Butch Femme Planet  

Go Back   Butch Femme Planet > RELATIONSHIPS, COMMUNITY, GROUPS > Poly Relationships

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 02-15-2011, 09:14 AM   #61
The_Lady_Snow
MILLION $$$ PUSSY

How Do You Identify?:
Kinky, Raw, Perverted, Uber Queer Alpha Femme
Preferred Pronoun?:
Iconic Ms.
Relationship Status:
Keeper of 3, only one has the map to my freckles
 
The_Lady_Snow's Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: ** La Reina del Sur**
Posts: 22,488
Thanks: 32,231
Thanked 80,119 Times in 15,678 Posts
Rep Power: 21474873
The_Lady_Snow Has the BEST ReputationThe_Lady_Snow Has the BEST ReputationThe_Lady_Snow Has the BEST ReputationThe_Lady_Snow Has the BEST ReputationThe_Lady_Snow Has the BEST ReputationThe_Lady_Snow Has the BEST ReputationThe_Lady_Snow Has the BEST ReputationThe_Lady_Snow Has the BEST ReputationThe_Lady_Snow Has the BEST ReputationThe_Lady_Snow Has the BEST ReputationThe_Lady_Snow Has the BEST Reputation
Talking

I like My poly neat, drama free & where everyone minds to their own business when Master is busy.
__________________
"If you’re going to play these dirty games of ours, then you might as well indulge completely. It’s all about turning back into an animal and that’s the beauty of it. Place your guilt on the sidewalk and take a blow torch to it (guilt is usually worthless anyway). Be perverted, be filthy, do things that mannered people shouldn’t do. If you’re going to be gross then go for it and don’t wimp out."---Master Aiden


The_Lady_Snow is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to The_Lady_Snow For This Useful Post:
Old 02-15-2011, 09:16 AM   #62
Tommi
Infamous Member

How Do You Identify?:
Usually "Hello"
Relationship Status:
Married and Bound to Tommi's kaijira (Ts_kaijira )
 
1 Highscore

Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Suthun.... California that is. Across the ridge from Laguna Beach.
Posts: 8,151
Thanks: 13,621
Thanked 21,338 Times in 5,968 Posts
Rep Power: 21474859
Tommi Has the BEST ReputationTommi Has the BEST ReputationTommi Has the BEST ReputationTommi Has the BEST ReputationTommi Has the BEST ReputationTommi Has the BEST ReputationTommi Has the BEST ReputationTommi Has the BEST ReputationTommi Has the BEST ReputationTommi Has the BEST ReputationTommi Has the BEST Reputation
Member Photo Albums
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow View Post
I like My poly neat, drama free & where everyone minds to their own business when Master is busy.

Well said, time well spent.
Tommi is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-15-2011, 03:53 PM   #63
girl_dee
Practically Lives Here

How Do You Identify?:
Femme
Preferred Pronoun?:
dee
Relationship Status:
Hitched up
 
girl_dee's Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Livin’ the Dream
Posts: 24,079
Thanks: 30,560
Thanked 54,972 Times in 13,922 Posts
Rep Power: 21474873
girl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow View Post
I like My poly neat, drama free & where everyone minds to their own business when Master is busy.

yes yes!

Also there have been a few times where Master was asked to discuss *stuff* to help sort it out....and as it turns out the subs had it figured out and didn't need to bother Her..

always learning and growing.
girl_dee is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-15-2011, 04:25 PM   #64
Soft*Silver
Infamous Member

How Do You Identify?:
femme
Preferred Pronoun?:
she
Relationship Status:
Married
 
Soft*Silver's Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: rose cottage
Posts: 5,485
Thanks: 8,389
Thanked 15,565 Times in 3,960 Posts
Rep Power: 21474856
Soft*Silver Has the BEST ReputationSoft*Silver Has the BEST ReputationSoft*Silver Has the BEST ReputationSoft*Silver Has the BEST ReputationSoft*Silver Has the BEST ReputationSoft*Silver Has the BEST ReputationSoft*Silver Has the BEST ReputationSoft*Silver Has the BEST ReputationSoft*Silver Has the BEST ReputationSoft*Silver Has the BEST ReputationSoft*Silver Has the BEST Reputation
Default

This has been an interesting season in my life where alot of my "nevers" have been turned inside out, like you do for wash, and discovered where the roots came from and if they were just social taboos or some other goose liver pate', I really examined them.

