How do you nurture yourself? [Archive]

WickedFemme

08-28-2010, 01:15 PM

1. Yes, I do nuture self by taking care of myself; getting enough sleep, eating right, etc. and spiritually i have learned to let go of things I don't have control over. I also, do self-care rituals.

2. No, i don't rely on my family, friends, or significant other to nurture me even though we are very emotionally supportive of each other and sensitive to one another's core issues without taking them on for each other. Otherwise, we would be in a codependent relationship - hot healthy.

3. No, i did not learn to nurture self growing up. That is what years of therapy taught me.

4. No, not at all... I've gained a lot of self-esteem over the years and I know that I deserve to take care of myself and detach from unhealthy others with love.

5. It's not new age and it's a concept that has been around for many many years... and has been taught in group and individual therapy for years.

Excellent Topic Tranzman and much needed and definitely worth discussion. I have a lot to say about self-nurturing but don't want to bore everyone with a thesis statement on the subject. I can't wait to read what others have to say and am open to hearing more suggestions on the topic.

Sachita

08-28-2010, 01:24 PM

Great thread sweetie!

1. Do you nurture yourself? If so, what are the ways you do so?

I really try and make effort to. Like everyone we get caught up in life and sometimes forget. These days I'm adamant about ME- I make time, pamper myself, spend time doing things I really enjoy, spoil myself and follow my dreams. As you know spending time on my home, creating space for me and my happiness. This includes healthy living.

2. Do you rely on your partner/family/friends to nurture you?

not really. I'm not sure I even know how but its something I think I'd love. I'm pretty strong and independent. At the same time I insist on being spoiled, pampered and treated well otherwise I just lose interest. meeting and having a partnership where we nurtured each other would be a great goal

3. Do you feel that you adequately learned how to nurture your self when you were growing up?

I think its always been about me! lol- I think if anything I needed to tone it down.

4. Do you feel any sort of discomfort about nurturing yourself?

oh no!

5. Do you think that this whole self nurturing thing is just new age stuff and not even something worth talking about?

hell no I think its essential for human growth and the only way to survive this crazy ass world. Don't wait for others. Investigate what you need and then find a way to give it to yourself.

Soft*Silver

08-28-2010, 01:56 PM

1. Do you nurture yourself? If so, what are the ways you do so?
I do indeed nurture myself. My gardening is part of nurturing myself. It fills my soul. Horses also. And I am working on getting a horse back in my life! I take naps. I paint my nails and lotion myself silly. I enjoy a special coffee now and then. I take a walk with my old dog in the local parks. I call dear friends. I paint. So many ways....

2. Do you rely on your partner/family/friends to nurture you? well, I use to. And then I had a relationship where I was not nurtured let alone noticed at all. I was left alone in the relationship and scorned for even being present. It was devastating to me. To this day, when someone wants to date me and they show me the least bit of interest in the way or nurturing, I literally get ill and run in the opposite direction. I am trying to overcome this. But its so hard....I just dont want to love again and be so rejected like I was. I doubt anyone's sincerity when they say they care for me.I fight against myself to allow them to care for me but honestly, its like I am grinding my teeth and white knuckling it the whole time. Amazing the damage one relationship can do to a person. But...as I said, I am working on it....

3. Do you feel that you adequately learned how to nurture your self when you were growing up? I had to learn to self nurture because my parents were not nurturing at all. I never had a loving set of parents. I was taken care of. I just wasnt loved like a child needs to be loved. So, Ifound it amongst the animals. My dogs would lay beside me while I napped on the grass. The ponies would head bump me and I would hang on their necks while they ate grass in the front yard. Momma kitties adopted me as one of their own. I believe my love for animals came directly from me being a lonely child.

4. Do you feel any sort of discomfort about nurturing yourself? sometimes. Not often. But sometimes.

5. Do you think that this whole self nurturing thing is just new age stuff and not even something worth talking about? I dont remember my parents or my grandparents ever doing anything to nurture themselves. Ever. I dont know if its a class thing, an ethnic thing, etc. We were poor folks of immigrants. My family had to work hard, from sun up to sun down and had no money to spare. My family experienced the great depression and sacrificed so much just to survive. They would be mortified to know people of today spend almost $5 on flavored coffee drinks. Or bought scented oils to do aramotherapy. To them that would be rediculous. And shameful. But you need to realize their experience. People around them lost everything they had. When my parents died, they left us so much money it was unbelievable. Why? Because they hoarded it in case they needed it. And in case we ever needed it after they were gone. Maybe that was their idea of self nurturing....hmmmmm

Jesse

08-28-2010, 01:57 PM

1. Do you nurture yourself? If so, what are the ways you do so?

For me, this is a fairly new concept. I am learning how to do it. I think I have always taken care of everyone else, and not given it much thought until the last few months.

2. Do you rely on your partner/family/friends to nurture you?

Not family or friends, but being a Dom perhaps I have relied more on my submissive to do so, not quite sure on that just yet.

3. Do you feel that you adequately learned how to nurture your self when you were growing up?

Absolutely not.

4. Do you feel any sort of discomfort about nurturing yourself?

I do feel some discomfort surrounding the whole thing. Not sure why exactly. Even though I do believe one should do so, perhaps just because it is a new thing for me.

5. Do you think that this whole self nurturing thing is just new age stuff and not even something worth talking about?

No, I believe it is a necessary ingredient for emotional health.

princessbelle

08-29-2010, 07:05 PM

1. Do you nurture yourself? If so, what are the ways you do so?

I suppose I do if I stop and think about it. I'd say not overly but occasionally. I love long bubble baths, hot oil treatments, getting a facial, nails all that girl stuff and yes it does feel like I am being good to myself and not just a neccesity.

2. Do you rely on your partner/family/friends to nurture you?

Not necessarily, but it is nice when they do. It is a great relationship IMO when you get nurturing from your partner. I am way more of a nurturer in relatinships than one that expects getting nurtured back. It is a wonderful gift to give someone you care about and I love doing that.

