Risen Child

Jesse · 10-29-2010, 01:03 PM

Risen Child

How good it must feel to you to lay on those cool clean sheets you sleep on every night. The warmth against your skin, your conscious cleared…now that you have forgiven yourself for the terrible abuse you handed down to five children.

I wonder why my pain feels so real, and why my life seems so out of control. Why do I hide from the darkness even while the sun is shining brightly? None of this should be happening, right? After all, you have forgiven yourself.

You tell people about your five kids and how we all hate you, and how bad your life is because of us. I wonder why you never tell them the reasons why we all five feel the way we do about you. Would they ponder how you were able to forgive yourself? I know I do.

For years, I thought that time would pass and so would you. Then, perhaps we could all be close…something you have always tried to keep from happening. That dream was shattered earlier this year while the air was still cool with spring when my brother, Joe, left this earth with a broken spirit; a spirit that you broke. Have you managed to forgive yourself for this too?

Single-handedly, you stole the childhood of five precious children, instilling us all with fear, pain, and self-doubt. You beat us all down, and then laughed at us for being broken. You then have the audacity to demand that we forgive you, while you shout that we have ruined your life. As usual, you ask for far too much…forgiveness comes with a price…a price you have not paid. So go ahead, forgive yourself while you lay there on your precious bed of denial.

As for forgiveness, I shall direct it at self where it is appreciated. I forgive myself for trusting you and looking up to you as a child. I forgive myself for treating me in the ways you taught me to treat myself. I forgive myself for spending nearly 40 years of my life trying to forgive a person who has abused me for the entirety of those four decades. I sleep very well now on my bed of acceptance and peace.

Oh and just so you know, I am not broken and worthless. I am a person who has carved my way out of the hell you built for your children. I am strong and intelligent. I have learned to be my own potter, with my own damn wheel and you cannot touch my clay. I sleep very well now on my bed of acceptance and peace.

No, I am not selfish and uncaring and I do believe in forgiveness. I believe forgiveness should go to those who open their hearts and minds, those who actively and responsibly correct their wrong doings. Forgiveness is a waste on those who insist on harming the spirits and lives of others. I have no worries now, but if you ever find yourself concerned about me, just know… I sleep very well now on my bed of acceptance and peace.

Jesse Reichart © 2010

Corkey · 10-29-2010, 01:57 PM

Power to you my Friend!

PinkieLee · 10-29-2010, 02:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Corkey

Power to you my Friend!

My exact thoughts!

Power, peace & acceptance my friend!

Gemme · 10-29-2010, 06:00 PM

From the ashes, yes? Excellent writing, Jesse.

1PlayfulFemme · 11-16-2010, 12:00 AM

It is amazing to find such beauty in such an honest and deep writing. I appreciate the courage, the strength, the very will that you possess. Thank you for writing this. Thank you even more for sharing this.

Jesse · 11-16-2010, 01:13 AM

Plastic people
Here and there
No one’s home
The soul is bare

Wooden friends
Splinter with stress
Tis fakery
In which they dress

Sugary sorts
With flowery lips
Promised hearts
Of lying hips

Beware the void
It’s in the eyes
Seek the soul
Barren of lies
Jesse Reichart ©2008

