Stone Butches

[cuddlyfemme]

I hope the beginning to E/everyone's New Year is starting out well

[AlexHunter]

I've been enjoying reading through this thread. It's inspired me to share my own self-identification, which I hope will be interpreted in a positive, drama-free manner. YMMV, ya know?

I identified as stone butch for many years. The biggest reason I did was because I absolutely hated being touched down there and instead of exploring the convoluted nature of my sexuality, I stuck the label on it and was done. Access denied. No. Touching. There. Ever.

Then, I was with a partner who tore my walls down - I don't mean vaginal ones, but emotional ones. She made me comfortable because I knew she saw me the way I saw myself - a man. To this day, I rarely even remove my clothes during sexual activity, unless we have an immense bond of trust and comfort. I was happy to lie naked with her because I knew I was seen for me.

I do not identify as a transman, though I did seriously consider transition at one point. I say I am genderqueer or transgendered but not transsexual. I see myself as mostly male, but have no desire to surgically or hormonally modify my female body.

I eventually let her go down on me, after several months of being together. I told her exactly what I wanted her to do. She got me off the second time she tried. I really enjoyed it.

I received "flesh head" many times from her after that, though I was usually the "giver" in our sex acts. I don't mind being rubbed, licked, or sucked - in fact, I rather like it with someone I love and would be disappointed if a femme I was with never wanted to do it. In fact, I had a relationship with a femme who was like that. It was fine for a long time, but I started to miss being touched occasionally. It's not a hugely important desire for me, but it's still there.

I don't like being penetrated. I will not let just anyone touch the flesh between my legs. It takes time for me to allow it and I don't want it all the time.

I don't feel comfortable identifying as stone because I feel it is subjective and not entirely true. I sometimes feel I am too stone for those who are not stone but not stone enough for those who are. I don't want to mislead anyone. I say I'm 90% stone and I still feel connected to stone butches and femmes because of my past history.

[boobookitty]

a wonderfully written (IMO) blog post:


http://afemmeinnyc.wordpress.com/201...llar-question/

[Toughy]

I have always said:

sometimes it's a clit and sometimes it's a cock....it all depends on the mind set of those involved..........

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by boobookitty

a wonderfully written (IMO) blog post:


http://afemmeinnyc.wordpress.com/201...llar-question/

Great blog post! Thanks for posting.

[Kerrie]

Originally Posted by morningstar55

.. ahh .. .. i know this.......
and trust me.... as for me........ they can touch me do me.any way they want too.. lol lol .... ok think i just made myself blush.... lol

I am the same way!!!

[rande]

It took a long time for me to know that I wasn't the only one who got their sexual pleasure through pleasing their partner...mental orgasm, exactly.
For years, I thought I was bonkers...then one day I read Stone Butch Blues and wept openly, for the first time in years.

At long last I was able to identify myself as a human being....a living, breathing person....a stone butch.

I think I should have been born male, but it didn't happen. But that isn't what makes me stone.

It's my lack of desire to be touched in certain areas that makes me stone.
For me, its enough to have my partner lay close.....and kissing marathons are amazing too.

[jac]

She and I, we got it going on...

Through healthy conversation; understanding, acceptance and sharing continue to be presented. I am an exceptionally blessed stoner gy to have such a beautiful, loving femme that shares with me and appreciates the stone gy that I am. As a sub and a partner to a stone, my girl respects where I'm coming from and is considerate of things we discussed early on in our relationship. However, I have been aware for some time that something needed to be adressed and permission granted for her to feel that she was not crossing boundaries.

We continue to grow as a couple, as lovers, as a stone with hys femme that loves hym, as a femme with her stone that appreciates and loves the sub that she is... It's a beautiful thing we got going on here.

[twinkletoes]

Hi am new to the planet and have never really been able to put myself into a box or attach myself to a label. To begin with I wished I could to feel more at ease about my sexuality but hey ho, I'm beginning to feel better about just being me Anyway, the point is I've always felt attracted to butch women or ladies that give off masculine energy in someway or another - feminine girls have never done anything for me. Stone butches also attract me but my not identifying as a stone femme.... ah dear, I find ID'ing and labelling all rather confusing and makes me feel I would not be compatible with certain people because of it? I hope this doesn't come across as ignorant or offensive in anyway, I'm a relative newbie to my own sexuality so please forgive my wide eyed-ness about everything

[Kelt]

Originally Posted by twinkletoes

Hi am new to the planet and have never really been able to put myself into a box or attach myself to a label. To begin with I wished I could to feel more at ease about my sexuality but hey ho, I'm beginning to feel better about just being me Anyway, the point is I've always felt attracted to butch women or ladies that give off masculine energy in someway or another - feminine girls have never done anything for me. Stone butches also attract me but my not identifying as a stone femme.... ah dear, I find ID'ing and labelling all rather confusing and makes me feel I would not be compatible with certain people because of it? I hope this doesn't come across as ignorant or offensive in anyway, I'm a relative newbie to my own sexuality so please forgive my wide eyed-ness about everything

Maybe a good starting point would be to find out more about your own sexuality, what your own needs and desires truly are. Then it would be easier to figure out what your ideal match would be. Butches come in about a hundred different configurations, so once you know for sure what you want, you are bound to find it. It is hard when you are just learning all of this to know what you may or may not want. Places like this are great for figuring it out. Just read the related threads, ask all kinds of specific questions, and see what fits.

[jac]

Originally Posted by twinkletoes

Hi am new to the planet and have never really been able to put myself into a box or attach myself to a label. To begin with I wished I could to feel more at ease about my sexuality but hey ho, I'm beginning to feel better about just being me Anyway, the point is I've always felt attracted to butch women or ladies that give off masculine energy in someway or another - feminine girls have never done anything for me. Stone butches also attract me but my not identifying as a stone femme.... ah dear, I find ID'ing and labelling all rather confusing and makes me feel I would not be compatible with certain people because of it? I hope this doesn't come across as ignorant or offensive in anyway, I'm a relative newbie to my own sexuality so please forgive my wide eyed-ness about everything

it's okay that you don't ID as a stone femme. myself, I am a stone gy but my girl doesn't label as a stone femme. there are no set rules for the combo of relationships. it is what works for you and the person you choose to be with.

as kelt said take time to learn about yourself and to learn about the type of person you are attracted to. read read read. the planet has so many threads to learn from... enjoy yourself and welcome. and yes, ask questions...

[QueenofSmirks]

Originally Posted by Kelt

Maybe a good starting point would be to find out more about your own sexuality, what your own needs and desires truly are. Then it would be easier to figure out what your ideal match would be. Butches come in about a hundred different configurations, so once you know for sure what you want, you are bound to find it. It is hard when you are just learning all of this to know what you may or may not want. Places like this are great for figuring it out. Just read the related threads, ask all kinds of specific questions, and see what fits.

Eh... I'm not sure I agree with this. You state that butches come in a hundred different configurations, yet, I think it suggests that if you figure out what you like, then you figure out which label goes with those likes, then you go looking for that label, and you'll find what you're looking for.

With the thousands of threads about gender identity - and many of us have stated we do not, or will not, fit into any one label - I don't think that formula actually works. I think it brushes over the fact that one label can be defined in a thousand different ways by different people. I would hate for anyone to look strictly for a "stone butch", when there is a "queer butch" or some other label out there that would be a perfect match for them.

I think labels are useful for us to interpret how people perceive themselves, but because we all have different ideas of what each label means, I'm not sure we should put 100% stock into them.

[*Anya*]

Originally Posted by Kelt

Maybe a good starting point would be to find out more about your own sexuality, what your own needs and desires truly are. Then it would be easier to figure out what your ideal match would be.

I agree completely with this statement.

I am clearly not butch so I hope it is OK to post here but I think this is an important statement.

I don't think Kelt is talking about labels at all. When we first come out, we may be vaguely aware of who, what and when, we may be attracted to; especially when we are young.

It takes time with reading as well as dating, to hone into what our our true sexual attraction and desires may be.

I find that I am still learning about what mine are and I have been out for some 30+ years.

It is a process and can't be rushed. It just has to happen organically.

I don't think labels have a bit to do with desire. They just make it easier to find those that share our deepest, darkest desires and needs. They may also change over time. What I wanted and needed at age 25 is quite different than my wants and needs of today.

[twinkletoes]

Just been reading through the comments people have kindly left thanks so much for the encouragement and advice. I guess sexuality is a very fluid thing that's constantly developing. I've just always seen the lesbian world as a bit of a complex minefield of strict labels and dos and donts but clearly this is not always the case and my inexperience with it all shows at times.

[spritzerJ]

Originally Posted by twinkletoes

Just been reading through the comments people have kindly left thanks so much for the encouragement and advice. I guess sexuality is a very fluid thing that's constantly developing. I've just always seen the lesbian world as a bit of a complex minefield of strict labels and dos and donts but clearly this is not always the case and my inexperience with it all shows at times.

Your experiences are just as they should be to get you where you are now! I was right in the what is stone butch question land not too long ago. And what does it mean to desire what I desire and what label do I put on that.

So grateful that sexuality is fluid. For me that makes it very exciting and interesting.