3. Do you feel that you adequately learned how to nurture your self when you were growing up?

I was pretty spoiled, so yes...I was nurtured as a child.

4. Do you feel any sort of discomfort about nurturing yourself?

I used to. I didn't even know how to nurture myself it was very foreign to me. I had to learn to like me first and now, just as i do others, I realize that I deserve that as well. I'm sure I could get better at it, but am happy that I at least do somewhat.

5. Do you think that this whole self nurturing thing is just new age stuff and not even something worth talking about?

No it's wonderful and it's a healthy idea. If we don't take care of ourselves how do we ever expect to be able to be our best for someone else. I believe that nurturing ourselves is not only a gift to us, but it is a gift to those around us because it helps us become stronger, happier and self healing.

Soft*Silver

08-29-2010, 07:21 PM

today I spent time with Momma Tessa and her baby....horses! I was expecting to ride but no one told me she had a foal by her side. Had the foal been cooperative I could have still ridden but the baby was head strong and independent and Momma Tessa needed to keep her focus on her, little miss remington. However, I poured myself into her mane and inhaled deeply. I was covered with white hair and fly spray...the most magical of all scents! I felt her incredible muscles as my hands stroked over her massive body...she is a 17+ hand percheron. I was on awe...

and I was nurtured...my soul is fed and I am renewed....

Liam

08-29-2010, 08:00 PM

I nurture myself by spending time observing nature, gardening, reading, writing, drawing, and spending time in solitude.

Miss Scarlett

08-30-2010, 04:22 AM

Great topic Tranzman. Thank you for starting this thread. Since I am in a learning process with this concept being able to read what everyone else has to say is a tremendous help.

1. Do you nurture yourself? If so, what are the ways you do so?
I haven't really done this for myself in the past. Been too busy taking care of everyone else and making sure their needs are met.

2. Do you rely on your partner/family/friends to nurture you?
I don't rely on anyone. Shelia does this naturally - something new for me. The majority of my past girlfriends were takers. You know the kind that you pour your heart and soul into them and when it ends they accuse you of selfishness and refusing to meet their needs.

3. Do you feel that you adequately learned how to nurture your self when you were growing up?
No. Absolutely not. I was raised to please people and place myself last.

4. Do you feel any sort of discomfort about nurturing yourself?
Yes, it's a foreign concept. But I am working on it and learning to accept that it is OK to do so.

5. Do you think that this whole self nurturing thing is just new age stuff and not even something worth talking about?
No. Since I have been in counseling I have learned that you have to do good for you things. especially if this is not being done for you in other areas of your life. For example- I get little to no positive feedback at work. My counselor has advised me to look for this from myself because my boss holds her cards very close. Also at the end of the day I have me - the only one I can truly depend on. Nobody can take care of her the way I can. I deserve it and I am worth it.

Laerkin

08-30-2010, 05:11 AM

This is very timely for me. Simple, yet powerful, questions Tranzman! Something I've been spending a lot of time examining lately, too.

1. Do you nurture yourself? If so, what are the ways you do so?
Not nearly as often as I should. Lately, I've been consciously making an effort to get regular massages (I found an amazing masseuse near me), to set aside time to read a really good book, and roughly two times a year I go on a yoga or nurturing retreat to Kripalu or Omega.

2. Do you rely on your partner/family/friends to nurture you?
No. I mean, it's nice when it happens, and I know my partner/family/friends support me no matter what - but nurturing is different than support and I feel like it's something I really need to work on giving to myself rather than seeking it from the outside.

3. Do you feel that you adequately learned how to nurture your self when you were growing up?
Oh no. Growing up I was the "mom" of the household so while it really helped me to develop a sense of independence, strength, and autonomy I also never really had a chance to just focus on myself. That didn't come until I'd moved out of the house and then I realized, "Holy crap. This self-nurturing stuff takes work, and time, and practice!"

4. Do you feel any sort of discomfort about nurturing yourself?
There are some days when I'm on overload and the nurturing is just going to happen and then I feel okay about it. But most of the time, I feel little pangs of discomfort...like, instead of getting a massage or going away for a few days to do yoga and eat organic food in the mountains I could be working on the house or working on my checkbook or helping out my loved ones or...there's always a reason for me not to take care of myself, so I've been trying to practice. Isn't that odd? Practice taking care of myself. LOL.

5. Do you think that this whole self nurturing thing is just new age stuff and not even something worth talking about?
You know, a couple hundred years ago self-nurturing may have been ridiculous or out of place. But now, in this go-Go-GO society we have I think self-nurturing is imperative. We need to slow down, be with ourselves, find space to quiet our mind, release stress, find out what's going on inside once we disconnect and unplug. I think it makes us more whole and healthy. I think it makes us better at caring for others when we aren't frazzled and a minute away from coming undone. It's important emotionally, spiritually, and mentally.

Nat

08-30-2010, 06:39 AM

1. Do you nurture yourself? If so, what are the ways you do so?

I am beginning to learn how to, though I'm far from consistent with it. Some of the things that feel nurturing on the inside may not look nurturing from the outside. I nurture myself by meditating, by spending time alone, by spending time with people who make me feel good, by not spending time with people who do not make me feel good, by making myself herbal iced tea, by eating healthfully, by taking walks, by working hard, by working to forgive others and myself, by seeking peace in daily life, by dealing with problems as they occur (before they build up), by putting energy, thought and creativity into my spiritual life.

2. Do you rely on your partner/family/friends to nurture you?

Sometimes

3. Do you feel that you adequately learned how to nurture your self when you were growing up?

Only by overindulgence

4. Do you feel any sort of discomfort about nurturing yourself?

Yes. I almost have to sneak up on myself with it.

5. Do you think that this whole self nurturing thing is just new age stuff and not even something worth talking about?

No but I do think there are many traditions/belief systems that expect a level of austerity that doesn't allow for much nurturing - so maybe people from that sort of background would feel that self-nurturing is decadent. I kinda decided not to have any belief system that didn't fulfill me or feed me or that degraded me. I think that may have been the biggest self-nurturing move I have made.

