Healthy Weight Loss

[Medusa]

Originally Posted by apretty

So, how do you let go of a part of you that you have spent so long identifying with?

WORD. My answer is: I don't know yet.

The fat girl in me is beloved. On purpose and with vigor. Politically and emotionally. Because I've worked at it for years and because it is a sign that I reject the negativity, body hatred, sexism, beauty-ism, and bag of your basic "fucked up shit" that our Mothers and Fathers and the World has handed to us.

She is proof that I am strong. To be fat in this world requires that. She is proof that I have and will continue to survive. That I reject all of that fuckery.

It is a little unnerving to me that a smaller body will have such huge meaning for me and how I move in the world. I am apprehensive about people violating my personal space. I am apprehensive about receiving more unwanted attention than I already get. I am apprehensive about being more visible.

I feel safe in my fat body. Insulated. Strong. Unrepentant. Audacious. I don't want to stop feeling that way. So I'll have to do more work when I thought my "work" here was done. After all, I climbed the mountain of body shame and staked my blinding pink flag at the top and flipped the giant bird out across the horizon. A big ass "fuck you" to what I had to climb over and through to get there. And now? Im looking out over that valley and seeing more scary work ahead. Harder work maybe. And I'm hearing the echoes of "You'll never be acceptable no matter what size you are".

I am finding it a huge battle to let go of my control issues with food.
My personal stuff centers around not having control for a long time and gaining control by being able to choose (with reckless abandon) what I put in my piehole. Being out of control is being IN control for me.

And now, I feel like I have to give that control over to the part of me who wants to be more conscious, who wants to drive the bus for awhile, who says that being an eating machine is no longer acceptable.
Adult me is telling baby me that it's time to wave goodbye now.

I think I'll still be here when I'm smaller. (not in the thread, but here, in this body) The me who did the work. The me who identified with the fat and made it her own.
The reality is that the work I did is not going to just go away because my ass is smaller. I'll still need to reconnect with my body, I'll just have better tools to do it.

[PinkieLee]

((((Matthew)))))

I'm sorry to hear that you are having problems with your legs & feet. Sometimes, reality has a way of kickin' our own asses and gives you a wake up call that you can no longer ignore! I know for me, it was my feet constantly hurting and being humilated when I couldn't sit comfortably in one of my friend's outdoor chairs. I told myself ENOUGH IS ENOUGH... I am the only one that can change my life. I want to... and I HAVE to!

You mentioned that you really wanted to try out Weight Watchers. I know that it can be pricey, and really isn't an option for you right now. But what you can do is check out Amazon. They have TONS of books, kits & WW tools to get you started where you can track it all yourself... some of the books starting off used at $.01! You can't beat that!!! Just type in Weight Watchers... and almost 3,000 items pop up!

If you want to try out the meetings, call your local chapter to find out prices. In my hometown, it's only like $9.95 a month for unlimited meetings... where you can weigh in, buy supplies and find support.

GOOD LUCK my friend!

[Zimmeh]

Congrats on giving up smoking!

Zimmy

Originally Posted by Scorp

Ok, I'm seriously having a bad moment here...I'm craving Thai food sooooooooooo baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad......And nearby is an awesome place to get just that.....

Last night I was bad and I promised myself I would eat a salad today...Soooo I think I just made up my mind by typing this sentence.

Also note, today is the day I decided to NOT to continue to smoke. I had my last one yesterday at 6 PM....

[Mister Bent]

Originally Posted by Matthew

Good morning everyone!

Well I'm noticing some changes in Myself and honestly, I dont know if I really like them. I'm having a hard time getting on track and over the last couple of days not only do I notice that My feet are swollen, but also My lower legs are getting fatter (the skin is much tighter). I haven't been able to stick to My goal of less pop and such, but I walked across the street to 7-11 this morning and I just couldn't help but feel that things aren't right. My right foot is especially swollen and its not easy to walk, its like 2 times the normal size and I know that isn't good.

I know that I need to change, for My health, and it scares Me to make these changes but I know that they have to happen. I want to go on Weight Watchers and would love to go to meetings but I know that I can't afford it, but the points seem to be working for everyone else so I really wanna give it a try though right now I'm not sure how I can do it. I'm going to start today by going back over all of the pages in this thread and writing down things I wanna try ~ tips, recipes etc which will hopefully start Me down the right path. I'm sick of being fat, sick of feeling sluggish and tired and just plain icky .......... something has to give and I'm no longer going to allow My health to suffer because of Myself.