Many of them became possibilities and some became realities. Like strap ons. I use to say I would never strap on. Oh Pshaw. That went out quickly. So did "I will never do a femme". Nonsense. I know what to do with a femme! I am one!

I have also said, I would never do Poly. I am too selfish. I could never share.

I think this is another self-lie based on cultural norms to fit in, based on heterosexual pairing. I like being coupled. I also know if given mature stable people who abided by consensual mutually agreed upon rules of the unit, it could be done.

However I am not planning on testing that out right now. But I do know never say never....
__________________
Pole bachit, a lis chuye.
The field sees, the forest hears
Soft*Silver is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Soft*Silver For This Useful Post:
Old 02-15-2011, 07:14 PM   #65
girl_dee
Practically Lives Here

How Do You Identify?:
Femme
Preferred Pronoun?:
dee
Relationship Status:
Hitched up
 
girl_dee's Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Livin’ the Dream
Posts: 24,079
Thanks: 30,560
Thanked 54,972 Times in 13,922 Posts
Rep Power: 21474873
girl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputation
Default

I learned to stop saying never very recently!
girl_dee is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to girl_dee For This Useful Post:
Old 02-15-2011, 07:42 PM   #66
aurora
Junior Member

How Do You Identify?:
Femme
Preferred Pronoun?:
Femme
Relationship Status:
Married
 
aurora's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: The CronesCradle
Posts: 62
Thanks: 100
Thanked 208 Times in 46 Posts
Rep Power: 342170
aurora Has the BEST Reputationaurora Has the BEST Reputationaurora Has the BEST Reputationaurora Has the BEST Reputationaurora Has the BEST Reputationaurora Has the BEST Reputationaurora Has the BEST Reputationaurora Has the BEST Reputationaurora Has the BEST Reputationaurora Has the BEST Reputationaurora Has the BEST Reputation
Default

LOL yes Sassy, when you visited never-never land and found you never-never wanted to leave.

It is good when 2 or more people's energies come togther in a really positive way. And that sometimes can't be planned or petitioned or advertised for...it just happens. That is when the "never-be-poly" gets replaced by "Wow, this is great! Life is wonderful!" Just got to be open to gifts when they present themselves.
__________________
Owned and loved by my Sexy Syr Bebo, loved and cherished by my beautiful spirit sister Dee...what more could a girl want?

Well...OK...maybe to have people check out my book Jasmine's Choice by Aurora Dominiqua in the site bookstore.
aurora is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to aurora For This Useful Post:
Old 02-16-2011, 08:01 AM   #67
IrishGrrl
Member

How Do You Identify?:
Queer Femme Leatherdyke
Preferred Pronoun?:
She/her
Relationship Status:
In a relationship/non-monogamous
 

Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Fort Worth, TX
Posts: 877
Thanks: 276
Thanked 1,209 Times in 366 Posts
Rep Power: 2427287
IrishGrrl Has the BEST ReputationIrishGrrl Has the BEST ReputationIrishGrrl Has the BEST ReputationIrishGrrl Has the BEST ReputationIrishGrrl Has the BEST ReputationIrishGrrl Has the BEST ReputationIrishGrrl Has the BEST ReputationIrishGrrl Has the BEST ReputationIrishGrrl Has the BEST ReputationIrishGrrl Has the BEST ReputationIrishGrrl Has the BEST Reputation
Default

aurora..

I think you being the one to ask for your sister to join your family is beautiful! I understand how it would help with moments of self doubt. Someday I may have a sister, and I would want the foundation of our love for each other to be strong and in place. When I love someone, I want them to share in all that I find joy in, that's just a natural state of feeling for me.

Irish
IrishGrrl is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to IrishGrrl For This Useful Post:
Old 02-16-2011, 08:27 PM   #68
aurora
Junior Member

How Do You Identify?:
Femme
Preferred Pronoun?:
Femme
Relationship Status:
Married
 
aurora's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: The CronesCradle
Posts: 62
Thanks: 100
Thanked 208 Times in 46 Posts
Rep Power: 342170
aurora Has the BEST Reputationaurora Has the BEST Reputationaurora Has the BEST Reputationaurora Has the BEST Reputationaurora Has the BEST Reputationaurora Has the BEST Reputationaurora Has the BEST Reputationaurora Has the BEST Reputationaurora Has the BEST Reputationaurora Has the BEST Reputationaurora Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Thank you IrishGrrl, I do hope that you find a spirit sister who is as wonderful as Sassy is to me.