Jesse

08-30-2010, 10:02 PM

I've truly enjoyed reading all of your replies. Thanks to you all. :gimmehug:

For me, it helps greatly to know that I am not the only out there who is/has struggled with knowing how to self nurture.

Perhaps we can all be of help to one another on the journey to fully learning how...with the help of course from those who already know how and do well with it?

Grateful to you all,

Jesse

Diva

08-30-2010, 10:18 PM

Today was a very difficult day for me. My oldest child would have been 30 today.

So I decided that I would allow myself to be sad, to cry, to eat whatever the hell I wanted to eat, to wear whatever the hell I wanted to wear (I stayed in my nightgown all day) and not do laundry or the floors (which I usually do on Mondays). I decided that if I wanted to drink wine until I'm silly, I would.

And I did.
And THAT is how I nurture my spoiled self.

ComparedToWhom

08-30-2010, 10:38 PM

I am interested in a discussion around self nurturing. So here are my questions. Please feel free to add pertinent questions that will add to the conversation.

1. Do you nurture yourself? If so, what are the ways you do so?

2. Do you rely on your partner/family/friends to nurture you?

3. Do you feel that you adequately learned how to nurture your self when you were growing up?

4. Do you feel any sort of discomfort about nurturing yourself?

5. Do you think that this whole self nurturing thing is just new age stuff and not even something worth talking about?

1. Abso-freaking-lutely! If I don't take care of myself then I pay the consequences. I play, er live, hard so I have to cover the basic trifecta of diet+exercise+sleep or I suffer the consequences. I would say the most nurturing aspect of my life is that I don't live out of obligation, fear, or guilt. I simply do what I do because that's the way I respectfully choose to define myself & my life. What that "definition" entails is varied and vast.

2. I don't *rely* on my relationships or by definition that would make my nurturing externally dependent (yikes!). I surround myself with healthy people, which in and of itself is nurturing.

3. Most definitely. Couldn't have asked for better self-nurturing role models/teachers growing up.

4. Absolutely not. If I don't take care of myself then I'm useless (or less effective, present, etc).

5. If you are not capable of taking care of yourself then you are dependent. With dependency comes all kinds of unwanted things like loss of power, loss of control, lack of choices, etc., etc. New age, old age, whatever age I believe as adults empowerment comes from independence, which on a fundamental level starts with YOU taking care of YOU.

Jesse

08-31-2010, 11:01 AM

Simple Ways to Self Nurture

When you wake up in the morning take a few moments to remember your dreams, meditate, think happy thoughts, set your intention for the day.
Consciously nurture each of your senses every: (i.e. listen to a favorite cd, write in your journal, read a page of an inspirational book, moisturize your body with a great smelling lotion, look at/notice special pictures around your house, eat and savor the flavor of a piece of fresh fruit).
Before leaving the house do a body scan and release any tension you might be holding in your body. Pay attention to your breathing.
Be on time for all appointments.
When you are driving in a car listen to a cd of some beautiful music, or an inspirational/motivational speaker, or ride in silence so you can listen to you/your higher power, your inner wisdom, etc.
When you are stopped at a traffic light, pay attention to your breathing. Relax any tight muscles in your body and say an affirmation out loud (“I treat myself with love and respect every moment of every day”).
Keep a fresh flower or plant on your desk at work, and in your bedroom at home.
Throughout the day take a few moments to go outside to breathe in some fresh air to re-center and reconnect.
Set boundaries.
Acknowledge and celebrate what you accomplish during the day… no matter how small the task might be (i.e. I returned a phone call, I mailed some letters, I said a nice thing to myself, I said hello to a stranger, etc..)
Create a transition ritual for yourself when you arrive home from work to release your work day (change your clothes, take a shower, do some exercise, etc.. )
Don’t rush through meals, even if you have after meal obligations, Take the time to be present and enjoy your food. Keep the conversation positive at the dining table: (have everyone tell the best thing that happened to them that day!).
Allow yourself to feel.
Acknowledge and express gratitude for everything that goes well in your day (i.e. got a good parking spot, kept my word to myself, had a great conversation with a friend, etc.)
Create a bedtime pampering ritual (take a bubble bath, spend some time meditating, read a book, write in your gratitude journal, listen to beautiful music, etc..)
Sing, Dance, Play!
Take an art class.
Drink 8 glasses of water every day.
Go outside and notice the miracles and beauty of nature.
Get a massage.
Paint your nails.
Pluck your eyebrows.
Go on a weekend retreat.
Learn Yoga.
Learn to play a musical instrument.
Every time you look in the mirror say something loving to yourself.
Plant a garden.
Paint a room in your house a wild color!!
Go to a town you’ve never been to before and window shop.
Refute any unloving thoughts.
Know that you are perfect in this moment!!!
Lift weights.
Say a silent prayer for yourself.
Say a silent prayer for someone who drives you crazy!
Count your blessings.
Surround yourself with loving and supportive people.
Watch a sunrise or a sunset.
Hang inspirational and meaningful pictures in your house and at your work.
Keep affirmation and inspirational books around your house and read at least one page every day.
Spend some time near water.
Learn to say “no”.
KEEP YOUR WORD TO YOURSELF!!!

Sachita

08-31-2010, 11:09 AM

This thread provoked some deep thoughts in. I spent most of yesterday whirling it around in my head. Along with the other clutter in my mind it took me and stole some moments.

I have never felt like someone was truly nurturing me. I never gave up to control to anyone or trusted anyone to just roll the ball. I know this sounds sad but its true. I always did that. I'm not sure if I was able to and just didnt know how to do it or perhaps did not meet the person I respected and trusted enough. Hell I'm not even sure I'm capable and there's another part of me that wonders if it really exist for anyone? Know what I mean?

well hell- this day will be spent thinking

Jesse

08-31-2010, 11:34 AM

Here is a link to an article that really helped me to understand some things regarding self nurturing...

