For those for whom Mother's Day is not a Good Day

[ruthie14]

I have a very hard time with Mother's day. I was never able to have any children of my own and My stepchildren no longer talk to me , even though I raised them when NO one else wanted them. If it wasn't for my own mother I would just hybernate for the day. As it approaches, I get increasingly depressed and weepy.

Here's to all of us who for whatever reason, have a hard time with mother's day. This is the place to vent, gripe, cry, and to comfort.

Peace,
Ruthie

[Miss Scarlett]

(((((ruthie14)))))

Thanks for this thread.

The only problem I have with Mother's Day is that my Mom isn't here. She died in March 2007. Because her birthday is towards the end of the month we seldom celebrated Mother's Day on the actual day. So I won't really miss celebrating with her this Sunday. Rather it will be over the next 2 Sundays.

I'll go out to the Cemetery but that's not the same and it really sucks.

I will honor my Stepmother and Shelia's mom but it's still not the same.

[ruthie14]

((((Miss Scarlett)))) It does suck. Noone can take the place of your Mom in your heart. Hopefully those in your life can make it a little easier for you.

Ruthie

[Blaze]

As miss Scarlett expressed, Thank you Ruthie for making this thread.
I find it a tad difficult myself to be happy on Mothers day. My Mother passed away 1998. It's harder for me because she buried in Hawaii. I cannot rely on my brothers to take flower to the cemetery for me. So in stead I have to light a candle in remembrance of her and all the laughter and joy she had invested in me. She was my best friend as an adult and the best mentor one could ask for as a child.
Sometimes I feel sad because as the years go by, it's harder for me to remember her scent, her laughter, her mischievous smile, and her loving hugs. Her memory lives on, but her memory image in my mind is fading...
To all the Mothers out there. Bless you...

[NJFemmie]

Mother's Day used to be hard for me - but now, it's just any other day.
My mother died when I was young, so it's been quite a long time - I still light a candle, or acknowledge her in some way. I try not to think too much about it, because amazingly enough, it can still make me cry.

[Diva]

Mother's Day for me is bittersweet.

I lost my Mom in 1999, just before Christmas. And, while I miss her terribly, she was very ill, and her death was a blessing for her sweet, pure spirit.

And many of You know that I lost my oldest child, Melody Claire, in 1996. She was 16. The phrase 'miss her terribly' doesn't even begin to cover it.
It is a unique kind of torture that I don't wish on any mother.

But what makes this day tolerable for me is that I have another ~ amazingly wonderful ~ daughter who will be moving to Austin next week! She will be here the day after Mother's Day, and I have to say that I believe this year's Mother's Day will be the best I have experienced in quite a long while!!!

I'm grateful and blessed to have been touched by the two who have gone on and by the one who remains.

:rose:

[Andrew, Jr.]

I am not sure of what I feel on Mother's Day.

I have no connection with my bio-mother. It is more of a superficial relationship than anything at all. She is just a woman with children who gave up her children a very long time ago. I have no respect for her at all because of that.

Now my Grandmother has been gone a number of years. She was my mother by all accounts and purposes. She is the one who raised me. She was the one who fought for me when everyone else failed me. I feel her loss each and every day. Not just on Mother's Day.

My sister who died, at the age of 50 from skin cancer, has 2 boys. They try to forget Mother's Day. For them it is another day of heartache, but it is getting better (thank God).

For those who have a loving, accepting, and wonderful mother, I hope you have a fabulous day!


:danceparty:

[Jett]

It's still pretty hard to think about, especially in the month of Mothers Day and her Birthday.

R.I.P. Mom... May. 18, 1940 - Feb. 28, 2008... you are missed terribly.

[Guy]

I lost my Mom on November 15, 2008.

I could have never imagined my life without her unconditional love, trust, unselfishness, support, advice and her beautiful smile that always lit up the room.

Instead of getting easier it just gets harder, I miss her terribly.

[suebee]

I live next door to my parents, but I treat them more like elderly neighbors than parents. That's how I manage to live so close and get along reasonably well with them. I feel like a bit of a hypocrite "celebrating" Mother's Day, because my mother was not a very good mother. But it would hurt her if there was no recognition, so I get a small gift and wish her a Happy Mother's Day. No big deal, and no hard feelings. Sometimes ya just gotta know when to bend a little.

[Gemme]

My mother died a few years ago and, as sad as it may seem to say, it was a blessing. Her mental and physical health had been declining for many years but, honestly, it also took a weight off of my shoulders. I liked her as a person and could see that she did the best she could for me, but there was no connection beyond that (due to many, many circumstances), and playing along with the loving mother/daughter facade had become draining on my spirit and soul.

I do think of her on Mother's Day, acknowledge her efforts, and wish her the happiness wherever she is that she couldn't find on this Earth.

[Apocalipstic]

My mother died in 1976 and I miss her still. It is difficult to see commercials and all the flurry around Mother's Day.

[TickledPink]

Thanks for starting this thread. Hugs for you!!

I miss my mother terribly. No one can replace that kind of unique spirit, and, I believe it lives on; through my sister, my nephews, me and anyone she touched while her physical being was here.

I don't have children either, but, I do have a wonderful SON dog!

[cinderella]

The one great love of my life - my mom, passed in 1996. Tho she did not approve of my lifestyle, she did love me completely - this I know.

There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of her...she is still very much a part of me and my daily life. Sadly, Mother's Day, Christmas, Easter, and all the holidays have lost their joy for me - life in general has dimmed for me, as she was the light of my life. It's just not the same world without her.

As Diva said above, to say I miss her terribly, doesn't begin to express my loss and pain. She was my idol, my mentor, and a very strong woman of values and morals. She taught me to be the strong woman I am today - thank you mom.

[ruthie14]

Thanks for sharing everyone. I'm sure there are those on the planet who will appriciate your stories and realize that they are not alone.

[WingsOnFire]

{{{{{{{{{{Ruthie}}}}}}}}}} I remember last year's Mothers day and how hard it was for you.... I am here for you sweetie if you need me.....

I lost my mother 1 month after I graduated highschool. I was devastated... I cant wait to go back to florida and visit the ocean where her ashes were strewn.

