Hate crime close to home....what is your take....

[princessbelle]

I orignally posted this in the news thread but decided to make a new thread and perhaps start a discussion on ideas and suggestions for those that struggle with being who we are as opposed to being watchful of our safety....


Lesbian couple's Vonore home burns; arson suspected
By Chloé Morrison
chloem@thedailytimes.com
Originally published: September 11. 2010 3:01AM
Last modified: September 10. 2010 11:05PM


VONORE — Carol Ann Stutte and her partner, Laura Stutte, are afraid to return alone to what is left of their Vonore home in Monroe County.

After being victims of an arson and having the word “queers” spray painted on their garage, the lesbian couple is fearful for their safety.

“We would love to stay (in the area),” Carol Stutte said Friday. “But we will never, never rebuild (on that property) again. I take someone with me constantly — one or two people to make sure I'm OK while I'm up there.”


Detective Travis Jones, with the Monroe County Sheriff's Department, said authorities aren't releasing many details about the fire — which happened Sept. 4 at about 10 p.m.

“It is an arson and we are continuing the investigation,” he said Friday. “There are people of interest in the case,” and authorities, including the state Bomb and Arson Squad, are still conducting interviews.

The Stuttes' home was a complete loss. “There is nothing left,” Carol Stutte said. “They are calling it a black hole,”

The couple, who have been together for more than 16 years, were in Nashville celebrating the five-year anniversary of moving into their Vonore home, the night it was burned to the ground.

Carol Stutte's daughter from a previous marriage would have been at the home at the time, but decided to go with the couple to Nashville.

“She would've been trapped,” Carol Stutte said.

Carol Stutte said she and Laura have been being harassed and threatened, specifically by one neighbor, on and off for about five years.

“The last in-depth threats were several weeks ago,” Carol Stutte said.

The couple tried to ignore the threats, but eventually decided to file a report with the Sheriff's Office.

“We tried to turn the other cheek and overlook it,” Carol Stutte said. “When (the latest threats) finally happened we thought we better go file a police report. (The threats) have really been scaring us for some time.”

Carol Stutte said that, despite the arson, she has been blessed with support from people in the area, who want to help.

Local support
Becky Lucas, president of Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays Maryville, said she is outraged by the Vonore arson.

“We are hopeful that the authorities will investigate it fully and that this couple will get justice,” she said Friday. “I think this happens every day to people in this community and many times they don't speak up because they are afraid. Everybody deserves basic human rights.”

She also said she wants the Stuttes to know they have support in the area.

“We want to send a message to this couple and other couples like them — you do have many allies in this area,” Lucas said. “Many people in the community are just as outraged as I am.”

Daily Times Assistant Managing Editor Amanda Greever contributed to this story.


__________________________________________________ _____________

My heart goes out to this couple and everyone that has been in the middle of hate crimes. *sighs....just makes me sick. More than that...scares me to death. Vonore is less than 10 miles from my home.

My thoughts....
I live alone.
I am perceived as being straight....I hate that assumption.
I've been considering lately to stand up for who I am.
I want to fly a rainbow flag in my front yard. I want a sticker for my car. I have that right. It is so hard, for me, living here to honor who I am and to support my community. And at the same time, I don't want to be abused by hate crimes or worse.

I struggle with this....daily and there is no great answer or not one that I can find.

I'm sick of hiding however I don't want to stand out like a sore thumb and draw bad attention. I just have a right to be who i am...don't i? Moving is out of the question...at least right now.


Similar situations out there with this delima? Thoughts anyone?
__________________

[naturlover_52]

I think we all think Ohhh I am safe....living in OUR own lil corner of the world..and I have been lucky where I have chosen to live. I have lived my whole life on the west Coast. EVEN IN Alaska. I saw people that had Rainbow flags tacked up as window coverage. IT is just when a story like this or someone being hurt in another way that that lil bubble is broken.
I am SOO Sorry Belle that U have to be scared that something my happen EVEN if U put a sticker on ur bumper.

These are JUST my feelings on this.

[Rockinonahigh]

I know things happen hear that arent reported in the news or much done about it by the police..I hear about it by the queer grape vine as well as at some meetings I go to.There has only been a fue times I personaly have had a prob with hate crimes or harrasment cause of being a big queer butch.One was at work..unfourtunatly I had to quit a good job to get away from a situation that was not good to say the least..the other was at the local pool hall last year where my car was keyed and I was told I wasnt welcome in this pool league.Both have policys to keep such things from happenings but they are not inforced or brushed under the rug.I have no clue if at this point anything can be done or not but I really felt like I was way less than because of this.I didnt like it then and shure dont now.

