite"... all the lesbian myths, etc. etc. etc. day in and day out is one of the reasons I don't frequent many BF places anymore.... I simply get so effin' tired of people telling others (and me) what they say, do, look like and identify as means.

I don't need to be pumped up and I don't need to be cut down and I'm deeper and more 3 dimensional than all these boxes. My internal make-up is where the dominant part of my masculinity lay, more than existing in say, my hairstyle. It's always been about my insides. My walk, talk and emotional aura... and my masculinity it's female born and that doesn't make it less powerful or dominant in my personality.

Further... my feminine part, (yes feminine) my female "essence" is not a pink bow on my unders... , it's soft soulful entwined connect w/ other females... and it's a black satin fiery blast if pushed too hard... there's nothing pink, giggly or gushy about it.

Ya know, thinking, it's no different from the real world has often been to femmes, butches and the like, placing preconceived bs expectation or how XYZ has to look act and be to be accepted. It's really to bad that we too often do that to our own.

Met~
This post speaks to me - Hell, speaks FOR me in some ways.

I'll file this under "myths":

Butch does not equal "strapper".
Femme does not equal "strap recipient".

I kinda like the idea that people's gender is not necessarily defined by how they get off, with what, or with who. I know plenty of Butches, Trans men, and Bio men who enjoy penetration, etc. and I certainly don't think of them as any "less than".

Actually, I think it's pretty hot when people get off unapologetically in whatever way they see fit.

Good stuff.

[Kobi]

Originally Posted by Metropolis

Seems you are saying if there's not a "cock" mentality involved in human sexual interactions bed death is sure to follow. Or w/o cock there's no elements of "sexuality".

REALLY?

Guess what... sex doesn't just go tits up when there's not a cock involved. I'm not going to detail my sex life on a public forum, but to say it is well rounded... yes... but doesn't solely depend on a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g in particular but my love and desire for my gal.

(not directed at you Rope) These types of inferences, whether it be male=masculine... butches have to have "butch cuts" (hair)... female butches are "butch lite"... all the lesbian myths, etc. etc. etc. day in and day out is one of the reasons I don't frequent many BF places anymore.... I simply get so effin' tired of people telling others (and me) what they say, do, look like and identify as means.

I don't need to be pumped up and I don't need to be cut down and I'm deeper and more 3 dimensional than all these boxes. My internal make-up is where the dominant part of my masculinity lay, more than existing in say, my hairstyle. It's always been about my insides. My walk, talk and emotional aura... and my masculinity it's female born and that doesn't make it less powerful or dominant in my personality.

Further... my feminine part, (yes feminine) my female "essence" is not a pink bow on my unders... , it's soft soulful entwined connect w/ other females... and it's a black satin fiery blast if pushed too hard... there's nothing pink, giggly or gushy about it.

Ya know, thinking, it's no different from the real world has often been to femmes, butches and the like, placing preconceived bs expectation or how XYZ has to look act and be to be accepted. It's really to bad that we too often do that to our own.

Seems like different people bring out different sides of us in different situations. Nice to have variety and flexibilty to explore all sides of oneself. Being cockcentric, to me, would be very limiting.

Plus, so much of sexuality and sensuality, to me, is cerebrally/emotionally based. Engage me there and the sky is the limit. Problems there will lead to new meaning in bed death.

And, I find it very erotic to be with someone who breaks the mold of what would be expected based on a label or a look.

[BullDog]

The whole idea that there is more lesbian bed death than butch femme (even though they completely overlap so that it makes no sense) due to cock centrism or the lack thereof perpetuates a myth that straight people have about lesbians which is-there's no penis how could they have sex?

Insert butch cock (pun intended) instead of penis and voila- we have a heteronormative view of sex once again. Those pointing that out are not saying enjoying butch cock is heteronormative- it's putting it front and center and making the enjoyment of sex all about the cock that is heteronormative. Why not worship the beautiful vagina instead? Why is cock always front and center?

Women can easily have sex with or without a penis, cock, dildo (in various shapes, materials, colors, etc) and enjoy ourselves completely.

I of course agree with Metro and Kobi that my sex life isn't limited to just my butch cock. I'm a stone butch. I am also a butch dyke/lesbian. I have hands, mouth, body, brains, creativity and imagination too, so why would I center my sexuality around one thing only? I can please and be pleased in a multitude of ways. I also agree with Kobi that bed death would be more emotionally based.

[Soft*Silver]

something I have learned is dont jump to conclusions about who is behind a label.