[katzietootle]

first year without my mum during nana's day...(sigh)

[Jet]

My mother was found dead of unknown causes in 2001. I think of her often.

[Kimbo]

As someone who gave a child up for adoption, Mothers day has always been a good/bad day. My son and i reunited when he was 18.

So as you move, as you fly, think of me watching
the river go by
I'm no good at saying goodbye
so hello from the river and I
You're so far away making a life of your own
I'm amazed by what you've done
You're so far away in a world I'll never know
I'm amazed by you my son
So as you move, as you fly, think of me
watching the river go by
I'm no good at saying goodbye

[Sunny]

Ruthie I want to thank you for starting this thread.
My Mother passed away on June 6th 2000. Mother's Day is hard for me because it is in your face. Everywhere you go you can cannot avoid seeing the ads to celebrate. My Mother was not perfect. She had alot of issues that she had to deal with. However, she was a good Woman. She had a great sense of humor, intelligent, caring and she never put herself first before her children. Whenever I was upset as a child, she would hug me and I would lay my head on her lap and she would stroke my hair tell me everything would be ok.
When she passed away I was at her bedside. She had a stroke and she did not come around after that. She lasted one day. I remember the nurse told me that she was passing. At my Mother's bedside, I told her to go into the light that Grandma and Grandpa were waiting for her. I told her that twice and each time she let go a little. Then I promised her I would see her in Heaven and she passed from her body. This experience I will never forget for as long as I live.
Thanks for letting me share. I honor my Mother for the gifts she gave me. Sunny

[evolveme]

Synchronistic, maybe, that I accidentally clicked the BFP thumbnail on Google Chrome and saw this thread had been started. I'd just completed an obituary and vital record search on my mother from one set of sites (something I do from time to time) and was about to try others, because I don't know where-or-if she is. (I've a feeling that she isn't.) And occasionally, like tonight, the thought of her rises up in me, and I feel an absence like a chasm. Like a space I cannot breach or bridge. That no kind of knowing will mend. It isn't that I wish to be in her life, or to have her in mine (I know that I cannot), but I suffer an ache at the idea of not knowing when she will die.

Here is something I've written about this process:

Already Haunted

I wonder when she dies
if I will know--
whether an absence will open in me,
a void shaped by her past or departing
energies--
or if anyone will know to write me.

Whether she will have left mad instructions
scrawled on a yellow legal pad
like the year of her other almost suicide:
36 hours before they found her,
naked,
unconscious,
the Comfort Inn.

How she'd signed over her car title to someone,
wanted me to have her antique pieces
and two framed and matted cross-stitched angels
(how she loved them),

but more likely now:
an angry, cursing letter,
a reminder how like my father I am--
a distortion: calling me his name, her mother's name,
someone else long dead--

or nothing at all

no phone call
no notice
no cold breath
no sense of her gone

only the still present question of her,
of whether and when
she'll finally and for the last time
just leave me.

jjordanavritt ©

[ruthie14]

(((evolveme))) May you find peace.

[Lillie]

I do not celebrate this day for anyone in particular. My own mother (aka egg doner) abandoned me and my 2 siblings when I was 16 months old. My father raised us and of course remarried 2 more times. I never called anyone MOTHER my entire life. I am 42. I was told by my family (after I came out) that I was a lesbian because I sought a "woman" influence!..this has infuriated me for many years. I am lesbian because it is how I was born..period end of story. I am the mother of 2 and because of them I had to recognize this day for them. When they were younger I appreciated all the handmade cards the schools assist them in making and the ones they made on their own. I am a mother because of them. I am a woman because of my father!..he was the one who was there through all my doubts..through all my troubles and held me when I cried for her..I am shaped as a woman by many of the woman I have met in my life. I had an amazing grandmother who was a strong independant stubborn woman!..I believe I am most like her. I was shaped by my older sister..who was not a strong woman and who allowed people to walk all over her because she sought the guidance of a woman who never came back for her. I side stepped alot of trouble because I watched the torment my sister went through. I am alot like my aunt barbara, she is an amazing woman who has survived (as did I) a death of a child..only not allowing it to break her spirit but allowed her to love more deeply the children god left for her!..I am like my kindergarten teacher..Ms nathan..who snuck me raisin bran cereal and oreo cookies because she always thought I was to tiny!..I am like my first RN who was an absolute bitch but told me "you will never like me, but you will always remember everything I teach you"..holy shit was she right on!..I am like my meemy..she was a woman who did everything she ever wanted to do in her life..she lived to the age of 90 and had only one regret..her and I could no longer go to saturday morning movies together!..

Soo..I have always believed I am most like the woman who have walked in and out of my life. I love woman who are strong, powerful in love, independant, stubborn, compassionate and who love themselves for it. So on sunday I celebrate THEM..all of them.


BUT on fathers day I celebrate the ONE and ONLY man other then my son who has my heart!..because without him..I would not be the woman I am today!..I love you dad!..and thank you for being you!

lillie

[cinderella]

e, my heart goes out to you. I am so sorry you had to live this...

Synchronistic, maybe, that I accidentally clicked the BFP thumbnail on Google Chrome and saw this thread had been started. I'd just completed an obituary and vital record search on my mother from one set of sites (something I do from time to time) and was about to try others, because I don't know where-or-if she is. (I've a feeling that she isn't.) And occasionally, like tonight, the thought of her rises up in me, and I feel an absence like a chasm. Like a space I cannot breach or bridge. That no kind of knowing will mend. It isn't that I wish to be in her life, or to have her in mine (I know that I cannot), but I suffer an ache at the idea of not knowing when she will die.

Here is something I've written about this process:

Already Haunted

I wonder when she dies
if I will know--
whether an absence will open in me,
a void shaped by her past or departing
energies--
or if anyone will know to write me.

Whether she will have left mad instructions
scrawled on a yellow legal pad
like the year of her other almost suicide:
36 hours before they found her,
naked,
unconscious,
the Comfort Inn.

