Bootsandheels...My blogs, and poetry

Bootsandheels · 09-04-2011, 04:11 PM

Hi everyone! I'm a big blogger over on the BF site, and wanted to start getting more involved over here...I hope you will find my stuff interesting and a good read. I have a large fan base over at BF...LOL. I just write from the depths of my femme heart...I hope you will enjoy.

Bootsandheels · 09-04-2011, 04:14 PM

I have finally hit that last layer…the last piece of bonded amalgam between me and my stone butch ex that bonded us together in a way that only we as butches and femmes can become bonded.

It’s truly remarkable to me, this bond…it’s like a metal alloy-two distinct and pure forms of metal being bonded together under incredible heat and force. I would never have known just how strong this bond was until I was forced to undergo the unbonding process over this last year.

Nothing…nothing compares with the bond of a butch and a femme. It is sacred, unique and goes beyond what we can grasp or understand at times.
The quality of this bond far exceeds that of any other relationship we know in my humble opinion. I’ve been married to men twice, had my initial girlfriend experience, and then met my first butch. We were engaged for 5.5 yrs and she never married me, but I was more married to her and more bonded than in any other relationship I have ever known. Not until now…going through the excruciating pain of unbonding have I truly and fully understood this fact.

It was a picture…several actually, of her and her new love…at a dance (of course) that I happened upon online. She looked happy, newly in love, and with someone far tanner, more toned and shorter than me. It felt like a laser had just sliced through me…dividing a part of me from myself…like a limb or an organ. It was so sudden I didn’t even feel the intensity of the pain until later…my heart, body and soul couldn’t quite register what my eyes were seeing. It was a clean amputation, complete with bloodless laser cautery.

There is a phonomena known as “ghost limb” pain…where an amputee can still feel with alarming accuracy the limb that has been amputated-even years afterwards. I believe this will happen less and less that I realise it’s really gone, over and done with, but some of the ghost pain will remain…at least for awhile. This is the price we pay…for that bondedness we so desire and are sometimes blessed and privileged to experience.

In doing my research on the separation of metal alloys, I ran across a thread (at bottom) that describes how there are really only two ways for alloys to be separated; chemically or physically. It was interesting to note that the best suggestion was to just purchase the pure elements, because the other methods took an incredible amount of energy.

I am returning to my purest femme form, no fragments left behind. It’s only in our purest forms as radiant compliments of one another that we can reform a new bond…

To me this is the greatest lesson and one of incredible hope to hang onto.

Boots

http://www.physicsforums.com/showthread.php?t=245677

Lkf 9/2011

Bootsandheels · 09-04-2011, 04:22 PM

It’s been almost exactly a year to the day that I’ve seen my ex.

It was a new moon…the kind that sits like a bright white fingernail crescent in the sky…then perches low on the horizon waiting til dawn to quietly slip away.

A date night…a rare chance for me to go dancing which is something I was born to do, but don’t do often enough anymore.
A once a month women’s dance called a “Hotflash Dance”…where there’s a whole helluva lot more going on than
just a lack of estrogen…

I had just come in with my date, and I saw her cross to my left…going to the bar. I had to do that “Is that really her” thing for a few seconds to ascertain that indeed it was…and what was I going to do about it.

So ya, the choice…to ignore her or to touch her, which in that split second’s maze of time I chose to do …on the sleeve, ever so gently like I used to, to get her attention and then hold it with that look of love I had
only for her. I beamed with love, standing serenely in my femme strength and light that I had worked so hard to achieve over this past year.

As she turned and saw me…her face looked like she was seeing an angelic vision or a ghost-perhaps both. The room, the pulsating music, all disappeared and everything became blurry around us…all we saw was each other’s face and light in our eyes- a ‘movie moment’ that had happened only once before…the day we met 6.5 years ago.

She stood there, about 8-10’ from me…looking at me…mouth open…and finally managed to say…”You look gorgeous… Oh my God…Do you realise it‘s been a year since I‘ve seen you?”
She slowly made her way towards me with off-balance steps-either feigning for dramatic effect or real from the alcohol she had consumed, I wasn’t sure. I think it was a little of both-she always had a comedic side, which I loved, that she would bring out around me, and she always had a problem with alcohol.

We met in AA and both had the same amount of time-4 years.
A year ago last December after picking up her 9 year chip, she picked up a six-pack, and has never looked back.
I looked furtively at her hand that held a beer that she placed on a small table nearby.
As I opened my ‘ballerina arms’ as she called them to embrace her, we slowly moved towards one another once again…a beginning to a dance we both knew so very well.

Her freshly pressed beautiful shirt, her body, her short bleached hair and her cologne…all so familiar and comfortable. With each second that passed I began to melt and mold into her frame , her bones for checkpoints, like magnets no longer able to resist the pull.
We held on for a long time…and I stepped in closer with that one tiny step that I would always take to adjust for my height, for a tighter fit. She squeezed a little tighter, hung on a little longer than I expected.