[Glenn]

I've been pushed from pillar to post for most of my life, but now, I'd just go to court, call the popo, get a few good watchdogs and guns, and an alarm system. Besides having a bullitt proof car and vest, there is nothin much else to do there except move to a friendlier area.

[princessbelle]

Originally Posted by naturlover_52

I think we all think Ohhh I am safe....living in OUR own lil corner of the world..and I have been lucky where I have chosen to live. I have lived my whole life on the west Coast. EVEN IN Alaska. I saw people that had Rainbow flags tacked up as window coverage. IT is just when a story like this or someone being hurt in another way that that lil bubble is broken.
I am SOO Sorry Belle that U have to be scared that something my happen EVEN if U put a sticker on ur bumper.

These are JUST my feelings on this.

Thank you for posting. I do realize the rest of the world or some parts of it can express their identities with some ease. I have seen it...last year when i was in new mexico...wow it was wonderful.

I'm just tired of hiding who i am due to where I am right now. But, it is what it is and I struggle.

Originally Posted by Rockinonahigh

I know things happen hear that arent reported in the news or much done about it by the police..I hear about it by the queer grape vine as well as at some meetings I go to.There has only been a fue times I personaly have had a prob with hate crimes or harrasment cause of being a big queer butch.One was at work..unfourtunatly I had to quit a good job to get away from a situation that was not good to say the least..the other was at the local pool hall last year where my car was keyed and I was told I wasnt welcome in this pool league.Both have policys to keep such things from happenings but they are not inforced or brushed under the rug.I have no clue if at this point anything can be done or not but I really felt like I was way less than because of this.I didnt like it then and shure dont now.

I am sorry that happened to you. It just makes me want to scream. I am honestly sick to death of hiding who i am. I want to shout it from the highest mountain and I want to express my identity for all to see. And then...comes the real world...

Thanks for posting...I really appreicate your experiences.

[morningstar55]

this is awful..... hope they catch the person who did this fire...
as for rainbow stickers/flags...
i have sported a sticker on my cars.... maybe just 1 ... on the bk bumper or window... for years...... i never ran into any problems.
and in my truck ... i have a rainbow squiggle on my drivers side window and a small flag hangin from my passnager side visor.. and as you all know... im all over the place in this truck. and no problems.. and I been driving a truck for 6 yrs now..... maybe i just been lucky so far. I dont know.
I am proud of who i am ... i'm not going to hide .... but at the same time i am not broadcasting it all over either.
maybe some may think so with what little rainbow stuff i do have my truck which is not much.
I dont know..
I seen this young truck driver pull up to get fuel one day and OMG!!
he had rainbow stickers and stuff all over his truck.. the bumpers the windows, the sleeper , across his windwshield .. on his dash . i mean he was SCREAMING it out there..... LOL

I would never go as far ...what this guy did .... but .. lol .. I am proud to fly them colors.

[princessbelle]

Originally Posted by popcorninthesofa

I've been pushed from pillar to post for most of my life, but now, I'd just go to court, call the popo, get a few good watchdogs and guns, and an alarm system. Besides having a bullitt proof car and vest, there is nothin much else to do.

I agree...a lot of it is out of our hands. There is some support out there..ty for pointing that out.

I suppose in the end of course it is a risk to take or a risk not to take and totally an individual decision. However, support here online, means the world.

Thanks for posting!!!

[princessbelle]

Originally Posted by morningstar55

this is awful..... hope they catch the person who did this fire...
as for rainbow stickers/flags...
i have sported a sticker on my cars.... maybe just 1 ... on the bk bumper or window... for years...... i never ran into any problems.
and in my truck ... i have a rainbow squiggle on my drivers side window and a small flag hangin from my passnager side visor.. and as you all know... im all over the place in this truck. and no problems.. and I been driving a truck for 6 yrs now..... maybe i just been lucky so far. I dont know.
I am proud of who i am ... i'm not going to hide .... but at the same time i am not broadcasting it all over either.
maybe some may think so with what little rainbow stuff i do have my truck which is not much.
I dont know..
I seen this young truck driver pull up to get fuel one day and OMG!!
he had rainbow stickers and stuff all over his truck.. the bumpers the windows, the sleeper , across his windwshield .. on his dash . i mean he was SCREAMING it out there..... LOL

Thanks for posting Mstar. I know you run these roads down here sometimes. It is nice to know you have never been judged harshly or had any problems.

