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Old 09-23-2011, 05:25 PM   #61
little_ms_sunshyne
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I am enjoying reading this thread! Had to jump in...

I dont know if I ever discovered being a femme. I just am if that makes sense? I remember when I first came out I was not familiar with the terms. My two best friends are butches and until now I had no femme friends to be exposed too. I remember asking them what they thought. One of them said "Thats the beauty of our community. You can be whoever or however you want to be. You define you" I had never heard anything more beautiful than that! As time passed, femme just matched who I am inside. It all just fell into place.

If you asked me to define femme I couldnt...
It is so many things.

It is the sway in my step....
The warmth in voice...
The pride in my brow..
The honey in my words...
The passion in each heartbeat...

I am temptress in a corsette...
Sexy in a plain white button up...
Up to no good in a little black dress...
Jean loving on a friday...
Getting dirty when I need to....
Cursing just about everyday...
I AM A FEMME

And to all my fellow Femmes, thank you for being the Femmes that you are! I respect our individuality and love that we can stand together as one!

*Besitos*
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Old 09-23-2011, 06:48 PM   #62
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I knew I was femme when I wouldn't give up my heels and make-up
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Old 09-24-2011, 09:02 AM   #63
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kat_Fl View Post
I knew I was femme when I wouldn't give up my heels and make-up
That made me giggle - I love it!

I could never give up making my own Shampoos, Shower Gels, Body and Facial moisturisers, Hair Conditioners, Perfumes and all the other lotions and potions a Femme 'needs' to pamper herself...... That's like asking me to give up Dark chocolate - it's NOT an option, lol!
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Old 09-24-2011, 10:06 AM   #64
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I can relate. I have never referred to myself as a femme. BUT from my first crush to my first relationship to my last, all butches. Not even a soft butch in there.
I came out at 14 and in the 70s, so butch wasn't the flavor of the day and no internet to find each other. I did always manage to find some mechanic, plumber or the like though. Still nothing like a thick motorcycle riding, independent, boot wearing, blue collar butch. Just sexy.

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but I don't think there was a moment that I said, "Oh I'm a femme"... I've just always been me... lol
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Old 09-24-2011, 10:31 AM   #65
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Still nothing like a thick motorcycle riding, independent, boot wearing, blue collar butch. Just sexy.

**SWOON** You got that right sister!!
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Old 09-24-2011, 09:28 PM   #66
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I will share my own story of "you knew when.." when i get my thoughts together. I am loving this thread....the sharing and bonding with other femmes is fantastical!!!
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Old 10-10-2011, 02:10 AM   #67
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When I first started going to clubs in the late 80's, I encountered en mass flanelette shirts and blunstones (Australian work boots) LOL.... I was even told I was 'in the wrong place love' at women's bars. Well, I was not about to give up my girliness, my make-up, skirts or heels, so I ended up 'in the shadows' so to speak, mostly going to gay bars and drag shows.
When did I first realize I was a femme? Then, and also when I discovered the small b/f scene there was...at 'Pokies' drag show nights LOL
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Old 10-30-2011, 08:26 PM   #68
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I knew that I was a femme, when my neighbor across the street came over and started talking to me. It was crush at first sight...I love wearing my heels when I have the chance and I love my makeup, perfumes and shoe shopping...I also have my days where I will run around in shorts, t-shirts and sneakers. Just depends on my mood..

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Old 01-24-2012, 01:45 AM   #69
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This may sound awful, but...

I realised I was femme when I was 18 and with an abusive partner who didn't want a femme. She was a butch who only dated butches, and after I moved in with her, she started taking away my clothes, my makeup, pressuring me to keep my hair short, getting angry when I hung out with my straight friends... very controlling and nasty, for those and other reasons.

Why was I with her? I was 18 and insecure, of course.

But what I realised was that she was taking away everything that made me feel confident about myself - the way I could express myself physically and not just rely on my manner to speak for who I am. I wanted to present as femme. I didn't feel pretty, confident, attractive or even presentable because, let's face it, I made a pretty crappy butch.