She always said she could feel my heart beating right through my chest all the way to hers when we hugged, and mine was doing crazy acrobatic flips doubletime. I tried to breathe and slow it down..but it wasn’t possible…breathing…heart rate…all non-negotiable now.
A scene like this had played out not so long ago…in a counseling office.. both of us crying…hanging on to one another for dear life…when the reality hit that our life together was ending. She wouldn’t stop the drinking, I wouldn’t live with it.

Upon re-entry to the world…the room..our surroundings…she bowed her head in embarrassment while slowly pulling away.
I motioned to my date whose back was to us, and the introductions were made. As I watched them, I felt an incredible combination of elation, shock, victory and defeat all at the same time.

And so I danced…with my funky balletic grace, and bringing sexy back femme moves, I danced…I smiled so big and danced so big I WAS the firework in Katy Perry’s song.

I was on a sugar dancing high…my body was on fire, my mind and spirit awhirl with delight as they reconnected with the pulsating beat of my healing heart and reunited my sweet femme soul strutting in her stillettos out on the dance floor…leaving them all going "Ah ah ah…"

[nomedia="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QGJuMBdaqIw"]Katy Perry - Firework - YouTube[/nomedia]
Boots

6/5/2011 lkf

clay · 09-04-2011, 06:57 PM

Hey Boots...I LOVED your work at Dash, so will here as well....good to see you again..and you are awesome!!! Clay

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bootsandheels

Hi everyone! I'm a big blogger over on the BF site, and wanted to start getting more involved over here...I hope you will find my stuff interesting and a good read. I have a large fan base over at BF...LOL. I just write from the depths of my femme heart...I hope you will enjoy.

Bootsandheels · 09-05-2011, 01:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by claybabytwo

Hey Boots...I LOVED your work at Dash, so will here as well....good to see you again..and you are awesome!!! Clay

Hey Clay! Thank you so much for this! What is Dash? Not familiar with that I think-so please fill me in if my work is showing up somewhere I don't know about...? Thanks again for welcoming me and my work here!

clay · 09-05-2011, 08:49 AM

Morning there Boots! You are most welcome. Dash is that "other" site you mentioned (BF). I heard everyone else calling it "Dash" so I do, too! Sorry if I have confused you!! Keep on writing hun!!! LOVE it! Clay

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bootsandheels

Hey Clay! Thank you so much for this! What is Dash? Not familiar with that I think-so please fill me in if my work is showing up somewhere I don't know about...? Thanks again for welcoming me and my work here!

Bootsandheels · 09-05-2011, 01:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by claybabytwo

Morning there Boots! You are most welcome. Dash is that "other" site you mentioned (BF). I heard everyone else calling it "Dash" so I do, too! Sorry if I have confused you!! Keep on writing hun!!! LOVE it! Clay

Ohhhh!!! Ok...THANKS! So funny I've never heard it called that before! Thanks so much for your support and encouragement Clay! Big femme hugs! Have a lovely rest of your weekend!

clay · 09-05-2011, 03:44 PM

Hi Ya Boots: You, again, are very welcome. Or as we said in Hawaii..."mahalo". Yea that was funny..."dash"....
I am having a wonderful long weekend. Keep that pen smoking, dahlink! I am a FAN for life!!!! Clay

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bootsandheels

Ohhhh!!! Ok...THANKS! So funny I've never heard it called that before! Thanks so much for your support and encouragement Clay! Big femme hugs! Have a lovely rest of your weekend!

09-04-2011, 04:11 PM	#1
Bootsandheels Verified How Do You Identify?: Classic Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She/Her Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Where grizzlies roam... Posts: 757 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,916 Thanked 1,858 Times in 395 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	Bootsandheels...My blogs, and poetry Hi everyone! I'm a big blogger over on the BF site, and wanted to start getting more involved over here...I hope you will find my stuff interesting and a good read. I have a large fan base over at BF...LOL. I just write from the depths of my femme heart...I hope you will enjoy. __________________ Boots

