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Old 02-24-2012, 06:42 AM   #181
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Originally Posted by *Anya* View Post
Is this still the "what every femme should know thread"?

Cars, interior blue lights Tawse & Incubus? You know I love both of you ( in a sister sort of way) but really guys!

Hey, Anya. I think because this is actually in the Quotes, Snippets, and Other Writing and was actually only meant to be brief quote from the OP and not a discussion on "what every femme should know", people are feeling free to just blab. Meaning, since the thread already moved away from its original purpose (which was not a discussion thread), it is undefined
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Old 02-24-2012, 07:11 AM   #182
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Hey, Anya. I think because this is actually in the Quotes, Snippets, and Other Writing and was actually only meant to be brief quote from the OP and not a discussion on "what every femme should know", people are feeling free to just blab. Meaning, since the thread already moved away from its original purpose (which was not a discussion thread), it is undefined
Good try Dapper.
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Old 02-24-2012, 09:02 AM   #183
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What every femme should know.

Humour the chaps once in a while



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Old 02-24-2012, 05:39 PM   #184
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Originally Posted by JAGG View Post
What every femme should know- truck drivers in semi's can see everything you are doing in your car, we can read the gum wrapper on the floorboard behind your seat. We can see everything. Everything! And yes when you pass by they ARE looking and you can bet you're being talked about on the CB. Thought you should know that.
Sometimes, that's the whole point.

This coming from someone who's been in the car as well as the cab.



Quote:
Originally Posted by 1QuirkyKiwi View Post
Now that's creepy!
Crap.

You all fussed so long and so much that the page that this was referencing is too far back for me to figure out what in the Hell I was addressing for Quirky.

I'll have to check it again and come back to finish my thought.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Vonni View Post
As one who is also new to this site, I can easily understand why JistMe felt somewhat attacked. I think that I would have felt that way too. This thread should have been a safe place to share well intended, simple and sweet words.

I do think however that this created a very valuable and worthy discussion (thank you JistME) that should continue elsewhere without the OP's intentions being the center of the discussion. I truly feel as if I have gotten quite a bit out of it and I would like to see it continue.

As someone who is finding her voice and her place on this site, I do have to say that I am a bit disappointed and somewhat intimidated by the very occasional rude comment I see made, not against JistMe, but towards others that are simply sharing their point of view or even just asking for clarification. I'm not talking about the humor, such as JAGG's lovely list of "DO NOT DO'S". I think that throwing in that bit of humor is awesome, appreciated and a necessary means to keep any conversation or debate lively. I'm talking about the personal attacks. Respect and honor each person's opinions and if you so vehemently disagree that you can't be at least kind, step away and go find something else to do. It's those kinds of attitudes that cause drama and dissuade others from wanting to get involved in these discussions and oftentimes cause them to miss out on the value of being a part of such a wonderful and diverse community.
Hi, Vonni!

Posting in emotionally charged threads CAN be daunting for those who are new to this particular group of people. It would be so easy if everyone who ever got upset would put their big boy/girl shorts/panties/etc on and either walked away or dealt with things in an 'adult' manner. Some of the time, we do. Sometimes, we don't. We're all human and all of us have different spheres of reference from which to draw.

So, don't lose faith or think poorly of us. We get it right more days than we get it wrong.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Tawse View Post
I think we should be careful about the your filters versus my filters and who has responsibility issue.

And I say that for one reason.


All the sexual harassment classes I've ever gone to.


The guy says sweetheart. He means nothing by it. But if the woman interprets it as harassment - then it is. If she's ok with it - then it's not.

It has nothing to do with his intention, and 100% with the way it is received.

And that is a very polarized example - and yes it could be argued rather easily that it's wrong and completely different.

So I'll pull up another point - dealing with difficult people in the work place. If someone has a problem with you and you're pulled to DEO - you better not say "it's his/her fault because of their filters, I didn't intend..." or "this is just the way I am, if he/she doesn't like it they are the problem..." It won't get you anywhere and may even see you lose your job.

