Loving a Transman Isn't Easy

[DMW]

Originally Posted by Soon

Also, Brutal Dyke...this is the Femme Zone...so, um, how about staying in the trans threads and letting me vent about my shit about my ex transitioning?

Soon, my apologies. I didn't realize it is a femme zone. Sincerely, everyone
deserves a place where they feel comfortable to share.

My respects,
DMW

I don't think she was being hostile?

[Soon]

Originally Posted by SelfMadeMan

I can only speak for myself - but I think your space is here.

I just want to add, that my wife had a very hard time with my having top surgery 7 years ago. She loved and accepted me 100% the way I was. I had already transitioned when we met, and she only knew me as male, but she loved and appreciated my body the way it was, and was afraid she wouldn't be attracted to me after surgery. She also felt guilty she said, for not wanting me to change my body just because she liked it - when she knew it caused me so much pain. We went through a very emotional time. I am happy to report though, that she was 100% fine with it afterwards and loves my chest now. I know this isn't exactly the same as a woman falling in love with a Butch woman who decides later to transition - I can't imagine how hard that would be - I did ID as a Butch prior to transition, but was single when I transitioned. It would've been very difficult had I done it while with a partner, I'm sure.

If my space is here, why are you, as a man, in the femme zone, trying to tell me where my space is?

[*Anya*]

I feel I must say this:

The title of this thread is Loving a Transman isn't Easy, in the femme zone.

What I read in Soon's original post was that this subject was very difficult for her because she had been in love with a female-bodied butch. She loved her butch and her female-born body.

The unsaid was clearly that her butch transitioned and that it was very hard for her, so hard she really could not talk about it.

Soon was only referring to herself. Self-Made Man and DMV's posts were supportive and appeared to "hear" where Soon was coming from.

I saw a very good documentary on Netflix a couple of years ago, about transmen. One of the segments explored a lesbian couple and how it was for them when the butch came to terms with being trans and went on T and how it was for the partner who went through her feelings of loss and sadness. It gave me some real empathy for the femme's perspective and experience.

[Soon]

Well, now that is all coming out in the wash ... so to speak.

Yeah, when the love of my life transitioned it was hell on me. Hell.

I had made it VERY clear that I was not attracted to FTM's.

Just not my thing...he was not the man I fell in love with...regardless of how much love was there.

Kudos to all the femmes who can deal but I could not.

I feel no one discusses this, and I thought this thread would be a bit supportive in that regard.

[Soon]

Originally Posted by *Anya*

The unsaid was clearly that her butch transitioned and that it was very hard for her, so hard she really could not talk about it.

I mean, beyond your other words, you really summed up my heart here.

I'm grateful that I can even CONTEMPLATE (*nods to siteowners) talking about it. That's how weird it is in my head and also how I don't want to offend.

[Soon]

Originally Posted by BrutalDyke

Maybe he misunderstood cause this is a thread about loving transmen?


.

Coming back to this...actually, this IS NOT a thead about loving transmen (and they do exist--and thanks for telling me of other options!). Not at all. It's about the potential difficulties/challenges that one may have to face when loving someone who is trans.

[Soon]

Originally Posted by BrutalDyke

There's tons of other threads about enjoying being with female/women ided butches from what I understand. Maybe try those out?

Just A Suggestion,
Brute.

I cannot let this go. Seriously? Are you telling me where to go? What threads I should be on? WTF. Maybe "try those out"? What does that mean?

This is not a single/dating/meetup thread--ffs. Unbelievable. I know what thread I am on.

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by Soon

Coming back to this...actually, this IS NOT a thead about loving transmen (and they do exist--and thanks for telling me of other options!). Not at all. It's about the potential difficulties/challenges that one may have to face when loving someone who is trans.

Soon, hi. I'd like to share part of my experience in hopes you don't feel isolated. I understand how you feel when it comes to the challenges and emotions that come when someone you love transitions and how it kind of leaves you in the dust.

The transitioning period was difficult, filled with anger, disappointment, it felt like a deep loss and I never got the person back that they once were once the first T shot went in.

I'd be willing to have this difficult conversation with you, but also I'd like to say that it would be difficult because it's going to be ugly, sad, angry and in emptying out our emotional tanks that like earlier there will be interruptions because it seems when Femme's speak or want to speak about these issues it happens.


Maybe you can start a thread in the Femme Zone about this particular issue and ask that it stick to Femme's posting only. Other than that it can be had here in hopes that this can be examined without someone coming in and inserting their me me me's.

It's a great topic a difficult topic and I hope you can work this out safely here

[girl_dee]

Soon, i've never been with anyone who transitioned but i do completely understand your feelings. i don't have any stories to share but i do know, that "i" would have to leave the relationship.

i hope you come and share more, and others as well, because i am very interested in what you have to say.

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by Soon

I have considered posting in this thread for awhile.

I just want to speak up for the femmes who loved their butches the way they were born.

I can't go further, emotionally, it is too hard.



Is there a space for women like me?

Soon, I used your last sentence and started a thread so you can have that space to vent if you want safely

LINKYLOO

[SelfMadeMan]

Wow. Well, I was only trying to offer support and FYI, I was agreeing that it's very hard on not only our partners, but partners of Butches, and that they have the right to have their feelings and struggles acknowledged. Not sure why I deserved such an acrid response - but best of luck to you. I didn't realize FTM voices weren't welcome here, I see a lot of cross talk in the Trans threads, so I assumed (my mistake) that as long as the posts were supportive, that it was cool. I'll stick to the trans threads. Sorry for the intrusion.