How she'd signed over her car title to someone,
wanted me to have her antique pieces
and two framed and matted cross-stitched angels
(how she loved them),

but more likely now:
an angry, cursing letter,
a reminder how like my father I am--
a distortion: calling me his name, her mother's name,
someone else long dead--

or nothing at all

no phone call
no notice
no cold breath
no sense of her gone

only the still present question of her,
of whether and when
she'll finally and for the last time
just leave me.

jjordanavritt ©

[ruthie14]

I work in a daycare.. today .. lots of pregnant mommies. Difficult for me to see most days but around now, really really hard to deal with. :wtf:

[Lady Pamela]

My mom transended exactly 3 years ago today...Mothers day is very beautiful because of my children and also because my motther sooo dearly cherrished it..but due to her passing so close to it it has added a sadness for sure.

Today is simply a hard day.

[ruthie14]

((((Lady Pamela))))

[Oiler41]

I don't really get too down on Mother's day anymore, but I do get reflective. I lost mom in July of 2007 after a very short bout with cancer (7 weeks diagnosis to death).

There are certainly things in my life that I wish she was here to share with me, and some that I'm glad she didn't live to see; For that first year, I felt a lot like an orphan having lost my dad in 1985 and really feeling like there was nowhere to call home.

But these days, I hear a song, see a bird, hold something of hers in my hand, or see a gift she gave me over the years and my thoughts drift back to a different time when she was still here. She wasn't perfect, but then again, none of us are. When she was dying, we talked about how she raised us. She said "Well, they don't give you a book about how to raise kids when you have them; you just have to do the best you can with what you have". I told her then that she had done well in raising us.

I do miss her still; some days more than others. She comes to visit fairly regularly,,those who know me know what I mean. My thoughts to all who struggle with the loss of their mother or the absence of her in your lives.

Glynn

[Unndunn]

This will be the first Mother's Day without my mother and it's been bothering me quite a bit. My dad died in 2007 and then my mother died Aug. 11, 2009. The thing that bothers me the most is that ads for Mother's Day are everywhere. You can't escape them by reading the news, watching tv or even driving in your car. It has made me think a lot about how difficult it all must make it for young children who have lost their mothers. I'm an adult and I'm struggling. To be quite honest, I'll be happy when Mother's Day is over.

[ruthie14]

((((unndunn))))))

[Cowboi]

My Momma died March 3, 1993. Mothers day always makes me sad.

To my Momma, The Yellow Rose of Texas!!! I miss you!
Love always, your little Tomboi!

[ToXiC]

has become just another day to me. I have not spoken to my bio-mom for almost 3.5 years. She was the best person she knew how to be as we grew up. She was 15 when she got pregnant and honestly I think she blamed me for her missing out on her teen years etc, There was always some type of issue regarding me with her. I left home at 15 and moved in with my Paternal Grandparents. That was to me my mom & dad. I have lost them both due to cancer and various other medical stuff. I miss my Grandma really bad, some days are good some days are bad - However I know she was sick and is in a far better place. This Mother's day will not be a day for me to remember a woman who simply gave birth to me (my bio-mom) But I will think back on all the wonderful things my Grandma said, did and taught me throughout our time together.
Her advice to me was always " Chin up and chest out" Gawd I used to cringe and roll my eyes at her only for us to both laugh.
She assisted my fetish with Boy George - bought me the clothes only to tell me " You know someday you are going to act like him" --- Go Figure Gram! *LOL*

When I told her I was into women, that I was gay and and not going to be the typical grand-daughter many would expect me to be.... She stood by me...hugged me and told me she loved me.... Then again as I look back she lit 2 cig's and was smoking them both she was so nervous. LOL I would go get my hair cut and she would call the hair lady and tell her " Dont let her cut her hair that short again, leave the curls" - I had to sit her down and calmly explain - Gram I am 30 - I want to cut my hair my way (which I did) but she still called....LOL

I wish I could call her and say hello or what a wonderful women I think she truly is - Then again, I wish I could call her and wish her a Happy Mother's Day on Sunday - I cant obviously but I can and will remember our times.

So Happy Mothers Day to anyone out there who is deserving of a title such as Mother.

Remember anyone can have a child - but it takes a real lady in my opinion to be a Mother.

[ruthie14]

((((Cowboi))))) (((((Toxic)))))))

[Miss Scarlett]

The other day I bought 2 Mother's Day cards. One for Shelia's mother and one for my stepmother. I cannot express how difficult it was to buy the one for my stepmother. I could not bring myself to get her anything mushy or cute but I wanted to acknowledge her somehow. It says "Wishing you a wonderful and happy Mother's Day."

My Mom would have expected this from me out of respect to my stepmother but that did not make it any easier.

Still I felt guilty, like I was betraying Mom or something.

I'm not going to the cemetery this weekend. I will go next weekend. We always celebrated Mother's Day and Mom's birthday on the weekend between the two dates.

[ruthie14]

(((Miss Scarlett))))

Going out to try to take my mind off things. Keep myself busy. This will be a hard day... Mother's day is everywhere... and I always seem hyperaware of kids and moms and pregnant women in particular. They seem to come out of the woodwork.

Will keep us all in my prayers for Strength and peace. :vigil:

[Glenn]

[QUOTE=ruthie14;98451][COLOR="DarkOrchid"][SIZE="3"][FONT="Comic Sans MS"]I have a very hard time with Mother's day. I was never able to have any children of my own and My stepchildren no longer talk to me , even though I raised them when NO one else wanted them. If it wasn't for my own mother I would just hybernate for the day. As it approaches, I get increasingly depressed and weepy.



Dear Ruthie; I visited my mother nearly everyday in her old age and helped take care of her in her last days, often doing what the nurses would'nt. My ex-wife complained about it but all I said to her was "She is my mother, she brought me in the world and did her best with the little she had to take care of me, and now I'm going to help take care of her!" And that is what I did, and what we all should for good mothers/stepmothers if we could. Anything less is shameful and anyone who does otherwise I have no respect for.

[ruthie14]

Thanks for the support Popcorninthesofa !

As far as your ex not understanding about your desire to take care of your mother, I'm sure that is one of the reasons she is your ex. That would have made me crazy. My mother and I just bought a house together.. she makes me crazy.. but I wouldn't want her alone as she is getting older.

[BornBronson]

I really don't know if Mother's Day is a good day or a bad day for me,yet.It certainly is a strange day for me,I will give it that.

