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Old 01-01-2018, 05:15 PM   #1601
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Default Knock me silly

After I was done cussin' from cracking my head on the metal bar to the low chain link gate, I had to laugh. I knew the damn thing was there, but I sure did a bad job of clearing it.
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Old 01-07-2018, 06:55 AM   #1602
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This is funny in an odd sort of way.

Having lost half my body weight, I no longer tolerate the cold well. I really do not tolerate wind blown frigid temperatures well at all.

Being pragmatic, I am more concerned with confort rather than fashion. So with the prolonged cold weather, I bought one of these:



I'm warm. I'm happy. I look like a dork but I am a warm dork!

However, I have to remember to at least remove the face flap before I step into the bank lobby. Had a room full of anxious looking tellers and other customers staring at me when I walked in the door.

Never occurred to me my method of keeping warm could be seen as a threat in certain circumstances. Oopsie.
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Old 01-07-2018, 08:19 AM   #1603
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At 9:05am the power came back on after being out since 2:30am. The house temp is 42°, everyone is cuddled under several layers of blankets including the dogs.

After going out to the shed, freezing my ass off, at 8am to get the camp toilet, I went back to bed, curled up tight trying to get my feet and ass cheeks to thaw, thinking "it's going to take forever to warm back up" when suddenly the power kicks on and the TV starts itself then up pops a message on the blue screen "This may take a while."



I may start believing in messages from the Other Side.
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Old 01-11-2018, 09:21 PM   #1604
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My knucklehead, goofball best friend and his response to tasting soft tofu for the first time. It didn't help me that we were in a very small, semi-fancy restaurant and I had to contain my laughter while his facial expressions were like a three year old who was trying not to barf.
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Old 01-12-2018, 08:37 PM   #1605
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Watching the Worst Cooks In America where they are trying to fillet a fish.
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Old 01-12-2018, 08:51 PM   #1606
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I saw this elderly man in the gym today and I was like "awwww." Turns out he can bench more than I can.

I need to step up my game...
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Old 01-17-2018, 04:03 PM   #1607
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Default Bulldog In The House Ha Ha

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Old 01-20-2018, 10:10 PM   #1608
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Default Cracked me up

Today I was pumping fuel at a local independent gas station. They are known for selling fuel cheaper than what is posted on their sign. We call it the yellow store because it is painted yellow.

While pumping fuel I noticed a sign that said "No Kung Fu fighting at the pumps by Manager". Haha!

I have had that song in my head ever since.

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Old 01-20-2018, 11:53 PM   #1609
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chad View Post
Today I was pumping fuel at a local independent gas station. They are known for selling fuel cheaper than what is posted on their sign. We call it the yellow store because it is painted yellow.

While pumping fuel I noticed a sign that said "No Kung Fu fighting at the pumps by Manager". Haha!

I have had that song in my head ever since.

Oh that is so mean!

Everybody was Kung foo fighting.......
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Old 01-31-2018, 12:01 AM   #1610
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Default Ooh Kelly Clarkston!

That moment when you realize that your sexy but sadistic depilatory scene just went live on Instagram... yeah, that just happened
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Old 01-31-2018, 06:52 PM   #1611
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someone at work who is smart as a whip, says she saw the moon but it didn’t look “blue”.

When i explained that its called a blue moon because there are two mooos in January, she then said

“i only saw one, where was the other one?”


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Old 02-01-2018, 08:09 PM   #1612
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How the massive, spring loaded lid on my neighbor's pig smoker got the best of me when I was trying to stash some goodies in there until they got home.
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Old 02-01-2018, 11:06 PM   #1613
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I am beyond amused.
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Old 02-03-2018, 10:52 AM   #1614
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kenna View Post
How the massive, spring loaded lid on my neighbor's pig smoker got the best of me when I was trying to stash some goodies in there until they got home.
I just read that as “trying to stash some bodies in there.” That cracked me up, though maybe it shouldn’t have...
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Old 02-03-2018, 09:53 PM   #1615
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Quote:
Originally Posted by The JD View Post
I just read that as “trying to stash some bodies in there.” That cracked me up, though maybe it shouldn’t have...
*files JD under 'friend to help hide the bodies'


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Old 02-19-2018, 09:02 PM   #1616
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Default Bacon Wrapped Pork Tenderloin smothered in apple gravy...

If I hadn't cracked up, I woulda cried at my Air Fryer Fail.
Thankful for an old fashioned skillet to the rescue.
I wish I could post pics.
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Old 02-23-2018, 09:29 AM   #1617
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My very petite and dainty best girlfriend is in the tub and just cut a monstrous fart and then yelled:

"ANGIE!!!! YOUR DOG KEEPS FARTING IN THE BATHTUB AND BLAMING IT ONE ME!"
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Old 02-27-2018, 05:18 PM   #1618
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me telling my love that i am watching a musical and enjoying the hell out of it!

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Old 03-04-2018, 04:42 PM   #1619
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Last night, my 24 year old son showing me that he learned all about rice's dirty little secret. He said that it didn't look like that much when it was in the measuring cup before he cooked it. Now he is bemoaning the fact that he will be eating yellow rice for a long time. I told him many of us learn the same way.
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Old 03-05-2018, 01:34 AM   #1620
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From a book I'm reading (Stripping the Sub):

"I don't fart! I'm a lady! I whisper in my panties."

My cheeks hurt, my sides hurt, tears ran down my face, and gawd knows I needed the laugh tonight.
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