[Vivacious1]

I was reading some of this thread and saw it got a bit dis-railed, but, I would like to contribute my experience. I did have a relationship with a trans-man. When I involved myself, I was a bit naive. I did not understand the numerous issues that were involved. I can say for myself that being in a relationship with him was very difficult. The things that I encountered ranged from dealing with the wide range of emotions (male and female) the feeling of being invisible evern more and the lack of acceptance of my idenity as a lesbian. I did try to make it work but at the end of the day, it was not something I could do. I felt that I could not be me.

[Sheridan]

I can understand her going through emotional and sexual conflicts because her partner was changing their body to who they really were but the whole "tranny people" statement was gross.

[Miss Scarlett]

I remember how I felt when my Beau told me that he is a Transman. It was about halfway into our first date and I was surprised but not unpleasantly. We were having such a wonderful time talking, laughing and getting to know each other that it just didn't matter at the time and it still doesn't matter.

I have many friends who happen to be Transgender but I've never dated a Transman before. He has many friends who happen to be lesbian but had never dated a lesbian, much less a Femme.

We've discussed, and I've been asked by friends, what that "makes" us as far as labels...straight, bi, etc. The answer to that question is that it makes him just him, me just me and us just us.

In other words, to us it just doesn't matter...period.

Let me add this...without divulging whether or not he has, is or is considering surgery, etc. (That's his private business. He is not a member of this site and I do not have his consent to share something so personal.) If he had, was or was considering transition, without hesitation I would support him 100%.

[flapdoodle]

I rarely write, almost never reply. I loved the simplicity in which you describe your relationship. That really is the bottom line. Enjoy it.

[*Anya*]

Originally Posted by Miss Scarlett

I remember how I felt when my Beau told me that he is a Transman. It was about halfway into our first date and I was surprised but not unpleasantly. We were having such a wonderful time talking, laughing and getting to know each other that it just didn't matter at the time and it still doesn't matter.

I have many friends who happen to be Transgender but I've never dated a Transman before. He has many friends who happen to be lesbian but had never dated a lesbian, much less a Femme.

We've discussed, and I've been asked by friends, what that "makes" us as far as labels...straight, bi, etc. The answer to that question is that it makes him just him, me just me and us just us.

In other words, to us it just doesn't matter...period.

Let me add this...without divulging whether or not he has, is or is considering surgery, etc. (That's his private business. He is not a member of this site and I do not have his consent to share something so personal.) If he had, was or was considering transition, without hesitation I would support him 100%.

I am truly happy for you that you found your beau.

This thread was quite a while ago but I think the difference is that the OP fell in love with a female-bodied/ identified butch and during their relationship, her lover came out as Trans.

The posts read as this was a surprise, shock and a sense of loss for her.

Your beau had knew this information about his transition and shared it with you during your first date. It was a wonderful thing that he already knew this when he began to date you and that he immediately shared it with you half-way through that first date.

I don't know what I personally would do if a year into my relationship my female-identified butch came out as trans and was going to go on T.

Even though I love her dearly, it would be very, very difficult for me.

Again, I am so happy for you. It is lovely to read of the joy you are feeling in your posts!

Best wishes, always. ❤️

[Miss Scarlett]

Originally Posted by *Anya*

I am truly happy for you that you found your beau.

This thread was quite a while ago but I think the difference is that the OP fell in love with a female-bodied/ identified butch and during their relationship, her lover came out as Trans.

The posts read as this was a surprise, shock and a sense of loss for her.

Your beau had knew this information about his transition and shared it with you during your first date. It was a wonderful thing that he already knew this when he began to date you and that he immediately shared it with you half-way through that first date.

I don't know what I personally would do if a year into my relationship my female-identified butch came out as trans and was going to go on T.

Even though I love her dearly, it would be very, very difficult for me.

Again, I am so happy for you. It is lovely to read of the joy you are feeling in your posts!

Best wishes, always. ❤️

Thank you ~Anya. He is a wonderful person and I am richly blessed.

He's known who he was from a very early age and has embraced it for the majority of his life. His family is very accepting as are his friends and coworkers.

But if that were not the case and he came to me after we were together for a while, told me he was Transgender and wanted to (or not) transition it wouldn't matter to me then either. He would still be the same wonderful person only happier with himself and him being happy is as important to me as my happiness is to him.

[DapperButch]

Miss Scarlett,

Just for clarity, this is a "Transman" (your word) identified person who is not yet on T?

Meaning, you didn't think that you were out on a date with a biological male and he came out to you as FTM, correct?

--------------------

I agree Anya, I think it is very different to meet a person who tells you they are going to/might go on testosterone, than to have your currently female identified partner tell you they plan to go on testosterone.

Perhaps it would be less of a big deal for the partner who dates (or who have found themselves attracted to), both butches (female/male identified) and FTMs, but I can imagine it would be quite traumatic for a person who only dates butches. Especially if their partner had also identified as a woman. Huge loss. Huge carpet pulled out from under you.

[Leigh]

I've been lucky enough to fall in love with a pretty amazing guy myself and I'm happy for the first time in a long time