Matthew, I am sincerely concerned for your well-being right now. The symptoms you are describing in your feet and legs are nothing to take lightly, and I strongly suggest you get to a doctor, or at the very least do some immediate research. This is nothing to take a "wait and see" attitude about. I have some thoughts on what you could do to help yourself right now, but not being a medical professional, I hesitate to do so.

I think it's a really great start that you will go back through this thread and try to glean tips that you think will work for you. Over the past week or so, I've seen you post elsewhere on the site about what you've been eating and I understand what you're saying here about suffering because of yourself. It does seem you've been engaging in a kind of self-sabotage, something I think to which many of us here in this thread can relate. It takes many forms, and food is a common one, you are definitely not alone in that. Please continue to reach out to people in this thread, I think you will find a lot of compassion and support.

I do have one suggestion for you. See if you can calculate what you spend each week at 7-11, I know it is not a cheap place to buy food. Then see what a week of Weight Watchers will cost you. I'm reasonably certain you will find not only that you could trim your 7-11 budget and afford WW, but that the value would greatly surpass anything you can find at 7-11. WW often offers discounted rates, etc. And I'm willing to bet if you went to a local chapter, and stated your case, that they would work with you.

Please look into this, WW offers amazing support and once you see that first good loss, I believe very strongly that you will feel so much better and be your own source of inspiration. Please do this today.

[Zimmeh]

Hey Matt,

Add some probiotic yogurt as a snack. I have found the Chobani brand to have the least amount of calories and sugar. My favorite one is the black cherry and blueberry one. I count how many calories I eat on a daily basis.

I also agree with what Mr. Bent said, you need to see a doctor. When my dad passed, he weighed 365lbs and he suffered from pulmonary adema. This is the scientific name for water around the pericardium sac of the heart.

I'm always here if you want to talk.

Hugs my friend!

Zimmy

Originally Posted by Matthew

Good morning everyone!

Well I'm noticing some changes in Myself and honestly, I dont know if I really like them. I'm having a hard time getting on track and over the last couple of days not only do I notice that My feet are swollen, but also My lower legs are getting fatter (the skin is much tighter). I haven't been able to stick to My goal of less pop and such, but I walked across the street to 7-11 this morning and I just couldn't help but feel that things aren't right. My right foot is especially swollen and its not easy to walk, its like 2 times the normal size and I know that isn't good.

I know that I need to change, for My health, and it scares Me to make these changes but I know that they have to happen. I want to go on Weight Watchers and would love to go to meetings but I know that I can't afford it, but the points seem to be working for everyone else so I really wanna give it a try though right now I'm not sure how I can do it. I'm going to start today by going back over all of the pages in this thread and writing down things I wanna try ~ tips, recipes etc which will hopefully start Me down the right path. I'm sick of being fat, sick of feeling sluggish and tired and just plain icky .......... something has to give and I'm no longer going to allow My health to suffer because of Myself.

I started this morning, by having water flavored with Nestea Singles in pomegranate and blueberry, plus over at 7-11 I bought breakfast ........ they sell packages of apple slices and red grapes there so that was what I had. For Me thats not the type of breakfast I'm used to, if I ever have any ~ I generally don't have anything in the morning and will then eat more than I should at lunchtime. I'm changing that and by having something this morning (the fruit), hopefully that'll be a good beginning. I know that I can come here and have the support of My dearest friends who will keep Me sane and motivated (and give Me virtual kicks in the ass when needed). Thank you so much to everyone here and to this thread for helping Me to keep going ~ I appreciate everything

[Gentle Tiger]

Originally Posted by PinkieLee

That's awesome!

I have a Wii Fit... still in the box. Ugh, we just had to have the thing a couple of years ago, and have still never opened it! We do play the bowling & baseball

I keep hearing about the fun of Wii but my apartment is on the third floor. I don't think those below me would appreciate me wii-ing about (knew made up word - lol).

Originally Posted by PinkieLee

Congratulations on the weight loss! You are doing amazing... keep up the great work!

