Friends of Bill W.

[LeftWriteFemme]

Originally Posted by Tommi

Wandering down that happy road of destiny, seems like the street signs are flourescent at times, and at others they are jsut burned out and dark. I miss many things on the road, and take time to park at the roadstops and just be. Be in the moment. Be here. Be me. Me on the happy road meeting others that are just there.

For today, I crank the engine, and merge into traffic watching my blindside.

Tommi

You are so very clever! Thank you for everything, for your love and concideration and thank you for reading!

All my love,

the girl

[LeftWriteFemme]

April 28




Perkiomenville

Being actually alive does not feel as good as I imagined the relief of being dead would feel and therefore I have anxiety and dread, or is it disappointment. I feel like a failure when I am in the process of trying and I want to throw the pieces in the air and run. Does this mean I’m weak or does it mean I am frightened? Or is there some heavenly host of other reasons why my crêpe paper soul twists and turns in the breeze of the marketplace? Some part of me was auctioned off and its removal left a psychic scar that even equanimity can not ease. I am all things wonderful and yet there is this flaw, this toe tied thread which holds me back, holds me down with painful accurate precision. I look for the knife with which to cut it all the while wondering if this will turn it into a toe tag or a price tag.








Police your self destruction
*






K-TURNS

I do not believe in a universe that makes complete sense
I often find myself trapped
Because the things I pull into no longer feel firm.

I attempt K-turns in alleys far too narrow for the maneuver
I can’t back myself through the passages I plunged into willingly
My faith doesn’t compute in reverse and I find this disconcerting

I may walk into the face of fire
But find it impossible to turn my back on the flame
Today a one-way faith is fine
As long as I am moving forward.

[LeftWriteFemme]

April 29




Would You Rather a Lamp?

I am a girl filled with expectations. Like a ginger jar filled, stuffed caulker block full, though the filling is the part which is unpredictable; it could be match books, or seashells, acorns or all those pretty capsules. This makes me erratic and sometimes volatile. Are you strong enough or far too sane to stay and help me sort the contents? It’s lonely work without a witness or a spotter. I rather be alone than with you reluctantly, so please try to shuck that husk and remain. Yes, I am sometimes capricious, but I try never to be cruel. I know sometimes you convince yourself that leaving me to my own devices is the wisest of courses, but don’t be fooled; you disappear due to your weakness not strength and the worst part about the price of abandonment is that everyone has to pay it.





Design a window that looks out on your dreams


*



THE SHINY THING

The starling stands with the candy wrapper in its beak
The cellophane flexes in the breeze
Here is my life

I have the shiny thing in my possession , What do I do?
Do I give up my intended tasks to attempt dominance
Or control of the shiny thing?

Do I release this thing of intrigue and beauty
I am drawn to the shimerance and sparkle
But shutter at the price

The world is filled with shiny things
I can enjoy them
But leave them where they lay.

[LeftWriteFemme]

April 30



Jane Street

The space between wanting to live and not wanting to hurt is the alley in which I live. This lane is not as narrow as you might think, in some places there is room for parking on one side. Since I reside here more often than not I have filled it with many of the appliances, which allow me to pretend at life. It doesn’t afford a truly clean or cheerful locale, but there are laughs, sometimes flowers in the spring. Finding my way out of this is tricky. When unlocked I find these are backdoors to commerce and though better than being sold wholesale, retail is not what I was hoping to find as I wrest myself from a confined existence. I have heard of those who drive through plate glass ignoring the structure. I think this is less workable from the back. What is left when I can’t bully or climb? I guess I will have to throw my hands up and pray.






Acknowledge a myth about yourself



*

ROLES

You don’t have to give up playing God
Because it was a bad thing to do.
You have to give it up because it doesn’t work
Said my sponsor in her most gentle voice.

In a world seemingly spinning out of control
You, brave child, stepped up to the plate and took a swing
That is heroic not demonic
But impractical nevertheless

You have to be your own full-time job
Even when it feels like there are other jobs left unfilled
You don’t have to run around finding the feet
To fill those empty shoes

Maybe those empty shoes are just bait for a bad trap
Keep on your journey and you will come to a place where the work
Is being accomplished by a surprising cast of characters
You will be free to stick to the role ahead of you.

[Tommi]

Acknowledge a myth about yourself

I could not fly when high, dry or drunk. In spite of my earthly attempts, my red cape, head to toe leathers, I did feel the pain I cause/d.