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/evolution-the-self/200806/self-indulgence-self-nurturing

Jesse

09-04-2010, 09:42 AM

I too have been doing a lot of thinking and work in this area the last couple of weeks.

I've realized that:

I was never nurtured as a child, nor was I taught how to be self nurturing.
In turn, I never allowed myself to be truly nurtured by anyone else
I learned how to nurture others later in life, but never how to self nurture
The whole self nurture thing bothered me at first, because I was taught that is selfish behavior.
I am able to teach myself how to do this.

Some of the ways I self nurture now:

I try to make sure that the things I need to have done are taken care of so that I do not have feelings of guilt .
I am exercising more; bike riding and walking on the treadmill.
I make sure to eat healthy, but do not forbid myself of things that I like that may not be so healthy; I just limit my intake of those.
I do what I need to do to take care of myself emotionally; that sometimes means leaving toxic people behind and I am okay with that.
I am working on going back to school, hopefully in January.
I tell myself the truth and that means doing my own inventory.
I allow myself to have a voice in things that are important to me.

Jesse

Arwen

09-04-2010, 09:51 AM

I've been thinking about this a lot. I have found through discussion with a valued friend that I am confusing self-indulgence with self-nurturing.

I had to look it up.

Self-indulgence

indulgence: an inability to resist the gratification of whims and desires
intemperance: excess in action and immoderate indulgence of bodily appetites, especially in passion or indulgence; "the intemperance of their language
"Excessive or immoderate indulgence of one's own personal desires and needs above all others

I can see where I do this sometimes when I sit down and eat an entire pint of ice cream or have more wine that might be good for me. That's me over-indulging.

Nurturing, for me, is allowing myself to have a long, hot soak in the tub and not worrying about the many other thing I COULD be doing.

It's getting up on the orbital bike at work even for ten minutes a day. That's nurturing my body to be healthy.

It's getting off the computer and picking up a good book with one glass of wine and a plate of cheese and grapes. That nurtures my need for quiet.

It's calling a girlfriend over to hang out in the pool then talk for hours.

It's loving myself without blame. Without listening to the voices of others telling me who and what I should be.

It's hard. It's really hard to separate indulgent from nurturing for me.

Boots13

09-04-2010, 10:24 AM

1. Do you nurture yourself? If so, what are the ways you do so?
I do at home. I need to figure out how to do that at work.
My favorite is a trail run or walk. This grounds me and I come right back to center when I can smell the dirt and cedar, be in nature and work up a good sweat.
Another very important way I nurture myself is to be financially responsible. I pay myself first...no matter how small or minuscule , I make a deposit into my savings every payday..
And the stress of being late for appointments or obligations is crushing, so I make sure I'm punctual.
I think nurturing is about mitigating stress. It as much taking care of the physical as it is taking care of the spiritual self.

2. Do you rely on your partner/family/friends to nurture you?
No, not directly. I count on the people in my life to understand that I need this time to be centered or focused or punctual. And I love that they do understand!

3. Do you feel that you adequately learned how to nurture your self when you were growing up?
Hah! Nurturing in my house was unheard of! I learned as an adult, that to be healthy I had to create a healthy space, do healthy things and be in the today...deliberate choices and right mind living.

4. Do you feel any sort of discomfort about nurturing yourself?
Not at all. But its not fluffy stuff, which tends to leave me feeling bored. I'm not a bubble bather...give me dirt and sweat !

5. Do you think that this whole self nurturing thing is just new age stuff and not even something worth talking about?
Nope, not new agey stuff. Its a necessary component of living a healthy, centered life.

Gemme

09-04-2010, 10:27 AM

I think I confuse self-indulgence with self-nurturing as well.

I emotionally overeat. Not particularly nurturing in the big picture, obviously, as it feeds other issues other than indulging myself.

But if you take food out of the picture, some of the ways I nurture myself are:

*having 'me' time and being able to articulate that I need personal time and to set healthy boundaries concerning that time

*listening to music (this can be part of my me time but not necessarily)

*enjoying a good (usually naughty) book

*watching a good, funny movie

*working out

*taking a walk in the sunshine

*using super fantastic smelling and feeling soaps, gels and lotions

*sleeping

*being domestic (in small amounts, preferably before I get ticked off at doing so much work)

*shopping (even just window shopping or browsing online)

*girls' nights/days and true friendship in general

*allowing someone to love me and show me that love in their own way, be it friend or lover

Soft*Silver

09-04-2010, 10:28 AM

excellant points of distinction between indulgence and nurturing. I indulged. I overcompensated for not being loved as a child and also, not knowing how to, in my attempts, I would go hog wild. My addiction to alcohol started out as an attempt to nurture. It was indulgence and then a crutch and then a need and then an addiction.

I have lived in pendulum swings. None or too much. In my 50s I am learning to moderate and find a balance and to know that too much is too much and too little isnt enough. And, that it all comes from me...not outside myself...first and foremost. Because I wasnt loved as a child, (or I should say, as much as a child should be loved, for I know my parents DID love me, just didnt express it) I grew up eager to find it outside of myself..to fill that void left in me. What a fiasco that has been.

No matter where I go, there I am. Void and all. No one can fill it but me. And the way it gets filled is thru nurturance, no indulgence.

good one, Arwen...

MrSunshine

09-04-2010, 10:33 AM

Every night, even if just out of the shower, I wash my feet by hand. I dig that.

Jesse

10-25-2010, 10:48 AM

Do we have anymore self nurturers out there? :thumbsup:

katsarecool

10-25-2010, 10:52 AM

I practice breathing, deeply not from the chest but the center..

Glenn

10-25-2010, 10:53 AM

Pray
Read the spiritual Masters
play my piano or flute
Jump in the car
Jump in the whirlpool
workout
plan a better budget
think about my goals and dreams etc.
talk with folks who will be there for me just in case..

Jesse

10-25-2010, 10:57 AM

I am practicing self nurturing today by going to the Podiatrist to have my foot checked out...something I have been avoiding for a few years now.

