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Old 07-07-2011, 09:30 PM   #1
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Default Stone Femme?

After reading the Stone Butch thread, I decided that maybe we could open the door to discuss what it means to be a Stone Femme. And if the guys wish to participate, tell us what it is about a Stone Femme that gets you. I will start by copying and pasting my post from the Stone Butch thread.

The very first time I heard the term, I thought, "OK. They must smoke a lot of weed." I asked that question, and was very fortunate to have someone in my life who gently laughed and said, "No." When hy explained things to me, it made sense to me, but I also felt a curious mixture of excitement and repulsion. I told hym that I needed some time to digest what hy said. I understood why I was excited, but I couldn't wrap my head around why I was repulsed. After a couple of days and some serious searching, I came to the conclusion that it was too hetero. I was dedicated to my lesbian sex. I explained all of this to hym, and we agreed friends would be best. There was a nagging, deep feeling I couldn't shake about it all, though. I approached hym and asked hym to show me. And good God-Almighty, did hy ever! Things were so profound that I could no longer say that I was lesbian. I had been "flipped," as it were.

It has been many years since that story, and I have learned that there is no predescribed definition. I have met stones who are hardcore no you don't touch me except for my back to stones who don't look at their biological sex as something other than a mini cock that should be worshiped. I think the point for me is that I am who I am. I am a pleaser and giver and a receiver. What all those mean depends on the relationship and what is agreed to and at any point agreements can change because there are no set rules for me.
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Old 07-07-2011, 10:18 PM   #2
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My answer, copied and pasted from the Stone Butch thread:


Because I'm a stonefemme my ideal partner would be a stone butch. My late gf was nearly stone, so it worked out very well for us. She allowed a certain amount of touching under some rare circumstances, but it wasn't common for her to be very interested in that sort of thing.

Quote:
Originally Posted by lillith
"... There was a nagging, deep feeling I couldn't shake about it all, though. I approached hym and asked hym to show me. And good God-Almighty, did hy ever! Things were so profound that I could no longer say that I was lesbian. I had been "flipped," as it were.

...I have met stones who are hardcore no you don't touch me except for my back to stones who don't look at their biological sex as something other than a mini cock that should be worshiped."


I don't see why being a stonefemme, or a stone butch for that matter, means that we aren't lesbians. My late gf IDed as such, and I certainly do, too. She was an old school butch who IDed as a lesbian, stone butch, butch dyke, and/or leatherdyke top. All of those IDs were female to her, and she didn't feel compelled to call herself anything other than a woman. A very, VERY butch woman. She had a vagina and a clit, just like any other woman. Being stone meant that she was the pitcher. My stonefemme nature means I'm the catcher. No more, no less.

I'm a lesbian and my sex is stone sex. I assume that no one on this site is going to be foolish enough to tell me that I'm not a lesbian because I'm a stonefemme.

*******************************

Lilth, I'm not devaluing your experience, but I have to say that I'm persistently astonished that there are so many people who think that stone can't be lesbian. I agree that many have a vision of 'typical' lesbian sex which involves taking turns doing the same things to each other in an egalitarian way. I don't think I know many lesbians who actually have sex based on that model. Each person and every combination of people tends to do 'it' and each other however they most enjoy it. The sex act doesn't define who is a lesbian, but the gender of the participants in said act might.
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Old 07-07-2011, 10:28 PM   #3
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Hey, Cheryl. Lets move this discussion here? I, again, agree with you. There are many variables to defining any kind of ID, including one's gender. Like I said in the Stone Butch thread, I simply wanted to express my experience and what I can encountered.
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Old 07-07-2011, 10:40 PM   #4
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I have heard various definitions of stone femme, so I am wondering what it means for you ladies.
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Old 07-07-2011, 11:01 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by atomiczombie View Post
I have heard various definitions of stone femme, so I am wondering what it means for you ladies.
I didn't know that 'stonefemme' was an ID until a friend told me that I was one. I had been struggling mightily with some really horrible guilt about what I couldn't do in bed. When I finally spoke about it out loud to my friend she was not only non-judgmental, she gave me a key that helped me finally understand something essential about myself. It wasn't an easy ID for me to claim at first.

My own manifestation of stonefemme is very much a part of my leather sexuality. I'm a masochist, and sexually submissive. As I noted above, I'm strictly a catcher, never a pitcher. That's very much tied up with sexual submission for me.
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Old 07-07-2011, 11:08 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CherylNYC View Post
I didn't know that 'stonefemme' was an ID until a friend told me that I was one. I had been struggling mightily with some really horrible guilt about what I couldn't do in bed. When I finally spoke about it out loud to my friend she was not only non-judgmental, she gave me a key that helped me finally understand something essential about myself. It wasn't an easy ID for me to claim at first.