[LeftWriteFemme]

Originally Posted by Tommi

Acknowledge a myth about yourself

I could not fly when high, dry or drunk. In spite of my earthly attempts, my red cape, head to toe leathers, I did feel the pain I cause/d.

Not to worry you have so many other talents flying is not necessary!

[LeftWriteFemme]

May 1





Terry Bradshaw

When someone wants to take the easy way out I condemn them for wanting ease and fail to register that they want out. I hear a whine when in fact it’s a cry. A challenge is rarely passed up by the able bodied, but must be foregone by the injured. Carried from the field is no personal victory, not a goal for sure. When I would rather watch than play I need to check for wounds not inflict them. It is not natural for me to sit in the stands, but accusation is never the way to get me on the field. Suit up when I’m whole and hide when I’m not. Absence is a fallback position for the fallen; I have to help myself to get back up.







Recognize friends as art


*

PIGS

Talking to a chrysalis about flight
Is like talking to a fetus about dry land.
Descriptions of future events
And possibility are lost in the translation.

To the uninitiated these realities sound like gibberish
And flight of fancy or foolish dogma
Yet I am drawn to talk of these things
Imagine and describe them.

I am changed by this procedure
I am transformed in the details
When I can accurately depict it
I am taking the stride into living it

I am my own pig
I have taught myself to sing
And have wasted no time at all.

[LeftWriteFemme]

May 2



Reguess

When in my sarcasm I suggested that you ‘guess again’, I realized that you were in fact guessing, guessing about everything, guessing in order to create a process of elimination, a tool on which I now recognize you entirely depend. Guessing as a way of life is a tragedy. I’m not saying that trying to know every last thing in the world is an acceptable alternate goal, but to reach an adult age and not even be able to work your way up to a possible hunch is scary, scarier than even my sarcasm, which at this moment seems interminable, but I’m sure you guessed that.







Make a list of your favorite fingers



*

ON COMING

Anticipation of the approaching traffic consumes.
The tiny spec grows and develops into the arriving vehicle
50 miles per and the rapid succession of the coming
And those leaving eats quickly at my heart.

The pain seers me
Why are these who travel from the direction of my destination
Passing me by?
For miles and miles they appear to be greeters

The breeze created by their passing chaps my face
And questions my goals
How can so many abandon my objective?
But flee they do.

My hunger does not diminish
And I press on
Of course if we all went this way, we might tip the globe
Maybe that’s what they fear.

[LeftWriteFemme]

May 3

Van and I
(Happy cleaning windows)



When the fog clears and I still can’t see, I check my optics and wash my windows. The mundane upkeep hones my pursuit. After the weather and housekeeping concerns are managed, eye exercises are next on the agenda. I have to strengthen my equipment, stay fit or fall prey to vagaries of nearsighted limits or farsighted failings. Myopia is an ever presence danger I must guard against as well. A fixed focus is a death trap. I must learn to track a moving target while I wend onward. Nothing in life is stationary; concentration and a decent line of sight are priceless rudiments. Continual practice with the tools and tactics build my confidence and sharpen wit. Burdens are lightened when I see my goal in stark relief; I can chart my path and make my way. Sobriety means if I can see it I can believe it, so I best go get the Windex.



Lock your doors when you need to, open windows when you can


*

MY SOBER HEART

The heart I have today
Is not the heart I have had all my life
Cells age and are replaced

I slough off what I can no longer use
And rejuvenate with fresh layers
My sobriety is the same.

Past step work is revamped and approached in innovative ways
Yesterdays prayers are replaced with today’s
Today’s meditations will be dispelled by tomorrows

The function remains the same but it is constructed with brand-new work
Service I render is always for my sobriety
But I work to strengthen various quadrants

My heart is not as young as it used to be
And vigorous action remakes it new each day
I rebuild my sober heart continually because forever and today
I have the mind of an alcoholic.

[LeftWriteFemme]

May 4



The Wake Up Call


I wake early and watch the lazy rain fall in slow fat random drops. I view it with silent awe, only part of my recently somnolent mind bewildered. Dawn advances toward me and I register a new concept: snow, it is snow; the sky had been, too dark to allow me to see the white, all I could comprehend was the fall. The lighter the sky becomes the more the precipitation behaves like snowfall. I muse this to my sponsor and she laughed, “Well, we all misname things in the dark, Sweetie, lighten up and give yourself a break.”







