Not wanting to use labels

[Gypsy]

Not wanting to offend anyone, this is a question I've wondered on for a while and since I've never seen it here am feeling safe to ask here.

Why do people join butch/femme groups and then say they don't like labels or don't use labels. In a butch/femme group it is saying up front that it uses labels. I just read one post of how she doesn't use labels and she isn't looking for someone who does...so why would she join a butch/femme group? And I noticed she's belonged to the group for 5 months. It boggles my mind and I hope someone can explain it to me. Thank you!

[IrishAmazon]

I am not a fan of labels, because they have usually been issued by others. I really don’t want someone else issuing me one to put me in a cell, I do understand the reason we use them even though I am opposed to the cell.

I want the freedom to be who ever I am or need to be at that moment in time.

I also appreciate the help that labels give us a start to begin to recognize each other, by the labels we chose for ourselves.

When I initially found this place I knew it was special, I had not identified as femme or butch. Lesbian or queer was my personal view at the time. I did very much enjoy the intelligence that I saw here, the openness and inclusive that was encouraged. And a place to find the vantage points of others minds. I loved the way so many were so open to expressing sometimes very personal experiences or feelings.

My own personal definitions for my self have naturally transitioned over the years I am always in aww of the people that just always known them selves or where they felt at home.

It maybe that that also just enjoy the space or the company that these wonderful souls offer.

What ever her reasons, I know that for myself I would be very gladly want to answer a question that I had caused some one else to wonder about. I think you should ask her, you may open up an avenue for her to explore that she's just never discovered until she had reason to give it words.

[Martina]

I started ID'ing as femme over thirty years ago, and what it means for me has changed. I am not hyper feminine. Nor am I androgynous. Certainly not masculine. Initially it was about who I was most attracted to -- butch women. Over time, it has meant and expressed my identity in various ways. I was always proud of the ID until things started changing a little over ten years ago. I started getting gender policed within the community, by both femmes and butches. I was not performing femme in a feminine enough or queerly femme enough fashion. I was in no way going to change the way I perform gender to meet some changing exterior norm. Not at my age. Hell, I looked and dressed like a bazillion straight women who didn't have their gender expression critiqued. At some point I became less attached to the identity. I was like if this is what it is, it's not me. I know there are all kinds of femmes, but I don't like people making assumptions about me the minute I announce that I am femme. I don't want to explain or educate. For more than twenty years, what femme meant in the culture and what I am were pretty congruent. And then suddenly they weren't. And not because I changed. HB had some great posts about how she is expected to be when she announces she's femme in the States. I detect a little change back in the direction of a wider understanding of femme, but I've already loosened my hold on the ID, and I can't imagine what, at my age, would cause me to re-identify strongly. So, yes, I am femme. Still femme. But I don't fly the flag because what it means to most queer folk is just not me.

[Mel C.]

Labels come with expectations. I don't always want to be defined by how someone else interprets a label. If someone wants to get to know me, they can start a conversation. They can then try to put me in whatever teeny tiny boxes they choose. Why should I put myself into boxes to make it easier for other people?

[Breathless]

I am one too, who dislikes the 'labels' In my opinion, we/ or generally people tend to believe that once they take a label that - that is who they are, but rather what is accurate is that you define the label, it does not define you! Growing, learning, evolving is what true personal success is about- in my opinion. You only get one go at this life, live it like it's yours in your best ever growing changing label of you. Living your life in someone else's definition is a jail sentence.

[A. Spectre]

I may be in the minority, but I don't mind my personal "label" as it were.

I am a Butch, lesbian. I love and adore femme lesbians.

[BullDog]

I definitely identify as Butch. That is why I am here in the first place. Other people have different meanings for butch than I do and that's just fine. Also, for those who have ridiculous pre-conceived notions about butch - like we have to all be good at car mechanics or something - then I just laugh it off. I don't find the "label" or "gender identity" or Butch to be confining at all. Quite the opposite. It is a fine tuning of who I am and is very meaningful to me. I'm also not gender fluid or someone who is constantly changing when it comes to my gender identity and sexuality and I am happy that way.

[girl_dee]

i dont feel that because we joined a BF site, we have to be labeled as anything to please anyone.

[MsTinkerbelly]

Although there are many people here who identify in many different ways, I am a lover of the butch/femme dance, and I am my own brand of femme. I am married to a butch, who does butch as she sees butch to be.

Whether or not you care for labels or the boxes people want to squeeze you into, when you feel that "energy" that compliments your own, then you know why there will always be " the dance".

[*Anya*]

I don't dislike labels at all.

At this site, we identify that we prefer butch/femme. Those are labels aren't they?

Within that circle, many of us define ourselves even further.

I don't begrudge anyone their own specific orientation, gender or attraction. We are attracted to who we are.

I am a lesbian femme and am attracted to butch lesbians.

It just is.

[lisa93]

I'm assuming to avoid being put in a box.