She was just into appearances, she was heterophobic and wanted her girlfriend to be "visibly queer". As it was, she kicked me out at 3am one day and moved her new butch girlfriend in 12 hours later. I started rebuilding myself and reclaiming who I was a short time later, and happily I've never had to look back.
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Old 01-24-2012, 03:11 AM   #70
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I have always been very feminine, but the first time I realized I was femme? Spending time at work with the first Butch I had ever met. ( ok I was sheltered when it came to gay life) I went from perplexed to all twitchy and nervous every time I saw her. Started planning my outfits for work more carefully.

I knew at that time that I was attracted to women but I had never given it much thought. Then I did some online investigating and found out what a strap on was. The birds sang, and the sun rose a little bit brighter. I was like yeah, the best of both worlds, I can do this. *blink* Then every time I saw her I found my self going hmmm, I wonder if she......... That only made me more nervous. LOL. Looking back, yeah I think she does.


I have only been out in the Butch-Femme community. You want a good laugh? Put me in a room full of Lesbians and watch what happens when I "girl" flirts with me. You would think I was a teenager who had never been kissed..... CRAZY.
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Old 01-24-2012, 07:18 AM   #71
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I was in a bookstore in Provincetown, Mass...I was maybe 17 yrs old...I saw a book on a shelf called The Swashbuckler (by Lee Lynch)..on the cover was a woman wearing a black leather jacket, white tee, faded blue jeans and slicked back hair... leaning against a wall. I was instantly drawn..I opened the book to a random page. My eyes fell upon the words: Frenchy had Mercedes against the wall..she slid her hand into Mercedes panties and felt the wetness against the back of her knuckles..."....THAT WAS IT !! I was ABSOLUTELY FEMME !
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Old 01-24-2012, 07:26 AM   #72
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Quote:
Originally Posted by genghisfawn View Post
This may sound awful, but...
I realised I was femme when I was 18 and with an abusive partner who didn't want a femme. She was a butch who only dated butches, and after I moved in with her, she started taking away my clothes, my makeup, pressuring me to keep my hair short, getting angry when I hung out with my straight friends... very controlling and nasty, for those and other reasons.
I had an ex (long long ago) who initially dated me as I was femme and 'prettier' than her ex-bf's new girlfriend, then began to resent the male attention I got. Rather than being angry at them, she instead started trying to change the way I looked! (Bear in mind I was 100% out gay through all of this).

I always wondered how she got on in her next relationship, with a girl who was not only femme, tall and thin, but also blessed with model looks.
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Old 01-24-2012, 11:53 AM   #73
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I came out in the late '90's when I was 16, and living in a suburb of Cincinnati, OH. I didn't really have any real life dyke role models, so must of what I read about queer culture came from the internet. What I read generally regarded butch-femme as an archaic thing that no one really did anymore, and it seemed most dykes dressed in a crunchy, granola kind of way. So that was how I started dressing myself so I would "read gay.". Even so, my friends still made jokes about how "girly" I was- you can't get rid of your natural energy, I guess.

Femme hit me when I was 18. I moved away from that town and went to a liberal arts college that attracted a lot of kids from the SF Bay Area. They knew butch-femme wasn't dead. There was this one girl in particular that caught everyone's eye. She was gorgeous and feminine and everyone wanted her- not me, I wanted to BE her.

Her and I got along quite well, and one night we were hanging out in her dorm room and she told me that there was a whole community of girly dykes out there, and anyone who told you that you were too feminine to be queer was clearly an idiot, so dress however you like.

I reverted back to the dorky kid who watched too many old movies as kid, and started hunting down vintage dresses, cute heels, back-seam stockings. Except I wasn't a kid anymore.

I met my first butch around this time, who loved and embraced my femininity, and who managed to turn me into a giggly mess in a way that no one else had. I knew this was for me.
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Old 01-24-2012, 02:49 PM   #74
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Its been awhile since I have been able to really say that I am femme but I'm at a point in my life where right now I know that I am a female, and even more so, femme. Its taken me three years of self discovery, coming out as FTM and taking a year's worth of male hormones, to see that in the end I was always meant to just be me. I miss everything about just being a femme, and to be honest my year of being on hormones made me learn more about myself than I ever had in my 30 years prior.