Look for the secrets you keep from yourself

*

QUEEN’S COUNTENANCE

I know the 7 P’s of preparation
I set the table for those I know
The unexpected arrive clothed in time and tradition

They seat themselves at the table with the naked
They become mute
We prattle and pose
Rarely glimpsing the goals sitting at the unset seats

What we need to become
Is far from what we are
I can not even call it other

It is within when we make room
And ether when we won’t
I can wait and try
But the juice is deep with the pulp

I get myself in line for the future
And wait for the clothes offered by my guests
I sit the emperor and rise the queen

[LeftWriteFemme]

May 5


With and Without


With my sponsor- Without my drinking buddies

With my Big Book- Without my contrived dogma

With my home group- Without my dysfunctional family

With my step work- Without my mental masturbation

With my sobriety- Without my insanity

With all this I can live Without all that




Appreciate the strength of your neck


*

THE LONG VIEW

The long view requires an enduring embrace of the past
It requires a great love of people
The race and individuals

I cannot see what we do and flee
I can own what happened, what happens and what is to come
If only so I can ratchet improvement into my own behavior

I can see and feel change, cringe if I must, but go on
The horizon is there to set the stage
It hangs long and low

It stands guard for the life there is to live
I will view it
And use it as my gauge

Keeping perspective is the key
I know it for what it is
And that makes me,----me

The short sight and the long view
My open arms hold it all
My sight brings it all into my heart.

[Tommi]

I saw a glimmer of hope on the horizon and drove toward it.

As the journey took me hill and dale, my strength grew.

Darkness fell and I rested till daybreak. I stayed focused.

Low and behold miracles happened as my excursion took me many places..

Hope is always there as I know the horizon is a constant.



5/5/2010

[LeftWriteFemme]

Originally Posted by Tommi

I saw a glimmer of hope on the horizon and drove toward it.

As the journey took me hill and dale, my strength grew.

Darkness fell and I rested till daybreak. I stayed focused.

Low and behold miracles happened as my excursion took me many places..

Hope is always there as I know the horizon is a constant.



5/5/2010

Daddy, thank you! This is beautiful!! love, the girl

[cinderella]

Came on this thread out of curiosity, and am leaving it in awe. I have never in my life written a fan letter...this will be my first, and I'm glad I saved my unabashed accolades and hosanas 'til now.

Sherrie, you have made me smile, touched my heart, and made me cry tears of admiration at the beauty of your words. Your writing is unbelievably inspiring and beautiful. I repeat myself, but I am in such awe of the way you fire my imagination and reach my soul. You are a living poet and writer. I was entralled reading your daily posts, but was thrilled to read the beauty of December 13 - my birthday. A belated but wonderous gift - unbeknowst to you, but a gift nonetheless. Thank you, thank you, for the beauty of your writing. If you haven't been published, you should be. If you have, I want to buy your work - second best to knowing you in person.

Many blessings and strength on your journey. I thank God for you. Now, I return to your writing. I am up to December 17...

[LeftWriteFemme]

Cinderella,

I am so honored by your words. Thank you so much for taking the time to read my posts. I am so gratified that you like them. Yes, these writings are available in book form. What you are reading in the December posts is titled Sober on the Way to Sane As of January 1 you will find a combination of a page from More Sober on the Way to Sane and a page from Lines From My Life all of these can be purchased. If you click on the raincoated guy in my signiture it will take you to my website and if once there you click on the books section you will see many of my books or you can go to amazon to purchase them, just type Sherrie T. or Sherrie Theriault into the search box on their website that should take you to most of the books. If you would like to see my erotica book that can be found by clicking on the pom pom waving girl in my signiture. Thank you for your support and encouragement. I hope you enjoy all that you read!

Very truly,

Sherrie

[cinderella]

You *have* been published! I knew it! A talent like yours could not be overlooked!!

Yes, I would love to, and will, examine your books. I will probably end up buying every one...as for the erotic stuff, being the prude that I am, I think I will pass on those, but I can't wait to read the others.

Again, thank you for sharing your gifts with the world. It's people like you that make life worth while.