My mother is dead,and when that date on the calendar rolls around I usually take a walk out to the family cemetery and stay there for an hour or so.Just remembering all the memories we shared together,the good and bad.I had her remains cremated and brought her ashes here to be laid next to her father and mother.When I dug a hole what now seems like three very long years ago I knew what I was burying was not my mother..but,well,ash.There are others I have 'laid to rest' in that cemetery,and when Mother's Day comes around for them,I will see flowers and stuffed animals left behind from their visiting family members.I gave those sort of things to my mother while she was living.

[ruthie14]

How is everyone doing?

I'm not doing too badly. A friend sent me a lovely thinking of you card. Mom is out getting a mani and pedi, so good for a little while. She loved the rosebush I got her for mother's day.

On the flip side, Mom brought up memories of my sisters boy when he was a baby. That was hard to hear and keep smiling. I don't think she thinks before she speaks sometimes. Checked my email and nothing from the my stepkids. No texts, no card, no phone call. I just don't exist for them anymore. I feel very empty and sad. Forgotten. All the years of love, nuturing and sacrifice, and I am forgotten.

[Strappie]

(((((HUGS))))) to all the people that don't have mom's to thank and love today!!

But your mom is in your heart and soul, never forget that!!

[ruthie14]

Thanks God this day is almost over. Just got back from dinner with mom. I love her, but it is difficult to go out and see all those kids with their Moms. Heard my mom talking with my sister. Then heard her talking with her Grandson. 2 things I will never have. Hard, very hard.

[nycfem]

Hugs to all.

Also take a look if interested: http://www.postsecret.blogspot.com

Jennifer

[chefhottie25]

Synchronistic, maybe, that I accidentally clicked the BFP thumbnail on Google Chrome and saw this thread had been started. I'd just completed an obituary and vital record search on my mother from one set of sites (something I do from time to time) and was about to try others, because I don't know where-or-if she is. (I've a feeling that she isn't.) And occasionally, like tonight, the thought of her rises up in me, and I feel an absence like a chasm. Like a space I cannot breach or bridge. That no kind of knowing will mend. It isn't that I wish to be in her life, or to have her in mine (I know that I cannot), but I suffer an ache at the idea of not knowing when she will die.

Here is something I've written about this process:

Already Haunted

I wonder when she dies
if I will know--
whether an absence will open in me,
a void shaped by her past or departing
energies--
or if anyone will know to write me.

Whether she will have left mad instructions
scrawled on a yellow legal pad
like the year of her other almost suicide:
36 hours before they found her,
naked,
unconscious,
the Comfort Inn.

How she'd signed over her car title to someone,
wanted me to have her antique pieces
and two framed and matted cross-stitched angels
(how she loved them),

but more likely now:
an angry, cursing letter,
a reminder how like my father I am--
a distortion: calling me his name, her mother's name,
someone else long dead--

or nothing at all

no phone call
no notice
no cold breath
no sense of her gone

only the still present question of her,
of whether and when
she'll finally and for the last time
just leave me.

jjordanavritt ©

Evolveme I know my words can't take away your pain...but I hope you are able to find peace. I love you strong woman.

[Miss Scarlett]

On Sunday I went over to see my stepmother. Gave her the card and a gift (scented candles - something she really likes). She acted sort of odd and I couldn't figure out why except that maybe she felt funny about me acknowledging her.

The other day I got a beautiful thank you note from her. Apparently my gesture caught her completely by surprise and touched her deeply. Hence her behaviour Sunday.

[Bad_boi]

I always make time to give my Dad a call on mother's day (after I do something with my mom of course) because he lost his mother (my grandma) when I was little. I always make sure he does not get too bummed out. I just try and get him to remember the good times he had with his mother and that those memories won't fade.

[Lady_Wu]

My mother died in Katrina. Before that, however, she had cut me completely out of the family after my father died. I am still not sure why. Not the queer thing-she herself was bi-sexual. Wasn't that I didn't keep in tough-I wrote and tried to call -(she refused to speak to me) and sent thoughtful presents on holidays. Both she and my brother told me that I was no longer to call, write, or send presents. No contact-zip!
Now I have a wonderful woman who also thinks I am wonderful for a mother. The mother of one of my husbands, she adopted me into the family early on. As she is the matriarch, her word is law. So I am a member of the family just as if I had been born into it. If J dies before me, Michael is supposed to take care of me just as he would J. Having a mother who loves me and treats me like this makes up for a large part of the damage dome by my biological mother!
Lady_Wu

[lipstixgal]

I too have no mother any longer she died 4 years ago. Its hard because I live in her house and even though I didn't live with her I visited often. So yeah Mother's day and her birthday are hard for me. I think of her often....

[Andrew, Jr.]

It is coming back around next week. Just a heads up. :candle:

Peace,
Andrew

[Ms. Meander]

I was just having a little cry over something inconsequential (okay, a BIG cry) and I was searching deep for the true reason. I had cause today, to recount years of traumatic experience to a stranger - of which, my mother was a part. Then I realized that it is almost Mother's Day.

Although I have a living mother and a breathing (grown) son (who rarely speaks to me), I feel like a motherless child and a childless mother. As much as I try to ignore this holiday, and all others for that matter, I can't help but feel the loss and exclusion.

In an effort to distract myself, I signed into BFP only to find this thread. Perhaps I really just needed to share. So thank you for the space to do so. (f)

[Abigail Crabby]

Mothers day can be hard for me - I lost my Mom in 2002 and I miss her all the time -

We had a odd relationship - but I even miss that.... She always seemed to have time to listen to me and even tho she never understood me she tried to.

Mother's Day is just another Sunday in my house -

[Miss Scarlett]

i'm not sure how Mother's Day will affect me this year...Mom died in March 2007 and Dad remarried in August 2008. my stepmother is a lovely woman but she's just not my Mom.

Back in March i finally had some significant closure over Mom's death - one of the reasons why i am not sure how i will feel this year. i know i am going to place some new and much nicer flowers on her grave. In fact, i need to look into that tomorrow.

One thing is certain...no matter how i feel i am determined to feel and not suppress/ignore/deny my emotions.