I am a femme and I strap on. I didnt use to but oh I do now. I stepped out of the box I put myself in as a femme and allowed myself to strap on .

so add that to my label of heterosexual....

[foxyshaman]

I have been away for a few months and somehow <insert shy grin> came to the lesbian myth forum and there was a debate on bed-death, and cocks and all such things..

and then o'mcdonald songs

and birkies

and hummus

and Goodness me I missed this great bunch!!!

Thanks, as always for the insight. And well the occassional "hit my head with my palm" moments. Sometimes the same conversations go a-round for some time. Nothing really changes, but the conversations are always quite interesting. I like the philosophy. I still consider myself a dangerously dorky dyke with a perpensity to strap-on, ride hard and... well now I am just blushing...

Just poppin in...

Foxyshaman

[Sachita]

Originally Posted by AtLastHome

I understand why and how this sets you off- I was not really intending what I think you believe.

For the record- I enjoy it all and am a lesbian of the b-F variety. I get tired, however, of how we often put things in narrow contexts sexually. I do personally get tired of the word cock and it brings some very heteronormative things up for me. My main problem was with touting butch cock- or any cock- with lesbian bed death. I hate the phrase lesbian bed death too- it is belittling and I think (especially in most of this conversation), goes to the never ending comparison between lesbian and straight sex. Ie., all you need is a good lay- meaning a man with an attached penis plunged into your vagina.

No, my use of accessory items (and it doesn't stop with dildoes- they are not the only “toys“ around!), has nothing to do with cocks! Never has, never will. Anything I nickname, in fact has a clit as part of it. It is just important to me to own my being a woman and honoring the wonder of female sexual anatomy. Maybe because of the era I am from in which women were referred to as such things as frigid, non-sexual, not even supposed to be sexual beings, bad if they did, too good, if they didn't, shouldn't play sports because we might hurt our female body parts, kept from certain professions and jobs... on and on- I am just sensitive about this stuff. But, honestly, I my "toys" are of the feminine because of how I have integrated gender-bending in my life. I choose to "bend" to the female/woman side of the equation because there has been so much taken from me in the past for being a woman- and a masculine woman. I also am tired of the lesbian-phobia I see so much of on B-F sites (it is much less so on the Planet, however). It bothers and hurts me as a woman and a butch.


I absolutely apologize to you or anyone else if I offended you. I really was not intending this. I do have strong feelings about the female as well as lesbian sex. I know I can react differently to some of this stuff, but, to not be who I am as a butch woman and how I relate to sexuality as a person just isn’t something I can over look. But, I will try to use different wording if I return to the Planet in the future.

I have no personal negative judgement of how everyone else sees this- or what terms they want to use. I especially think there could be some sensitive things that trans folks could have around this.

wow- I so get this. I struggled with this a long time. So conflicted and then so many labels. I'm not struggling any more, thank goodness. Thank you

[citybutch]

I don't know if this was listed (I am sure it was) but will list it anyway:

Lesbian Bed Death...

Big ole myth

[Sachita]

Originally Posted by AtLastHome

Yup... and although most people don't want to face it, we do slow down as we age and sex is included in the slow down (so is a wonderful history of creativity). Plus, medications/disability can have an effect on libido. Although, I have to add that "seniors" are far more sexually active than "myth" dictates as well!! Ut, Oh, I feel an attack of ageism and able-body privilege (with coming over me..

And there are many more "measures" of sexual activity than penis-to-vagina methods. The fact is butch/femme cock follows a very straight, heterosexual mode of sexually interpretation. Which is why I personally use accessorize, accessory for butch cock for myself. And toy as well (although not much anymore). No, cock doesn't set me off into defensive feminist mode- I just figure we all have our own terms we prefer. And if a femme I am intimate with wants to call it a cock, I don't care! Our mutual pleasure and satisfaction is what counts

Although, I am fond of “Where’s the toy box, Babe, I want to pick something out?” Oh, Geez, I am not dominant enough, either, I bet. I get off on her (a femme) making decisions around sex! Damn, there goes that butch card, again. Sorry, I do tire of so damn many of the sexual parameters we seem to have.

Oye! Maybe my feelings have something to do with raising a heterosexual male through the teenage years… believe me, I really got tired of cock-centricity… dunno… maybe we should have a poll on this and see what other parents of male kid would say- with the inclusion of a trans related item… who knows….

I am not trying to be snarky, I really am trying to infuse humor into this conversation. When I am able to laugh at myself, I end up seeing things much more clearly, plus I stop taking myself so seriously which calms me down…. I really don’t have a problem with whatever and however anyone wants to embrace (or not) butch-cock or just plain cock. Just please don’t judge my own personal thoughts about it or give me another identifier to deal with! I am as much lesbian as I am butch.

