Stone Butches

[asphaltcowboi]

good morning stones and all who relate in some sort of way... i hope everyone has a great weekend!

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by Gemme

Pre-defined.

If I may....kisses are pre-defined. You know what's going to happen, in general, if you kiss someone. Or do you?

Have you ever been kissed in a way and to the point that your heart flutters and your toes tingle? Have you felt the waves of love or lust eminating off of them though they've barely brushed your lips? Have you been kissed in a dirty back alley, hastily, with their hands twisted in your hair as you were shoved up against the brick wall? Have you spent hours lounging in bed, becoming intimately acquainted with another's lips? Have you expected one type of kiss...perhaps chaste...and been surprised by a lengthy, invasive French kiss? Or vise versa?

Every kiss is different, though it is only a kiss. It's pre-defined. Or is it?

My point is that what seems like putting limitations on intimacy to you is really ensuring that our partners (for the most part) will understand HOW we like to kiss, so to speak.

I see Stone as less of an inhibitor and more of a freeing agent, allowing me to be me and him to be himself, and both of us with the understanding of how we prefer to move within our intimate relationship...and how we like to kiss.

Now that is an analogy I can understand... actually makes sense..

I do think the word itself *stone* may be where I get stuck.. It sounds very solid... this is it, no wavering.. so having realized this is a big help around how I view "stone" ...

Thanks Gemme!

[LostLamb]

Hi there all...Random, these are the two ways I see being 'stone' as well. I'd been a 'lesbian' all my life because I didn't know there were other id's out there. All I know was that thru-out my 'lesbian' life, I was very unhappy about the sexual aspect of my relationships. I've always been extremely attracted to very masculine looking/behaving females, and didn't understand why. My friends would chide me about my taste, and some had the audacity to tell me that if I wanted someone who looked/acted 'like that', I wasn't really gay, and I should get myself a man! I had no comeback because I didn't understand my preference either, and thought maybe there was something wrong with me. But I knew I didn't want a bio-male, that was something I was definately sure about.

It took discovering the butch-femme sites and reading the posts of femmes who felt the way I did, to realize that there was absolutely nothing wrong with me - I had 'sisters'... So now, I am very comfortabe in my skin, and have come to the conclusion that I don't have to explain myself or my preferences to anyone, but most importantly that it is *their* problem, not mine.

Sorry for the long post, and thank you for indulging me.

LostLamb

Originally Posted by Random

Nods...

There are several different ways stone can be taken..

The two that I hear most about are:


Only gives... does not enjoy having certain parts of the body touched in a sexual way...

Only recieves.... does not enjoy touching certain parts of the body in a sexual way..

[sharonsuburbia]

Originally Posted by LostLamb

Hi there all...Random, these are the two ways I see being 'stone' as well. I'd been a 'lesbian' all my life because I didn't know there were other id's out there. All I know was that thru-out my 'lesbian' life, I was very unhappy about the sexual aspect of my relationships. I've always been extremely attracted to very masculine looking/behaving females, and didn't understand why. My friends would chide me about my taste, and some had the audacity to tell me that if I wanted someone who looked/acted 'like that', I wasn't really gay, and I should get myself a man! I had no comeback because I didn't understand my preference either, and thought maybe there was something wrong with me. But I knew I didn't want a bio-male, that was something I was definately sure about.

It took discovering the butch-femme sites and reading the posts of femmes who felt the way I did, to realize that there was absolutely nothing wrong with me - I had 'sisters'... So now, I am very comfortabe in my skin, and have come to the conclusion that I don't have to explain myself or my preferences to anyone, but most importantly that it is *their* problem, not mine.

Sorry for the long post, and thank you for indulging me.

LostLamb

i know what you mean lost - i was vry much the same - taking a femme role was seen as anti feminist . all my life even before i realized and even later when i accepted me being a lesbian i was attracted to butch. in my teens there a very stone butch named mike in the neighborhood. hy always had a femme gal on hys arm, when all my friebds were going ewwwwwwww 0 i wast so ewwww and fantasized about being that girl.

it was disturbing back then but obviously i now understand.

[sharonsuburbia]

Originally Posted by cody

good morning stones and all who relate in some sort of way... i hope everyone has a great weekend!

good morning oops afternoon - enjoy

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by sassy_girl

Now that is an analogy I can understand... actually makes sense..

I do think the word itself *stone* may be where I get stuck.. It sounds very solid... this is it, no wavering.. so having realized this is a big help around how I view "stone" ...

Thanks Gemme!

Glad I could help.

Originally Posted by LostLamb

Hi there all...Random, these are the two ways I see being 'stone' as well. I'd been a 'lesbian' all my life because I didn't know there were other id's out there. All I know was that thru-out my 'lesbian' life, I was very unhappy about the sexual aspect of my relationships. I've always been extremely attracted to very masculine looking/behaving females, and didn't understand why. My friends would chide me about my taste, and some had the audacity to tell me that if I wanted someone who looked/acted 'like that', I wasn't really gay, and I should get myself a man! I had no comeback because I didn't understand my preference either, and thought maybe there was something wrong with me. But I knew I didn't want a bio-male, that was something I was definately sure about.