[MsTinkerbelly]

My Mom passed away last year on May 22nd; this is my first year without her smiling face.

I just had a Birthday, my 50th. I always thought she would be here to tease me about being 50...but no one was there to tell me the story of my birth as was her custom on our birthdays...I'm not sure how I will make it through the day.:candle:

[JustJo]

My mother is alive, but Mother's Day is still one I prefer to ignore.

Yes, I'll call her and wish her a happy Mother's Day, but it's almost painful to do, and it's out of responsibility and to set an example for my son rather than any genuine feeling.

I was not ever "mothered" by anyone...and, as a mother, I find myself making it up as I go along.

Difficult day that pushes all kinds of buttons for me.

[justkim]

Being a mommy has been my greatest joy and my biggest heartache...
I came back home to help my parents and in the process I am watching my mother slowly slip away...
Mother's Days are hard for many of us for various reasons...
My daughter will be 24 this year...
My own mother has NEVER acknowledge the fact that I am a mother myself...
This year I am certain it will be no different...

MsTinkerbelly, you will make it through this... You are a strong and wonderful women... She is smiling down on you and applauding all of your accomplishments...

For those who will struggle with this day... You can and will make it through...For I am sure that somewhere there is someone who looks at you and says... I wish she was my mom... I wish she was my daughter...

[Diva]

I'm a very strong woman, but Mother's Day can bring me to my knees.....and often does.

But, as I told Ms. T, living through it beats the alternative.

So I am hoping my daughter will spend some time with me, but I doubt that she will, as she will probably be working. It's a big day in the restaurant biz.

My Mom has been gone for 12 Mother's Days now....and I've missed her every day.....she was the most perfect and sweet~spirited woman I have ever known.

So would I love to enjoy a "normal" Mother's Day? Breakfast in bed? Taken to lunch? Goofy presents with "Mom" written all over them? Sure.......it's a dream of mine.

I had almost forgotten that Mother's Day was soon approaching.

[Glenn]

OMG!!! I thought I was the only one. That was my mother's custom every birthday also lol. I would give my house and everything I own to hear her tell the story again in her special way;)


My Mom passed away last year on May 22nd; this is my first year without her smiling face.

I just had a Birthday, my 50th. I always thought she would be here to tease me about being 50...but no one was there to tell me the story of my birth as was her custom on our birthdays...I'm not sure how I will make it through the day.:candle:

[Goo]

Thank you for starting this thread.

Mothers Day for the last 8 years has been a hard time for me. I get to thinking about my daughter who I lost when I was 6 months pregnant with her. I get to looking at the sonograms of her when she was in the womb and start to cry, because I feel some how robbed of her being in my life.

*hugs to all who have experienced loss of children/mothers*

[Kobi]

My Mom will turn 82 next month. Since the beginning of the year
I have been seeing her memory failing, her comprehension waxing
and waning.

Decisions will need to be made soon. I am not looking forward to this.
I cant tell if I am angry or sad or something in between.

But to watch someone physical capable but fading mentally is something
I never envisioned having to deal with. I feel very unprepared and a little
lost.

Have to find someway to make this Mother's Day special before it is too
late.

[MaggieBluIze]

I am already feeling an ache that is associated w/this Mother's day.

I lost my mother to a bout of cancer back in 1994 (7 months total from finding it to her passing) ... Miss her horribly every single day ... And this will be my first year in 17 years that I will most likely not be celebrating this day with my own daughter.

Having my beautiful daughter is such a true joy in my life and such a complete ache in my heart while she is taking her journey that does not include contact with me.

I miss you Mom, you are in my heart always ... I miss you my darling daughter ... I wish you nothing but success and triumph with this journey you are taking in life ... I will always be here for you and love you, even if from a distance.

((((hugs)))) to A/all!!!

[Apocalipstic]

I have been pretty down today too, then I realized this Sunday is Mother's Day. Not sure what I will do Sunday. Maybe take flowers to the cemetary and cry.

[Bard]

Mothers Day was a day I grew up hating my mom died when I was 9 and even before that I never thought she wanted me. I grew more and more bitter after my Momie2 ( the woman who raised me) passed away.. but I finally have come to see that my own mother LOVED me so much that she did what she thought was the best thing for me and that was never to get close to me because she knew how screwed up she was when she died in a drunk driving accident, she drove off a cliff I was ok my big brother on the other hand was a mess.. I think she knew in her heart that she was not able to mother me and so she found Mommie2 to take care of me , and that was a great gift.. now that I am a mother I see it differently and I also have been blessed with a amazing step mother who is a wonderful lady and mother because she did not have to be.. she came into my life when I was 15 and has been a rock for me I still have a twinge on mothers day I wonder if my mom would be proud of me and how I turned out but I know my Dad and Jenn sure are:cigar2:

[AtLast]

Some of us find Mother's (and Father’s) Day a time to remember our Mother’s and how they nurtured and loved us. I miss my Mother every single day and always will. Holding her as she left and thanking her for what she graced in my life was an honor for me. She did not have an easy childhood, but did not allow that history of abuse and alcoholism by her own mother in vade her own parenting. More than once, I heard her words- "I will not be my mother to you, I do not have to do that."

I always think about her experiencing the loss of 3 children in her own lifetime as well as not only the love of her life, but her best friend, my Dad. Both of whom were a mix of the values and challenges of early 20th century immigrant life in the US.

Others of us did not have very safe and nurturing mothers and Mother’s Day is painful in very different ways. Most likely harder than what I feel because their mothers are still alive and will not be feeling many positive thoughts about their mothers. Some people just didn’t get the “good stuff” that I know I did and am grateful for. Perfection or being faultless, no. But a loving, strong influence in my life, yes. All I can say is “Thank You, Ma- you did good.”

[Oneida]

First one without Mom...a tear rolls down my face now just like the one that dropped on her cheek as she left us that Autumn morning...

[NorCalStud]

This is the first year without my mother. In her death she looked beautiful...I was in awe of her and am in awe of her.

[AtLast]

Additional post- forgive me.

I came to parenthood in a very unconventional manner- through death and family duty (which is quite OK). I know I will get one of 3 Mother's Day calls from my son (and that he is). We will laugh, we will cry and I will have pride in the father he grew to be.