I LOVE to see that we are still able to enjoy our favorite foods (like pizza). Smarter choices for breakfast & lunch enable us to splurge from time to time so we don't feel deprived... 'cause that's when the binges start (at least for me).

This is my problem, feeling deprived. It's why I have a hard time sticking with the plan to healthier living. I'm constantly saying no. Can't say what I want to say. Can't do what I want to do. Can't eat what I want to eat. I keep myself on short leash as it were. And then periodically, well I lose my mind and eat whatever pops into my brain. The good thing is that I don't eat as much as I used to.

I am really trying to find a way to live a balanced life rather than in a straight jacket.

[Leigh]

Originally Posted by PinkieLee

((((Matthew)))))

I'm sorry to hear that you are having problems with your legs & feet. Sometimes, reality has a way of kickin' our own asses and gives you a wake up call that you can no longer ignore! I know for me, it was my feet constantly hurting and being humilated when I couldn't sit comfortably in one of my friend's outdoor chairs. I told myself ENOUGH IS ENOUGH... I am the only one that can change my life. I want to... and I HAVE to!

You mentioned that you really wanted to try out Weight Watchers. I know that it can be pricey, and really isn't an option for you right now. But what you can do is check out Amazon. They have TONS of books, kits & WW tools to get you started where you can track it all yourself... some of the books starting off used at $.01! You can't beat that!!! Just type in Weight Watchers... and almost 3,000 items pop up!

If you want to try out the meetings, call your local chapter to find out prices. In my hometown, it's only like $9.95 a month for unlimited meetings... where you can weigh in, buy supplies and find support.

GOOD LUCK my friend!

Yes they can be pricey and with being on disability, not getting alot per month would make it hard to join the meetings unless I can call them and see if they have payment plans or something for those of us with limited incomes. I plan on checking out a few of My local stores over the next few weeks to find as many books as I can on Weight Watchers, and even some cookbooks. I am not a good cook but if I have healthy choices and say if I can cook one meal a week, not only will I get better as cooking (will never be a chef tho lol) I can certainly learn some new things.

I will also check out Amazon for books and stuff, thanks for the link hun ~ I appreciate it :-)

[Thinker]

Originally Posted by Anya/Georgia

Lost 1/2 pound. The weird thing about weight loss I learned over my 2-year saga to lose 50 pounds is to never, ever give up (I had kind of forgotten that).

I can totally stick to my eating plan, not lose anything for a couple of weeks (plateau) and then, all of a sudden, start losing again.

I really, really, really, really needed to hear this today.

Thank you.

[JustJo]

Matthew, my friend...as one diabetic to another....when is the last time you had a kidney function test?

Swelling of legs and feet is sometimes a sign of kidney damage or failure...common in diabetics. I'm not a medical professional by any means...but it's one of the signs that my doctors have told me many times over the years is a red flag not to be ignored.

This is seriously not something to take a "wait and see" attitude about. You need your kidneys my friend.

Also, look wayyyyy back at the start of this thread and you'll find a link to a handy points guide from WW....I was using it without being a member way back when. It wasn't perfect, but it was a start....


Oh, wait....found it....here it is... http://www.augustgames.com/weightwatchers.htm

There's also a link back near the beginning for a shortcut to figuring out your WW points....I'll go look for it again, or scroll to the first few pages of my posts in this thread. I'm pretty sure it's there.

In the meantime....hugs to you.

So.....my new eating plan continues....

Breakfast this morning was one slice of whole wheat toast with peanut butter and black coffee, cuz I was running late and had to eat on the run.

Morning snack...greek yogurt and fresh cut fruit salad that I cheated and bought at the supermarket.

Lunch...now...running late still....a giant salad with lettuce, a whole tomato, half a cucumber, 1/2 cup of garbanzo beans (just drained and rinsed out of the can), a handful of black olives for those healthy fats, 1 hard-boiled egg chopped up for a little more protein and dressing made from apple cider vinegar, seasonings and extra virgin olive oil (another of the good fats I'm supposed to eat more of).

I'm crunching....it's huge...and it's yummy.

Afternoon snack will probably be more fruit and some low-fat mozzarella string cheese or maybe some almonds.

Dinner will be broiled steak and a plateful of steamed broccoli and cauliflower.