Rockinonahigh

10-25-2010, 04:38 PM

To take care of me I do things I want to do for me,I dont deny myself simple things I enjoy like I did before,If I see something I like I often get it,go to a movie I havent seen.Last year I went whole hog into playing pool so now im on two teams ones a mixed team the other a ladies team.The best thing im finding me while doing this...not shure how I lost me but its working out if that makes any sence.

Miss Scarlett

11-01-2010, 04:22 AM

Today is the first day of a new month, the first day of a new work week and there is a new moon at the end of this week. Everything appears to be lined up for new beginnings - at least for me.

That being said, I am nurturing myself by taking back my life and taking care of me. For the past many months I have been "sort of" following the food programme from my doctor so it did not come as a surprise when I got on the scale last week and found that I had re-gained some of the weight I fought so hard to lose - not a lot but enough.

That's hardly taking care of myself.

Re-reading some of the posts in this thread - especially the ones by Arwen, Gemme and Softness about self-indulgence v. self-nurturing has given me strength, encouragement and hope. Thank you ladies. :rrose:

Random

11-01-2010, 06:16 AM

I am absolutly horrible at nurturing myself..

It's a nasty circle..

I feel guilty for taking/giving myself what I need to be a balance, healthy individual...

So I stop....

I get resentful of not having the things I need and I go into a state of inertia.

Depression, hopelessness, soon follow...

Pull myself up and out of depression by sheer will.. Take what I need for myself and then the cycle starts all over again...

I've always been an all or nothing kind of woman, balance is very hard for me... and the ways different parts of me need to be nurtured are so very different... I really do have a two distictly different sides... (No, not split personalities.. Just very much a gemini)

On one hand...

I need to provide a home for my family...

I need to take care of someone... (This is the part of me that I think of as a sterotypical 50's housewife... It really does give me soul satisfaction to have a clean house, fresh bread out of the oven, drink and slipper in hand for the head of my household to come home too..)

On the other hand...

What I need to be nurtured is Time...

Time to walk
Time to wander
Time to think
Time to process

I need to be by water... I need to listen to music that moves me to dance... I need to dance like a whirling dervish, I need to work in a garden, I need read good books and think about what I read...I need to play my drum and let it make my mind still.. I need to get my hands dirty in clay, I need to let my imagination take over and lose myself in a box, or a mirror, or what ever needs to be transformed...I need time before the sun comes up to think and process and fill my soul with the quiet...and then if I can be filled enough with these things... I need time to pick up my camera and show how I see the world, time to write what is in my heart, my soul..

Because the base of what I need is quality and quanity time alone.. (Not even a phone call or a txt message)The others build on this first step... If I don't do the first three, then I can't process what is going on inside of me, then I don't know who I am, If I don't know who I am, I can't let go of control enough to dance, or beat the drum.. If I can't let go of control, then I can't create, If I can't create then I can't feel my soul, If I can't feel my soul, then I can't find my quiet place, If I can't find my quiet place then I can't write, and I can't take pictures...

If I take what I need, then the guilt sets in.. It's almost impossible to be in a relationship when you need to be alone the majority of the time... When someone loves you, they sort of want to spend time with you...

Then there is the entire housewife vs artist thing... lol.. I've tried to combine the two. The flowers came out beautiful, but I burned the roast and blew up the challah... It's hard to focus on the outside world when you are lost in clay...

I have to find a way to balance the two.. The hole I just pulled myself out of was so dark and so deep, that I didn't think I was going to make it.. I've thought about SSRI's but taking a pill vs giving myself what I need? I'm resistant... It's like taking lactate so I can eat cheesecake, when my body says.. I don't like that...

If I don't figure out a way to balance the two, then I am going to end up choosing myself and leaving the best relationship that I have ever had...

I really don't wanna do that...

AtLast

11-01-2010, 07:34 AM

It is really helpful to read how others nurture themselves. I can spin off when stressed and not pay attention to what my body and mind tells me I need. Often, I am so ruled by a history of putting other's first and that is not good. Then, I can go too far in trying to stick up for myself. Balance is the key... not so good at this.

There are many good ways to to self-nurture posted and I am going to pay attention to you all! In a very stressful situation right now and I need to get better with self-care!

Thanks!

Jesse

11-01-2010, 10:28 AM

Hi Random :)

I would offer to you that perhaps here lies the problem...

I am absolutly horrible at nurturing myself..

It's a nasty circle..

I feel guilty for taking/giving myself what I need to be a balance, healthy individual...
So I stop....

I have learned that I HAVE to keep me healthy in order for anything else in my life to work, and in order to do that I MUST be accepting of myself and my needs. I have also learned that guilt is a destroyer at best, but otherwise really does not serve any purpose for us.

I do get the struggle you are in. On the one hand I see that you know what you need in order to be healthy, and on the other there is the guilt. Learning to self nurture will help a lot with removing that guilt though.

So I say to you, you are not at fault for taking/giving yourself what you need to be a balanced, healthy individual. You will be a stronger partner if you take care of you.

If you enjoy reading you may be interested in reading Radical Acceptance...it has opened my eyes about the ways I have limited myself, through self judgment.

Peace

Jesse

LipstickLola

11-01-2010, 11:12 AM

1. Do you nurture yourself? If so, what are the ways you do so?
It is very difficult for me to nurture myself, I'm fabulous in doing so for others, but the *g* word interferes with the self nurture, but I am learning. My horses, dogs, cats, gardening and my antiques and other old "things" feed me when I'm low.