Also, there will be a call from one of his childhood friends that we all just took in because the kid had assholes for parents. More laughs and tears. he too, grew into a wonderful parent. This makes me so happy because this kid could have been not a very good dad at all.

I don't want flowers or candy or even a card. I love those calls and the conversations. But mostly, I love seeing how resilient humans can be even in the face of ugliness and cruel circumstances.

Yet, I can look at my son's biological mother and Andrew's and know that they did love their kids. They just couldn't overcome some horrible demons. So, they both will get my annual call to see how they are doing. Not so many laughs, and more tears, but there is strength in forgiveness. And I do always let them both know that I know they loved their kids.

[scootebaby]

as some others i dont have a great relationship with my mother--in fact if it were not for my son i probably would not have any. with that being said ,my son makes up for all the bad and negative stuff surrounding Mothers Day. I do tend to think of my foster mom from time to time although i havent spoken to any of them since i left when i was 16. She is the one that taught me right frojm wrong...how to tell the truth..not twist things to make myself look good or pitied(depending on the topic) Sadly i did not realize at the time what a wonderful mother i had in her bc i was still disillusioned about my real mother....so if i see its gonna be a rough day i look at my son,hug him or just tell him i love him and he makes everything better

[Miss Scarlett]

My Mom passed away last year on May 22nd; this is my first year without her smiling face.

I just had a Birthday, my 50th. I always thought she would be here to tease me about being 50...but no one was there to tell me the story of my birth as was her custom on our birthdays...I'm not sure how I will make it through the day.:candle:

(((((Tink))))) i know Punkin', i missed my Mom teasing me about my 50th too...she died about 2 months before Mother's Day and it was very difficult...as was her birthday a couple weeks later...

(((((NorCal))))) (((((Oneida)))))

Plan a way to celebrate your mom (doesn't have to be a huge thing) and make it your own. As for me, i'm planning on doing something that would totally freak mine out...LOL

[Bard]

just want to clarify my Dad has been married 5 times now Jenn is the one her married when I was in high school and not living with him the one before her saw to that and I had been sent to the grandparents then to a foster home.. Jenn was more guiding to me as an Adult she let me come to her and has shown me so much in fact she gave me my father back... when my mother died I was sent to live with my dad and step # 4 I was told to call her MOM and she was one who never had kinds or wanted them I was a troubled kid with a lot of baggage and Damage she dealt with me by using a jockey whip enough said..

Funny thing is that I have found that my friends mothers have always tried to mother me like they know I am with out if that makes sence

Mothers Day was a day I grew up hating my mom died when I was 9 and even before that I never thought she wanted me. I grew more and more bitter after my Momie2 ( the woman who raised me) passed away.. but I finally have come to see that my own mother LOVED me so much that she did what she thought was the best thing for me and that was never to get close to me because she knew how screwed up she was when she died in a drunk driving accident, she drove off a cliff I was ok my big brother on the other hand was a mess.. I think she knew in her heart that she was not able to mother me and so she found Mommie2 to take care of me , and that was a great gift.. now that I am a mother I see it differently and I also have been blessed with a amazing step mother who is a wonderful lady and mother because she did not have to be.. she came into my life when I was 15 and has been a rock for me I still have a twinge on mothers day I wonder if my mom would be proud of me and how I turned out but I know my Dad and Jenn sure are:cigar2:

[Ms. Meander]

For some reason, I was confused and thought last Sunday was Mother's Day. I spent 2 -3 days having an emotional reaction, until I discovered my mistake.

My initial reaction was, "oh great, now I have to go through this all over again next week!".

Then: I had a good laugh at myself.

Although my reasons for sadness are quite valid, I had a good look at the power suggestion, and the ability of my mind to take my feelings on a twisted ride. I see now that I need not have another hard weekend because of this. I have acknowledged my struggle to myself and others, felt my feelings, and come back to my strong center.

I plan to spend the real Mother's Day doing something nourishing for myself (or in a frenzy if I have not yet finished the paper due the next day!) and appreciating all that I am blessed with.

[Bard]

I want to thank Ruthie for starting this even as it was hard to post in it to say out loud what I felt for years but it felt good and it has me thinking about the mother I want to be to my goose.. I just never ever want her to doubt my love and support for her.. I remember when she was born Jenn asked me what we would have the goose call her as I cal her Jenn I told her she was Grandma and tok the time to tell her what I never had how even though it came after I was 22 I finally had a mother Her.. I just wish I would have taken advantage of that whan ahe first came into my life but I did not trust and she never pushed..
On a side note on FB right now many of my friends are posting to put a picture of your mom as your profile pict I so have had to bit back from putting snarkky replys yes I still have issues and anger BUT my neice is on my FB and to my big brother our mother was a saint and I wont hurt him lke that
be well all
and may you have peace

[Diva]

My youngest (not-so-young anymore!) child called me as I was dozing off last night to tell me that I was not to plan anything for Sunday, that I was her's that day! lol

<doing happy Mom dance>

[Apocalipstic]

I like the idea of nourishing myself this Mother's Day. I think Mommie would have liked that.

[scootebaby]

we are spending Mothers Day at Magic Kingdom this yr.......guess thats a good way to celebrate with our boys!

i have a hard time doing things for my mom on mothers day...getting a card especially...wanting it thank her for giving me birth(bc without her i wouldnt have been here to give birth to my son) but not going overboard on fake sentiment.....does anyone else have that issue?

[MaggieBluIze]

So ... Mother's Day is fast approaching and I was dreading it, greatly ...
I just heard from a very dear and sweet friend that they took a vacation day off for Sunday just so they can make it a fun, interesting, and NOT depressing day for me ... I am so very blessed. My family and my friends have been a true blessing in my life that I am so very thankful for. I will miss my daughter horribly, but will not let it destroy a day that will be filled with friendship, laughs, caring and love.

[ruthie14]

Andrew.. Came on today to bump this thread only to find you already had! THANKS soooo much! :rrose:

This weekend is proving harder than I thought it would be. Keeping busy with friends. Went out last night and a lesbian couple I know brought out thier baby girl. Tiny little thing. Sweet as can be. Held her for a while and was ok at that time, but now all I can think about is why did God forget about me. I teach 1 years olds everyday.... see more neglect than I care to think about . I believe in God, but He is gonna have to fill me in on this decision of His when I see Him.

