Sarcasm, Scathing Witticisms & Uninspiring Quotes - Page 3

dreadgeek · 01-28-2010, 12:56 PM

The person who wrote the advertisements is without doubt the most ignorant person now alive on the planet; also without doubt he is an idiot, an idiot of the 33rd degree, and scion of an ancestral procession of idiots stretching back to the Missing Link. (Mark Twain)

Trying to have a conversation with you would be like trying to argue with a dining room table. I have no interest in doing it. (Congressman Barney Frank D-MA)

The breathtaking inanity of the...decision is evident when considered against the factual backdrop...(Judge John E. Jones in the case of Kitzmiller v. Dover School Board)

I wish I had a daughter so I could forbid her to marry him. (Douglas Adams--Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy)

Unlike in Alice in Wonderland, simply saying something is so does not make it so. (Judge Clay Land Rhodes v. MacDonald)

And my all-time favorite snarky statement:

"Not only is it not right, it's not even wrong!" (Wolfgang Pauli)

Cheers
Aj

SassyLeo · 02-05-2010, 09:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dreadgeek

Trying to have a conversation with you would be like trying to argue with a dining room table. I have no interest in doing it. (Congressman Barney Frank D-MA)

Cheers
Aj

I love this!

Thanks for sharing it.

Passionaria · 01-07-2011, 08:58 PM

"Hey I asked for guardian angles, not flying Monkeys fueled by methane!!!! mmmmK?"

I'd like one of the new Mother Focker Alert bracelets. Where are they selling those again????

miss entycing · 01-07-2011, 09:14 PM

don't go away mad... just go away.

Passionaria · 01-07-2011, 10:12 PM

Sorry, couldn't resist

01-09-2011, 09:13 AM

You make the underflaps of my breasts burn, like when I used to rub them with poison sumac.

I'm secretly hoping it's a mid-life crisis, meaning your halfway to an early death.

I'm not going to do this. Even your breath stinks of mediocrity

What if I were to innocently murder you? I'd still have to go to trial. I'd still probably get off for justifiable homicide

Sue Sylvester - Glee

Kobi · 01-11-2011, 02:30 PM

Don’t be the kind of person that could be used as a blueprint to build an idiot.

Some people are a good argument for retroactive abortion.

You! Off my planet!

Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?

I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

Do I look like a people person?

No, a hard-on doesn't count as personal growth.

Sparkle · 01-13-2011, 05:51 PM

Hello Pot! This is Kettle calling ...

Blade · 01-15-2011, 07:33 AM

Told to an obnoxious drunk one night in a bar.....You don't have to go home but you can't stay here.....now leave.

dixie · 01-15-2011, 09:41 AM

"Who lit the fuse on your tampon?" ~my mother, to me... (guess I can be a little crabby sometimes...LOL)

nycfem · 01-15-2011, 09:47 AM

When someone starts to complain:

"Here's a quarter. Go call 1-800-BOO-HOO, and dial extension Wah Wah."

Nightshade · 01-15-2011, 01:16 PM

Someone call the wahmbulance!

Blade · 01-15-2011, 01:33 PM

my Daddy to me as a teen
me to my son all his life
and I'm sure there are others that I've said it to or wished I had.

You can't hear with your mouth open, now sit down close your mouth and open your ears and listen to me

Gemme · 01-15-2011, 10:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nightshade

Someone call the wahmbulance!

I say that a lot!

Toughy · 01-16-2011, 09:23 AM

said by my 5ft, 98 lb baby sister to her 3 sons (age 10-16) on the third trip of running in the back door and taring thru the house screaming, yelling and laughing and out the front door................

she steps in front of them, looks up (they are all taller than her) and says:

'I brought you into this world and I can damn sure take you out..........get outside and stay there!!!'

(she says the same thing to her grandchildren when they start acting like a bunch of fools)

Isadora · 01-16-2011, 09:55 AM

After a rather nasty short man in a bar makes a snide comment.

"Honey, I can always get thinner, you, however, will never get any taller."

