Butch friends

[Thinker]

Originally Posted by Converse

Having Butch friendships has always been important to me, and when I lived in England, the US and Australia, always chose locations where “community’ was strong- and often had to sacrifice much to do so.

Never in a Butch/Femme Community have I felt anything but respect shown for relationships, and much thought given to what is deemed acceptable behaviour. I have never experienced the posturing or competitive behaviour that has been mentioned here, from any group of Butches - but instead found it to be “typical” within the andro, lesbian community- where perhaps it has been my own fault for not understanding any of the protocols. Issues of everyone being everyone’s ex, friends becoming lovers becoming friends are all things that confuse me- I’m a simple person, I understand Butch/Femme dynamics- when lines get blurred, no matter how much I squint, I can’t follow the storyline.

I’m old and cranky enough to no longer tolerate lack of protocols, and for me, nothing irritates me more than a lesbian who believes that Butch is a fashion statement, and who after putting on the “butch look” proceeds to behave like an adolescent boy with his first set of car keys. Perhaps these are the “cocks” that are being discussed, I don’t know, but what I do know is that without my Butch friendships my life would have been very different.

Hi Converse...

I have a comment about the part of your post that I bolded in red.

First off, I think it is awesome and a real testament to this community that your experiences are what they are with your butch and femme sisters and brothers!

When you reference the protocols of the "andro, lesbian community", it almost sounds as if you are making a sweeping generalization about the members of that community.

The vast majority of our members here are also members of the lesbian community and take offense to the stereotypes you mentioned (everyone is everyone's ex; go from friends to lovers to friends) as well as many others.

If you wouldn't mind elaborating on that.....if you think it was misinterpreted.....that would be helpful. If you feel like maybe you did stereotype, just please keep in mind that it is not in the best interest of our community to do that.

I'm writing as a moderator (we received a question about your post from another member), but this isn't intended to be any sort of reprimand. I just want to make sure you have the opportunity to clear the air if you feel what you wrote was misunderstood.

Respectfully,
Thinker (moderator)

[apretty]

Originally Posted by cuddlyfemme

My best friend is a butch and we could share a bed with nothing happening except sleep

For whatever reason, Ez's not enthusiastic about me sleeping in bed with my butch-b-f-f!

his response, 'it's not happening.'

me: i never get nothing nice.

(silence)

me: what if it were a futon?

[Converse]

Originally Posted by Thinker

Hi Converse...

I have a comment about the part of your post that I bolded in red.

First off, I think it is awesome and a real testament to this community that your experiences are what they are with your butch and femme sisters and brothers!

When you reference the protocols of the "andro, lesbian community", it almost sounds as if you are making a sweeping generalization about the members of that community.

The vast majority of our members here are also members of the lesbian community and take offense to the stereotypes you mentioned (everyone is everyone's ex; go from friends to lovers to friends) as well as many others.

If you wouldn't mind elaborating on that.....if you think it was misinterpreted.....that would be helpful. If you feel like maybe you did stereotype, just please keep in mind that it is not in the best interest of our community to do that.

I'm writing as a moderator (we received a question about your post from another member), but this isn't intended to be any sort of reprimand. I just want to make sure you have the opportunity to clear the air if you feel what you wrote was misunderstood.

Respectfully,
Thinker (moderator)

Interesting- I had hoped when I added quotation marks to the word typical, that it nullified any perception that I might be making a generalisation. The post was very much about my own experiences in communities that were not familiar with Butch/Femme dynamics, and I took some responsibility in having that experience as it perhaps being a result of my own lack of understanding of what I was seeing around me.

I would hope that relaying my experience would no more be taken as “how it is”, than those who have experienced most Butches as participants in “pissing contests”- I understood those latter comments to be legitimate personal experiences and so in no way felt any offense, however to “The vast majority of our members here [who] are also members of the lesbian community” who do not see it that way, I offer my apologies