2. Do you rely on your partner/family/friends to nurture you? Part of others nurturing me, is aksing/reaching out for what I need from others, this too is difficult, and a learning process. I was not nurtured as a child, therefore, I set out in life to be a different kind of mother. Asking for and receiving what I need is "selfishness" ingrained into me deeply since birth, it's really hard, but I am overcoming that! When I ask a partner or family member for what I need to feel nurtured, (just little things) I return that ten-fold, so it's to your advantage, LOL

3. Do you feel that you adequately learned how to nurture your self when you were growing up? NO, see above.

4. Do you feel any sort of discomfort about nurturing yourself?
Not so much anymore, it's so infrequent these days as I have a special needs adult child who is demanding a lot of time and effort, I also work the graveyard shift which is all consuming, by the days off, so much is needed to be done for the household in the way of everyday chores, bill pay, grocery shopping, general cleaning etc. BUT, I do find time albeit small snipets for myself.

5. Do you think that this whole self nurturing thing is just new age stuff and not even something worth talking about?
No, not at all!!! Self nurturing is paramount to being a whole person who is able to handle what life throws, and life does throw!!! My horses are my air, my drug, my therapy. They are seen as indulgences by my family and some friends, but? I'm very good lately about saying that it really doesn't effect them and is really none of their business, may seem harsh, but setting boundaries with family and toxic friends to me, is self nurturing and necessary to live!! I still act out of guilt now and again, but I am a work in progress!!

justkim

11-01-2010, 12:01 PM

I am having a off day today...
Random my fellow Gemini sister...
Thank you...
Your post speaks volumes to me...
I walk a very similar path... We very well could be walking side by side...
I have ALWAYS nurtured those around me...
Is it possible that some people are just born to be nurturers? Because I am a mom, does this make me predisposed to nurture and take care with those around me?
Just more questions to ponder...

I am absolutly horrible at nurturing myself..

It's a nasty circle..

I feel guilty for taking/giving myself what I need to be a balance, healthy individual...

So I stop....

I get resentful of not having the things I need and I go into a state of inertia.

Depression, hopelessness, soon follow...

Pull myself up and out of depression by sheer will.. Take what I need for myself and then the cycle starts all over again...

I've always been an all or nothing kind of woman, balance is very hard for me... and the ways different parts of me need to be nurtured are so very different... I really do have a two distictly different sides... (No, not split personalities.. Just very much a gemini)

On one hand...

I need to provide a home for my family...

I need to take care of someone... (This is the part of me that I think of as a sterotypical 50's housewife... It really does give me soul satisfaction to have a clean house, fresh bread out of the oven, drink and slipper in hand for the head of my household to come home too..)

On the other hand...

What I need to be nurtured is Time...

Time to walk
Time to wander
Time to think
Time to process

I need to be by water... I need to listen to music that moves me to dance... I need to dance like a whirling dervish, I need to work in a garden, I need read good books and think about what I read...I need to play my drum and let it make my mind still.. I need to get my hands dirty in clay, I need to let my imagination take over and lose myself in a box, or a mirror, or what ever needs to be transformed...I need time before the sun comes up to think and process and fill my soul with the quiet...and then if I can be filled enough with these things... I need time to pick up my camera and show how I see the world, time to write what is in my heart, my soul..

Because the base of what I need is quality and quanity time alone.. (Not even a phone call or a txt message)The others build on this first step... If I don't do the first three, then I can't process what is going on inside of me, then I don't know who I am, If I don't know who I am, I can't let go of control enough to dance, or beat the drum.. If I can't let go of control, then I can't create, If I can't create then I can't feel my soul, If I can't feel my soul, then I can't find my quiet place, If I can't find my quiet place then I can't write, and I can't take pictures...

If I take what I need, then the guilt sets in.. It's almost impossible to be in a relationship when you need to be alone the majority of the time... When someone loves you, they sort of want to spend time with you...

Then there is the entire housewife vs artist thing... lol.. I've tried to combine the two. The flowers came out beautiful, but I burned the roast and blew up the challah... It's hard to focus on the outside world when you are lost in clay...

I have to find a way to balance the two.. The hole I just pulled myself out of was so dark and so deep, that I didn't think I was going to make it.. I've thought about SSRI's but taking a pill vs giving myself what I need? I'm resistant... It's like taking lactate so I can eat cheesecake, when my body says.. I don't like that...

If I don't figure out a way to balance the two, then I am going to end up choosing myself and leaving the best relationship that I have ever had...

I really don't wanna do that...

AtLast

11-01-2010, 02:03 PM

I am practicing self nurturing today by going to the Podiatrist to have my foot checked out...something I have been avoiding for a few years now.

This is so great, Tranzman! a few years ago, I finally took myself to a podiatrist after years of foot problems. One of the best things I ever did for myself! Ended up not only with foot stuff fixed, but all the related back problems, too!

LOL, though.... I learned that I have such thick toe nails, this doc had to trim them with bone cutters!!! Who knew!!!

Soon

11-01-2010, 02:07 PM

leave work early, change into fluffy robe and slippers, eat whatever I am craving and watch tv.

apretty

11-01-2010, 02:08 PM

i have a sketch pad (size large) where i draw events that i find disturbing.

sometimes i make one of these events into a comic strip.

--it's all very satisfying, i highly recommend it.

Cyclopea

11-01-2010, 02:36 PM

I never buy cheap toilet paper.
:candle:

Queerasfck

11-01-2010, 07:38 PM

i have a sketch pad (size large) where i draw events that i find disturbing.

sometimes i make one of these events into a comic strip.

--it's all very satisfying, i highly recommend it.

My favorite one to date is the one where Buster and Chester are about to battle and I am in between them. Buster has Ninja throwing stars and numchucks. Chester looks like an angel.

Jesse

11-01-2010, 08:24 PM

I will love the sun for it warms my bones; yet I will love the rain for it cleanses my spirit.

I will love the light for it shows me the way; yet I will love the darkness for it shows me the stars.

I will welcome happiness as it enlarges my heart; yet I will endure sadness for it opens my soul.