Step children still not talking to me. I expect no phone call or card to come from anyone. I have mothered hundreds in my life, yet mother to no one. Breaks my heart.

I will go out today to the farmers market I love which just opened for the season today. Get my nails done. Then go to a friends house for the Kentucky derby.

Tomorrow I will have to put up a good front for my Mom.. stiff upper lip. Smile as my heart is breaking. I will do my best... hopefully it will be good enough.

[ruthie14]

bumping this thread..

[MsTinkerbelly]

I am sitting here feeling so weepy and sad, wishing I had known last year with my mom was going to be my last. I know that I am blessed beyond words to have my lovely daughter with me, and I think I am going to pull myself out of this funk and plan something fun for her.

Hug someone you love folks while you still can. (f)

[MsTinkerbelly]

Thank you Ruthie for reminding me that I have so much more than I lost. I hope you find a way to be at peace tomorrow, and I am sending you a huge hug. (((((((Ruthie))))))

[ruthie14]

Peace would be wonderful!

[RockOn]

For those of you who, for various reasons, experience difficulty regarding Mother's Day, I send you my compassion. Hugs too!

My mom passed in '84. I don't think anything about Mother's Day except it is just another day. Both my parents were alcoholic. Charlie (father) was very violent and physically abusive. How sad to live life so mad and angry all the time. It was a hell of a ride growing up with those two clowns - you never knew what was about to happen. Dull moments were unheard of. These poor souls never sought recovery - their choice ... so the insanity rocked on.

I will be 55 years old this summer. When I was about 31 years old, I am so thankful I had a moment of clarity and sought help ... started my recovery path for my alcohol/drug addictions. I cut the demons off at the pass.
Recovery is a pretty good deal! :)

[Mtn]

I lost my beautiful, amazing, oldest daughter this past July to ovarian cancer, 2 days short of her 32nd birthday. I have been in major denial about it being Mother's Day, so much so that I failed to plan a Mother's Day Special for the little restaurant I run, oops. I was a "step-parent", but she was "mine". After she got sick, was when she started calling me "Ma". Sweetest word I ever heard. I would like tomorrow to pass quickly, please and thank you. I also recently had to send my mother to go live with my brother, after caring for her for over 20 years. Her dementia is progressing rapidly and I just couldn't keep her safe with me anymore, and unfortunately the transition is not going well on that front, my brother tells me she cries for me. I am grateful for the loving understanding people I have in my life (love you Syl) that are gonna let me take a pass on the day. Hugs around to all that feel pain on this day... and squeeze them (Mothers and children) if you can! PEACE

[Gráinne]

I always get weird and weepy around this time. My mother died April 28, 1996-yeah, two weeks before Mother's Day, and on her birthday to boot. She had cancer; one month from discovery to death. It was the nasty one that got Michael Landon and Patrick Swazey-pancreatic. I miss her a lot, and I can't tell you how many times I used to go to the phone to call her, before I'd remember. I did that for nearly a year.

She and my dad are both buried in Ohio, so I can't get back up there to "see" them.

My daughter is 12 and it still feels weird when the kids take me out. I have to remember that I'm "the mom" now. Their dad's mom is only in her early 60's, so we'll be calling Grandma, too. Sometimes I feel almost jealous that my kids' dad has both his parents and both his siblings, and I don't have any, plus I've lost two brothers. Irrational, but it's how I feel.

I'm already dreading Father's Day. My dad went almost the same way-throat cancer, two weeks from discovery to death! He was 92, and very ready, I think. He lived in Oregon, and I'm glad I got to see him before the cancer, when he was "with it" and able to get around. At least we had that last good visit.

Goodness, sorry for rambling!

[ruthie14]

Almost over... dinner done... mom watching the news. Just a few more hours and the day is done.

[ruthie14]

Well friends, I'm off to bed. This day has finished for me. It wasn't as bad as I had thought it would be.. which is good. No phone/text/email message from my former stepkids. They are grown and make thier own choices. I am not one of them. No way to adopt a child with my life the way it is. No way to really change it, so there it is. My annual whine! The one day a year I allow myself to feel really shitty, really angry, really sad and really empty. I can only allow them this day... for I need to be about the task of living day to day, and allow the positives of THOSE days, push out the negatives of this one.

I would wish that this day could be good for everyone, but since it isn't, I thank all those who have posted this year and last. For being part of each other's journey to healing and hope. For allowing each other the time and place to be mournful,sad and angry... and also to be encouraged, supported, and understood.

Blessings to you all,:praying:
Ruthie

[Bard]

Well Abigail called to sing happy mothers day to me and make me laugh.. I also got some very sweet texts from the guys at work and a hug and flower from my 1stSGT when we signed in at drill. Desd took me to dinner on the way home and I had a wonderful talk with Jenn my step- mom on the way home. I tried in my rater clumsy way to express to her what she means to me Bu I think she gets it.. when she and my Dad come for the wedding we are going to see skyler so I can show her the four legged grandchild..

[Apocalipstic]

Well, we made it another year!

Love to all of us! xoxoxoxoxoxoxoox

[ruthie14]

Feeling the need to bump this thread. Mother's day is upon us. I am blue, weepy and edgy. Trying to keep the positives in mind and the negatives in perspective. I know it will be better next week... but right now.. not so much. It just never seems to get easier.

Post your feelings, rant and rage. This is the place to get support. My wish is that some of us are having an easier time of it this year. If not, know you have my ear and my heart is with you.

Ruthie

[Licious]

Thanks. It is not a great day. She died 20plus years ago and there were mixed emotions there, though I did love her. I don't like Mothers day and sometimes other holidays too much and try to shut them out mentally every year as they pass. For those who recently lost their mothers, it does get better, but I think it never goes away.

[Rockinonahigh]

Mothers day was always about my mom and grandma,just like fathers day was about my grandpa.When I had kids I really never felt it was a day for me and it was ok.Both my grannie and mom are gone now so I do think of them on this day.My son takes me out to lunch or dinner or not but always gives me a hug and love you mom on this day(he dose this every day any how).Nither of us are scrooges, its just not that big a day for me.

