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Old 05-09-2012, 03:38 PM   #81
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Originally Posted by Sachita View Post
I am open to face to face right away, no doubt and I agree that chemistry goes a long way, however there are so many factors I need to consider when thinking about a partner. I guess the older I get the more I look at the whole picture and approach relationships as total partnerships. I've done the passionate flights of fancy with no foundation and it really doesnt work for me any more.

Before someone comes into my life they need to understand some things about me. I am tired of investing so much time and energy to have it fall apart in a few months. I'd rather take my time, enjoy that person and learn about them. I want them to know that I can sometimes be aloof, distant and that I'm just not your typical woman. They need to understand that i have strong family commitments and how busy I am. If they are needy and demanding emotionally I may not be the right person for them. You learn this through any type of contact, why not learn this before spending money and too much time? I am also a naturally dominant and controlling woman with a strong maternal side. I can tell people this but they just don't get it until they are interacting with me or they may think they know what it means (most are wrong btw) and learn that really I'm not as hardcore as it may seem.

But I would most certainly be open to them flying in and meeting. I'd like at least a few weeks of talking, discovering and seeing if we may be compatible even as friends. In fact I'd love to start all relationships as friends.
Yes, I was speaking about meeting sooner rather than later, not dating sooner rather than later. Meaning, to me the meeting would be about figuring out if you even want to go on a date.
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Old 06-11-2012, 01:03 PM   #82
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I have to agree that it is important to meet sooner rather than later. If you don't, you may spend all this amount of time and energy on something that may not work once you meet. Of course there is always the possibility that even after you meet several times, spend a lot of money, move in together, that it may not work as well, but at least you can say you tried.

LDRs stink but sometimes relationships right in front of your face do as well. lol
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Old 06-11-2012, 03:07 PM   #83
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I've done a few LDR's in my life and they never worked out but it certainly wasn't for a lack of trying on our parts and yes we met but life just gets in the way and things happen. My current partner and I are in different countries, hy is in the States and I am in Canada, we spend alot of time chatting on yahoo and I'm writing hym a letter right now as well (hopefully we'll talk on the phone soon too). We plan on meeting in September at the Reunion and I'm really looking forward to getting to spend that weekend with hym! Its all about communication, spending as much time doing things together as chatting online, texting if you can, skyping also if you can, phone calls, letters etc all of those things will help ~ doesn't make the stupid distance any easier, but it does help to strengthen the relationship and bring both people closer together
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Old 06-11-2012, 04:27 PM   #84
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I have done LDRs before and I have always met within a 2 month period of starting to talk however this time was different. My girl and I started talking and within 2 and half weeks we had to meet we planned it then we were joking around and I got off work earlier and drove the 6 hrs to see her without a plan on where I was staying, what we were going to do or anything.

The minute we both got out of our cars and hugged for the first time I knew and so did she we had finally found what we had been missing.

We TALK on the phone all the time about everything, in the last month we have over 7000+ texts God only knows how many hrs we spend on the phone.

We have had 2 meetings since the 1st one and another 1 coming up soon. We havent worked out a schedule of our meetings yet however we both know that being apart isnt working for us.

We have plans for differnt things for July, August and I think early Sept however I think as long as we keep true to ourselves and our commitment to our love then this LDR is going to work till we make the final move to live together and be a family in the same space.

Communication is the key. Talk about everything NO matter how difficult it is

That is my .02 worth
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Old 06-11-2012, 04:51 PM   #85
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I have done a few LDRs in my life, including one that was transatlantic (highly romantic, but wholly impractical).

I have found that there have to be some key elements for me:

1. Trust. You have to trust each other, just like in any relationship, I suppose.

2. Communication. It is important to me that my girlfriend knows and feels she can say anything to me. And I mean anything.

3. Go slow. I'm highly averse to the UHaul after one really bad experience in my past. I like taking it slow.

4. Always set the next visit before you leave. That way you both know there's a next visit scheduled -- it helps you plan life and it helps with #3.

5. Live like a local. Too often, I think LDR-ers fall into having serial vacations and not a relationship. I find ways to "live like a local" when I am there. Grocery shop together, run errands, walk the dog, take out the trash, cook together. In other words, play house a bit. Don't make it purely about sexual vacations.

Just some bits of advice.