Before bed snack....who knows....but last nights string cheese and green olives was pretty darn yummy, so there may be a repeat.

[Leigh]

Originally Posted by Mister Bent

Matthew, I am sincerely concerned for your well-being right now. The symptoms you are describing in your feet and legs are nothing to take lightly, and I strongly suggest you get to a doctor, or at the very least do some immediate research. This is nothing to take a "wait and see" attitude about. I have some thoughts on what you could do to help yourself right now, but not being a medical professional, I hesitate to do so.

I think it's a really great start that you will go back through this thread and try to glean tips that you think will work for you. Over the past week or so, I've seen you post elsewhere on the site about what you've been eating and I understand what you're saying here about suffering because of yourself. It does seem you've been engaging in a kind of self-sabotage, something I think to which many of us here in this thread can relate. It takes many forms, and food is a common one, you are definitely not alone in that. Please continue to reach out to people in this thread, I think you will find a lot of compassion and support.

I do have one suggestion for you. See if you can calculate what you spend each week at 7-11, I know it is not a cheap place to buy food. Then see what a week of Weight Watchers will cost you. I'm reasonably certain you will find not only that you could trim your 7-11 budget and afford WW, but that the value would greatly surpass anything you can find at 7-11. WW often offers discounted rates, etc. And I'm willing to bet if you went to a local chapter, and stated your case, that they would work with you.

Please look into this, WW offers amazing support and once you see that first good loss, I believe very strongly that you will feel so much better and be your own source of inspiration. Please do this today.

Your right, its not something to take lightly and I certainly don't but I have been putting things off wayyyyyyy too long and I'm stopping that today. I'm going to calculate the amount I spend at 7-11 pretty soon and then I'll call Weight Watchers and see what they say about discounted rates. I'm going to then call My doctor and see if I can make an appointment with them soon cuz I am certainly concerned about this ........... I'll post a report to everyone when I get the appointment made and what they've told Me.

Originally Posted by ZimmygLrL

Hey Matt,

Add some probiotic yogurt as a snack. I have found the Chobani brand to have the least amount of calories and sugar. My favorite one is the black cherry and blueberry one. I count how many calories I eat on a daily basis.

I also agree with what Mr. Bent said, you need to see a doctor. When my dad passed, he weighed 365lbs and he suffered from pulmonary adema. This is the scientific name for water around the pericardium sac of the heart.

I'm always here if you want to talk.

Hugs my friend!

Zimmy

Yeah it didn't seem right so as I said above, I'm going to call WW and find out about discounted rates and try to go to a meeting, then I'm gonna call My doctor and see if I can make an appointment ......... will report when I know whats going on!

[PinkieLee]

Matthew, please know that none of us are harping on you... we are just really wanting to see you help yourself! Honestly, WW is really not that pricey. The online program is $17.95 per month... and it gives you ever single tool imaginable at your fingertips. Receipes, calculating tools, exercise tips, blogs, weight/activity trackers... EVERYTHING!

Think about this: Daily trips to the 7-11 might only be $2 for soda or a snack a day... but multiplied by 30 days of the month is $60! That's more than enough to pay for WW!

Seriously, check out the WW books on Amazon! You are gonna save a lot more $$ buying them online, than if you were to get them at a local bookstore. Many of the used books start out at A PENNY... you can't beat that!

At some point in our lives, we've all been where you are at ~ either physically or emotionally. We've all been afraid that we will fail... or perhaps that we might succeed. We've become attached to own comfort zones, ways of living AND eating... but there comes a time when YOU have to start the ball rolling. As much as any of us wants to help you my friend, YOU are the only one that can make these changes!

We are all routing for you... and look forward to seeing your healthy journey unfold!

[Scorp]

I had a large garden salad for lunch and put ONE tiny scoop of bowtie pasta salad on the side and one scoop of tuna....I was REALLY looking forward to eating this after getting myself pumped up. I was over the Thai food craving

I get back to my desk and my friend/co-worker comes over just to see me staring off into space asking what's wrong. I was disappointed, really disappointed over a damn salad. Since when??? Well, since I found a damn hair on my bowtie pasta!!!