I love your exchange in this entire thread,

I think that as we get older sex is different and not as much of a priority. Throughout your life time you evolve emotionally and spiritually. Your priorities change. I have experimented with many things but the one thing present is that I am lesbian. I don't have a choice with this. I am free spirited and open. I was always attracted to masculine lesbians. When I discovered BF I was thrilled there were others like me. I've dated all types of people but have concluded, at this stage of my life I am lesbian- whatever the fuck that means. I don't know about lesbian death bed but I can see where two mature women reach a place of comfort and where intimacy doesn't have to include an orgasm. I can take or leave dildos or whatever kind of name you wanna give it BUT the vibrator stays! (wink) For me it all boils down to finding a connection and feeling a deep beautiful intimate spiritual connection. After everything I'd done, seen, been and know I am guessing this will be a lesbian butch woman. If its not then thats ok too.

[BullDog]

That if you are a stone butch or stone femme you are not a lesbian. That just gets the big from me. Not all stone butches and stone femmes are lesbians, but there are plenty that are. There is no conflict.

On a related but more general topic many people, including many butches and femmes, seem to think lesbian sex is narrow in scope when in fact lesbians have sex in as many ways, shapes and forms as any type of person. Kinky, vanilla, stone etc. Just because there usually is not a male involved (although at times there are) doesn't make lesbian sex or sexuality limited or narrow or leave a bunch of things out or make us less sexually fulfilled, adventurous, etc.

[Sachita]

Originally Posted by BullDog

That if you are a stone butch or stone femme you are not a lesbian. That just gets the big from me. Not all stone butches and stone femmes are lesbians, but there are plenty that are. There is no conflict.

On a related but more general topic many people, including many butches and femmes, seem to think lesbian sex is narrow in scope when in fact lesbians have sex in as many ways, shapes and forms as any type of person. Kinky, vanilla, stone etc. Just because there usually is not a male involved (although at times there are) doesn't make lesbian sex or sexuality limited or narrow or leave a bunch of things out or make us less sexually fulfilled, adventurous, etc.

well they say the most important thing is the mind. I agree with that. I don't think it matters what kind of sex two people have. You're right, most people think all lesbians do is bump and grind.

I don't know about many of you but when I came out as a teen all I saw was mostly dykes and butches. There were fewer femmes or at least the bars and groups i attended in South Florida. As years went on more femmes started appearing. In fact I was ultra femme and was often thought of being bisexual and for the most part dykes ignored me. My buddy once told me I scared them because I was so femme and attractive. So I put on 501's and a polo shirt but there was no escaping my feminine persona, not to mention huge boobs and big round ass. Even among the lesbians/dykes I wasn't taken seriously back then because I didn't "look" lesbian.

Times have changed for sure. I don't think there are many myths as there were in the past. People seem much more tolerant. I personally get sick of all the labels trying to define who I am.

[Sweet_Amor_Taino]

Ok I beleive that everyone is different and everyone has the right to love and fuck as they please BUT for me being an old school Butch I can not mentally imagine myself being fucked by my femme. OK you could call me Narrowed mind, limited, old fashion its OK I have been called all that already... I am just sharing.

[JoSchmooze]

Originally Posted by Starbuck

She thought I was a lesbian just because I joined the Army, to serve my country. I'm like, hello! I'm serving my country because I'm frickin' patriotic ya know?! She didn't find out until 20 years later that I am indeed a lesbian.

Back in the day, you needed both parents' signature
if you were younger than 21.
My father tells me and Mom, "only 2 reasons a woman would volunteer for the Army - either
she's a whore or a queer".....

Never had to sell it, so I guess I ain't a "whore"....and slowly realized I was queer!

[Chinajewelry]

Lesbian dust! I love that

[~baby~doll~]

i had a cousin who told me i would get tired of being with women. i would grow out of it because the sexual energy comes from the men. i chuckled because she really believed this. i am still with my same woman and in a family of women. i do not hate men. i have many male friends. i believe they are sexual as well as women. i think we all have sexual energy and express it in our own way. Some like it gentle. Some like it rough. The energy comes from the closeness our sex creates within.
Lesbian bed death has been covered. i think it happens. i think it happens in heterosexual pairings. Bed death happens when the love excitement and or desire is gone. Sex can grow very old in the missionary position, even if one has a cock or straps. If a couple, poly group or just a group adds new twists and turns, bed death no such thing, if sex is vibrant an a source of enjoyment. just sayin