At this point I think I am feeling a time to bond with the community here...I know there is one. It is almost like saying..."hey i'm family...really i am" to the community and to others. It's personal too, but i ache to be and feel connected here and i want to stand up for who i am. I'm tired of hiding.

Be safe out there....

[lipstixgal]

PB I'm with you on this one I am perceived as straight too and live in a conservative community so I don't fly a rainbow flag or have stickers on my car either and I should be who I want to be!! Its awful that those people had to suffer an arson just awful!! And I live in Northern NJ close to NYC which is totally gay friendly!

[princessbelle]

Originally Posted by lipstixgal

PB I'm with you on this one I am perceived as straight too and live in a conservative community so I don't fly a rainbow flag or have stickers on my car either and I should be who I want to be!! Its awful that those people had to suffer an arson just awful!! And I live in Northern NJ close to NYC which is totally gay friendly!

Thanks sweety. I guess I look at it this way: Say i was these people's neighbor.....maybe i could have helped in some small way. Maybe if the people that did this could have seen my rainbow flag and then another down the street and another...it would have caused them to stop and think that we are a BIG community even down here in the south..ya know?

I believe it is my right to honor who i am. I am now considering the notion that it is also my duty to stand by my family....make sense? Not because it is expected by my "family" but because it is a way of supporting my "family".

[Sabine Gallais]

I certainly don't hide who I am. My partner and I bought a home in a small, relatively conservative town. Actually, this small conservative town has A LOT of queers in it. We've never had so much as a dirty look from anyone ever. We have two queer city council members also. It's a nice place to live and basically we're all simply tax paying, home owning, sidewalk shoveling, lawn mowing folk. I'm not a huge proponent of stickers, flags and newspaper announcements about my private life. Frankly, I don't want to know what my neighbors do in bed or whom they do it with. Why should I announce what I do? Queer is not all I am, it's only a part of who I am. It shouldn't matter either way, but I'm not naive about my safety which is first and foremost.

[naturlover_52]

YES....SOME do
when I was working for the schools I had a very small wind sock I would Leave UP if I was parked OUTSIDE the parking lot
but if IN, I would take it down....and would leave it in the dish for change below the ash tray....just so it wasn't Completely noticeable. Because as a Sign language Interpreter/Class assistant....I needed to be wary. THIS was also 10 yrs ago....AND NOW I am to the pt I don't care...BUT still I am NOT willing to lose a job because of Ignorance or Biggotry

[princessbelle]

Originally Posted by Sabine Gallais

I certainly don't hide who I am. My partner and I bought a home in a small, relatively conservative town. Actually, this small conservative town has A LOT of queers in it. We've never had so much as a dirty look from anyone ever. We have two queer city council members also. It's a nice place to live and basically we're all simply tax paying, home owning, sidewalk shoveling, lawn mowing folk. I'm not a huge proponent of stickers, flags and newspaper announcements about my private life. Frankly, I don't want to know what my neighbors do in bed or whom they do it with. Why should I announce what I do? Queer is not all I am, it's only a part of who I am. It shouldn't matter either way, but I'm not naive about my safety which is first and foremost.

Thank you so much for posting!!!! You are right on. You are also very lucky IMO to live in a gay friendly place. I agree with what you say about not needing to announce it also....as I too feel that being gay is only part of who i am. However, this is not a gay friendly place at all. There is a part of me that wants to stand up to those that degrade and denounce those of us that are. It is a different world here. I wish it wasn't...but it is.

I am just at the point that I want to take a stand and try to help so that another house burning may be avoided. It would be different if i could live my life openly and not have fear. There would then be no reason to fly a flag or have a bumper sticker or scream it to the top of my lungs. It would not be a problem and therefore would not be an issue. I have two choices....stand up for who i am and support my community or hide and fear peeping out the window. That is where "I" live. That is "My" world....and it is sad.

[christie]

Belle -

We live in a TINY town in the SW portion of VA - we are very familiar with your struggle in living an authentic life while protecting your, your family's (in our case, my son's) personal safety.

I think, for the most part, folks are pretty non-pulsed by us. I think that I am more aware of our differences than most folks in our lil town. I like to think that by just living our lives we are changing some of the sterotypical ideas that folks have about dykes. We try to shop local and support local small business when possible and everyone we have encountered on a regular basis from repair folks to furniture store owners seem to gravitate towards us. The furniture shop owner has visited our home and when we were looking to special order some macdaddy leather sofas, she took us to her home to view the set she had purchased. Just last Sunday, the local mechanic and his wife, who I would have thought were stereotypical rednecks, stopped us in Wally World to ask if I could come by and talk about becoming their accountant since they are unhappy with their current one.