A drama free poly is a great situation to aim for in any family...and certainly not bothering Master with silly things is a virtue to be acquired by every submissive and slave.

I think one of the important skills that make poly (under the same roof...online can be a bit different) run more smoothly is for the submissives (if a Ds poly situation) learn to work as a team and for the Dominant to trust them not to need micro managing. And one of the best ways to achieve this is to allow the subs to become best/loving friends or siblings.
As an example, one of the most lovely families I have met is run by a Femme Domme with her 2 bois. The bois are very good buddies and work together so well that when Ma'am gets home from work everything is perfect. She does not know or care who did what...all she knows is that her home is great. Everything is done and the bois are as happy as ever to see her. The bois figure out their own schedules, duties, etc. around their other obligations and live to please their Domme....drama free....efficient...everyone is happy.
__________________
Owned and loved by my Sexy Syr Bebo, loved and cherished by my beautiful spirit sister Dee...what more could a girl want?

Well...OK...maybe to have people check out my book Jasmine's Choice by Aurora Dominiqua in the site bookstore.
aurora is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to aurora For This Useful Post:
Old 02-19-2011, 06:07 AM   #69
aurora
Junior Member

How Do You Identify?:
Femme
Preferred Pronoun?:
Femme
Relationship Status:
Married
 
aurora's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: The CronesCradle
Posts: 62
Thanks: 100
Thanked 208 Times in 46 Posts
Rep Power: 342170
aurora Has the BEST Reputationaurora Has the BEST Reputationaurora Has the BEST Reputationaurora Has the BEST Reputationaurora Has the BEST Reputationaurora Has the BEST Reputationaurora Has the BEST Reputationaurora Has the BEST Reputationaurora Has the BEST Reputationaurora Has the BEST Reputationaurora Has the BEST Reputation
Default

When I think about it, humans are a pack animal. We have evolved in family units, tribes, clans, villages etc. The concept of 2 people standing alone against the world is actually a very modern and rather odd concept historically. So in that in queer culture we often make "chosen families and clans" the poly concept is quite logical. Not all poly relationships are sexual, but take the form of a love bond with the energy of a sibling, parent, cousin...so for me, a poly grouping feels much like a traditional association of people, but you get to choose the members of your clan.
__________________
Owned and loved by my Sexy Syr Bebo, loved and cherished by my beautiful spirit sister Dee...what more could a girl want?

Well...OK...maybe to have people check out my book Jasmine's Choice by Aurora Dominiqua in the site bookstore.
aurora is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to aurora For This Useful Post:
Old 02-19-2011, 08:06 PM   #70
Massive
Member

How Do You Identify?:
Trans man
Preferred Pronoun?:
He, Him
Relationship Status:
not looking
 
Massive's Avatar
 

Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Northern England
Posts: 945
Thanks: 5,669
Thanked 2,383 Times in 765 Posts
Rep Power: 17762094
Massive Has the BEST ReputationMassive Has the BEST ReputationMassive Has the BEST ReputationMassive Has the BEST ReputationMassive Has the BEST ReputationMassive Has the BEST ReputationMassive Has the BEST ReputationMassive Has the BEST ReputationMassive Has the BEST ReputationMassive Has the BEST ReputationMassive Has the BEST Reputation
Default

