Sarcasm, Scathing Witticisms & Uninspiring Quotes - Page 2

amiyesiam · 01-03-2010, 01:36 AM

"You are literally to stupid to insult" from the movie Hangover

hippieflowergirl · 01-06-2010, 09:24 PM

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.”
Oscar Wilde

"He has the attention span of a lightning bolt."
Robert Redford

"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge."
Thomas Brackett Reed

“He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.”
Samuel Johnson

“He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.”
Paul Keating

“He had delusions of adequacy.”
Walter Kerr

“Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?”
Mark Twain

“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.”
Mae West

imperfect_cupcake · 01-13-2010, 04:21 PM

my ex boss, from jamaica (apparently a saying where she grew up):

"It's not my fault you're ugly/fat/skinny/stupid. Take that attitude out of my face."

"too post modern to care." - friend's description and disclaimer

"I am god and you are shit. now fuck off." - drunk on the 73 to dalston.

"quit verbally pissing on me, will you. Catheterise that stench. Jesus wept till you shut UP." - arsey remark from friend to another friend whilst playing pool as chatty gal wouldn't shut up while one person was taking a shot.

reply? "can't help it. your extreme pool moves are making my ureatha twitch. I think your groove is giving me cystitis."

Rook · 01-13-2010, 04:33 PM

The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced.
frank zappa

Love: a temporary insanity, curable by marriage.
ambrose bierce

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar
drew carey

What have you been reading, the Gospel According to St. Bastard?
eddie izzard

hippieflowergirl · 01-14-2010, 10:57 AM

some people are like phones: they like to be held, talked to, and touched often. but push the wrong button and your ass is disconnected!

daisygrrl · 01-14-2010, 11:18 AM

Live or die, but don't poison everything.
--Anne Sexton

And, I have a good mind to memorize and store some of these for later use: <click>

hippieflowergirl · 01-18-2010, 04:08 PM

don't let your mind wander. it's to small to be outside by itself. (kathy griffin)

sweetie, you have your whole life to be a jerk. feel free to take a day off now and then. (me)

purepisces · 01-19-2010, 09:39 AM

I have a "carpe diem" mug and, truthfully, at six in the morning the words do not make me want to seize the day. They make me want to slap a dead poet. ~Joanne Sherman

NJFemmie · 01-19-2010, 09:59 AM

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go. Oscar Wilde

NJFemmie · 01-19-2010, 10:08 AM

Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date.

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.

Oops, you dropped your personality.

Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but you abuse the privilege.

Nice dress. What make is it? Clearance?

You're proof that evolution can go in reverse.

NJFemmie · 01-19-2010, 10:58 AM

I love mankind; it's people I can't stand. (My personal favorite)

Now ye may let the verbal beat downs fly with glorious flair, thou weed ridden urchin-snouted maggot-pie!

"No, if I was being mean, when you opened the door, I would've said, 'Oh, hey, Ray Liotta, is Olivia home?' You see, I thought you were Ray Liotta because your skin has the texture of a decorative autumn squash." --Stewie Griffin

Diva · 01-19-2010, 11:12 AM

They worship the ground that he walks away from.

~Sarcasm Society

NJFemmie · 01-19-2010, 11:15 AM

You're about as useful as a popcorn fart.

Diva · 01-19-2010, 11:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NJFemmie

You're about as useful as a popcorn fart.

Nice tie~in....since it IS National Popcorn Day!

NJFemmie · 01-19-2010, 11:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Diva

Nice tie~in....since it IS National Popcorn Day!

PRECISELY!!

(Sorry, no pic of popcorn farts to be had ... thankfully!)

*lil snort*

Rook · 01-19-2010, 11:32 AM

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MvgN5gCuLac"]YouTube- George Carlin Talks About "Stuff"[/ame]

Rook · 01-19-2010, 11:56 AM

Christ is so cool. He's born, I get presents. He dies, I get candy. ~ Anon

Rook · 01-19-2010, 12:02 PM

Life is a sexually transmitted disease with 100% mortality.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

If you think education is expensive, try ignorance

Here's how Powell should have produced his evidence to the UN: "We're absolutely sure Saddam has weapons of mass destruction because WE SOLD THEM TO HIM! And I have the receipts RIGHT HERE!" (Powell holds up receipts)

Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.

I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got!

C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit.