Our neighbors are nice folks and we try to take them meals when we entertain - both are elderly and don't seem to have a lot of family.

We have a rainbow flower thingy hanging from the rearview on the vehicle I primarily drive and an HRC sticker in the back window. We don't fly a rainbow flag in the yard although I did paint the columns on the porch a purpledy red color (Jess says its fuschia) and the new metal roof will be the same color when its installed. That's about as far as our "advertising" goes.

I know how isolating the invisibility can be and often feel it if not accompanied by Jess - and I don't know how to resolve that inner voice without tattooing "dyke" on my forehead.

I think you owe it to yourself to live as openly as you are comfortable with - and I will re-iterate that I think most of the "othering" comes from what energy I put out there. Most folks just walk on past without a word.

Christie

[rlin]

ms belle...
i live in small town GA...
for 30 years i didnt let myself be out and proud... when i finally did... i found out that really... most ppl dont care...
look at your neighbors... take a good hard look... sadly i would point out even the younger males... if you dont see total ignorance... i would suggest that you let yourself be whoever the hell you feel like being...
what is our lives if we arent living them the way we want?

take a small step... see how you feel afterward...

sometimes i think... we just have to be in this totally for ourselves...

i hope there is no one that you are afraid of that close to you... if there is i would urge you now to get the hell out as soon as you can... no one should live that way... fear is terrible for our senses...

p.s.
would i be assuming correctly to think that you might have the same sweet southern drawl as the poor femme on the newsreel that lost her house??

[princessbelle]

Originally Posted by christie0918

Belle -

We live in a TINY town in the SW portion of VA - we are very familiar with your struggle in living an authentic life while protecting your, your family's (in our case, my son's) personal safety.

I think, for the most part, folks are pretty non-pulsed by us. I think that I am more aware of our differences than most folks in our lil town. I like to think that by just living our lives we are changing some of the sterotypical ideas that folks have about dykes. We try to shop local and support local small business when possible and everyone we have encountered on a regular basis from repair folks to furniture store owners seem to gravitate towards us. The furniture shop owner has visited our home and when we were looking to special order some macdaddy leather sofas, she took us to her home to view the set she had purchased. Just last Sunday, the local mechanic and his wife, who I would have thought were stereotypical rednecks, stopped us in Wally World to ask if I could come by and talk about becoming their accountant since they are unhappy with their current one.

Our neighbors are nice folks and we try to take them meals when we entertain - both are elderly and don't seem to have a lot of family.

We have a rainbow flower thingy hanging from the rearview on the vehicle I primarily drive and an HRC sticker in the back window. We don't fly a rainbow flag in the yard although I did paint the columns on the porch a purpledy red color (Jess says its fuschia) and the new metal roof will be the same color when its installed. That's about as far as our "advertising" goes.

I know how isolating the invisibility can be and often feel it if not accompanied by Jess - and I don't know how to resolve that inner voice without tattooing "dyke" on my forehead.

I think you owe it to yourself to live as openly as you are comfortable with - and I will re-iterate that I think most of the "othering" comes from what energy I put out there. Most folks just walk on past without a word.

Christie

Thank you Christie...good advice. You do seem to understand. Thank you for posting...you are a sweety.

Originally Posted by rlin

ms belle...
i live in small town GA...
for 30 years i didnt let myself be out and proud... when i finally did... i found out that really... most ppl dont care...
look at your neighbors... take a good hard look... sadly i would point out even the younger males... if you dont see total ignorance... i would suggest that you let yourself be whoever the hell you feel like being...
what is our lives if we arent living them the way we want?

take a small step... see how you feel afterward...

sometimes i think... we just have to be in this totally for ourselves...

i hope there is no one that you are afraid of that close to you... if there is i would urge you now to get the hell out as soon as you can... no one should live that way... fear is terrible for our senses...

p.s.
would i be assuming correctly to think that you might have the same sweet southern drawl as the poor femme on the newsreel that lost her house??

Like others have said...small steps I believe is a good idea. My immediate neighbors don't care. They, for the most part, know. I've been here 20 years. One long term past gay relationship of 8 years so don't take a brain surgeon to figure it out I'm sure.

