What Cracked You Up Today?

[Medusa]

Originally Posted by Orema

Hearing that the BeyHive went after Carlos Santana and he had to "clarify" his comments.

Too funny.

Right? The Beyhive is FIERCE! You don't come for Beyonce without starting a war!

[Orema]

Originally Posted by Medusa

Right? The Beyhive is FIERCE! You don't come for Beyonce without starting a war!

True that—they don't even mess around!

I love it.

[Kenna]

My goofball friend and his story about almost lost keys and a story about turning left instead of right and how long he traveled before he realized his mistake. Then stories about how the restaurant-made ham sandwich "had that fake ham that didn't taste like nuthin', it tasted like a bread sandwich"...

He had an eventful day and I had to crack up when he called and asked "When I go over this road, do I get in the left or right lane? I don't remember which one runs out??!!" .... I could tell him if I knew which road he was on. Goofball

[Kenna]

My goofball friend telling his story about Cheez-It farts. Had me rolling in stitches when I said "oh shit" then he corrected me by saying "No! I told you farts!! Cheez-It Farts!!!!"

[Amulette]

[Jesse]

My shower has both a handheld and a fixed shower head. I have been showering lately with the fixed shower head because I needed to soak the other one which I finally got around to today.

So in anticipation of the arrival of my new shower filter I went in the bathroom to test the handheld which had been soaking in vinegar...completely forgetting that it was set for the fixed shower head. So I am bent over the tub holding the handheld, and proceed to turn on the cold water. As soon as I turn on the shower a rush of icy cold water
soaked me from my head to mid back, ahem... from the fixed head! Lmao!
I swear I laughed out loud! My neighbors likely think me insane by now.

[TL1]

I play words with friends with my mom. Which she never wins so her frustration is amusing. I played a word for 90 points. She sends me a text. "What the hell is mikvoth?" (she very rarely cusses so it was funny)

[~ocean]

I heard this new expression this morning on the news they were referring to Carmilla Bowles that she was well navigated in her life style as opposed to being a puttana.lol

[gotoseagrl]

Realizing that my dad's dog barks like crazy every time he puts his jacket on. Separation anxiety much?

[Chad]

I was grocery shopping when a lady walked by me and said "freak" so I looked up at her and she said it again "Greek" she then picked up the Greek yogurt. Haha! That cracked me up.

[Wrang1er]

Last night my sisters, nephew and I went out to the local watering hole. It's a small town place where I stick out like a sore thumb. However, it's laid back and I always have fun there. A band called Big Easy and the Gators were playing and they were giving out beads with a gator on them and I got some. Later in the evening I walk into the restroom and there's a woman who looks at me and says, "Oh you have beads." Then she proceeds to say that she has never had a lesbian experience and lifts her shirt and shows her breasts. It's a rare occasion when I don't know what to say but this was one. I just handed her my beads and went into a stall. I could hear her telling her friend she just had her first "lesbian experience". I wanted to clarify that flashing your breasts to a butch in the bathroom does not qualify as a "lesbian experience" but she was too drunk and plus I think it made her night.

This didn't necessarily crack me up but it did crack up my sisters. I couldn't find a WTF thread!

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by Wrang1er

Last night my sisters, nephew and I went out to the local watering hole. It's a small town place where I stick out like a sore thumb. However, it's laid back and I always have fun there. A band called Big Easy and the Gators were playing and they were giving out beads with a gator on them and I got some. Later in the evening I walk into the restroom and there's a woman who looks at me and says, "Oh you have beads." Then she proceeds to say that she has never had a lesbian experience and lifts her shirt and shows her breasts. It's a rare occasion when I don't know what to say but this was one. I just handed her by beads and went into a stall. I could hear her telling her friend she just had her first "lesbian experience". I wanted to clarify that flashing your breasts to a butch in the bathroom does not qualify as a "lesbian experience" but she was too drunk and plus I think it made her night.

This didn't necessarily crack me up but it did crack up my sisters. I couldn't find a WTF thread!

The zombie thread would qualify for that. Look for the thread with the face in the title. Also, remember to include a zombie face in your post if you do pop in.

That's an awesome story. You made her night, I bet.

[Wrang1er]

Originally Posted by Gemme

The zombie thread would qualify for that. Look for the thread with the face in the title. Also, remember to include a zombie face in your post if you do pop in.

That's an awesome story. You made her night, I bet.

It was definitely a experience! I am not very good at finding specific threads and stumbled onto this one.

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by Wrang1er

It was definitely a experience! I am not very good at finding specific threads and stumbled onto this one.

I'll bump it for you in a few, okay?

[Wrang1er]

Originally Posted by Gemme

I'll bump it for you in a few, okay?

You are too kind!

[A. Spectre]

The greatest restaurant review of all time, as well as cheeky and hell funny!


Le Cinq, Paris: restaurant review

It was supposed to be a joyous trip to one of France’s famous gastro palaces – what could possibly go wrong?

The dining room, deep in the hotel, is a broad space of high ceilings and coving, with thick carpets to muffle the screams. It is decorated in various shades of taupe, biscuit and fuck you. There’s a little gilt here and there, to remind us that this is a room designed for people for whom guilt is unfamiliar. It shouts money much as football fans shout at the ref. There’s a stool for the lady’s handbag. Well, of course there is.

Other things are the stuff of therapy. The canapé we are instructed to eat first is a transparent ball on a spoon. It looks like a Barbie-sized silicone breast implant, and is a “spherification”, a gel globe using a technique perfected by Ferran Adrià at El Bulli about 20 years ago. This one pops in our mouth to release stale air with a tinge of ginger. My companion winces. “It’s like eating a condom that’s been left lying about in a dusty greengrocer’s,” she says.

We hit it again in an amuse-bouche which doesn’t: a halved and refilled passionfruit, the vicious passionfruit supplemented by a watercress purée that tastes only of the plant’s most bitter tones. My lips purse, like a cat’s arse that’s brushed against nettles.

The cheapest of the starters is gratinated onions “in the Parisian style”. We’re told it has the flavour of French onion soup. It makes us yearn for a bowl of French onion soup. It is mostly black, like nightmares, and sticky, like the floor at a teenager’s party.

[Wrang1er]

We were all having dinner and some how the conversation turned to dating. My 72 year old mother said she had no interest unless it was Steve Harvey. She said he could put his shoes under her bed anytime. My ten year old nephew said ewww never say that again!

[Medusa]

A philosophical discussion at work in which someone posited that folks who can't see wouldn't know when to stop wiping.

Thus ensued much conversation (that I will spare all of you from) about how one might know when to stop wiping if you couldn't see.

Folks are creative. I'll say that.

[easygoingfemme]

Originally Posted by Wrang1er

We were all having dinner and some how the conversation turned to dating. My 72 year old mother said she had no interest unless it was Steve Harvey. She said he could put his shoes under her bed anytime. My ten year old nephew said ewww never say that again!

I have very fond memories of my Grandmother saying the same thing about an Elvis impersonator who came to her nursing home ... good times!

[Wrang1er]

Originally Posted by easygoingfemme

I have very fond memories of my Grandmother saying the same thing about an Elvis impersonator who came to her nursing home ... good times!

Lol... That's funny. My mom loves Steve. I introduced her by watching Family Feud and Little Big Shots. The other day she told my sister and I that if she had Steve Harvey we could find them in the last room on the left. Which is her bedroom. I don't know if Steve could handle her.