I have to admit, this is a subject rather close to my heart right now, I've had my eyes re-opened to living life poly, for a long time I decided rather rigidly that I could only ever go down the monogamy road and then I found my baby boy and baby girl, both who live far, far away on the wrong side of the pond to me, but we're all aware of the distances and how that although we can't be physically there for one another just now, we can still be together emotionally and in our hearts. I love them both for who they are and I'm so glad I found them, I'd given up hope of finding anyone I could connect with on any level other than friendship. Now I just need to solve the whole UK - US side of it all.
On another note, talking about finding your tribe, etc, I call them my Family, a group of people I've got to know over the years, both Brothers and Sisters, from all over the US, who are in many ways more real to me than my own bio-family, which is kinda sad in a way, but at the same time I know that my chosen family gets me in a way my bio-family never, ever can. Don't get me wrong, I love my bio-family, but no matter how hard I try to explain to them, they just can't understand my chosen lifestyle, to them kinky would be not using a coaster under their cup of tea ... They are old fashioned British ladies, all pretty much single and have been for years, or have been married and are now divorced, me and my 'little' brother are the only guys in our family, its all women, so it can get a tad hormonal sometimes, not that that's a bad thing, but at least with my chosen online Family, I can talk to them about what I'm going through without getting "What?!?" I just get nods and hugs and unconditional love. I'm sure there's some kind of saying about being able to choose your friends but not your family, well, I've chosen my family and it's fecking awesome!
Massive is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Massive For This Useful Post:
Old 02-19-2011, 08:11 PM   #71
girl_dee
Practically Lives Here

How Do You Identify?:
Femme
Preferred Pronoun?:
dee
Relationship Status:
Hitched up
 
girl_dee's Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Livin’ the Dream
Posts: 24,079
Thanks: 30,560
Thanked 54,972 Times in 13,922 Posts
Rep Power: 21474873
girl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputation
Default

((((((( Massive ))))))))) It's so nice to see you happy my friend.

LOL @ Kinky = no coaster.....

Chosen family rocks!
girl_dee is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to girl_dee For This Useful Post:
Old 02-19-2011, 08:15 PM   #72
Massive
Member

How Do You Identify?:
Trans man
Preferred Pronoun?:
He, Him
Relationship Status:
not looking
 
Massive's Avatar
 

Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Northern England
Posts: 945
Thanks: 5,669
Thanked 2,383 Times in 765 Posts
Rep Power: 17762094
Massive Has the BEST ReputationMassive Has the BEST ReputationMassive Has the BEST ReputationMassive Has the BEST ReputationMassive Has the BEST ReputationMassive Has the BEST ReputationMassive Has the BEST ReputationMassive Has the BEST ReputationMassive Has the BEST ReputationMassive Has the BEST ReputationMassive Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Thank you sassy. *bigs hugs back*
Oh, I wish that part about coasters was a joke, I love my family, but could they be any more British?? Sadly, no lol
I can't agree more either, chosen Family does indeed rock!
Massive is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-22-2011, 05:28 PM   #73
Sage
Junior Member

How Do You Identify?:
Butch Leather Dyke
Preferred Pronoun?:
SHE...being butch doesn't make me a dude.
Relationship Status:
Poly...My beloved partner is Laine.
 

Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Sacramento, CA
Posts: 3
Thanks: 1
Thanked 7 Times in 3 Posts
Rep Power: 0
Sage Has the BEST ReputationSage Has the BEST ReputationSage Has the BEST ReputationSage Has the BEST ReputationSage Has the BEST ReputationSage Has the BEST ReputationSage Has the BEST ReputationSage Has the BEST ReputationSage Has the BEST ReputationSage Has the BEST ReputationSage Has the BEST Reputation
Member Photo Albums
Default Yours (amongst others LOL)

Sweet Daddy,

Your boy definitely holds you close in her heart. I love you so damn much! I'm just so glad you can love me even with my ridiculously complicated relationship situation...and even though I already have two romantic partners and a Mommy and other Daddy. You really are wonderful, Daddy. *kiss*

Love,

Your Boy Sage




Quote:
Originally Posted by Massive View Post
I have to admit, this is a subject rather close to my heart right now, I've had my eyes re-opened to living life poly, for a long time I decided rather rigidly that I could only ever go down the monogamy road and then I found my baby boy and baby girl, both who live far, far away on the wrong side of the pond to me, but we're all aware of the distances and how that although we can't be physically there for one another just now, we can still be together emotionally and in our hearts. I love them both for who they are and I'm so glad I found them, I'd given up hope of finding anyone I could connect with on any level other than friendship. Now I just need to solve the whole UK - US side of it all.
Sage is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Sage For This Useful Post:
Old 04-07-2011, 02:02 PM   #74
Quintease
Member

How Do You Identify?:
Rainbow femme
Preferred Pronoun?:
princess
Relationship Status:
Married
 