Inuus · 01-19-2010, 12:18 PM

"If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy." - Damien Harrison

"Satire is great, but for Nazis you use baseball bats and broken bottles." - Woody Allen

"How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?" Bumper Sticker

"Considering my last relationship, I'd rather have the extra rib." - Unknown

"All extremists should be taken out and shot." - Unknown

"The gene pool could use a little chlorine." - Bumper Sticker

"Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an IDIOT!" - Bumper Sticker

NJFemmie · 01-28-2010, 08:47 AM

And which dwarf are you?

I refuse to star in your psychodrama.

I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

Whisper my favorite words: "I'm leaving now."

01-03-2010, 01:36 AM	#21
amiyesiam Senior Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: she/they Relationship Status: single Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: pa Posts: 2,703 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 17,488 Thanked 10,138 Times in 2,161 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	"You are literally to stupid to insult" from the movie Hangover __________________ A year from now you will wish that you started today~Karen Lamb

01-13-2010, 04:33 PM	#24
Rook Senior Member How Do You Identify?: A.G - Stone Butch - GenderFuck Preferred Pronoun?: Hym, Hyz...or, just b respectable, it's not that hard.. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Columbus Posts: 2,280 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,227 Thanked 3,183 Times in 1,287 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced. frank zappa Love: a temporary insanity, curable by marriage. ambrose bierce Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar drew carey What have you been reading, the Gospel According to St. Bastard? eddie izzard __________________

01-14-2010, 11:18 AM	#26
daisygrrl Member How Do You Identify?: mouthy but adorable; kinky Gerbera Preferred Pronoun?: hey, cutie (or dudette) Relationship Status: xoxo Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: The South (Gooogia peach) Posts: 475 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,157 Thanked 531 Times in 226 Posts Rep Power: 1065209	Live or die, but don't poison everything. --Anne Sexton And, I have a good mind to memorize and store some of these for later use: <click> __________________ You can’t change that system by just getting your own rights, tinkering with the engine and leaving. You have to take on the whole machine. --Riki Anne Wilchins Hold on to the lessons, let go of the pain. --Leslie Feinberg

01-19-2010, 09:39 AM	#28
purepisces Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, her Relationship Status: Just a girl in love with the world Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Right here, right now Posts: 604 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,477 Thanked 1,607 Times in 491 Posts Rep Power: 9710904	I have a "carpe diem" mug and, truthfully, at six in the morning the words do not make me want to seize the day. They make me want to slap a dead poet. ~Joanne Sherman __________________ Give thanks for what you are now, and keep fighting for what you want to be tomorrow. ~Fernanda Miramontes-Landeros

01-19-2010, 09:59 AM	#29
NJFemmie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: The original lime-twisted femme Preferred Pronoun?: I answer to most things, especially lesbian. Relationship Status: Still loving my Mare ;) Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: New Jersey Posts: 4,683 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,343 Thanked 11,425 Times in 2,978 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go. Oscar Wilde __________________

01-06-2010, 09:24 PM	#22
hippieflowergirl Member How Do You Identify?: ~ Preferred Pronoun?: ~ Relationship Status: ~ Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: ~ Posts: 424 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 461 Thanked 466 Times in 176 Posts Rep Power: 274205	"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.” Oscar Wilde "He has the attention span of a lightning bolt." Robert Redford "They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge." Thomas Brackett Reed “He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.” Samuel Johnson “He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.” Paul Keating “He had delusions of adequacy.” Walter Kerr “Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?” Mark Twain “His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.” Mae West

01-13-2010, 04:21 PM	#23
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,727 Times in 1,613 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	my ex boss, from jamaica (apparently a saying where she grew up): "It's not my fault you're ugly/fat/skinny/stupid. Take that attitude out of my face." "too post modern to care." - friend's description and disclaimer "I am god and you are shit. now fuck off." - drunk on the 73 to dalston. "quit verbally pissing on me, will you. Catheterise that stench. Jesus wept till you shut UP." - arsey remark from friend to another friend whilst playing pool as chatty gal wouldn't shut up while one person was taking a shot. reply? "can't help it. your extreme pool moves are making my ureatha twitch. I think your groove is giving me cystitis."

01-14-2010, 10:57 AM	#25
hippieflowergirl Member How Do You Identify?: ~ Preferred Pronoun?: ~ Relationship Status: ~ Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: ~ Posts: 424 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 461 Thanked 466 Times in 176 Posts Rep Power: 274205	some people are like phones: they like to be held, talked to, and touched often. but push the wrong button and your ass is disconnected!