10-29-2010, 01:03 PM	#1
Jesse Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Transguy Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: single Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Central West Coast of Florida Posts: 5,204 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 34,866 Thanked 17,793 Times in 3,939 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	Risen Child Risen Child How good it must feel to you to lay on those cool clean sheets you sleep on every night. The warmth against your skin, your conscious cleared…now that you have forgiven yourself for the terrible abuse you handed down to five children. I wonder why my pain feels so real, and why my life seems so out of control. Why do I hide from the darkness even while the sun is shining brightly? None of this should be happening, right? After all, you have forgiven yourself. You tell people about your five kids and how we all hate you, and how bad your life is because of us. I wonder why you never tell them the reasons why we all five feel the way we do about you. Would they ponder how you were able to forgive yourself? I know I do. For years, I thought that time would pass and so would you. Then, perhaps we could all be close…something you have always tried to keep from happening. That dream was shattered earlier this year while the air was still cool with spring when my brother, Joe, left this earth with a broken spirit; a spirit that you broke. Have you managed to forgive yourself for this too? Single-handedly, you stole the childhood of five precious children, instilling us all with fear, pain, and self-doubt. You beat us all down, and then laughed at us for being broken. You then have the audacity to demand that we forgive you, while you shout that we have ruined your life. As usual, you ask for far too much…forgiveness comes with a price…a price you have not paid. So go ahead, forgive yourself while you lay there on your precious bed of denial. As for forgiveness, I shall direct it at self where it is appreciated. I forgive myself for trusting you and looking up to you as a child. I forgive myself for treating me in the ways you taught me to treat myself. I forgive myself for spending nearly 40 years of my life trying to forgive a person who has abused me for the entirety of those four decades. I sleep very well now on my bed of acceptance and peace. Oh and just so you know, I am not broken and worthless. I am a person who has carved my way out of the hell you built for your children. I am strong and intelligent. I have learned to be my own potter, with my own damn wheel and you cannot touch my clay. I sleep very well now on my bed of acceptance and peace. No, I am not selfish and uncaring and I do believe in forgiveness. I believe forgiveness should go to those who open their hearts and minds, those who actively and responsibly correct their wrong doings. Forgiveness is a waste on those who insist on harming the spirits and lives of others. I have no worries now, but if you ever find yourself concerned about me, just know… I sleep very well now on my bed of acceptance and peace. Jesse Reichart © 2010 __________________ “You’re so hard on yourself. Take a moment. Sit back. Marvel at your life: at the grief that softened you, at the heartache that widened you, at the suffering that strengthened you. Despite everything, you still grow. Be proud of this.”

10-29-2010, 01:57 PM	#2
Corkey Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Human Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Very Married Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Where I want to be Posts: 8,155 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 47,491 Thanked 29,299 Times in 6,640 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	Power to you my Friend! __________________ "Many proposals have been made to us to adopt your laws, your religion, your manners and your customs. We would be better pleased with beholding the good effects of these doctrines in your own practices, than with hearing you talk about them". ~Old Tassel, Chief of the Tsalagi (Cherokee)

10-29-2010, 06:00 PM	#4
Gemme Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Queer Stone Femme Girl of the Unicorn Variety Preferred Pronoun?: She, as in 'She's a GEM' Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: The roads are narrow here Posts: 36,585 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 182,168 Thanked 108,771 Times in 25,657 Posts Rep Power: 21474887	From the ashes, yes? Excellent writing, Jesse. __________________ Gemme's Journal I'm misunderestimated.

11-16-2010, 01:13 AM	#6
Jesse Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Transguy Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: single Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Central West Coast of Florida Posts: 5,204 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 34,866 Thanked 17,793 Times in 3,939 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	Plastic people Here and there No one’s home The soul is bare Wooden friends Splinter with stress Tis fakery In which they dress Sugary sorts With flowery lips Promised hearts Of lying hips Beware the void It’s in the eyes Seek the soul Barren of lies Jesse Reichart ©2008 __________________ “You’re so hard on yourself. Take a moment. Sit back. Marvel at your life: at the grief that softened you, at the heartache that widened you, at the suffering that strengthened you. Despite everything, you still grow. Be proud of this.”

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11-16-2010, 12:00 AM	#5
1PlayfulFemme Member How Do You Identify?: An Unwitting Thread Derailer! Preferred Pronoun?: She, femme through and through Relationship Status: She is my soul. Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: In a lil sparkle of fairydust Posts: 1,026 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,890 Thanked 2,362 Times in 697 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	It is amazing to find such beauty in such an honest and deep writing. I appreciate the courage, the strength, the very will that you possess. Thank you for writing this. Thank you even more for sharing this.