I guess today...I am just a little beside myself, so to speak. I've cried, prayed lit candles and I'm just so angry about what I read I just want to scream: I'M GAY TOO AND THERE ARE MANY OF US HERE.... I believe it comes from loving as humans from one to another when ANYONE is hurt. Then taking it a step further...they are "family" which gets my southern blood boiling that I didn't help in any way. I didn't fly the rainbow flag like I've debated on for years. Would that have helped? of course not, not them. But would it help the couple that moves in down the street that does live it openly and flys that flag? Maybe...that is where my head is today....

Small steps...good advice.

.....and yes i sound just like that girl sorta kinda i suppose...would have to ask someone who has talked to me cause i sound completely "normal" to me....lol.

[christie]

Originally Posted by princessbelle

I guess today...I am just a little beside myself, so to speak. I've cried, prayed lit candles and I'm just so angry about what I read I just want to scream: I'M GAY TOO AND THERE ARE MANY OF US HERE.... I believe it comes from loving as humans from one to another when ANYONE is hurt. Then taking it a step further...they are "family" which gets my southern blood boiling that I didn't help in any way. I didn't fly the rainbow flag like I've debated on for years. Would that have helped? of course not, not them. But would it help the couple that moves in down the street that does live it openly and flys that flag? Maybe...that is where my head is today....

Small steps...good advice.

.....and yes i sound just like that girl sorta kinda i suppose...would have to ask someone who has talked to me cause i sound completely "normal" to me....lol.

Belle -

Don't beat yourself up with "shoulda, woulda, coulda" - look towards tomorrow with "shall, will, can"

As the old saying goes, Rome wasn't built in a day. It IS about small steps. Its taken the better part of a year to call out to Jess in the grocery, "Honey!!" without wondering if BillyBubbaJoeBob and SueEllenMayBob are going to follow us to the car and then home to firebomb our house while we sleep.

The small steps ARE important and one day, you will be able to just be you without fear being in the forefront. You'll be zipping down the aisles of Wally World, openly holding hands without even thinking about it.

[princessbelle]

Originally Posted by christie0918

Belle -

Don't beat yourself up with "shoulda, woulda, coulda" - look towards tomorrow with "shall, will, can"

As the old saying goes, Rome wasn't built in a day. It IS about small steps. Its taken the better part of a year to call out to Jess in the grocery, "Honey!!" without wondering if BillyBubbaJoeBob and SueEllenMayBob are going to follow us to the car and then home to firebomb our house while we sleep.

The small steps ARE important and one day, you will be able to just be you without fear being in the forefront. You'll be zipping down the aisles of Wally World, openly holding hands without even thinking about it.

I think you are now my new femme crush LOL. Thanks honey...you are the best.

...forgive me for the following....

And in honor of where my heart is today...hokey...naive...idealistic...hurting...bea ting...loving...simple...stengthening...learning.. .gay....sentimental and trying to understand this world i live in....I must post this because, well, I am what "I" am!!!!!

[Rockinonahigh]

When I started my first semester of culinary college I shure didnt hide the fact of who I was,nor did I hide the fact I was queer as they come,to my suprise there were atleast six other queers in the course of clases.No one had a prob with anything but I still kept to myself and my nose in the books cause a lot of the ppl in clas came from places where being queer was gonna get u hurt if not worse..infact three weeks into the class there was near a gang riot in bake shop cause some kid got in a wad about being in class with a faggott as he called the gay boy in the class,it took school secutity to break it up.Over time the rest of the queer group graduated out and I was the last man standing.We had gotten another chef to assist the ex chef cause of a huge amount of students in class..she was ex military..hated queers as well as anyone that didnt fit her idea of what normal was,by time we had gotten thure the first five weeks of class she had turned the 60 some odd class roster into 35 ppl..grown men left to get away from her.SHe had four hench men who kissed her a$$ for anything they could do to stay on her good side even to the point of phisyical violence,I guarentee it was verbaly abusive big time..myself an one other person was always in the line of fire.Dont think it wasnt reported to the ex chef..he said deal with it...several went to the dean..cant help u at all she said.as I only had one more semester to graduate out of college I just dug my boot heels in and did what I had to do to get done with it all.It was the blessing of whatever higher power I had then that I didnt do what was going around in my head cause I was so pissed off,frustrated,tired,discusted thet by time my last day of class was over I had an ulser from stress.I herd the school fired her not long after it was all done.I reported it to my disablity counselor..he said..what can I do..there is nothing u can do..let it go...move on.I gess the thing is in this day an age someone,not just me,had to be treated this way trying to get an education.

[Lady Pamela]

WE STILL HAV A LONG WAY TO GO!

Here is link to the story.

http://www.pamshouseblend.com/diary/...ds-help?ref=nf