Now we're in a casual laid back atmosphere here - but I have to say, maybe due to corporate / legal brainwashing, that anytime someone says 'it's your fault if you hear me wrong' - it makes me want to grab my documentation and get ready to head to a mediator.

Just a thought...


edited to add: oh shit I just realized this long thread is because of the way something was received instead of intended.

kinda makes you go hmmmm
Exactly. Perception is key.

Ebon and I can be the biggest, most hateful, sexist asses to one another but it's okay. Because it's coming from us and we know us. Many a time, we've made our friends cringe from the things we say to one another.


Quote:
Originally Posted by starryeyes View Post
I was following the title of the thread.... sorry for the confusion.
I'm going to let you in a secret that I've learned a few years ago. Never do I post without reading not only the first couple of posts, to see what the intention of the thread is, but I then jump to the last page and read the last few posts to see what the thread has actually turned into.

It just seems to me that you saw the heading and posted. It's not the end of the world!

For the record, I used to love gels and like the handpainting of the gel coating. I like manicures. I love having my toes done too and they are almost NEVER the same color as my fingers. Because I can.

Also for the record, I do maintenance on my golf carts at work as well as climbing ladders and taking down and installing 8-9 foot lighting bulbs. I don't do it because it's fun and I am quite afraid of, not so much the height, but the hard landing should I fall. But I do it. Because I can.

Also also for the record, I feel most comfy in jeans and a shirt that makes my breasts look bigger. I wasn't blessed with an ample bosom, so I'm making lemonade out of this batch of lemons I have (extra weight). It just so happens that the best clothing for this is maternity clothing. My current favorite pair of jeans are maternity and they hug my hips in a delicous manner. Because I can.

Also also also for the record, I am the epitome of Gemini, but I am often clumsy and/or careless with my words. But I think that everyone can understand when I say that I am femme. Not the 'every' kind of femme, but the 'only' kind of femme I can be. I like and do the things that I do, sometimes because I am femme and sometimes because I am me. I can do things that aren't 'femme' and I'm still 'me' while doing them but find no joy in doing things just to 'be' femme if it's not 'me'. I enjoy things that 'some' femmes enjoy but not 'all' femmes. Not 'all' femmes enjoy the things that 'I' enjoy.

Quantified expressions are hard to handle sometimes. It's good for us all to have a reminder that we ALL speak from our 'me, myself, I' place. Things get hinky when folks start talking from the viewpoint of others. That's not good.

I love that we can have multiple discussions and multiple viewpoints going on within the same thread at the same time. It's makes my Gemini multi-tasking heart beat a little faster.

However, I thought that the dialogue between Kobi and Julie went really well. It felt like a real time discussion in which they hashed things out and really LISTENED to one another. Is it really so bad to wish that that happened more often?
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Last edited by Gemme; 02-24-2012 at 05:41 PM.
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Old 02-24-2012, 05:47 PM   #185
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Originally Posted by 1QuirkyKiwi View Post
Now that's creepy!
Found it!

Three flippin' pages back.

Eh, it's not so bad. Many girls and guys know that and will do things to get the truck driver's attention.

I like truck drivers. I feel safer sandwiched between two semis than I do two pick up trucks or two cars. In my experience, most of them are good guys and gals just making a living like the rest of us. They just do it several feet higher than the rest of us.
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Old 02-24-2012, 06:01 PM   #186
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Originally Posted by Gemme View Post
Found it!

Three flippin' pages back.

Eh, it's not so bad. Many girls and guys know that and will do things to get the truck driver's attention.

I like truck drivers. I feel safer sandwiched between two semis than I do two pick up trucks or two cars. In my experience, most of them are good guys and gals just making a living like the rest of us. They just do it several feet higher than the rest of us.
I agree there are some that seek the attention; I'm not one of them...