09-04-2011, 04:14 PM	#2
Bootsandheels Verified How Do You Identify?: Classic Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She/Her Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Where grizzlies roam... Posts: 757 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,916 Thanked 1,858 Times in 395 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	Femme Unbound I have finally hit that last layer…the last piece of bonded amalgam between me and my stone butch ex that bonded us together in a way that only we as butches and femmes can become bonded. It’s truly remarkable to me, this bond…it’s like a metal alloy-two distinct and pure forms of metal being bonded together under incredible heat and force. I would never have known just how strong this bond was until I was forced to undergo the unbonding process over this last year. Nothing…nothing compares with the bond of a butch and a femme. It is sacred, unique and goes beyond what we can grasp or understand at times. The quality of this bond far exceeds that of any other relationship we know in my humble opinion. I’ve been married to men twice, had my initial girlfriend experience, and then met my first butch. We were engaged for 5.5 yrs and she never married me, but I was more married to her and more bonded than in any other relationship I have ever known. Not until now…going through the excruciating pain of unbonding have I truly and fully understood this fact. It was a picture…several actually, of her and her new love…at a dance (of course) that I happened upon online. She looked happy, newly in love, and with someone far tanner, more toned and shorter than me. It felt like a laser had just sliced through me…dividing a part of me from myself…like a limb or an organ. It was so sudden I didn’t even feel the intensity of the pain until later…my heart, body and soul couldn’t quite register what my eyes were seeing. It was a clean amputation, complete with bloodless laser cautery. There is a phonomena known as “ghost limb” pain…where an amputee can still feel with alarming accuracy the limb that has been amputated-even years afterwards. I believe this will happen less and less that I realise it’s really gone, over and done with, but some of the ghost pain will remain…at least for awhile. This is the price we pay…for that bondedness we so desire and are sometimes blessed and privileged to experience. In doing my research on the separation of metal alloys, I ran across a thread (at bottom) that describes how there are really only two ways for alloys to be separated; chemically or physically. It was interesting to note that the best suggestion was to just purchase the pure elements, because the other methods took an incredible amount of energy. I am returning to my purest femme form, no fragments left behind. It’s only in our purest forms as radiant compliments of one another that we can reform a new bond… To me this is the greatest lesson and one of incredible hope to hang onto. Boots http://www.physicsforums.com/showthread.php?t=245677 Lkf 9/2011 __________________ Boots

09-04-2011, 04:22 PM	#3
Bootsandheels Verified How Do You Identify?: Classic Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She/Her Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Where grizzlies roam... Posts: 757 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,916 Thanked 1,858 Times in 395 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	Femme Reunion (This was written just before the above :) ) It’s been almost exactly a year to the day that I’ve seen my ex. It was a new moon…the kind that sits like a bright white fingernail crescent in the sky…then perches low on the horizon waiting til dawn to quietly slip away. A date night…a rare chance for me to go dancing which is something I was born to do, but don’t do often enough anymore. A once a month women’s dance called a “Hotflash Dance”…where there’s a whole helluva lot more going on than just a lack of estrogen… I had just come in with my date, and I saw her cross to my left…going to the bar. I had to do that “Is that really her” thing for a few seconds to ascertain that indeed it was…and what was I going to do about it. So ya, the choice…to ignore her or to touch her, which in that split second’s maze of time I chose to do …on the sleeve, ever so gently like I used to, to get her attention and then hold it with that look of love I had only for her. I beamed with love, standing serenely in my femme strength and light that I had worked so hard to achieve over this past year. As she turned and saw me…her face looked like she was seeing an angelic vision or a ghost-perhaps both. The room, the pulsating music, all disappeared and everything became blurry around us…all we saw was each other’s face and light in our eyes- a ‘movie moment’ that had happened only once before…the day we met 6.5 years ago. She stood there, about 8-10’ from me…looking at me…mouth open…and finally managed to say…”You look gorgeous… Oh my God…Do you realise it‘s been a year since I‘ve seen you?” She slowly made her way towards me with off-balance steps-either feigning for dramatic effect or real from the alcohol she had consumed, I wasn’t sure. I think it was a little of both-she always had a comedic side, which I loved, that she would bring out around me, and she always had a problem with alcohol. We met in AA and both had the same amount of time-4 years. A year ago last December after picking up her 9 year chip, she picked up a six-pack, and has never looked back. I looked furtively at her hand that held a beer that she placed on a small table nearby. As I opened my ‘ballerina arms’ as she called them to embrace her, we slowly moved towards one another once again…a beginning to a dance we both knew so very well. Her freshly pressed beautiful shirt, her body, her short bleached hair and her cologne…all so familiar and comfortable. With each second that passed I began to melt and mold into her frame , her bones for checkpoints, like magnets no longer able to resist the pull. We held on for a long time…and I stepped in closer with that one tiny step that I would always take to adjust for my height, for a tighter fit. She squeezed a little tighter, hung on a little longer than I expected. She always said she could feel my heart beating right through my chest all the way to hers when we hugged, and mine was doing crazy acrobatic flips doubletime. I tried to breathe and slow it down..but it wasn’t possible…breathing…heart rate…all non-negotiable now. A scene like this had played out not so long ago…in a counseling office.. both of us crying…hanging on to one another for dear life…when the reality hit that our life together was ending. She wouldn’t stop the drinking, I wouldn’t live with it. Upon re-entry to the world…the room..our surroundings…she bowed her head in embarrassment while slowly pulling away. I motioned to my date whose back was to us, and the introductions were made. As I watched them, I felt an incredible combination of elation, shock, victory and defeat all at the same time. And so I danced…with my funky balletic grace, and bringing sexy back femme moves, I danced…I smiled so big and danced so big I WAS the firework in Katy Perry’s song. I was on a sugar dancing high…my body was on fire, my mind and spirit awhirl with delight as they reconnected with the pulsating beat of my healing heart and reunited my sweet femme soul strutting in her stillettos out on the dance floor…leaving them all going "Ah ah ah…" [nomedia="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QGJuMBdaqIw"]Katy Perry - Firework - YouTube[/nomedia] Boots 6/5/2011 lkf __________________ Boots