Quintease's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 514
Thanks: 508
Thanked 1,816 Times in 417 Posts
Rep Power: 10345576
Quintease Has the BEST ReputationQuintease Has the BEST ReputationQuintease Has the BEST ReputationQuintease Has the BEST ReputationQuintease Has the BEST ReputationQuintease Has the BEST ReputationQuintease Has the BEST ReputationQuintease Has the BEST ReputationQuintease Has the BEST ReputationQuintease Has the BEST ReputationQuintease Has the BEST Reputation
Default

This is such an emotive subject

I consider myself poly, unfortunately I live in a mono world. I can't count the amount of times I've been told by other online users, aquaintances and even lovers that poly is all about sleeping around and disregarding other peoples feelings, that it can never work, that the 'natural' way to show love is monogamy (despite both the bible and the animal kingdom suggesting otherwise), that there is no way to get beyond the jealousy and fear that most people experience.. despite the fact that most of us manage to move past negative feelings in other areas of our lives, that poly will impact on children negatively... as opposed to what? divorce, affairs, acrimonious breakups? And on and on... I've even had people who have had affairs tell me that polyamory was wrong! Um, but weren't you engaging in non-consensual polyamory?!!!

Now however I'm crazy in love with someone who considers himself naturally mono, so can't see himself ever able to be happy in an open arrangement. We both have our own illogical fears about this. He worries that by denying me an allowed outlet, I'll instead have affairs, and I worry that by being so resolutely mono, he'll be dishonest when he does find himself fancying someone else. I can't see it coming to that though. When I met my boyfriend I realised his happiness in our relationship meant more to me than anything else. If he's happy, I'm happy and besides, I can still look
__________________
It is not worth an intelligent person's time to be in the majority. By definition, there are already enough people to do that.
Quintease is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Quintease For This Useful Post:
Old 11-21-2011, 03:14 PM   #75
FemmeWriter
Junior Member

How Do You Identify?:
Femme all the way, baby
Preferred Pronoun?:
She
Relationship Status:
Single
 
FemmeWriter's Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Arlington, Virginia
Posts: 37
Thanks: 2
Thanked 46 Times in 8 Posts
Rep Power: 1840659
FemmeWriter Has the BEST ReputationFemmeWriter Has the BEST ReputationFemmeWriter Has the BEST ReputationFemmeWriter Has the BEST ReputationFemmeWriter Has the BEST ReputationFemmeWriter Has the BEST ReputationFemmeWriter Has the BEST ReputationFemmeWriter Has the BEST ReputationFemmeWriter Has the BEST ReputationFemmeWriter Has the BEST ReputationFemmeWriter Has the BEST Reputation
Default

This is a rough subject for me. I've always known myself to be monogomous, with no judgment held toward poly-anything. My sister is poly and it's nothing new or shocking to me. What consenting adults do is their business. Part of me even envied her the freedom.

But now I'm in a marriage where, thanks to fighting and emotional roller-coaster riding, our passion is pretty much nil. This is a problem that doesn't seem to be getting better and so we've opened the relationship, both to allow her an avenue to express her past needs to cheat (in prior relationships) and my need to not retire sexually at 37.

We love each other. We've promised super discretion--a tactic that has worked for friends for over a decade--and yet I'm mourning as if I've lost my relationship. My brain tells me that being poly is fine. But I can't get over that this isn't where I wanted to be at this point in my life.

I suppose I'll change my mind once I meet someone I'd be willing to be intimate with, but like I said, I have to mourn first, and THEN get on with my life.

So I appreciate all the advice here. It's given me a lot to think about.
FemmeWriter is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to FemmeWriter For This Useful Post:
Old 11-21-2011, 04:39 PM   #76
girl_dee
Practically Lives Here

How Do You Identify?:
Femme
Preferred Pronoun?:
dee
Relationship Status:
Hitched up
 
girl_dee's Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Livin’ the Dream
Posts: 24,079
Thanks: 30,560
Thanked 54,972 Times in 13,922 Posts
Rep Power: 21474873
girl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputationgirl_dee Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by FemmeWriter View Post
This is a rough subject for me. I've always known myself to be monogomous, with no judgment held toward poly-anything. My sister is poly and it's nothing new or shocking to me. What consenting adults do is their business. Part of me even envied her the freedom.