01-18-2010, 04:08 PM	#27
hippieflowergirl Member How Do You Identify?: ~ Preferred Pronoun?: ~ Relationship Status: ~ Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: ~ Posts: 424 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 461 Thanked 466 Times in 176 Posts Rep Power: 274205	don't let your mind wander. it's to small to be outside by itself. (kathy griffin) sweetie, you have your whole life to be a jerk. feel free to take a day off now and then. (me)

01-19-2010, 10:08 AM	#30
NJFemmie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: The original lime-twisted femme Preferred Pronoun?: I answer to most things, especially lesbian. Relationship Status: Still loving my Mare ;) Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: New Jersey Posts: 4,683 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,343 Thanked 11,425 Times in 2,978 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date. I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it. Oops, you dropped your personality. Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but you abuse the privilege. Nice dress. What make is it? Clearance? You're proof that evolution can go in reverse. __________________

01-19-2010, 10:58 AM	#31
NJFemmie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: The original lime-twisted femme Preferred Pronoun?: I answer to most things, especially lesbian. Relationship Status: Still loving my Mare ;) Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: New Jersey Posts: 4,683 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,343 Thanked 11,425 Times in 2,978 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	I love mankind; it's people I can't stand. (My personal favorite) Now ye may let the verbal beat downs fly with glorious flair, thou weed ridden urchin-snouted maggot-pie! "No, if I was being mean, when you opened the door, I would've said, 'Oh, hey, Ray Liotta, is Olivia home?' You see, I thought you were Ray Liotta because your skin has the texture of a decorative autumn squash." --Stewie Griffin __________________

01-19-2010, 11:12 AM	#32
Diva Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Diva Preferred Pronoun?: Diva Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Chez Diva Posts: 11,879 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,263 Thanked 17,180 Times in 5,238 Posts Rep Power: 0	They worship the ground that he walks away from. ~Sarcasm Society

01-19-2010, 11:15 AM	#33
NJFemmie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: The original lime-twisted femme Preferred Pronoun?: I answer to most things, especially lesbian. Relationship Status: Still loving my Mare ;) Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: New Jersey Posts: 4,683 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,343 Thanked 11,425 Times in 2,978 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	You're about as useful as a popcorn fart. __________________

01-19-2010, 11:32 AM	#36
Rook Senior Member How Do You Identify?: A.G - Stone Butch - GenderFuck Preferred Pronoun?: Hym, Hyz...or, just b respectable, it's not that hard.. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Columbus Posts: 2,280 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,227 Thanked 3,183 Times in 1,287 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MvgN5gCuLac"]YouTube- George Carlin Talks About "Stuff"[/ame] __________________

01-19-2010, 11:56 AM	#37
Rook Senior Member How Do You Identify?: A.G - Stone Butch - GenderFuck Preferred Pronoun?: Hym, Hyz...or, just b respectable, it's not that hard.. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Columbus Posts: 2,280 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,227 Thanked 3,183 Times in 1,287 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Christ is so cool. He's born, I get presents. He dies, I get candy. ~ Anon __________________

01-19-2010, 12:02 PM	#38
Rook Senior Member How Do You Identify?: A.G - Stone Butch - GenderFuck Preferred Pronoun?: Hym, Hyz...or, just b respectable, it's not that hard.. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Columbus Posts: 2,280 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,227 Thanked 3,183 Times in 1,287 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Life is a sexually transmitted disease with 100% mortality. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film. If you think education is expensive, try ignorance Here's how Powell should have produced his evidence to the UN: "We're absolutely sure Saddam has weapons of mass destruction because WE SOLD THEM TO HIM! And I have the receipts RIGHT HERE!" (Powell holds up receipts) Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery. I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got! C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit. __________________

01-19-2010, 12:18 PM	#39
Inuus Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: She/Her Relationship Status: Single Not Looking Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 265 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 242 Thanked 378 Times in 143 Posts Rep Power: 3733067	"If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy." - Damien Harrison "Satire is great, but for Nazis you use baseball bats and broken bottles." - Woody Allen "How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?" Bumper Sticker "Considering my last relationship, I'd rather have the extra rib." - Unknown "All extremists should be taken out and shot." - Unknown "The gene pool could use a little chlorine." - Bumper Sticker "Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an IDIOT!" - Bumper Sticker __________________ “Kindness and compassion toward all living things is the mark of a civilized society.”- Cesar Chavez

01-28-2010, 08:47 AM	#40
NJFemmie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: The original lime-twisted femme Preferred Pronoun?: I answer to most things, especially lesbian. Relationship Status: Still loving my Mare ;) Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: New Jersey Posts: 4,683 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,343 Thanked 11,425 Times in 2,978 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	And which dwarf are you? I refuse to star in your psychodrama. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality. Whisper my favorite words: "I'm leaving now." __________________