I will acknowledge rewards for they are my due; yet I will welcome obstacles for they are my challenge. - Og Mandino

LipstickLola

11-01-2010, 08:28 PM

Nat

11-01-2010, 08:34 PM

Two of my favorite things-

Sitting in front of a fire in my little fire pit

Wandering in the country taking pictures of neat plants, animals and falling down structures

Pixie

11-01-2010, 08:53 PM

Allowed time for silence and quiet
Allowed time surrounded by friends

Rockinonahigh

11-01-2010, 09:00 PM

I nuture myself by takeing time for me,I finaly realised it was ok for me to do that.
I got involved in shooting pool so now am on two teams with nice ppl.
Im eating right and working out 3 times a week
I also make shure I get enought rest.
Also im takeing myself less seriously,laughing more.

Jesse

11-01-2010, 09:14 PM

I love your responses, and find your posts comforting to me on some tough days. Thank you.

For me right now, my biggest effort at self nurturing is learning to accept ALL of me without blame, guilt or judgment.

By accepting, I don't mean that I allow myself to continue in unhealthy behaviors, rather I aim to acknowledge that they exist...that they are. Then I can look at them with open eyes and decide if it is something I choose to act on or if I feel better making a different choice. I do this with feelings and thought as well during meditation, allowing all feelings to be whether positive or negative, then allowing them to pass. It's working for me and helps me to find peace.

Jesse

11-17-2010, 03:40 PM

Happy Hump Day!

One of the areas I am dealing with now is self nurturing while single. As a single person I need to remind myself to go and do things. As a transman it can be difficult to find much in the way of a social life when single. So I decided that I need to find some things I can do alone if necessary, that require me to leave the safety of my house...yup you guessed it, that leaves masturbation out...at least for me. Lol!

I began by signing my dog up for some obedience classes, even though he did not need the classes as he has been trained well, we both needed the socialization. So we go every Saturday for an hour and it is a blast for us both. After this class he will begin his agility training.

Next I started taking him to the park. This gives us both physical exercise, more bonding time, people watching (mostly squirrel watching for him) and inner peace.

Today I signed up for weekly Tai Chi classes. Ah! Something I have to do all on my own without the Bear there for comfort. Now all I need is someone to remind me to go on Tuesdays! :)

Peace

AtLast

11-17-2010, 04:00 PM

Stress reduction techniques are nurturing for me. Can include music and dance, relaxation exercises and meditation, self hypnosis. Plain exercise that I can do.... making sure I take a good walk each day with my pooch and simply taking in the beauty around me. Honoring my spiritual needs has always been a key factor for self-nurturance for me in ways that fit me, not any organization or particular religion.

Most important is when I recognize what is causing imbalance, taking control and doing something about these things.

girl_dee

11-17-2010, 04:42 PM

Hot baths and essential oils!

I like to get my feet pedicured when I can

Living stress free

FlowerFem

11-17-2010, 06:39 PM

I love to read. My favorite thing is to curl up on a Friday night and read a good book on the sofa. Maybe nod off and sleep all night right there. Treating myself to nice meals. Getting my hair and nails done, always makes me feel prettier.

Gemme

11-17-2010, 09:29 PM

Happy Hump Day!

Today I signed up for weekly Tai Chi classes. Ah! Something I have to do all on my own without the Bear there for comfort. Now all I need is someone to remind me to go on Tuesdays! :)

Peace

Go on Tuesdays!

Ba dum BUM!

Jesse

11-17-2010, 09:41 PM

:sunglass:I know you did not just call me a dum bum! :blink: :blink:

Go on Tuesdays!

Ba dum BUM!

Gemme

11-17-2010, 09:45 PM

:sunglass:I know you did not just call me a dum bum! :blink: :blink:

:sunglass:

:rofl:

Random

11-17-2010, 10:29 PM

Moving to a yard with a house on it...

I have fruit trees and rose bushes and chinees pumpkins and russian sage and lot of things that I don't know what they are but will let me get my hands dirty and lots of space to walk and swing and dream...

Oh.. the yard has a house that has a basement that has two perfect spaces for dedicated art spaces and one more random art space and a separate room for storage so I don't get clay or paint on anything...

little man

11-18-2010, 08:24 AM

i try to remember that it's just life. it's for living.

i have more adventures ahead and stories to live to be told.

i have so many loving people in my life. i forget to leave my little cave. they remind me.

i know that trepidation is ok. it jacks me up and propels me forward.

i realize (again) i can live an extraordinary life.

Gráinne

12-29-2010, 08:22 PM

1. Do you nurture yourself? If so, what are the ways you do so?

Not very well. It is one way I need to change in the new year. Right now, I'm cold and uncomfortable and I'm listening to old Al Green music, enjoying my dinner of a chicken breast and veggies. That to me is nurturing, but I don't do it very often. I still have that niggling feeling that I should be doing something.

2. Do you rely on your partner/family/friends to nurture you?

No, in fact the opposite. I don't tell people when I'm feeling poorly or ask them for anything. I'm very uncomfortable with "personal attention" in that way-including intimate times. I'm a giver, never a taker.

3. Do you feel that you adequately learned how to nurture your self when you were growing up?

Oh, no, lol. My parents were the "fix your own problems and don't bother others" type. I never saw either of them cry or seem needy. My mother did enjoy playing golf, so maybe that was her nurturing.

4. Do you feel any sort of discomfort about nurturing yourself?

Definitely, as I explained in #2. I always feel I'm "wasting" time when I should be more productive-especially if the entire day has gone that way.

5. Do you think that this whole self nurturing thing is just new age stuff and not even something worth talking about?

I find myself thinking that, and then realize that nurturing brings me peace and feelings of being loved, when I do it. So it's not hogwash at all. I need to convince myself that it's crucial for me, though.

HoneyedChrysanthemum

01-07-2011, 10:30 PM

today i nurtured myself by not pushing myself. i did what was necessary, and no more. i allowed myself to take a nap in a warm bed...by myself.
soon, i will be living in a place that is as stress-free as possible. where i can concentrate upon taking care of myself and no-one else. where i can get back on the road to my meditative path. where i can practice tai-chi (great move, Jesse!) and qi qong without interruption. where i can eat wholesome foods as unprocesses as possible. where i can learn to laugh and be warm again. where being me is a good and interesting process.
thank Creen Tara for answering prayers! thank Chenrezig for being compassionate towards me! [thank the Medicine Buddha for the first steps towards being whole again!
thank a good friend for caring[ /COLOR]
[COLOR="DarkSlateBlue"]pres :moonstars:

Gemme

01-08-2011, 08:16 PM

I make everyone go the Hell away.