But now I'm in a marriage where, thanks to fighting and emotional roller-coaster riding, our passion is pretty much nil. This is a problem that doesn't seem to be getting better and so we've opened the relationship, both to allow her an avenue to express her past needs to cheat (in prior relationships) and my need to not retire sexually at 37.

We love each other. We've promised super discretion--a tactic that has worked for friends for over a decade--and yet I'm mourning as if I've lost my relationship. My brain tells me that being poly is fine. But I can't get over that this isn't where I wanted to be at this point in my life.

I suppose I'll change my mind once I meet someone I'd be willing to be intimate with, but like I said, I have to mourn first, and THEN get on with my life.

So I appreciate all the advice here. It's given me a lot to think about.
If it's not where you want to be, then why do it? Poly does not fix problems, being poly is a LOT of work without using it to fix things.

Best of luck to you.

girl_dee is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to girl_dee For This Useful Post:
Old 11-21-2011, 04:47 PM   #77
kannon
Member

How Do You Identify?:
bloke
Preferred Pronoun?:
He
Relationship Status:
Happy is the heart that believes in angels
 
kannon's Avatar
 

Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Land of Milk and Honey
Posts: 884
Thanks: 1,920
Thanked 2,067 Times in 584 Posts
Rep Power: 21474850
kannon Has the BEST Reputationkannon Has the BEST Reputationkannon Has the BEST Reputationkannon Has the BEST Reputationkannon Has the BEST Reputationkannon Has the BEST Reputationkannon Has the BEST Reputationkannon Has the BEST Reputationkannon Has the BEST Reputationkannon Has the BEST Reputationkannon Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by FemmeWriter View Post
This is a rough subject for me. I've always known myself to be monogomous, with no judgment held toward poly-anything. My sister is poly and it's nothing new or shocking to me. What consenting adults do is their business. Part of me even envied her the freedom.

But now I'm in a marriage where, thanks to fighting and emotional roller-coaster riding, our passion is pretty much nil. This is a problem that doesn't seem to be getting better and so we've opened the relationship, both to allow her an avenue to express her past needs to cheat (in prior relationships) and my need to not retire sexually at 37.

We love each other. We've promised super discretion--a tactic that has worked for friends for over a decade--and yet I'm mourning as if I've lost my relationship. My brain tells me that being poly is fine. But I can't get over that this isn't where I wanted to be at this point in my life.

I suppose I'll change my mind once I meet someone I'd be willing to be intimate with, but like I said, I have to mourn first, and THEN get on with my life.

So I appreciate all the advice here. It's given me a lot to think about.
Are you capable of having a sexually intimate relationship without developing feelings for the person? Some women struggle with this.
kannon is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to kannon For This Useful Post:
Old 11-21-2011, 04:49 PM   #78
atomiczombie
Member

How Do You Identify?:
Femmesensual Transguy
Preferred Pronoun?:
He, Him, His
Relationship Status:
Dating
 
atomiczombie's Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Rio Vista, CA
Posts: 1,225
Thanks: 3,949
Thanked 3,221 Times in 757 Posts
Rep Power: 21474852
atomiczombie Has the BEST Reputationatomiczombie Has the BEST Reputationatomiczombie Has the BEST Reputationatomiczombie Has the BEST Reputationatomiczombie Has the BEST Reputationatomiczombie Has the BEST Reputationatomiczombie Has the BEST Reputationatomiczombie Has the BEST Reputationatomiczombie Has the BEST Reputationatomiczombie Has the BEST Reputationatomiczombie Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cajun_dee View Post
If it's not where you want to be, then why do it? Poly does not fix problems, being poly is a LOT of work without using it to fix things.

Best of luck to you.

I totally agree. Being poly is not a way to fix a bad relationship.
atomiczombie is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to atomiczombie For This Useful Post:
Old 11-21-2011, 05:01 PM   #79
princessbelle
Infamous Member

How Do You Identify?:
femme
Preferred Pronoun?:
femme ones
 

Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 6,100
Thanks: 29,380
Thanked 30,503 Times in 5,201 Posts
Rep Power: 21474857
princessbelle Has the BEST Reputationprincessbelle Has the BEST Reputationprincessbelle Has the BEST Reputationprincessbelle Has the BEST Reputationprincessbelle Has the BEST Reputationprincessbelle Has the BEST Reputationprincessbelle Has the BEST Reputationprincessbelle Has the BEST Reputationprincessbelle Has the BEST Reputationprincessbelle Has the BEST Reputationprincessbelle Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by FemmeWriter View Post
This is a rough subject for me. I've always known myself to be monogomous, with no judgment held toward poly-anything. My sister is poly and it's nothing new or shocking to me. What consenting adults do is their business. Part of me even envied her the freedom.