Originally Posted by LeftWriteFemme

Cinderella,
I am so honored by your words. Thank you so much for taking the time to read my posts. I am so gratified that you like them. Yes, these writings are available in book form. What you are reading in the December posts is titled Sober on the Way to Sane As of January 1 you will find a combination of a page from More Sober on the Way to Sane and a page from Lines From My Life all of these can be purchased. If you click on the raincoated guy in my signiture it will take you to my website and if once there you click on the books section you will see many of my books or you can go to amazon to purchase them, just type Sherrie T. or Sherrie Theriault into the search box on their website that should take you to most of the books. If you would like to see my erotica book that can be found by clicking on the pom pom waving girl in my signiture. Thank you for your support and encouragement. I hope you enjoy all that you read!

Very truly,

Sherrie

[Tommi]

Originally Posted by LeftWriteFemme

Daddy, thank you! This is beautiful!! love, the girl

Thanks babyluv.

PS>.Wouldn't expect you to be hooked up with someone who can't swim upstream, or couldn't catch a dangling participle.

[LeftWriteFemme]

May 6


Yield Don’t Stop


If I let amazement stop my progress I will become landlocked instead of becoming free. Picture wagon wheels planted in Kansas when the destination had been California. Yes, the plains are great, but if that was not my aim it is a far cry from heaven. Arriving at any haven is tempting; when it crosses to captivating then to captivation, here is where the problem lay. Steps six and seven changed me and this is good. If I allow this to halt me this is disaster. If the wheels fall off the wagon I walk. If I grow too tired to walk I pant with my friends and we carry each other, we don’t stop.







Pickle the pretty fruit from your labors

*


BRATZLOV

If all the world is a narrow bridge,
I must broaden my mind.
If all the doors are closed to the passage of a hallway,
I must exit through the window.

Never again can I stay and shelter
In a small and confining refuge
A womb is a place to come out
It is never a place of return.

I am not to seek overexposure
But I must ever widen the gate
The brave face I show is the gift of a tight world
Owning me for far too long.

Fear is never meant to be larger than life
And the world should never collapse
Around the sweetness of a smile

Today carries us.
Tomorrow draw us.
The world is a bridge.

[LeftWriteFemme]

May 7


Pinocchio as a Girl



I should be painting today instead of reframing the future, an unnecessary and ephemeral job at best. Kind of like lassoing an unborn colt, I try to put a rope around something that cannot get away. Outcome hasn’t much to do with foregone conclusion and wouldn’t I be better mixing colors and wetting brushes than cutting slices from a pie in the sky? But tomorrow seems more spacious than this crowded present and I con myself into believing this is a harmless trip to the fair. I lose my light, my thought, my sight with these thieving sojourns; leaving me to creak around because all that is left is wood.






Nothing gets in the way of something


*

MAIL

I form my query
Fold my mind
And mail it off to God
With a stamp of approval from my sponsor

The questions sent are of no great interest
But the responses are a spellbinding group
What is returned unopened
Is a wide array

The circuitous route taken by some
Is a charm of elucidation
I rub my finger over the intact seals
And marvel at the travels of the wax

I mourn over the defunct gods
And their public relations organizations
Slow is my resolve to pour over the replies
I get easily caught in lackings and shy from true contact

The equations embedded in my heart read the letters
And sing the notes, these songs are just for me
I know them like my name
I turn the envelope and see how old the postmark is

[LeftWriteFemme]

May 8



A Good Ship



Recently my life has taken on a surreal quality. I stand in front of myself as if I were a business to be run or a project to be undertaken. The intensity, uncertainty and drama seem to be on the wane. There are choices to be made and outcomes to be determined, but this is all work and numbers, nothing at risk below the skin. My heart is secure, true love its protector, faith its inborn light. I am docked in safety harbor; the waves may rock me, but my anchor holds me fast.







Follow your lead

*

ALL- BETTER NOW

Mother kissed the booboo
And I wait for the admonition to take effect
Waiting, I count the problems
Like telephone poles on a long journey

What will it be like
The world all- better?
The anticipation nearly breaks me for awhile
Until waiting turns to disbelief.

A chill fills the space
And all- better becomes the cry
My sponsor calls for moderation
And lowering my expectation

The child’s ears ring with the promise to be fulfilled
She cannot give herself over to a world
Where band -aids are not a cure-all
But only a cover for the slow work of internal healing, scars and all.

Sheer survival is not sufficient for the screaming toddler
Heartbreak from injustice calls for more than endurance
But alas, a kiss is all we have.