My co-worker had to convince me to scoop that out because I had to eat something rather than not have lunch. The pasta was off to the side in a neat pile in the corner of the container. It took a while for me to want to eat it and I was grossed out And you bet your ass I took a picture of it to show the café tomorrow. If this were any other day, I would have boxed that shit up and went right back there and said “look what I found” I know they would have instantly took care it by giving me something else and not expecting me to pay for it, but that was beside the point. I also knew that if I stepped back outside I would have ran over to the Thai place. I truly wanted to keep this “salad promise” to myself.

So, I ate the lettuce, grape tomatoes, shredded carrots and soybeans that were situated away from the pasta pile that I removed (with another utensil I may add). I examined that salad up and down as if I had a magnifying glass on the other end of the fork. After a few squeamish mouthfuls I was doing pretty good and was content. I dipped the romaine lettuce into my balsamic vinaigrette dressing in a tiny container on the side and I enjoyed it.

I’m proud of myself keeping my promise to myself and especially to my friend Lisa who talked me into originally getting a salad versus Thai. Come to think of it, I don’t know if I should smack her or hug her….

[*Anya*]

I truly hope you do not feel that everyone is bugging you, as I believe it comes from a place of truly caring, by all of us.

I try not to wear my RN hat when I am on the planet but sometimes I feel I must and this is one of those times.

I am not licensed to diagnose, so therefore, will not attempt to do that. What I will say is that your symptoms do sound serious and can escalate quickly.

I would not make an MD appointment for any time in the distant future. I would, instead, encourage you to be seen by a physician, today or tomorrow, at the latest.

If he/she is unable to give you an appointment quickly, please use urgent care. They will need to both treat the underlying disorder as well as your current symptoms.

Please do so as quickly as possible.

Again, this simply comes from a place of caring about your well-being.

[PinkieLee]

Well despite the lovely Thai food images that Scorpie put into my head, I went home for lunch and fought off the craving for thai noodles. I got home, popped a lean cuisine in the microwave and made myself a big ol' salad with lettuce, tomato, baby carrots, avacado & LIGHT raspberry vinaigrette dressing. Dessert was a handful of strawberries & grapes.

When I walked back into the office, I saw the man unloading his truck with goodies for the office from Sams. Yes, that includes bags of chips, candy & sodas. He motioned me over and said, "don't worry sugar, I got you a present." He hands me another big ass fruit platter and a huge box of 94% fat free kettle corn. Finally, the man gets it

[sweetfemme247]

I have been speaking with matthew, he is trying to get into a doctor today, I told him not to wait.

[*Anya*]

"I had a large garden salad for lunch and put ONE tiny scoop of bowtie pasta salad on the side and one scoop of tuna....I was REALLY looking forward to eating this after getting myself pumped up. I was over the Thai food craving

I get back to my desk and my friend/co-worker comes over just to see me staring off into space asking what's wrong. I was disappointed, really disappointed over a damn salad. Since when??? Well, since I found a damn hair on my bowtie pasta!!! "
*****************************
Oh man, Scorp! Hairs in food or anywhere but on a head (or genitalia, lol), gross me out! It is one of my little, well maybe phobia is a strong word, but truly freaks me if I see it in food.

I totally understand that you needed to eat anyway.

Great job for sticking to your eating plan hair and all!

[Scorp]

You have "the man" well trained dontcha Pinks!?

I'm glad I'm so inspirational in a time of need (dabbing eyes and clenching heart)

PS...If anyone is struggling with being bad (food-wise) just think about the hair...That'll kill the urge...LMAO

Wavin' and have a great afternoon folks!!

Originally Posted by PinkieLee

Well despite the lovely Thai food images that Scorpie put into my head, I went home for lunch and fought off the craving for thai noodles. I got home, popped a lean cuisine in the microwave and made myself a big ol' salad with lettuce, tomato, baby carrots, avacado & LIGHT raspberry vinaigrette dressing. Dessert was a handful of strawberries & grapes.

When I walked back into the office, I saw the man unloading his truck with goodies for the office from Sams. Yes, that includes bags of chips, candy & sodas. He motioned me over and said, "don't worry sugar, I got you a present." He hads me another big ass fruit platter and a huge box of 94% fat free kettle corn. Finally, the man gets it

[Leigh]

Originally Posted by PinkieLee

Matthew, please know that none of us are harping on you... we are just really wanting to see you help yourself! Honestly, WW is really not that pricey. The online program is $17.95 per month... and it gives you ever single tool imaginable at your fingertips. Receipes, calculating tools, exercise tips, blogs, weight/activity trackers... EVERYTHING!