I'm very nervous near Trucks; Not long after I qualified as an Emblamer my car was literally sandwiched between two lorries on the motorway. Traffic had stopped due to an accident and the lorry behind didn't stop in time and hit me, pushing my car into the back of the lorry in front.

I had hazardous chemicals in my car boot that were leaking badly. The lorry driver who hit me was over the limit!

Unfortunately, not everyone has good experiences.....I'd prefer the truck driver's eyes be on the road than checking out me and what's in my car.
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Old 02-24-2012, 06:03 PM   #187
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Originally Posted by Gemme View Post

Also also also for the record, I am the epitome of Gemini, but I am often clumsy and/or careless with my words. But I think that everyone can understand when I say that I am femme. Not the 'every' kind of femme, but the 'only' kind of femme I can be. I like and do the things that I do, sometimes because I am femme and sometimes because I am me. I can do things that aren't 'femme' and I'm still 'me' while doing them but find no joy in doing things just to 'be' femme if it's not 'me'. I enjoy things that 'some' femmes enjoy but not 'all' femmes. Not 'all' femmes enjoy the things that 'I' enjoy.
I simultaneously want to cheer and grab a protractor after reading this...

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Old 02-25-2012, 11:51 AM   #188
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Good try Dapper.
???? I'm confused by your response.

People aren't "staying on topic" (so to speak) because the purpose of the thread was not stated in the opening post. The opening post was just a quote. The section this thread is in is the "Art, Poetry, and Writing" section. That is all I was saying. What did you think I was saying here?
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Are you educated or indoctrinated?
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Old 06-16-2012, 01:34 PM   #189
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Wow!

Several people have encouraged me to post my writings here.

I don't think I will.

I write what I feel, how I feel it, when I feel it and why I feel it.

When I write, I don't write for everyone, and my writing will not please everyone, nor will it "fit" everyone.

I wrote a poem about myself entitled "Lissa's song"

It is a very personal, very self promoting song (in so much as it speaks to the content of my soul)

No way in HELL would I feel comfortable posting something here, in the POETRY, WRITING... section, knowing that

A) someone may be offended because I say "I bask in the rays of the sun and dance in the light of her sister, moon"... because obviously, the sun isn't female or male, and neither is the moon.

B) someone would think nothing of taking that "offense" and decimating something as personal as MY own feelings about how I feel. No thanks.

C) if poetry, stories, how people feel about themselves and about someone or "generic" all, can and will be decisively polarizing, why bother?

Can we not see poetry as someone's inner beauty shining through?

Are we so "frightened" of the "male" dominated world that we take offense at someone's feelings that may or may not reflect poorly or richly on themselves or someone else?

Confusing? Yep! Thats the way I felt when I read this thread, confused as HELL!


The dialogue between Kobi and Julie helped, but speaking as someone who often puts my feelings "out there" I could definitely feel WHY the OP felt attacked. Was that the intent? For some, obviously not. For other's... well lets just say that I felt like there were some who wanted to cause chaos, hard feelings, and some who just wanted to stand on a soap box and beat their own chest.

Do we not get enough of that from the "outside" world? Should we not all stand together as a COMMUNITY of beautifully diverse people, regardless of IDs and isms?

Ever heard the phrase, you get more bee's with honey?

"Hey, dude, Jist, please correct your "what EVERY femme should know" title, it may be offensive to some.

OR.. PEOPLE, this is a POETRY, WRITING post.

How about, ASKING the OP what he meant by "EVERY" femme, instead of INSTANTLY believing that he obviously MEANT every femme and so he MUST be SEXIST or what the fuck ever that M word is!

There are so many blasted labels here, that I am tempted to start mentally slapping labels on everyone I meet.

People say that "Jist" or anyone else who takes offense at words, should put their big girl panties on.

Guess what? Quit trying to dress other people while you're standing there NEKKID!