[ruthie14]

Having a hard time. One of my good friends daughter had a baby last weekend and her other daughter is due this week. Another friend had a grandbaby born last week as well. Getting hard. Went out to get myself out of the house. I went to he farm market that I love. Bought some wonderful lemon/rosemary soap called bliss... all natural etc. Visited with 2 friends. Home and going to have some lunch and clean out my trunk. Party tonight. Tomorrow is going to be rough but at least I have things to keep my mind occupied for today.

[aishah]

my mom passed away six years ago (my dad also). most years the birthdays and deathiversaries are the worst. mother's day and father's day aren't quite so bad if i can pretend they're not happening. i can't have children and i'm deeply conflicted about wanting to be a mother, which makes this day difficult, too.

i honestly would rather just ignore mother's day altogether because emotionally it's easier for me that way, and it makes the day less painful. but i feel bad because it makes me not so conscientious about doing nice things for the other mothers in my life - my sister and my friend's mom, who has kind of become like my second mom.

[Miss Scarlett]

Yesterday i was telling Clay how much i missed my Mom and that i wasn't going to post in this thread this year...but i changed my mind. Instead of posting how much i miss her i want to post some of the fun things about her...

One year my baby brother gave her a copy of "More Dirty Jokes" by Mr. J for Mother's Day...i think he was about 13 at the time...Mom loved it! Only my family...lol

When we were in high school my big brother had the most infamous and extensive porno mag (Mom only allowed Playboy, Oui and Penthouse - all others were forbidden and he complied) collection in the neighborhood - Mom and i would about every week or so retrieve the collection and read them together...commenting about the articles & photos, laughing at the cartoons...

When my middle brother was playing American Legion baseball i found a pouch of chewing tobacco in his uniform when i was doing laundry...naturally it led to a discussion with Mom and some experimentation by the two of us...it was nasty...LOL

When Mom said she'd always wanted to try :cannabis: my baby brother and i were more than happy make sure she did...it was so funny...especially when Dad came home from work and caught us but he didn't find it nearly as funny as we did...LOL

We'd have really bizarre "what if" conversations...like "What if people had tails? What would be the etiquette?"

If one of us saw something really crazy on TV or in the paper we'd call the other to say "OMG quick put on channel ___ " or "Look at page __ in the ____ section of the paper!"

The awesome day we spent together the day before her law school graduation that began with us taking a Trailways bus from Charlotte to Durham and ended with a pizza and champagne celebration at her apartment...she was (as am i) convinced she tipped the Dominos dude $50 that night...LOL

When i was growing up Mom said if we wanted to smoke or drink do it at home so she knew where we were and didn't worry about us...She was a pretty amazing parent - giving us freedom that our friends' parents did not give them...her philosophy was if the parents made it ok the lure of rebellion or secrecy was gone...fortunately for her it worked.

She encouraged us to be free spirits...to march in our own parade rather than in lock step with the world...So it was really funny when i came out to my parents and reminded her of this...her response cracked us both up..."I didn't expect you would listen!"...LOL

So this Mother's Day i am not mourning my loss. Rather i am celebrating the incredible woman who helped make me the person i am today...and Clay, Honey, now you know who is to blame...LOL

Happy Mother's Day Mom and thank you! :wine:

[ruthie14]

Almost over... took mom out for dinner and that was lovely. Still having a hard time. My friends 2nd grandbaby of the week was born today.. a girl. I have to say I don't know which is harder, when my friends were having babies, or now that they are having grandbabies. I have not heard a word from my former stepchildren... didn't really expect to ... but I always have a tiny morsel of hope that maybe they will. Why I don't know. I wonder if they even think of me on days like today. Will let myself have a good cry after mom goes to bed. Don't want to upset her. She knows it's hard, but that would just be too much. Wish I had some vodka in the house. lol oh well, it is what it is.

[deedarino]

(((( HUGSSS )))) to you all...


When I was 7, my mom bailed. She was and still is a miserable human being, and I hate feeling obligated to call her. So this year I didn't.

[fever]

This is the first Mother's Day without my mother. She passed away last July 30, and I have missed her every day. I wanted to call her today and tell her how sorry I was for not listening to her stories more, for not calling more, for not sharing the special moments of my life with her.

But, I have rallied, and have decided to have a little section in the garden of the new house that will represent what she loved. Flowers and figurines. I look out at a beautiful two toned liliac tree. I am going to fix the area underneath so that every time I am outside, she will feel closer. Where she is buried is too far for me to drive to every time I want to give her some special talk time.

My own children? Oh, daughter came by with a card and a quick hug, and my son breezed in, gave me a plant and card, and went off with his friends to enjoy our sunshine.

So, I am sitting and watching House Hunters and other such shows so I can travel via my comfy chair. I am happy with my current life, and I know it is okay to grieve for my wonderful mother and best friend.

Blessings to all,
Candice

[nycfem]

Mother's Day today was not an easy one.
Family dysfunction and blow-ups.
I held my fragile 97-year-old grandmother's hand, as she shook and tears ran down her face. Her daughter, my aunt, yelled and read from a paper all of my grandmother's failings. My aunt J refused to return all that she's stolen from my grandmother's now nearly empty apartment. My uncle D yelled at me. When my aunt and her family left in a rage, we went inside and had tea and cake. Said my brother, "This all feels so bizarre." Yet he made me a nice cup of Chamomile tea, and I sipped it until it was time to leave.

[aishah]

i've been working all day because i am really stressed about money this week and i have to make a certain amount by tuesday and i'm afraid i'm not going to make it :\ i did call my sister and my friend's mom. my sister gave me a pep talk and i left a 'happy mother's day' message on my friend's mom's voicemail. i've been sad and stressed but...it's okay. i'm still here. tomorrow's another day.

[NJFemmie]

Mother's Day isn't as bad as it used to be for me. I lost my mom when I was 14, and the years that followed were pretty rough until I got older - and it got better ...

Each year I just light a candle, send a prayer and move on with my day ...

:candle: