Question for other femmes...

[introverted1]

Hello, my lovelies...
In my experience, I have found that if I want to get a romance going, I generally have to initiate. I have to be the first person to introduce myself, ask for contact information, express romantic interest, etc.

Do most of you find yourselves initiating romances?

[introverted1]

Butches, feel free to chime in...I'm so curious!

[homoe]

Originally Posted by introverted1

Butches, feel free to chime in...I'm so curious!

I can only speak for myself..so here goes

I often times have had no clue a femme woman was a lesbian! I just 'assumed' she was a straight woman and went about my business.

When I worked at the video store I was lucky in the fact that if they rented some lesbian title that was a bit of a tip off and after that I always looked at them in a different light......it didn't necessarily mean they were gay but at least they were open minded and maybe even curious!

[Bootsandheels]

Originally Posted by introverted1

Hello, my lovelies...
In my experience, I have found that if I want to get a romance going, I generally have to initiate. I have to be the first person to introduce myself, ask for contact information, express romantic interest, etc.

Do most of you find yourselves initiating romances?

In my experience, I think out in the 'real world' this is entirely true that most butches or butch appearing/more masculine presenting lesbian/dyke women may not really have much of a clue especially if you are very feminine and straight looking as I am.

The invisibility cloak as I call it is pretty hard to see through sometimes and I have had butches (usually younger ones especially) tell me as much.

In answer to your question introverted1, YES...I have often had to at least initiate conversation whether it was for friendship interest or more which is not always easy for me because I personally identify as more OFOS but am certainly not rigid on that obviously if I am initiating a convo.

However...I am not shy to say Hi and make new friends and the butches that I have initiated convo with have seem to have been pleasantly surprised or even shocked...LOL. It's so awesome when you catch them off guard and surprise the shit out of them...heehee! It also validates THEM and makes them feel good I think because I SEE them even if they couldn't SEE me!

For me when they realise that I have no personal agenda and I am not a stalker and genuinely just want to make a new friend, it works well. Rarely does it ever turn into mor, but friends first and if I want to chat I jump right in and say Hey!

[Shystonefem]

Ok so.... Today, this butch woman came into my work. She was very polite but not flirty at all. I think it was my eyes - but it's a normal thing for me if I am friendly, my eyes get all friendly .... It was hilarious to see. Suddenly her face lit up and she was laughing and smiling..... Then my straight boss came by and flirted with her. I really thought my boss was going to invite her to the house tonight lol

I don't make the first move but I believe Butches are looking for that.... Or at least some type of sign that you are a femme lesbian. Idk

I feel like if they already know that you are a Femme and they don't ask for your number, etc..... They really aren't that into you.

That is only my perspective, as a Femme

[Clyde]

Speaking for myself, of course, I think there are several things at play: firstly, we are socialized as female (generally), and therefore not generally accustomed to making the first move. Secondly, it can be dangerous to make a move when you are a butch. Lastly, I have no interest in straight women, so yeah, if I assume/think someone is straight, I keep my energy to myself.

Overall, I do think that knowing that the opening is there, so to speak, allows me to feel comfortable expressing interest. No opening, no interest.

[Bootsandheels]

Originally Posted by Shystonefem

Ok so.... Today, this butch woman came into my work. She was very polite but not flirty at all. I think it was my eyes - but it's a normal thing for me if I am friendly, my eyes get all friendly .... It was hilarious to see. Suddenly her face lit up and she was laughing and smiling..... Then my straight boss came by and flirted with her. I really thought my boss was going to invite her to the house tonight lol

I don't make the first move but I believe Butches are looking for that.... Or at least some type of sign that you are a femme lesbian. Idk

I feel like if they already know that you are a Femme and they don't ask for your number, etc..... They really aren't that into you.

That is only my perspective, as a Femme

Thank you Shy, I love those hilarious moments!

I agree with you that a butch who knows you are a femme and doesn't really show any interest beyond being a friend or acquaintance by asking for your number is not that into you.

I do not initiate with everyone...it just really depends on the energy that I pick up on from them.
Very hard to do that here online, but intuition is key for me at least. Yes...I also agree that they do perhaps look for some indication of interest from us.

[akiza]

hum i know i flirt sometimes with butch/stud ^^ but i observe the concerned and i take time to develop a feeling so even if i love her/him/hym i overthink about the declaration so when i'll tell i'm all in ^^ i prefere when the other takes the first step