LeftWriteFemme

01-08-2011, 08:23 PM

I had a really rough afternoon, so I gave the dog and I a spa treatment, trimmed nails, shaved our legs and I dyed my hair. I can't make the world spin kinder, but I have learned to be kinder to me.

Jesse

01-29-2011, 05:00 PM

We are well into the first month of the new year and fast approaching February and I found myself sitting here thinking about all of the changes I have made recently for the better.

The big news in my world is that I am no longer a smoker! I never thought I would be able to utter those words, in fact I never even tried to quit, because I just knew I couldn't do it. Well, I was wrong. The day came on January 5th, 2011 that I said,"I'm done smoking now." I put them down and have not looked back. I can already sense my health improving in the physical sense, what I had not counted on was the emotional improvement that came from not smoking. I feel really good for the first time in a long time.

This year, I am doing things for me that I have always wanted to do and this was the first big step.

The second thing was I joined a gym and am working out again to get back into shape. I am living my life for me, not for anyone else and I am happy!

What are you doing for you this year? :)

socialjustice_fsu

01-29-2011, 05:29 PM

How do I nurture myself?

Yoga. This practice requires one to slow down, get focused, stretch, release, meditate and brings balance to this life.

It is a whole lot better than xanax, sleeping aids, alcohol...well, wine after yoga is really a super combination.

Corkey

01-29-2011, 05:30 PM

I sleep if I'm not feeling well.
Wood work when I feel creative
Take photos when I'm happy
Workout when I feel really good
Snow shovel when it needs it
Cook when hungry
Love my wife like there is no tomorrow.

sylvie

04-21-2011, 07:42 PM

nurturing myself:

this is something quite new to me, actually..
over the years i've taken care of everyone but myself..
and learned at the beginning of this year that it's important to take care of me too... so this is something i've been working on, lots..

i've a high need to take care of people - so putting myself on that list was a difficult task... but taken very seriously..

i'm rewiring my healthy eating plan - taking new steps each week to put myself on the path for a healthier lifestyle and healthier ME!

napping..
good night's sleep..
daily exercise..
treating myself to a hot relaxing bubble bath..
painting my fingernails & toenails..
finding ways to destress, constantly!
quiet time with a good book
reading the newspaper first thing in the a.m..
getting outdoors and enjoying the fresh air, LOTS..
hiking, walking, swinging at the playground, skipping rocks on the water, star gazing, so many little things that bring me joy & peace..
and mostly, laughter! lots & lots of laughter!

All ways of nurturing myself ♥ and it feels GOOD, to make time for these things...

Turtle

04-22-2011, 11:22 PM

Taking a hot soak in the tub

sleeping in

going to the farmer's market, taking my time getting fresh produce and flowers

reading something that feeds my soul

meditating

going for walks and looking at the moon

conversating with good friends ;-)

cinnamongrrl

04-17-2013, 03:41 PM

Reading...nurtures my brain

Yoga...nurtures my body and emotional well-being

Hiking... nurtures my soul

Girl_On_Fire

04-17-2013, 10:50 PM

1. Do you nurture yourself? If so, what are the ways you do so?

Oh, yes. In every way possible. I don't even know how to describe how I do it. It's just second-nature to me.

2. Do you rely on your partner/family/friends to nurture you?

I wouldn't even know how.

3. Do you feel that you adequately learned how to nurture your self when you were growing up?

I had no choice.

4. Do you feel any sort of discomfort about nurturing yourself?

None.

5. Do you think that this whole self nurturing thing is just new age stuff and not even something worth talking about?

I think it's absolutely essential to health and well-being. Wanting to be close to others and share experiences, stories, and lives makes sense but depending on others, unless the situation is emergent, is, in my opinion, a recipe for an unhappy and unfulfilled life.

TheMerryFairy

04-17-2013, 11:01 PM

Self-care and positive thought/energy

Self- care is more than a physical ritual, really. Yes I drink herbal teas and take care of my skin/body with healthy food but I also meditate, spend time outdoors, make fun whatever I do, I dream and follow my gypsy soul passion.

I spend time with friends, community and I try to experience and learn as much as I can about other cultures.

I choose to be happy.

Rockinonahigh

04-17-2013, 11:34 PM

What I do to care for myself is for the most part choose to be happy,another thing I do is keep negetive people out of my life as much as possable,I also allow myself to have things I want without guilt.I went through some therapy to beable to finaly release whatever was holding me back from injoying my life.I have always taken care of everyone but me,now I can relax then have some fun.

Kätzchen

07-18-2015, 01:36 PM

I try to take good care of me, most days. But I find that getting enough rest (sleep) and finding time or making time for quiet time -- reading a book I have put aside, or wandering outdoors for a walk by myself, or even pampering myself with a long bath and giving myself a pedicure and manicure or trimming up my hair just a skosh -- is something that aids my sense of "doing something good for me" kind of thing.

I also like it when home life is relatively quiet because my work day can often be quite hectic. So coming home to a quiet household is precious, to me.

I also, because it has always been like this for me, seek out others who are quiet like me, ensuring somehow that notion that centers itself on the quiet side of the spectrum.

But I also practice mindfulness, and I try to be mindful of myself and others in my life. It's not always easy to do, so when life seems to complicated or I feels stressed out by life itself, I just commit to make time for me. To make sure I feel like I am getting what I need, making sure I can meet my own perceived needs. That way, I am not wanting for much and it helps to know I can meet my own needs.

When I can't meet my own needs or wants, then I just have a long talk with myself and find a place in my mind where I feel things can be okay.

:bouquet:

Thanks for the forum topic to share, Jesse.