It took discovering the butch-femme sites and reading the posts of femmes who felt the way I did, to realize that there was absolutely nothing wrong with me - I had 'sisters'... So now, I am very comfortabe in my skin, and have come to the conclusion that I don't have to explain myself or my preferences to anyone, but most importantly that it is *their* problem, not mine.

Sorry for the long post, and thank you for indulging me.

LostLamb

Hi, Lamb, and to the site!

I'm glad you've found yourself and us!

[DomnNC]

Originally Posted by LostLamb

My friends would chide me about my taste, and some had the audacity to tell me that if I wanted someone who looked/acted 'like that', I wasn't really gay, and I should get myself a man!LostLamb

Laughs, I so totally relate to this lamb. I was always told if I wanted a man then I'd find a "real" man.
That's why I don't step a foot into gay bars anymore, screw em, lol. I don't spend my money in establishments where they don't know the term "inclusive".

Welcome to the Planet!

[LostLamb]

Thank you Gemme and DomnNC for the warm welcome.

Originally Posted by DomnNC

Welcome to the Planet!

[morningstar55]

heh Dom.....
some of my friends straight and lesbian ones...... when they learn of my preference on whom I like to date/ feel most attracted too..... they ask
why dont you just date men then.......
and i try to explain but .... its pointless cuz they dont get it or understand.

good post lamb..

[cuddlyfemme]

Originally Posted by morningstar55

heh Dom.....
some of my friends straight and lesbian ones...... when they learn of my preference on whom I like to date/ feel most attracted too..... they ask
why dont you just date men then.......
and i try to explain but .... its pointless cuz they dont get it or understand.

good post lamb..

I've had the same situation where people ask why don't i date a bio guy...i tell them that nobody can make me feel the way a Stone Butch does and leave it at that.

[lipstixgal]

Originally Posted by cuddlyfemme

I've had the same situation where people ask why don't i date a bio guy...i tell them that nobody can make me feel the way a Stone Butch does and leave it at that.

I've never dated a stone butch I wonder what the boundaries are and what they are like to date hmmm interesting!!

[cuddlyfemme]

Originally Posted by lipstixgal

I've never dated a stone butch I wonder what the boundaries are and what they are like to date hmmm interesting!!

I only date Stone's because we understand each other's boundaries. Every person has their own boundaries but to be honest, they all are pretty close to the same

[lipstixgal]

Originally Posted by cuddlyfemme

I only date Stone's because we understand each other's boundaries. Every person has their own boundaries but to be honest, they all are pretty close to the same

REally how is the gay community in SC?? Any stones I wouldn't know where the stone butches are in NJ let alone the regular butches here, its amazing that no one dates each other here..what are the boundaries for stone butches??

[cuddlyfemme]

Originally Posted by lipstixgal

REally how is the gay community in SC?? Any stones I wouldn't know where the stone butches are in NJ let alone the regular butches here, its amazing that no one dates each other here..what are the boundaries for stone butches??

The gay community in SC isn't that great that I've found. As for the boundaries of a Stone Butch, I'd rather one of them tell you...since its their boundaries

[Converse]

Originally Posted by morningstar55

heh Dom.....
some of my friends straight and lesbian ones...... when they learn of my preference on whom I like to date/ feel most attracted too..... they ask
why dont you just date men then.......
and i try to explain but .... its pointless cuz they dont get it or understand.

good post lamb..

Where do you begin to respond to questions like that, or should you even bother? I guess it depends who is asking.

I do recall responding when a couple of men, who after spotting me, yelled out at my grrl ‘whats she got that I haven’t?’ and telling them to bend over so I could show them.

I heard a Femme tell a lesbian who had reacted badly at being told she wasn’t her type explain to her that having sex with her would be like masturbation, and having sex with a man would be like being offered a tic tac when you were starving, but that having sex with a Butch was like a ride on a rollercoaster - where the build up was so intense that it was almost unbearable but the exhilaration of the ride was enough to keep her wanting to get back in line.

One of my favourite responses was years ago, when a Femme, a woman of maturity and incredible grace, was asked by a ‘would be suitor” what he could do to have her consider him- to which she replied “Darling if it were as simple as having surgery, I would of course suggest it, a little snipping would be a small price to pay- however, there is nothing can be done. I’m afraid you must blame your parents for providing you with that defective second chromosome. Now please go and pout elsewhere- you are blocking my view to that incredibly good looking Butch”

[Madeyoulook]

I haven't read all of the posts in depth, only skimmed as there are so many. However, from those I have read I see that being Stone means different things to different people.