Jeep · 08-29-2011, 04:44 PM

Too tired to go throught them all so this may be a repeat.. One of the few things I remember from highschool was a sign in the office that said:
Everyone brings joy into this office;
Some when they enter
Some when they leave

My often-repeated prayer at work:
Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those I had to kill because they ticked me off

‎5 RULES TO REMEMBER IN LIFE:
1. Money cannot buy happiness, but it’s more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle.
2. Forgive your enemy, but remember the jerks name.
3. Help someone when they are in trouble and they will remember you when they're in trouble again.
4. Many people are alive only because it’s illegal to beat them.
5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk.

Stupidity is not a crime. You're free to go.

NJFemmie · 08-29-2011, 05:06 PM

If stupidity were a crime, you'd be serving a life sentence.

Miss July · 10-31-2011, 12:01 PM

If I give you $20 will you leave me alone?

This is an A B conversation, why don't you C your way out of it.

Your like a zit on the ass of society.

Sorry I don't date from the peasant pool
Do I LOOK desperate?

I see your riding the cotton pony today.

Thank you for your anticipated cooperation in this matter.

LaneyDoll · 10-31-2011, 12:21 PM

My faves...

Me to a pissy, rude cashier in the grocery store...
"I hope you have a better day tomorrow since today is obviously not cutting it for you."
(I like that one because it comes across as really nice but the tone can change it all).

Me to a friend about a local drama queen...
"The nicest thing I can say about her is that she is easily forgettable."

01-28-2010, 12:56 PM	#41
dreadgeek Power Femme How Do You Identify?: Cinnamon spiced, caramel colored, power-femme Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Married to a wonderful horse girl Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Lat: 45.60 Lon: -122.60 Posts: 1,733 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,132 Thanked 6,848 Times in 1,493 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	The person who wrote the advertisements is without doubt the most ignorant person now alive on the planet; also without doubt he is an idiot, an idiot of the 33rd degree, and scion of an ancestral procession of idiots stretching back to the Missing Link. (Mark Twain) Trying to have a conversation with you would be like trying to argue with a dining room table. I have no interest in doing it. (Congressman Barney Frank D-MA) The breathtaking inanity of the...decision is evident when considered against the factual backdrop...(Judge John E. Jones in the case of Kitzmiller v. Dover School Board) I wish I had a daughter so I could forbid her to marry him. (Douglas Adams--Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy) Unlike in Alice in Wonderland, simply saying something is so does not make it so. (Judge Clay Land Rhodes v. MacDonald) And my all-time favorite snarky statement: "Not only is it not right, it's not even wrong!" (Wolfgang Pauli) Cheers Aj __________________ Proud member of the reality-based community. "People on the side of The People always ended up disappointed, in any case. They found that The People tended not to be grateful or appreciative or forward-thinking or obedient. The People tended to be small-minded and conservative and not very clever and were even distrustful of cleverness. And so, the children of the revolution were faced with the age-old problem: it wasn’t that you had the wrong kind of government, which was obvious, but that you had the wrong kind of people. As soon as you saw people as things to be measured, they didn’t measure up." (Terry Pratchett)

01-07-2011, 08:58 PM	#43
Passionaria Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Urban Bohemian : http://youtu.be/IM96Ch9Gx4A Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: She ran away with with the Gypsy's ✿ Posts: 2,519 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,316 Thanked 3,735 Times in 1,250 Posts Rep Power: 16689909	"Talk to the hand~ Sarcasm" "Hey I asked for guardian angles, not flying Monkeys fueled by methane!!!! mmmmK?" I'd like one of the new Mother Focker Alert bracelets. Where are they selling those again???? __________________ *Moon cat madness*

01-07-2011, 09:14 PM	#44
miss entycing Senior Member How Do You Identify?: dangerous, but worth the risk. Preferred Pronoun?: just be nice.. it's that easy. Relationship Status: CapitalM's carved upon my skin. Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: on the southern edge of sanity, under a carolina moon. Posts: 3,276 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 8,341 Thanked 8,262 Times in 2,255 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	mildy sarcastic- but effective. don't go away mad... just go away. __________________ True strength lies in submission which permits one to dedicate their life, through devotion, to something beyond themselves. Whenever someone awakens fully, it affects human consciousness at a collective level. It is like dropping a stone into a dark murky pond. Ripples of light... Not one word need be spoken.