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Old 06-11-2012, 09:09 PM   #86
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I have had a few long distance relationships in my time. That was when I was able to be mobile. I own my own home now and am very close to my family and friends, have my own business and have clubs and hobbies I enjoy here in town. I wont move again. I fell hard in love, twice, with people who lived out west and both wanted me to move to them, and both times, I had to end the romance because I couldnt/wouldnt move. Damn near broke my heart completely. I thought it was awful to have tried a romance and had it fail, but to never get to try one that you are already invested in, to never know if it could have lasted, been "the one", was so much worst...

everyone seems to have covered so much already. I guess the only thing I want to add, is to make sure, that the other person is working just as hard at making things work as you are. I was involved in an LDR where I had to make all the accommodations to make the relationship work. That should have told me how the other person viewed relationships. They had definite committment issues. We werent a match anyways but I was foolish not to pick up on this very important factor. I wanted it to work in the worst way because I was falling so hard for him. So, like Belle said, make sure your heart and your mind are congruent with one another. Dont be lead just by your heart. Make your mind sit up and take notice and make the decisions too...
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Old 06-12-2012, 04:05 PM   #87
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Originally Posted by Miss_Tia View Post
...I had to end the romance because I couldnt/wouldnt move. Damn near broke my heart completely. I thought it was awful to have tried a romance and had it fail, but to never get to try one that you are already invested in, to never know if it could have lasted, been "the one", was so much worst...
This.

That is why I have never been willing to do the LDR thing. My career is here and my life is here. I have no interest in moving. Unless you know you would move, or can be certain the one you have met would move, don't even start a LDR. Why set yourself up for pain?

Good post.
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Old 06-12-2012, 05:33 PM   #88
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Coping with the LDR is tricky. I am a wander. I can just move and add someone to my life a bit too easily. Which is how I ended up in NH and in a giant mess for a few months. However I got lucky. When it didn't work, I had my experienced past of making things work in a variety of places to rely on. I found a few wonderful friends out here to help out and even managed to fall in love again.

And thus begins another LDR. We are lucky our LDR is only 3.5 hours (depending on how fast I drive). And we can both visit each other (although we are heading to hym more often right now). The time apart is hard and drives me nuts. Yet this time it is spot on what we need. The nextfamily change needs to be slow. The LDR makes us take our time (even if it sucks).

So as the grown up I can cope with the LDR and as the lover I work extra hard and love hym more. For understanding we are worth the wait and that it really is right to wait another year. We'll have a long time under our relationship and family belt by the time one of us moves.
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Old 06-15-2012, 12:22 AM   #89
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~i personally think ldr's are next to impossible but for some its perfection.


there always seems to be one that isn't secure with themselves or confident enough in who they are with to have total trust, if you do not have this it just wont work

its very costly and expensive ~ uprooting your life for what ifs

its hard to work and travel all of the time

you spend every moment just wanting to be with them which is gut wrenching and painful



~if you want it to work

work on it together

set boundaries

trust

communication

dont force issues give the person time you're building a level of trust and communication when you're scared from the start due to distance everyone has baggage be respectful and understanding of that

compromise

belief in yourself

belief in the other person

avoid malicious people - do not listen to rumors

by all means follow your heart think with your mind and love with your all

what wasnt a good relationship for one person doesnt mean for the next theyre not your heart

old saying~ one womans trash is another womans treasure

if you love them never give up hope it will work as its meant to be

have faith in your destiny all of lifes journeys are life lessons
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Old 08-13-2012, 07:30 PM   #90
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Old 08-13-2012, 08:24 PM   #91
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Some days better than others... that is how I cope...
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Old 03-31-2018, 04:25 AM   #92
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Well i never thought i would be in an LDR but here i am. For some reason, it doesn’t really feel like an LDR because hy does everything possible to close the distance gap, and so do i. I try to make sure hy knows i am just a text or call away. I am interested in how hys day is going, and i try to let hym know this.

Technology is amazing, but it takes more. It takes being present with each other even when you are not in contact. I appreciate this, as I live alone and sometimes it’s nice to feel you have someone close. Sometimes i feel as life is passing me by, and i don’t want to waste another minute without hym close.

For a RDL couple, we have seen each other a lot, thanks to hym, and nothing feels more right that to take the next step and make it full time. The gaps between visits are definitely getting harder, and that tells me something.

i am glad that we’ve not rushed into, it but we aren’t getting any younger, and i am ready to settle in.

i am such a lucky femme, the luckiest, and i know it. i just hope i can keep hys attention when the fun weekends and courting is over.

i look forward to the day where there is not 2500 miles between us.
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Old 04-19-2021, 04:50 PM   #93
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~~
I'm not sure it qualifies as a LDR but I have someone I'm very fond of that I mostly refer to as My Traveling Companion that lives in Chicago.

We met more than 10 years ago when she was the front desk clerk at a hotel I always stayed at in the Windy City. Over the years we talked and got to know a bit about each other's life. She then invited me & introduced me to new places in and around Chicago.

Before Covid, I could go to visit her and Chicago whenever the mood struck! For the past year we've phoned, written, and planned for when travel is safe once again...
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