But now I'm in a marriage where, thanks to fighting and emotional roller-coaster riding, our passion is pretty much nil. This is a problem that doesn't seem to be getting better and so we've opened the relationship, both to allow her an avenue to express her past needs to cheat (in prior relationships) and my need to not retire sexually at 37.

We love each other. We've promised super discretion--a tactic that has worked for friends for over a decade--and yet I'm mourning as if I've lost my relationship. My brain tells me that being poly is fine. But I can't get over that this isn't where I wanted to be at this point in my life.

I suppose I'll change my mind once I meet someone I'd be willing to be intimate with, but like I said, I have to mourn first, and THEN get on with my life.

So I appreciate all the advice here. It's given me a lot to think about.
Girl. I wasn't going to respond to this but you did say you welcomed advice. Speaking from someone who had an experience in "going poly" because my relationship was in trouble. It didn't work. More than that, it was horrible. It was hell on earth and just lingered for our relationship to end when it should have ended way before that point.

I am an optimist and it is hard to even type that in response to you. But, wow i see some similarities in what you are saying here. Honestly, i'm worried about you. I wouldn't want anyone to feel the pain i went through with a poly relationship for a fix.

I do believe in poly relationships however, but i certainly don't think they are for everyone for any time in any relationship.

Just wanted to reach out to you, and ask you to really think about it. Love is great but it's not everything. If you are in an unhealthy relationship right now, going this route may only cause you way more pain. I repeat. Way more.

My opinion, of course.

Best of luck.
__________________
~ I've learned that people will forget what you said,
people will forget what you did,
but people will never forget how you made them feel. ~
Maya Angelou
princessbelle is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to princessbelle For This Useful Post:
Old 11-21-2011, 05:24 PM   #80
Sachita
Senior Member

How Do You Identify?:
Alpha Femme
Preferred Pronoun?:
Goddess
Relationship Status:
Completely in love
 

Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Southern Virginia
Posts: 3,225
Thanks: 2,564
Thanked 8,994 Times in 2,249 Posts
Rep Power: 21474854
Sachita Has the BEST ReputationSachita Has the BEST ReputationSachita Has the BEST ReputationSachita Has the BEST ReputationSachita Has the BEST ReputationSachita Has the BEST ReputationSachita Has the BEST ReputationSachita Has the BEST ReputationSachita Has the BEST ReputationSachita Has the BEST ReputationSachita Has the BEST Reputation
Member Photo Albums
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by princessbelle View Post
Girl. I wasn't going to respond to this but you did say you welcomed advice. Speaking from someone who had an experience in "going poly" because my relationship was in trouble. It didn't work. More than that, it was horrible. It was hell on earth and just lingered for our relationship to end when it should have ended way before that point.

I am an optimist and it is hard to even type that in response to you. But, wow i see some similarities in what you are saying here. Honestly, i'm worried about you. I wouldn't want anyone to feel the pain i went through with a poly relationship for a fix.

I do believe in poly relationships however, but i certainly don't think they are for everyone for any time in any relationship.

Just wanted to reach out to you, and ask you to really think about it. Love is great but it's not everything. If you are in an unhealthy relationship right now, going this route may only cause you way more pain. I repeat. Way more.

My opinion, of course.

Best of luck.
I remember reading about this in another thread. Big hugz. It;'s true what everyone says- if you don't really feel a poly connection and if monogamy is where you're at then its totally fine. You don't elect poly to fix a relationship but to add to it. Very big difference.
__________________
You either like me or you don't. It took me Twenty-something years to learn how to love myself, I don't have that kinda time to convince somebody else.
~ Daniel Franzese
Sachita is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Sachita For This Useful Post:
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 06:39 PM.


ButchFemmePlanet.com
All information copyright of BFP 2018