01-07-2011, 10:12 PM	#45
Passionaria Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Urban Bohemian : http://youtu.be/IM96Ch9Gx4A Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: She ran away with with the Gypsy's ✿ Posts: 2,519 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,316 Thanked 3,735 Times in 1,250 Posts Rep Power: 16689909	Sarcasm For Dummies - A Guide Sorry, couldn't resist __________________ *Moon cat madness*

01-11-2011, 02:30 PM	#47
Kobi Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Biological female. Lesbian. Relationship Status: Happy Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Hanging out in the Atlantic. Posts: 9,234 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,840 Thanked 34,659 Times in 7,651 Posts Rep Power: 21474860	Don’t be the kind of person that could be used as a blueprint to build an idiot. Some people are a good argument for retroactive abortion. You! Off my planet! Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe? I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth. Do I look like a people person? No, a hard-on doesn't count as personal growth. __________________

01-09-2011, 09:13 AM	#46
Daktari Guest Tournaments Won: 1 Posts: n/a My Photo Gallery	You make the underflaps of my breasts burn, like when I used to rub them with poison sumac. I'm secretly hoping it's a mid-life crisis, meaning your halfway to an early death. I'm not going to do this. Even your breath stinks of mediocrity What if I were to innocently murder you? I'd still have to go to trial. I'd still probably get off for justifiable homicide Sue Sylvester - Glee

01-13-2011, 05:51 PM	#48
Sparkle Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, please Relationship Status: Loved Up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Western MA Posts: 2,183 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,001 Thanked 6,624 Times in 1,561 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	one i use allllll the time Hello Pot! This is Kettle calling ... __________________ I am made of stars

01-15-2011, 07:33 AM	#49
Blade Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: TG Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: once in a while someone amazing comes along...and here I am! Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Down on the farm Posts: 5,492 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,850 Thanked 14,399 Times in 4,049 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	Told to an obnoxious drunk one night in a bar.....You don't have to go home but you can't stay here.....now leave. __________________ Yeah so what if I'm triple dipped in awesome sauce? The best way to predict the future, is to create it.

01-15-2011, 09:41 AM	#50
dixie Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: I usually just poke it with a stick. Preferred Pronoun?: Bitch Relationship Status: Intertwined deeply Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: We're all a little mad here. Posts: 6,627 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 10,972 Thanked 21,385 Times in 4,808 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	"Who lit the fuse on your tampon?" ~my mother, to me... (guess I can be a little crabby sometimes...LOL)

01-15-2011, 09:47 AM	#51
nycfem Moderator How Do You Identify?: femme sub Preferred Pronoun?: Baby Grrl Relationship Status: Attached Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: NYC Posts: 6,768 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 52,825 Thanked 21,724 Times in 5,083 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	When someone starts to complain: "Here's a quarter. Go call 1-800-BOO-HOO, and dial extension Wah Wah."

01-15-2011, 01:16 PM	#52
Nightshade Member How Do You Identify?: Stonefemme Preferred Pronoun?: her/she Relationship Status: . Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: here Posts: 125 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 503 Thanked 236 Times in 84 Posts Rep Power: 42017	Someone call the wahmbulance!

01-15-2011, 01:33 PM	#53
Blade Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: TG Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: once in a while someone amazing comes along...and here I am! Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Down on the farm Posts: 5,492 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,850 Thanked 14,399 Times in 4,049 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	my Daddy to me as a teen me to my son all his life and I'm sure there are others that I've said it to or wished I had. You can't hear with your mouth open, now sit down close your mouth and open your ears and listen to me __________________ Yeah so what if I'm triple dipped in awesome sauce? The best way to predict the future, is to create it.