I don't regret my decision to take the hormones, as I said above it helped me to learn more about who I am and who I'm meant to be. I wanna be able to go out shopping with my female friends for clothes, shoes, even make-up ~ I wanna buy the pretty clothes and even a purse. There is so much that I have missed, and yet I know that there is alot that will just come naturally to me again and thats how I want it. I hope its okay if I come back into the femme circle - I'm sure it is, just wanna make sure .......... its good to be back home where I belong :-)
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Old 01-25-2012, 10:05 PM   #75
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I've only ever been in b/f relationships but I didn't realize that was unique until my second relationship.

The story:

When I was in college my very butch partner Lauren and I found ourselves at a house party in Santa Cruz. Of course I was wearing an embroidered blue skirt with vintage peep toe heels, a blouse and a cardigan and she was wearing black pinstripe pants, dress shirt, shiny loafers and her fedora. We ran into a friend of mine from high school who was wearing a little black dress, her butch partner was wearing a dress shirt, slacks and a tie.

I remember standing there talking with this lovely couple and then looking around the dirty living room filled with genderqueer boi dykes drinking PBR and wrestling with each other in their cutoff denim shorts, ironic trucker hats and handkerchiefs around their necks and realizing, oh.

We're the weird ones.

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Old 01-25-2012, 10:15 PM   #76
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i love this thread & i did reply to it somewhere a page or two back, but i've been reading through some of the posts this evening & it's interesting to see that femme is not always the same thing from one girl to the next. i like this discovering of definition each femme identifies with. it really is a lovely garden isn't it?
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Old 01-26-2012, 01:03 AM   #77
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I knew I was femme, I was ME, when Bard told me I was beautiful with bed head, rumpled clothing and smeared mascara. Hy tells me every day, and for once, I can believe it
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Old 01-26-2012, 04:27 PM   #78
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And you should Desd because hy's right

We are all beautiful in our own way, and its about time that we celebrate our beauty by being who we are and not being afraid to do so
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Old 01-26-2012, 06:33 PM   #79
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i'm not sure when exactly i started identifying as femme. as long as i can remember, i've always been very femme and queer, and i came out when i was really young, but i didn't have a strong queer community around me. i didn't really know a lot about butch/femme culture or about femme identity until i found my queer disabled poc community/virtual home, a lot of whom are femmes. i've often felt excluded from queer community and disconnected from butch/femme because i have been read as straight for so long (i also used to cover my hair - i'm muslim - and that is a pretty big barrier to being seen as queer unless i'm around other queer muslims). being disabled and dressing differently because of that (no spike heels ) and my faith also left me with the feeling of not being 'femme enough.' anyway, once i found queer disabled poc community who i felt 'saw' me, i knew i was a femme and i started id'ing as femme.

i've always been attracted to butches but i am usually read as straight by them so i've never really been around butches a lot in a flirty/romantic sense, more in an acquaintance/friendship sense...getting to know my partner (we were acquaintances in the queer community/local activism stuff where we lived, and i was usually treated as an ally/straight person, before we started dating) was the first time i really felt 'seen' by a butch. he was like, "duh, i knew you were queer from a mile away."
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Old 04-07-2014, 11:56 PM   #80
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I knew I was a Lesbian when I told my friend at 13 that she's beautiful.

When I was a kid/teenager I always looked for the most Butch looking women when driving through the 'Gayborhood'.

I tried to impress girls and look more like a dyke by dressing the part of butch... which lasted all of 3 months. And then the cargo shorts and oversized tshirts had to go.

I had flings with women who were not Butch... and it was just that flings.

I started dating women that were tomboys. When the L word came out I had a crush on Shane and then even more on the Butches.

Finally in my midtwenties a Butch picked me up and took me home. It was only after several relationships with Butches/AGs/Studs... that I learned what a Femme is.

And I went, 'Oh, I guess I must be a Femme'.


I feel that I am Femme because my main attraction is to Butch and because I am a lesbian.
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