I'm Stone and if I listed my ID to include all parts of me, then the ID would be as long as my arm. Being Stone to me is simple and quite black and white. It is related to sex and just means that I don't want to be touched in any feminising way. That isn't to say I don't want to be touched at all, but only in the ways that a man would be touched, or for me to feel that way when being touched.

It's also about trust for me, if I didn't feel comfortable with my partner then there are limits, but isn't that the same with everyone, Stone or none Stone. It's finding our own comfort zones. For example, I have had upper surgery, but prior to that I wouldn't let a partner touch my chest as that reminded me of a female part of me that I hated, now I love it to be touched and anything else for that matter, because I am comfortable with my chest in a way that I never was before.

I find that I gel better in a relationship with a Stone Femme because we seem to understand each in a way that a none Stone does, that isn't to say I wouldn't consider a none Stone relationship, because that is too limiting, but I would hope that she would at least try to understand and learn to accept how I am.

Originally Posted by Gemme

Pre-defined.

If I may....kisses are pre-defined. You know what's going to happen, in general, if you kiss someone. Or do you?

Have you ever been kissed in a way and to the point that your heart flutters and your toes tingle? Have you felt the waves of love or lust eminating off of them though they've barely brushed your lips? Have you been kissed in a dirty back alley, hastily, with their hands twisted in your hair as you were shoved up against the brick wall? Have you spent hours lounging in bed, becoming intimately acquainted with another's lips? Have you expected one type of kiss...perhaps chaste...and been surprised by a lengthy, invasive French kiss? Or vise versa?

Every kiss is different, though it is only a kiss. It's pre-defined. Or is it?

My point is that what seems like putting limitations on intimacy to you is really ensuring that our partners (for the most part) will understand HOW we like to kiss, so to speak.

I see Stone as less of an inhibitor and more of a freeing agent, allowing me to be me and him to be himself, and both of us with the understanding of how we prefer to move within our intimate relationship...and how we like to kiss.

I love this analogy. I don't think there is anything as powerful or as intimate as a kiss, or as revealing either.

Originally Posted by Converse

One of my favourite responses was years ago, when a Femme, a woman of maturity and incredible grace, was asked by a ‘would be suitor” what he could do to have her consider him- to which she replied “Darling if it were as simple as having surgery, I would of course suggest it, a little snipping would be a small price to pay- however, there is nothing can be done. I’m afraid you must blame your parents for providing you with that defective second chromosome. Now please go and pout elsewhere- you are blocking my view to that incredibly good looking Butch”

I loved the dignity in this response.

[cuddlyfemme]

Happy New Year Stones!

[DomnNC]

Happy New Year everyone!

[Bit]

I'm glad I found this thread! Thanks for starting it, morningstar! Hello everyone!

I read this quote to Gryph; it had us both laughing hard.

Originally Posted by Converse

I do recall responding when a couple of men, who after spotting me, yelled out at my grrl ‘whats she got that I haven’t?’ and telling them to bend over so I could show them.

Feelin' rather cocky, were ya there?
~~~~~~~~~~

The reason I choose to partner with Stone Butches has to do with energy. When I am with a Stone Butch--dating or not--there is an energy circuit that completes. Two halves of an energy whole come together and the spark, the flow, is exhilaratingly right. I have been with Butches who are not Stone Butches and the energy circuit has been completely unavailable to me; I have merely talked to Stone Butch friends on the phone and the circuit has completed itself in less than a heartbeat after a friend says "hello." It's the rightness, the knowing that "this is the kind of person I am meant to be with," the fit like a hand in a custom-made glove... it's about life, and knowing how to be together in ways that fit both of us at once.

Sexual boundaries are secondary to that. Yes, my sexual boundaries dovetail with those of Stone Butches--BUT if that energy circuit doesn't complete, the relationship would never work no matter how sexually compatible we might be.

For me personally, the energy circuit often completes with Transmen as well. Quite often I discover later that they had considered themselves Stone Butches before they transitioned. Every once in a while it completes with someone who doesn't identify at all as a Stone Butch; then I usually discover that in the kink world, the person identifies as a Daddy.

Since for me this is much more about the energy of life and living together, about the rightness of simply being in the same space together--rather than about observing sexual boundaries--I think of it not as my sexual preference or orientation but as my gender.

[Nightshade]

With all the formatting I don't know how to clip quotes from your message but YES YES YES!!! This is really what it's about for me too. Stone butch or trans... there's an energy that cannot be created, completed or otherwise experienced with any other. I've spent so many years trying to be straight/bi/lesbian/bi... straight...? and none of it fit entirely. I know without a doubt that I am Femme. Stonefemme if that's the proper term for a woman who's always appreciated being a woman who loves those who's masculinity was born into them but not handed to them by biology or society.

Happy New Year all you wonderful, amazing, potent, strongwilled stones!