Think about this: Daily trips to the 7-11 might only be $2 for soda or a snack a day... but multiplied by 30 days of the month is $60! That's more than enough to pay for WW!

Seriously, check out the WW books on Amazon! You are gonna save a lot more $$ buying them online, than if you were to get them at a local bookstore. Many of the used books start out at A PENNY... you can't beat that!

At some point in our lives, we've all been where you are at ~ either physically or emotionally. We've all been afraid that we will fail... or perhaps that we might succeed. We've become attached to own comfort zones, ways of living AND eating... but there comes a time when YOU have to start the ball rolling. As much as any of us wants to help you my friend, YOU are the only one that can make these changes!

We are all routing for you... and look forward to seeing your healthy journey unfold!

Here is an update:

I called My primary doctor, who is also My trans doctor and because he only works on Friday's they are booking like two weeks in advance ~ but there is no way they can pencil Me in until October 28th! Thats NOT even close to being acceptable, so I've called a doctor I've seen before in the same strip mall as My parent's floral shop and they receptionist will get back to Me this afternoon. I don't like that I have to wait so I'm currently looking into walk-in clinics that may be in My area and if I have to I will take Myself to one of them and go from there. The nurse at My primary physician's office suggested that I keep this current doctor as My trans doctor but instead find another doctor as My family physician. I am going to do that so that's My next plan of action .......... I had a 500ml of pepsi and stuck it in the fridge, out of sight out of mind and I am currently drinking water as well as I just put 3-4 bottles of water in the fridge to make it cold.

Also I am stopping buying things at 7-11 unless I want the occasional lottery ticket, calling card etc ~ NO more slurpees, certainly no more pop, no more chocolate or anything of the sort. Starting tonight, after supper, I'm going to walk around the block atleast once a day; I'll build that up and then say after a week I'll increase the area and/or time in which I walk every week. More water, LOTS more, much more activities, I'm going to look into a discounted gym membership at the YMCA and have two 5lb weights sitting in the living room that I am going to start using. NO excuses and NO more waiting, this is ridiculous and its time I started looking out for Myself !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

P.S. I want everyone to know that I never once thought of anyone as bugging Me; I see it as friends helping Me out and everyone here has always come from a place of love and concern. I'm doing My best to get in to see a doctor, be it a walk in doctor or the woman who is near My parents flower shop ........... either way I'm working to get this taken care of! Thank you to all of My friends here for being concerned about Me, for the tips and all the help ~ it means alot to Me and I appreciate & love each of you :-)

P.P.S ~ a special thank you goes out to sweetfemme for talking to Me today! Your a bigger support than you may realize, but I'm not going to miss this chance to say the biggest THANK YOU I can find .......... it'll never be good enough to tell you how much I appreciate the support today and always

[Scorp]

Thank you A/G!! I hope I made it clear in that earlier post that I removed that whole pile in one swipe and tossed it in another paper plate! Way out of character to me to eat up anyway....And thanks for pointing out the genital hair OMFG great...just great...

Originally Posted by Anya/Georgia

"I had a large garden salad for lunch and put ONE tiny scoop of bowtie pasta salad on the side and one scoop of tuna....I was REALLY looking forward to eating this after getting myself pumped up. I was over the Thai food craving

I get back to my desk and my friend/co-worker comes over just to see me staring off into space asking what's wrong. I was disappointed, really disappointed over a damn salad. Since when??? Well, since I found a damn hair on my bowtie pasta!!! "
*****************************
Oh man, Scorp! Hairs in food or anywhere but on a head (or genitalia, lol), gross me out! It is one of my little, well maybe phobia is a strong word, but truly freaks me if I see it in food.

I totally understand that you needed to eat anyway.

Great job for sticking to your eating plan hair and all!

[Gentle Tiger]

RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!
TAKE COVER PEOPLE!

I have added as in went back and got more salad to my plate to go with the barracuda I thawed out (caught it myself). Fun to catch and good to eat. And my refrigerator is full of fruits and vegetables for salads and my juicer. There is no Pepsi.

I have got to find that Apocalypse thread that I think Medusa started.