Had YOU put your big girl panties on and ASKED simple questions instead of getting ALL OFFENDED at what was a SWEET POEM, maybe this would have been a much nicer read!

Quote:
You don't have to be a simpering idiot to meet and keep a good butch


It's patronizing, pandering and least of all, heteronormative--Which is all great if I consent and but none of us did.

The title could have read, 'Here's where I degrade and patronize Femme and perpetuate female-feeble mindedness' and that's cool, I wouldn't have reason to read that thread.

I hope that helps your confusion.
Don't ever speak for me. Ever! I didn't find this POEM any of those things and I can assure you that I am NOT some "female-feeble minded" woman! I didn't feel degraded, I didn't feel patronized and I sure as hell didn't feel that this was in any way "heteronormative". What the hell kind of word is that anyway? Am I "heteronormative" because I want to be married, I want to be a "submissive" wife to a butch woman who can lead the household because that is what I believe to be right for me?? Then I guess along with "femme, lesbian, and homosexual and gay, add THAT label to my lapel as well. No label and no one's thoughts or idea's threaten me nor how I identify, not only on an online forum, but in my life.

In my life I have been degraded (by a woman) I have been raped (by a woman) I have been marginilized (by a woman) and I have been patronized (by a woman). Does that mean all women SUCK? Nope. But by the theory or thought process here, I SHOULD think all women suck, because thus far, that is all I have found. No, instead I realize that women, like any other faction of society, differs, sometimes hugely, and while ALL X chromosonal people are biologically "female" not all of them are bitches, psychotic, sexist, patronizing, degrading, raping people.

Interesting how one comes about understanding that, isn't it?

I will put here, these are MY thoughts, opinions and whatnot. And I LIKED the OP's original post and just because I LIKED it, doesnt mean that I am weak, or that I am a simpering fool, or that I need to be validated by someone else nor does it mean that I am so cowed by the "heteronomrmative" standards that I can't see the forest for the tree's. it means that in that POEM, I saw beauty, I saw love, I saw affection and while it may be idealistic, maybe even overly mushy, I saw someone putting their heart on their sleeve. That's more than most ever say or do.

Whose woods these are, I think I know, his house is in the village though, he will not see me stopping here to watch his woods fill up with snow. My little horse must think it queer..... "Robert Frost"

Discect/analyze/criticize that. He said "queer" he must be homophobic! (SARCASM ALERT!)

Put personal thoughts, idea's and emotions on here to be analyzed, dissected, made fun of, made light of or even looked down on?


No thanks.
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Old 06-16-2012, 03:08 PM   #190
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Default yotlyolqualli

Usually when someone says "every," it doesn't require a lot of interpretation.

"Heteronormative" is acting in a way that is stereotypical of heterosexual couples.

The op's quote is attributed to Nicholas Sparks, a bastion of heterosexual luv.

Part of femme invisibility is the constant assumption that we act (or are) just like straight women. Some of us relish that role because it fits who we are. Some of us don't. Many of us get cranky when we are yet again expected to fall in line with a quote usurped from the straight community and "applied" to us.

I, personally, have a problem with not giving credit to the author of the quote, but I'm persnickety.

As far as posting your own stuff, you might check out other writing threads and see the comments. It's hard to put your stuff out there. Good luck!
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Old 06-16-2012, 03:23 PM   #191
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Default What this femme should know

No one can read my mind - no more thinking that just because someone doesn't do what I think, they should do it anyway because if they love me they would know what it is that I need them to do, without me telling them what it is that I need.

This femme should know I am my own best friend and I should never think anyone's opinion of how I look, dress, or feel is more important than my own.

I This femme knows it is not the responsibilty of anyone else to make me happy - and it is so wonderful to have a partner who supports me being the happiest, healthiest me I can be and thinks I'm damn cute doing it.

This femme knows she can completely give herself to another and she will always have the right to change her mind. She loves getting lost in another, but there is always a trail of bread crumbs so she can always come back home to self.
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