01-16-2011, 09:23 AM	#55
Toughy Senior Member How Do You Identify?: pervert butch feminist woman Preferred Pronoun?: see above Relationship Status: independent entity Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Oakland Posts: 1,826 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,068 Thanked 7,656 Times in 1,522 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	said by my 5ft, 98 lb baby sister to her 3 sons (age 10-16) on the third trip of running in the back door and taring thru the house screaming, yelling and laughing and out the front door................ she steps in front of them, looks up (they are all taller than her) and says: 'I brought you into this world and I can damn sure take you out..........get outside and stay there!!!' (she says the same thing to her grandchildren when they start acting like a bunch of fools)

01-16-2011, 09:55 AM	#56
Isadora Member How Do You Identify?: Momma, Ma'am Preferred Pronoun?: She/Her Relationship Status: I am in love. Truly Madly Deeply Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: California Posts: 997 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 502 Thanked 2,128 Times in 560 Posts Rep Power: 2369287	After a rather nasty short man in a bar makes a snide comment. "Honey, I can always get thinner, you, however, will never get any taller." __________________ "I have a respect for manners as such, they are a way of dealing with people you don't agree with or like." Margaret Mead Read me! www.leatherati.com

08-29-2011, 04:44 PM	#57
Jeep Member How Do You Identify?: confused Relationship Status: YEEHAW!!! Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Here Posts: 131 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 51 Thanked 141 Times in 56 Posts Rep Power: 602025	Too tired to go throught them all so this may be a repeat.. One of the few things I remember from highschool was a sign in the office that said: Everyone brings joy into this office; Some when they enter Some when they leave My often-repeated prayer at work: Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those I had to kill because they ticked me off ‎5 RULES TO REMEMBER IN LIFE: 1. Money cannot buy happiness, but it’s more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle. 2. Forgive your enemy, but remember the jerks name. 3. Help someone when they are in trouble and they will remember you when they're in trouble again. 4. Many people are alive only because it’s illegal to beat them. 5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk. Stupidity is not a crime. You're free to go. __________________ I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die. Only a biker knows why a dog sticks his head out of a car window~Author Unknown Catching a yellow-jacket in your shirt at seventy miles per hour can double your vocabulary. ~Author Unknown Most motorcycle problems are caused by the nut that connects the handlebars to the saddle. ~Author Unknown

08-29-2011, 05:06 PM	#58
NJFemmie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: The original lime-twisted femme Preferred Pronoun?: I answer to most things, especially lesbian. Relationship Status: Still loving my Mare ;) Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: New Jersey Posts: 4,683 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,343 Thanked 11,425 Times in 2,978 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	If stupidity were a crime, you'd be serving a life sentence. __________________

10-31-2011, 12:01 PM	#59
Miss July Member How Do You Identify?: Bitchy, Self Sufficient, High Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Mizz (Bitch) Relationship Status: Not LOOKING Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Sunny CA Posts: 362 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 158 Thanked 515 Times in 156 Posts Rep Power: 5207566	For starters If I give you $20 will you leave me alone? This is an A B conversation, why don't you C your way out of it. Your like a zit on the ass of society. Sorry I don't date from the peasant pool Do I LOOK desperate? I see your riding the cotton pony today. Thank you for your anticipated cooperation in this matter. __________________ Sorry...................My Give A Damn Meter Is Broken I Am A Bitch, But I Ain't Yo Bitch http://i166.photobucket.com/albums/u.../ny/ny1303.gif

10-31-2011, 12:21 PM	#60
LaneyDoll Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Girly girl femme Preferred Pronoun?: She; Ma'am; Miss ;) Relationship Status: Pitbull protected. Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: Birmingham, AL Posts: 2,204 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,892 Thanked 7,689 Times in 1,610 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	My faves... Me to a pissy, rude cashier in the grocery store... "I hope you have a better day tomorrow since today is obviously not cutting it for you." (I like that one because it comes across as really nice but the tone can change it all). Me to a friend about a local drama queen... "The nicest thing I can say about her is that she is easily forgettable." __________________ There are beauties who stop traffic and then there are beauties who grow obsessively in the hearts of the susceptible.

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