My own manifestation of stonefemme is very much a part of my leather sexuality. I'm a masochist, and sexually submissive. As I noted above, I'm strictly a catcher, never a pitcher. That's very much tied up with sexual submission for me.
Yeah I only pitch and don't catch, so I hear ya. I used to ID as a stone butch, but now that I know myself better as a transguy, there really isn't an ID to go along with it it seems. No one really talks about being a stone transguy, that I have heard.
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Old 01-02-2014, 05:28 PM   #7
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yep, I'm a catcher not a pitcher - ever! It couldn't do less for me to be the pitcher. There is just such a deeply intrinsic natural feeling for me to be stone femme bottom.

in my experience there are two types of stone femme - bottoms and tops and tops conduct themselves in bed much as stone butches do. my former bff is a stone femme top. I am strictly bottom.

of course in my youth I did a lot of different types of things in bed, all in the name of experimentation and finding out what I and my partner enjoyed etc. over time this has felt the most natural and satisfying to me.

I am happy to be flexible to my partner's needs... during sex I like to be able to squeeze the butt, but I can not do that if required. I can 'worship the mini cock' as lilith put it... I think the only thing that would pose a challenge to me is doing anything to the chest area but I personally haven't had a stone butch want me to! The most important thing to me really is that I am the bottom, the submissive and the catcher and not expected to do any penetration... it is such a turn off for me, I feel really unnatural doing it!

I am really sick of the attitude that stone femmes are lazy or selfish in bed too... I playfully call myself a pillow princess but the truth is I do plenty in bed... kissing, embracing, sucking off where desired and the most important and significant thing, providing my body for my partner's pleasure... and all the responsiveness I show. That is absolute participation.

And yes stone sex is definitely lesbian sex... two women having sex is lesbian sex, whatever kind of activities they are doing!
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Old 01-03-2014, 06:02 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fatallyblonde View Post
And yes stone sex is definitely lesbian sex... two women having sex is lesbian sex, whatever kind of activities they are doing!
I was wholeheartedly with you until this.

Not all Stones id as lesbian. I don't. Many of our Stone Butches identify as lesbian and many of them do not. Some of them identify as female and/or women and some of them do not, so Stone sex is not always 'two women having sex'.

We're very lucky to have many presentations of our community here. Welcome to the discussion!
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Old 01-03-2014, 08:00 PM   #9
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Hi Gemme... yes I am aware of that! I guess I phrased badly... I didn't mean that all stones are women... or that all stone sex is lesbian sex... but if sex is happening between two people who identify as women it is lesbian sex... which would make stone sex in that situation lesbian sex. is that more clear? sorry guys, didn't mean to erase any identities, I was just focusing on women partners involved in response to the idea expressed that stone sex couldn't be lesbian.

Last edited by fatallyblonde; 01-03-2014 at 08:06 PM. Reason: adding a sentence
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Old 06-15-2017, 12:37 PM   #10
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Its taking me some time to read this thread, so many points to take in, fascinating and thought provoking....
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Old 06-16-2017, 05:38 PM   #11
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Originally Posted by ScandalAndy View Post
Okay, so I'm going to come right out and be blunt about this since I"m confused and need a straight answer about this. I apologize for any discomfort my brevity may cause, but I can assure you I am coming from a place of curiosity and not animosity.


So, a stone butch is one who does not want physical stimulation of their genitals, and a stone femme is someone who receives genital stimulation but does not stimulate their partner genitally. Is this correct?


What if there is a butch or a femme who doesn't want to give or receive stimulation?
I've been confused about this too. Much as I am not the biggest fan of labels in a lot of capacities, I am intrigued by what one would be applicable to me.

I'm femme in appearance. I wear make up and dresses (occasionally but I like to sometimes) and usually stereotypical feminine clothing.
However I'm a top in bed mostly. I don't like receiving oral and don't like being penetrated. Certain types of touch CAN excite me but at the same time they're so few and far between that I can quite easily do without being touched at all and would rather it that way. I'm good with getting my partner off and I am only attracted to butch. I'm the one who always drives, the one who arranges dates etc. I am often intrigued as to what it would be like to be taken out by a butch who is more into doing the traditional butch role... A small part of me thinks I'd like it but It's a very small part and it feels quite alien mostly. I've always done the 'date' thing by arranging, paying and being the one 'in charge of it' if you will. So I'm not a stonefemme by the above definition. I am not sure what I am. A butch in disguise? (I am being lighthearted really but at the same time I would like some input).
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